Hello friends! I've had quite the past few years, but as I always say: I'm still here. I know it sucks to wait and wait and wait for updates. (I'm a reader on here, too) I've had so many positive, encouraging messages that have kept me going and have me continuing to find inspiration. However, I've also had a lot of negative and even malicious response. So I'll just say this: this is a fan run site. Authors aren't paid. Authors are fans who write for their own enjoyment and the enjoyment of others. There's a reason I'm not a professional author. The deadlines would kill me!

That out of the way, I want to say that I hope you are all well. It's crazy times. I'm a NICU nurse, so my world has been pretty insane. I'm not on the front lines (and my thanks and love to all of you who are) but I work with a very vulnerable patient population. We're super strict about what our nurses can do outside of work, and my state/city are on lockdown. It's all been a lot.

However, I sat down tonight to watch Dolphin Tale (of all things!) and inspiration just struck! So, here's chapter 17. If you're still with me, thank you. If not (and yet for some reason you're still reading this?) I totally understand. But, it is quarantine, so we all have loads more free time than normal. Maybe you'll be feeling a re-read.

I hope you all enjoy this, that you're safe, and that you stay healthy.

Blessings,

bookdiva

Deeks.

Marty Deeks.

Her partner.

Her confidant.

Her best friend.

The one who called her Princess and Kensalina and a plethora of other equally ridiculous names.

The man she'd fallen in love with.

And he was… he was right there, on the screen in front of her. Her deepest desires had somehow manifested in her waking life the way she'd not allowed in her dreams.

"Deeks!" Callen's voice cut through Kensi's thoughts and made her blink hard. He was still standing there when her eyes opened again, but Kensi still couldn't believe it.

"Um… yeah," the Deeks figure said, running a nervous hand through his hair in a Deeks-like way. He then looked down at the ground in a Deeks-like way and shrugged his shoulders in a Deeks-like way and looked back up with Deeks-like eyes, and—

"How—" Before Callen could finish the question, however, the connection cut off to static. None of the highly trained individuals in the room moved for a long moment. The tension was thick and heavy, palpable in the small room.

"Nell," Callen's voice again cut through the room. "Can you…" he trailed off, gesturing vaguely towards the screen. It seemed to snap Nell out of her fog, and she began typing vigorously on her tablet.

He's alive, part of her brain said. Kensi immediately pushed it away.

He can't be, the more realistic part answered.

Why wouldn't he have reached out? Come home? her heart chimed in.

Maybe he just didn't want anything to do with you, her dark side reasoned. After all, what did he have to come home to?

Nothing much, all the parts offered in harmony.

The abrupt cessation of static in the room cut off Kensi's thoughts, and her eyes bounced back up to the screen. And there it was again: her partner, standing next to Sam. Alive.

"Sam," Callen stated, his voice now more under control. "What the hell is going on?"

"Ah, well," Deeks started, again with the nervous hand through his hair. "It's kinda a long story."

"Deeks," Kensi choked out, and she nearly toppled over when his eyes bore into her. She opened her mouth, but no more sound came out.

"Oh, um, hi," Deeks said, giving her a nervous smile. "Are you… are you Kensi? My, um… my partner, right?"

Kensi's whole body froze as she tried to decipher Deeks's words. He was asking if she was his partner? Anger she would have understood. She deserved that, after all. Disgust, sure. Rage, though she could hardly imagine his beautiful face contorted so. However, it was what she knew she deserved.

But… this? His cautious, nervous smile? His… confusion?

"I'm so sorry Kensi," Sam said, but Kensi couldn't tear her eyes away from Deeks long enough to see the apology on his face. But she heard it in his voice, and it only added to her confusion.

"Sam wanted to check in with you, Hetty," Deeks said, apparently having no trouble breaking eye contact with Kensi to look over at… Nell?

"Um, Deeks?" Nell said, her voice unsteady. "I'm Nell."

Deeks's face immediately flushed red.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I…" he trailed off and looked to Sam. The big man nodded.

"Deeks was found several months ago," Sam said. "He was..." he hesitated long enough for every person in the room to fill in the blank: tortured "pretty bad. He was trauma-induced retrograde amnesia. He doesn't remember…" again he trailed off, as if he didn't have any other words to explain the situation.

