Chapter 14

The headache was pounding and Angela put a hand to her temple as she stared up at the ceiling. She recognized that she was still in the castle but not where she actually remembered being at. She watched as Delilah came into view and she recalled everything… Everything after Lucifer killed Sam.

With a feral growl, Angela launched herself forward and attempted to tackle the elder Alchemist but was stopped and held suspended in midair. She glared at Delilah, "What the fuck did you do?"

"Calm yourself," Master Ru's gentle timbre entered.

"Calm? You fucking sent me on a dreamscape and without my permission." Angela struggled to break free using every technique she had learned.

It would have unnerved the most senior of Alchemists at the rate things started shaking in the room. The curio nick knacks were shaking in their places on the various tables and the doors to cabinets were rattling. It was reflective of how angry Angela was and it showed as she glared at the pair while struggling to be freed of her bonds.

"Calm yourself, little one," Master Ru repeated with a firmer tone.

Angela continued to glare but the tone was enough to make her realize that she was rattling everything and if she wasn't careful, it would spell trouble in general. She toned it down but they were still rattling to indicate displeasure. In controlled breaths, she demanded, "What… did… you… do?"

Master Ru had experience dealing with temper tantrums from the various beings that came to the castle. He rarely if ever had to deal with one from the pupil that was one of his favorites. So it was a surprise that her minor countenance was now full of fury. He knew she would be angry once she figured it out but this… it was different. Calmly he replied, "As you said, you were in the dreamscape." He held up his hand to silence her. "Do you remember it all?"

"Of course I fucking do." Angela continued to glare, aware of her eyes starting to water. She remembered everything: her traverse through the corridor maze, the demons, the Lupei, the Sphinx, and most of all… Sam. She remembered everything, the conversations and what she had told him. And it all felt so real. "Right up to when I kicked fake Lucifer's ass for killing Sam. Which by the way filled me in that the whole thing was not real. Nice work… sodding assholes." She gritted her teeth as her growl rose in her throat.

"Keep yourself calm, little one," Master Ru said after the rattling increased ever so slightly. "That is good that you do remember."

"I do because you got Lucifer all wrong. That's what woke me out of it."

"You know that's not the case with a dreamscape," Delilah's voice entered. "We can only instigate it. Your mind does the rest."

That seemed to end it and Angela found herself free. She landed on the ground and took a couple of breaths. She glared at both elder Alchemists before storming out of the room, slamming the wooden door with a bang. She stomped her way down to the courtyard and began pacing. She was angry but mostly it was directed at what she had admitted to once before and kept hidden because of the nature of her job.

She had started to realize that Lucifer wasn't who he was when he started going on taunting her as how she would berate herself. It bore his tone and mannerisms but it wasn't him and then when he snapped Sam's neck… that sealed it. She knew that Lucifer would never readily destroy the one who was supposedly his true vessel. That was like the equivalent of suicide or something similar. Still she couldn't help but react.

She remembered screeching or screaming and she saw red. It felt like she was literally seeing read as she charged at Lucifer and… She looked at her hands, first the backs and then the palms. Her nose twitched as the faint scent of blood filled her nostrils and she thought she could see bloodstains. But it wasn't just Lucifer's; there were the demons she fought to get there. She had forgotten how real the dreamscape could be. Hell she could smell and feel Sam being there.

She did remember why she hated it. She stared at her hands and her gaze shifted to the tattoos that were on the underside of her wrists; the marks of healers. She turned her hands and saw her mark of royalty. Marks of what she was to people and things on both sides and in between. Sighing she raised a hand and started rubbing her head. "Why? Why does my life feel so miserable?"

"That would be a good question," a familiar voice entered along with its owner, "And one I am sure you know the answer to."

Angela stared at the woman that she was certain was a figment of her imagination and said, "Okay, so I am really going crazy." She made a gesture at the woman and continued, "I never a Sphinx before until that experience and low and behold I have one standing in front of me unless it's a bad joke by the Alchemists."

The Sphinx stared at Angela with a bemused expression. "I find that interesting myself," she offered. She paced a little. "I am a guardian of this castle, one of its many halls but we have never met. And yet you know what I am."

"I could blame it on Master Ru and Delilah," Angela offered as she crossed her arms over her chest. "I know enough about dreamscapes to know that the setting is set by those that instigate it."

"True," the Sphinx offered, "But you know the castle well yourself. You had a hand in how things played out. Of course…"

"Yeah Morpheus had hand. God of dreams… And he said he liked me."

"Perhaps it was a means of making you stronger."

Angela looked at the Sphinx. The woman had come closer and while most women who were straight would probably cringe at the close proximity and the intimate nature of it, she didn't mind. She always made it clear that she wasn't into that kind of thing but she wasn't going to make them feel uncomfortable and she did have a few gay guys that were like Sam and defended her virtue with extreme prejudice. So she was at ease when she replied, "That's what he told me when he taught me dream walking."

