My Quiet Hell

Ever since I was born, Bluepaw was always the special one. Everyone admired her beautiful silvery-blue pelt, her striking green eyes, her sweet-yet-mature voice and attitude.

No one cared about boring old Brownpaw. No one noticed me, with my boring mud-brown fur, and my dull yellow eyes, and my irritable attitude, my rasping voice.

Not even my parents would notice me. Silvermist always gave Bluepaw feathers for her part of the nest. Dustrain always gave the juiciest and sweetest prey to Bluepaw. I got stuck with stale shrews and mice.

When we finally became apprentices, it wasn't much better. Bluepaw's mentor was the best warrior. I got a cruel and inexperienced new warrior.

All the toms were obsessed with Bluepaw. But still she complained when Softpaw, a bluish black tom, was looking at me, not her.

Flowerstar was already debating on Bluepaw's warrior name. She always told me to work harder- I was the worst apprentice in the Clan. It's not my fault I can barely hunt or fight. I always get stuck collecting moss or plucking ticks. The most exciting thing I do is border patrol.

Bluepaw can fight as well as the warriors and is possibly the best hunter in the Clan.

She doesn't want anything to do with me.

Today I took her into the forest and complained to her about how she never talked to me.

Her response was "But, Brownpaw, you're a dud. You know, one of those cats that cant do anything useful."

Today my sister hurt me.

Today I fought my first battle.

Today I found out I can fight better than I knew.

Because…

Today I became a murderer.

Today I had to stand in front of my Clan.

I had to explain why Bluepaw was lying dead with my scent on her.

I had to explain why my paws were thick with her blood.

At least they noticed me.

They finally noticed me.

All I ever wanted.

Softpaw looked at me with a hatred that I'll never forget.

Silvermist attacked me.

Today, I wasn't the only one who became a murderer.

It was worth it.

They noticed me.

They... Noticed me.

Even if I had to kill my sister, for someone to notice me...

It was worth it.

I didn't regret the blood that stains my paws.

Now, just a few minutes later, as I roam in the thick mist that separates StarClan from the Dark Forest, I realize that some cats are born to suffer.

I think I saw Bluepaw once, on the StarClan sign.

Typical, that even in death, she's in heaven, and I'm in hell, without anyone to talk to, or touch, or see.

I wish I could be in the Dark Forest.

Now, as I sit here, watching Silvermist grieve over Bluepaw, ignoring the dead body of the daughter, that she had slain herself, just a few feet away, I finally understand.

Yes, now, while I watch Softpaw sit over my body, a mixture of grief and hatred in his eyes, the only one that even cares that I'm dead, I understand everything.

I understand that I betrayed the only cat that ever cared for me.

And I understand that now, I'll never escape.

I'll sit here until I fade away.

Until I fade away, forever trapped in my quiet hell.