Kensi was at quite a loss for words herself.

"Anything," Deeks's voice filtered through the fog. "I really don't remember anything."

So this was his team. His friends. His family? According to Sam, the group was very close. And it didn't sound like Deeks had any other family to go home to. So he felt the need to be honest with these people. If they were as close as Sam said, he didn't want to inadvertently hurt them.

It's best they know right away, right?

The look on each of their faces, however, made Johnny rethink that idea.

"I'm sorry," he said, trying to keep his voice upbeat. "Sam tells me we're all really close. And I know Deeks—I mean, I—mean a lot to you. And you mean a lot to him. Me. You mean a lot to me." Johnny sighed. "I'm sorry. I just met Sam," he paused. "Re-met Sam? Met Sam again?"

Sam nudged him gently and motioned for him to get on with it. Deeks nodded, took a deep breath, and summoned a smile. He looked back at the screen.

"I only re-met Sam a few days ago. And before that, I only found out I'm Deeks when some guy named Vostanik—which is a ridiculous name, for the record—showed up here and recognized me. Apparently we've worked with him in the past?"

The figures on the screen only blinked at him, so Johnny fell back on the only thing that felt familiar.

"You all look like you've seen a ghost."

Every one of the figures visibly winced, and Johnny belatedly realized that was probably the wrong joke to make. He winced too.

"I'm sorry, bad joke. It's what happens when I'm nervous."

"That's pretty par for the course, Shaggy," the small woman in the center of the room said.

Nell, Johnny filled in in his mind. He smiled at her.

"So you're Nell," he said, and the woman nodded. "You must be Eric," he said to the tall man wearing shorts and standing behind Nell. He nodded, still clearly lost for words. "Sam tells me we go surfing together?" Again the man nodded. "And you're… Callen?"

The man standing to the left of the screen was silently observing, but he inclined his head in agreement of Johnny's statement. And that brought him to the room's final occupant.

"And that makes you Kensi," he said, trying to give his partner a smile. She looked like she was physically in pain, and for some reason, the expression caused Johnny a twinge of pain. The woman didn't nod or smile or respond in any way. "Sam tells me we think we're hilarious."

Again, no reaction out of the woman. His partner. Kensi.

"Um," Johnny tried again, "Sam also says we're friends? He said that you know me best. So, uh, would you… I mean, maybe we could chat sometime and you could fill in some blanks for me?"

Still no movement from Kensi. Now Johnny was getting nervous.

"Or, um," he stuttered. But that was all he got out before Kensi turned on her heel and bolted off the screen.

He looked over at Sam, stunned and horrified.

"I'm so sorry!" Johnny exclaimed. "I'm so sorry, what did I do wrong? Did I say something wrong?"

Nell handed Eric her tablet and followed Kensi from OPS. She followed Kensi from the bull pen to the shooting range. But to Nell's surprise, the other woman didn't take out her gun. She didn't break down into tears. She just stood there and stared at the wall. She didn't even flinch when Nell slid the door open.

Nell wasn't sure how to handle this. Kensi had completely pushed her away the last few months. They hadn't hung out or even really exchanged more than the necessary amount of words since before the female agent had left for the disaster in Afghanistan. Nell kept trying though, for the sake of their friendship and because she knew it was what Deeks would've wanted.

But Deeks isn't gone, she thought in wonder. Well, he isn't dead, she corrected herself. And that had to be the crux of it for Kensi.

She knew asking Kensi if she was okay would be pointless. Of course she wasn't okay. Instead Nell just stood there with Kensi, letting her feel the support and hopefully the love words couldn't convey.

"You want to talk about it?" Nell finally asked after the silence became too much.

For a long moment, Nell thought Kensi wouldn't acknowledge her words. Then, finally, the agent spoke.

"No."

It was just one word, but Nell heard much more behind it. It was a denial and a plea and an outburst all wrapped up in one. It was the cry of her heart that Kensi couldn't let out in any other way.

They were silent for some time before Eric poked his head into the range. Nell met his gaze and she could see his worry, but she just shook her head. Eric nodded in reply.

"Callen arranged a transport to Bagram," he said gently. "That's where Sam and Deeks are. We're all going, and the B team will hold down the fort here. Wheels up in 30."