The Sphinx gave a gentle smile as she reached out and stroked Angela's cheek. "But you know that he is bound by the tenets when called upon to activate the dreamscape. So it wasn't personal."

"Oh it became personal when Sam was involved," Angela countered as she accepted the Sphinx's administrations. It was soothing but it wasn't really helpful. "I warned Morpheus about that."

"And why is that?"

Angela had her eyes closed when the Sphinx asked the question. Opening them, she took a step back and away from the woman and stared at her. It wasn't the first time someone asked her that question and she got the feeling that it wasn't going to be the last. She didn't like being asked the question but she understood why she was asked it. She also knew what prevented her from saying it out loud and that made her a coward… not some hero as she was made out to be.

Angela was quiet for a moment before saying, "Because I care about the Winchesters and… I love Sam." She stared defiantly at the Sphinx before turning away to give her attention to some roses. She fingered one of the flowers. It was still in the bud but she knew that they would open soon even though it was winter. "I love him so much that it terrifies me."

"What he'll say?"

"That and… what I am willing to do because I love him." Angela looked at the Sphinx as she continued to finger the bud. "I have seen what people have done in the name of love. The lengths and I always thought to avoid it by not getting too close; not allowing myself to fall in love. But I did and…"

"You can't help who you love. At least from my understanding. And you have a blessing. You are free to love whom you choose." The Sphinx stepped forward and reached out to touch Angela on the face, her thumb caressing the cheek. "My kind are not so free. And there are so few of us left," she added with a saddened sigh. "You truly are lucky." She leaned forward and rubbed her face on Angela's neck like a cat being soothing.

Angela took the rubbing like it was nothing. It didn't bother her actually since she knew what the gesture was for what it was. It was comforting and it did calm her down for what Master Ru and Delilah did. "I am lucky?"

The Sphinx stepped back and she caressed Angela's cheek with her hand. "Oh yes." She smiled at Angela as she stepped back. "My kind… we are arranged."

Angela studied the Sphinx. She knew that there were species out there that were selected because of ancient laws or just the way species were. She could see the appeal but… "I don't think so. People I dare to care about end to end up hurt or worse and… I've already seen both Winchesters die." She sighed and looked at nothing in particular, "And I don't know if I'll be able to… and if I tell Sam…"

The Sphinx recognized the beginnings of panic and acted. Putting her hands on Angela's shoulders she said, "It is a terrible thing should the worst happen but it is the risk you all take. But let me ask you something: would you want this Sam of yours doing anything other than what he is?"

Angela studied the Sphinx. It was a question she had not considered but in a way she had but mostly to herself. She knew that she couldn't ask Sam to change and neither would she do that of Dean and she knew Sam tried to leave the life and she did too. She couldn't leave it mostly because she felt guilty about other hunters, even if they were experienced, out there alone when she could help them. At first she got out but then she got weaseled back in with a tip here and one there. Sam got out because he wanted normal. It was enough to make her balk since she was anything but normal. She voiced, "It's not that because I'm in a similar position when it comes to hunting."

The Sphinx looked at the girl. "But it is a concern."

"A concern always because it's the job," Angela replied with a half-smile and a shrug. "Just… I am afraid. I'm afraid if I told Sam how I feel… I might not like what I hear." It was not the whole of it but certainly more than what she was willing to admit to. "And there is the fact I am not human. Big turn off."

"What is it you're really afraid of?"

Angela looked at the Sphinx and took in the expression. As much as she wanted to retort to that, she didn't. She got angry because she didn't want people to know but it was futile since they saw that she had more than platonic feelings for Sam Winchester. It was a question that had been asked of her and she had answered it. She knew what it was.

It was later in her room as she looked at the package she had gotten more as a peace offering from Delilah. She had her talk with the woman and her plans were made. She even finished what training Master Ru had left for her. It had been an interesting week and in the end… she had some answers but the ones that she needed them to… those she needed to eventually address.

Her phone rang and she picked it up to check the ID. She smiled as she answered, "Morning Sam. Feeling better?"

Yeah and Dean is bugging the shit out of me.

"Let me guess: when I'm coming home and it's not just him asking the question." Angela opened the package, trying not to make too much noise with the paper. She gave a slight grin as she looked at the items. She wasn't even going to ask how Delilah knew that particular package was there at the castle and in a place she was certain that no one knew about. After all she had learned the ins and outs of the place when she was a child. Then again…

More or less… yeah. Dean…

Angie, please tell me you've found whatever ancient mumbo jumbo and are coming back. Samantha here is driving me insane.

You're full of shit Dean.

