Life and Love: Chapter 01

Chikorita-Trainer1

T

Disclaimer: I don't own Batman or anything I might make references to.

Damian Wayne never really thought about falling in love. He knew it might happen to him, but he never anticipated it. Partly because he was too young to care much about relationships, and partly because even when he did think about it, he scoffed and cast the notion off as a waste of time.

Emotions aside, he assumed it was normal to talk about girls as if he were at least physically attracted to them. Whether it was Katana or Cassandra, he thought he was supposed to find girls attractive, so he just acted like he did.

But in truth, Damian didn't really like any girls. And he didn't realize he never liked them until he found someone he really did like.

And, as is usual with this kind of realization, when it hit him, he was mortified. But he did acknowledge that he had to talk to someone about it, if only to put it in perspective.

Unfortunately, Damian didn't have anyone he really could consider a confidant. He had many family members who cared for him, but his relationships with each of them were extremely delicate and he wanted to keep them the way they were.

His first thought was to confess to Dick. He had been Damian's partner for months- Damian's favorite partner- and that was probably the most intimate thought he'd ever told the man. He knew Dick would not judge him, would not criticize him, but he DID know Dick would tease him. He would fawn all over him with adoration and congratulations, and Damian did NOT want that.

His father was another option. The man who had devoted his life to justice certainly wouldn't do something like kick his own son out of the house for liking someone. But his father's opinion still meant everything to Damian, and he wasn't at all sure if he wanted his father to know something as huge as this.

Alfred would certainly treat him and the matter with the utmost respect, but since the butler had never had a love interest of his own (as far as Damian knew), he didn't think the man would understand.

Jason Todd was certainly out of the question- the man was unpredictable, unpleasant, and most important, didn't live with them.

That left Tim Drake, the boy Damian considered his personal enemy. Still never having really come to terms with why he still hated him so much, Damian was always hostile to his seventeen-year-old brother. However, the fact that neither boy liked the other made it simple; if Tim should find this confession of Damian's something to make fun of…what would be the problem? They already hated each other, right?

Damian had made up his mind when he walked up the stairs to the second floor of Wayne Manor, and knocked on Tim's bedroom door.

"Drake?" Damian asked timidly.

"Yeah?" Tim answered.

"Um, can I talk to you about something?"

Tim was quiet for a moment as he shifted his eyes from left to right.

"Why me?" he asked hesitantly. "I mean, not existentially, "why me?" just…why ME specifically?"

"Because the problem I need to discuss is embarrassing and you're the only person I know whose opinion of me can't possibly drop any lower!" grumbled Damian.

Still confused, Tim just said "So I'm your first choice and a last resort?"

"I don't know what you mean, Drake. I just need help, and I can't talk to my father or Grayson or Pennyworth-"

"OK, OK, I get it," said Tim (even though he really didn't). "Tell me what's wrong."

Tim honestly had no clue what his little brother was going to say. A few thoughts ran through his head as the child hopped up beside him on the bed.

Was it puberty-related? Was Damian experiencing some embarrassing physical changes that he had to ask an older male about? Was it something related to crime-fighting that he couldn't figure out and was too proud to admit he didn't know?

"I, uh," Damian began. It was only now that they were sitting side by side that Tim noticed just how apprehensive the little Robin was.

"Oh my gosh…you're shaking," he said.

"I told you that this was embarrassing!" Damian whined, his voice cracking.

"Sorry. Go on."

"OK, so, here's the thing…" Tim leaned in, expecting Damian to whisper something. "…I think I might be gay."

…

…

Tim obviously didn't know what to say right away. His first impulse was to laugh- not because being gay is funny, but because it was the last thing he ever expected from Damian.

"Well, um, OK," said Tim. "How do you know?"

"There's this boy, and…he's my age…and we're friends, and…" Damian rambled and stuttered. "It's stupid," he finally declared.

"It's not stupid to like someone, Damian. I think it's nice."

"I don't know for sure if I do. I've never had a friend my own age before. Maybe I just like him as a friend a lot," Damian suggested.

"Damian, you know there's nothing wrong with being gay, right?" Tim asked gently, feeling the need to bring it up.

"It's not a moral issue, Drake. I think you know me better than that!" said Damian.

"I know."

"And, like I said, I don't know for sure if I am. I just think I might be."

"I understand," said Tim, trying his best to be sympathetic. "But I don't think you'd be this bothered by it and come talk to me if you didn't already believe it was the case."

"So you think I am?" Damian asked.

"I think you'd know better than anyone. Anyway, who is this boy?"