Angela chuckled as she listened to the slightly raspy voices over the phone arguing. She picked out the first item and put it in her lap and ran her fingers over it. "I take it that Bobby is out?"

He's not getting involved with… Angie, how are you doing?

Angela picked up a sewing kit and selected what she needed while holding her phone between her shoulder and ear. She started working and talking, "I'm fine."

Did you… find what you needed?

Angela gave a slight smile as she worked with what she was doing. "Sort of. You know those dusty books."

Yeah… and you can usually pick out that out faster than me… Bobby even.

Angela hummed a little at that, "Nice of you to think that Sam."

Well… uh…

"I didn't find anything we already didn't know," she said, "So… I'll be leaving soon. I should be back tomorrow and in time for Christmas."

Wow… that's… that's great. Um… Angie… when you get back… could we talk?

Angela paused as she looked at what she was working on as she processed that Sam wanted to talk to her. Her usual response was to think of the logical processes followed closely by working herself into a paranoia. She stared at what was in her lap and what was in the package as she thought about what to say while she kept Sam on the line.

Sam closed the phone and held it in his hands before reaching for the glass of water. A lot of what he wanted to say had flown out the window the moment he dialed her number and she picked up. Instead he ended up chatting, which was the norm and he liked it, and he ended up asking to talk and made it sound like he was ending a relationship, which was unlikely since they weren't in one. In other words, he sounded like he was going to drop the ax on her neck. And he felt like an ass.

He hadn't meant for it to sound like that and it was the last thing he wanted to do. He just wanted to ask about the dream he had. It felt very real and in his conversation with Kesset, the Avian mentioned that there was such a thing called a dreamscape. Other cultures called them spirit visions in that they took on life like proportions and looked and felt very real. The idea was to test the dreamer, the dreamer was to go on a journey through their life choices and in the end determine what their life path would be. That was the basics and was pretty much what the lore said.

What had him was that he didn't recall saying yes or no to anyone. He was confused as to how he could be pulled into her dreamscape or whatever it was. He knew dream walking and that she claimed he had been pulled into hers the first time they met but… He wanted to talk to her in private when she came back, feeling that it was too sensitive to talk about over the phone. The way he said it… He didn't like the hesitation and was worried he had scared her off but she said she would and that she had something she wanted to tell him too. It was a start.

So he was resigned to wait until she came back. He told Dean when to expect her and went to go about waiting, which consisted mostly of being company for Lilah and Cerebus. The waiting made him a little anxious to the point where he made himself exhausted and spent most of the day hiding under the blanket and sleeping, not caring that it amused his brother to no end. He didn't really care that it had started to snow. He just slept until Dean woke him up for another round of cough syrup though he didn't really need it anymore along with that juice concoction.

That day seemed to have put Dean into a thoughtful mood since he brought up past Christmases after acknowledging that it was snowing. It had Sam wondering what was going on but figured that it was after a week without Angela around being the bossy nag about them talking, it seemed like Dean was taking her advice. Sam indulged even though it did bring up some painful memories and internally he wished he had treated her better. Things seemed to perk up when a package arrived along with a dirty German Shepherd mix and Sam was too tired to chase a stray out.

As it turned out, the package was a gift that was a spell that made them relive their best memories. Well relive wasn't the best choice, more like reviewed them and in high definition. It certainly brought back good times and gave Sam confidence that his brother may have forgiven him a little; just enough to not carry out his threat. He had more pressing concerns about the fact that they had another dog, roughly a year old maybe in size, and it looked inclined to stay. Sam wasn't looking forward to that conversation with Bobby, which most assuredly would end up with shouting and the grizzled hunter saying something that he wasn't running a damned menagerie.

It was worth keeping the dog since it brought a smile to Angela's face when it made its presence known. Sam liked seeing her happy and it was a sort of goal to get her to smile like that. He didn't care if it was for him or not. Besides he knew Bobby would be wheedled into submission since she named it and as Dean put it, when she named something, they had to keep it. It wasn't like she was going to give it up anyway since the dog was from her past though it was unusual since she said the dog died years ago and that he was a hunter's dog. It also made her curious since they told her about their spell gift. It had her go a little crazy but more like trying to make sure nothing funny was going on.

Sam understood the reasoning perfectly since the spell was something nice and it was rare that someone decided to be nice to them about things. She ended up letting it go and made the most out of the fact that she had an old friend and he was relieved since Cerebus and Lilah seemed to take to him. He wasn't sure how they would have handled it if hell on four legs decided to go all alpha and kick the pup out despite the fact that Angela said the dog was kosher.

As it were, it really seemed to lighten the mood and Dean was happy that he was getting his supply of pie and egg nog again. Sam looked over to see his brother asleep and cuddling that battered stuffed dog he had gotten when he was a kid. Not able to resist, he pulled out his phone and took a picture. He was certain Dean had a few on him since he knew he had done some blackmail worthy material with Cerebus and Lilah.

He had just finished when he heard, "I take it that it will be payback in the future."

Sam turned to see Angela holding a mug, the opaque one he had given her, and staring as if not sure what to do next. It wasn't the one he didn't like and that was a good thing but the fact that she seemed so unsure of herself… "Pretty much. Dean has plenty from this past week of me."

Angela nodded at him and held her mug. "So… is this a good time to talk?"

She was putting the ball in his court and he recognized that. For his part, now that she was asking, a part of him wanted to put it off until morning. But that felt cowardly and he didn't want to give her any more anxiety over it. It was better to get it over with and just remember that it was talking, not a shouting match. "Yeah. Take a walk?"

It was hardly ideal since it was snowing outside but they were bundled up, him more than her. They walked around the salvage yard, Sam watched as his breath came out in puffs of smoke as he watched her drink her hot drink. It was hot since the steam was coming off it. The thought that it was heated blood…

"It's warm milk with vanilla," she explained as if she heard his thoughts. "Helps me sleep sometimes."

"Oh."

"I know you were thinking the other stuff," she offered, "I would too but… it was clean and it's a mug. Hot stuff. Mug. There you go." She gave a shrug of her shoulders like it was nothing.

Sam couldn't help but chuckle since it was so light hearted and it eased tension without any effort from her. "Makes sense," he replied trying to get the chuckle under control. "Uh… so… um… what was it like being… wherever you were?"

"About the same," Angela replied with a shrug. "The Alchemists can be bastards and they aren't. Didn't find much of anything but plenty to think about."

Sam nodded, not sure how to ask, "So… any dreams?" He stopped to turn and look at her. "I mean like… dream… walking or…"

The reaction on her face was one that he didn't quite expect. She looked like she had her hopes dashed, like she was hoping he wouldn't ask. He started on an explanation that he was certain was rambling, "Well in this dream, I was in a castle and I'm assuming that it was where you were at and that you were trying to take it back and…"

Sam ran through the entire dream down to the part where he felt like Lucifer was snapping his neck and he woke up. His gaze never left hers and she stared back, listening to everything that he said. He thought she would interrupt at some point but when she didn't and kept listening, it dawned on him that she knew what he was talking about and it occurred to him that it wasn't just a dream in the normal sense…

When he finished, there was a slight pause and Angela said softly, "It was all real. As far as the dreamscape goes… it was real. And… it is true that I gave that suggestion to Lucifer. About being a substitute vessel." She looked at the ground, her fingers nervously tapping the sides of the mug.

If Sam expected anything like evasive lying or anything like that, he was in for a surprise. She just came right out and said it and it had him speechless for a moment but it did confirm that he wasn't imagining things. It also allowed him to ask, "Can I ask why?"

Angela took a breath before replying, "Short answer, to get him to leave you alone. Longer, more complicated answer… partially being me in taking the burden of things so others don't and… you're special to me."

Sam noted the redness appear and was willing to play it off as the cold making her cheeks redden if only to not have her turn tail and run because she looked like a scared deer. It was a relief that she wasn't out to commit suicide but still… "So it's not because you… want it to end?"

"No," she replied as it registered what he meant. "I may get tired of all the crap but… I'm not going to check out. Not like that. I'd rather go down swinging."

It was a relief to hear that and it eased Sam's mind as his shoulders lost the tension in them. "That's good. Good in that…" He made a slight face at that.

"I know what you mean," she rescued him with a slight smile. She sobered immediately and continued, "I'm sorry for… keeping that. I wasn't even sure if it was possible. More like bluffing my way through it. And it was like my not too brilliant plan of going back to hell to rescue Dean."

Sam studied her for a moment before replying, "And I get it. And it's okay." He didn't like that she wasn't looking at him and gently used his hand to grasp her chin and turn her head to look at him. "It's okay," he repeated. At her stunned look he explained, "It shows you care and… I know you wouldn't do anything stupid without considering all possibilities." He released her chin.

Angela continued to look at him like she couldn't believe he said that. It then occurred to him that her disbelief was like his when she said it didn't matter. Finally she said, "Thank you."

"You're… you're special to me too." It was offered as an explanation but the honest truth.

Sam watched as the small smile bloomed on her face. Her cheeks were still red and his might have been red too. She grew serious though and said, "I hope it doesn't change with what I want to tell you." She continued when Sam indicated she should, "I… kind of know the demon we are after."

A/N: Looks like Sam and Angie have a talk about what happened. Tie ins to a couple of one shots for the holidays. Virtual cookies for those who figure it out. What is next on the road for our heroes? Find out in 4.12 The End of the Beginning...