"He's an orphan at St. Aden's. His name is Colin. And he's a hero. That's how we met- he helped me take down Zsazs."

"Ohhh…wait…Colin Wilkes? Abuse?" asked Tim.

"Yeah," said Damian. "Wait- how do you know him?"

"His file is on the Bat Computer, duh," said Tim. Damian just sighed. Of course his file was on the computer- it was Batman who had saved him from the venom, wasn't it? "Anyway, how do you know you like him?" Damian gave his older brother a curious look. "Right. Guess that's a stupid question."

"I think about him a lot," Damian admitted softly. "And…" he took a deep breath before continuing. "When I think about him, I get this like…tingly feeling…in my heart."

Tim turned away, trying to conceal his grin at how absolutely adorable that sounded.

"And whenever I'm not doing something, like, whenever I'm not out with my father, or working on a case, I think about him. And I think about doing stuff with him. Like, I think about having him with me on missions, or just hanging out with him. When he's not around, I wish he was."

Tim managed to keep a straight face, and put his hand on Damian's shoulder. "Yeah, that sounds like a crush, alright," he said.

"But how can I be having these thoughts? I'm only ten! Aren't I too young to be interested in dating in the first place?" Damian whined, desperately trying to deny the situation.

"The age at which someone becomes interested in dating is different for everyone," Tim said, answering articulately, as if he was replying to a letter in an advice column. "Some people don't even get their first crush until high school. And, as childish and annoying as you can be at times, in some ways, you are actually pretty mature for your age. I wouldn't be surprised if you had a crush on a girl at this point. But, I guess it happens to be a boy."

"But you'd think my first crush wouldn't be a boy. Don't most gay people think they're straight and have a crush on the opposite gender first-?"

Tim cut Damian off. "Not necessarily. I was listening to a radio show a while back, it was an interview with a gay man, and he said he'd known since he was eight! He said there was a boy in his class in 3rd grade he had a crush on and he said he was heartbroken when the kid transferred schools in the next year."

"Eight? Jeez, that's way young," said Damian.

"Everyone acknowledges or discovers their sexual orientation at a different age-"

"D-don't- don't use that word!" Damian sputtered, putting his hands over his ears. "Don't say…sexual orientation! I'm not sexual! I'm a kid!"

"OK, your…romantic orientation, then," said Tim. "Anyway, since you're discovering it this early, you'll probably have an easier adolescence than gay kids who don't discover it until they're teenagers."

Damian sighed and wiped his eyes. "I know," he whined. "But I still don't…" he trailed off.

"What?" asked Tim.

"I don't want to be this way," he said softly. Tim reached out and wrapped his arm around his little brother.

"Nobody wants to be gay, Damian," he said. "But it's not a choice, despite what some people may tell you."

"I know, Drake. I told you this wasn't about morality! It's just about…my life is frustrating enough, you know? Bad enough I'm stuck living in the shadows of my father and you and Grayson. Now I have feelings for someone I can never be with!"

"Why do you say that? Do you know for sure that he isn't gay?" asked Tim, trying to be encouraging.

"No," said Damian. "But what are the odds? And even if he is, it still doesn't guarantee that he'll like me back."

"Well, you never know until you ask," said Tim. "But I certainly understand. Unrequited love is no fun."

Damian sighed again.

"And this doesn't lower my opinion of you, by the way," said Tim. "If anything, I've gained some respect for you."

"Why?"

"Because you chose to come to terms with this. You acknowledged that it's not something that can be controlled, and instead of getting angry and lashing out, or denying it, you confronted it, and you understood that talking to someone about it would help. That's a way more mature and healthy approach than most kids would have. I'm proud of you, Damian."

A sudden surge of adrenaline overtook Damian, and he shuddered. "Wow. Heh, wasn't expecting THAT from you," he laughed. "Um, don't tell Father, though. Or Grayson, or Pennyworth-"

"Of course not, Damian. I would never out you, or anyone."

"Thanks," said Damian. "So, do you think I should tell him I like him?"

"I don't know," said Tim. "If I were you, I wouldn't. I mean, if he lives at an orphanage, how often do the two of you even get to see each other? To dump this kind of thing in his lap might overwhelm or even scare him. Maybe hang out with him a little more, become better friends with him first. See where it leads. You know?"

"Yeah. You're probably right," said Damian. "Thanks. For listening."

"No problem," said Tim, giving Damian a couple of gentle pats on his upper back before the child got up and started to exit the room. "Damian, whatever happens, I hope you find someone to like you back. You have…you have a lot to give. Probably more than you know."

Damian smiled, and left the room.

END OF CHAPTER 01

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