Let us love,

since that is all our hearts

were made for.

-St. Therese de Lisieux

Soft beeping repeated at a regular interval, slowly pulling me from the comfortable darkness into stark white reality. My eyes opened and memories of the last time I woke up in the hospital flooded back to me. I didn't relive them for long; my eyes found Edward and Roy standing outside the large glass wall of my room, speaking to each other calmly with arms folded and brows furrowed. It wasn't until Edward's eyes caught my own that his expression brightened slightly, and he moved quickly to enter my room as Roy stayed outside, looking relieved to see me awake before leaving. Ed settled beside me on the bed and squeezed my hand.

"I… I don't know what happened to me…" I said quietly, taking in the bandages running up one of my arms.

"Do you remember anything?" He asked. I thought for a moment, and the events flashed before me. The shower, the pain, the exhaustion, the blood.

"I blacked out. I've never felt pain like that in my life and …oh my god, the baby…" I said, suddenly remembering. I searched his serious gaze, and his eyes fell.

"Win… it's gone…" His thumb smoothed over my knuckles as my mind worked to catch up. Gone? Gone how?

"I don't understand?" He looked back at me with a new softness in his typically hard eyes.

"Babe, you miscarried. That's what happened."

I couldn't move. I had to force myself to breathe, and he must've sensed it because he smoothed metal fingers through my hair to comfort me. As upset as I was though… I didn't feel the need to cry. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel.

"I'm so sorry Winry. For everything. " He said to me. I could tell he meant it, his voice was raw. He was hurting too.

"You're sad?" I asked, obviously confused. He didn't want a kid in the first place.

"Yea. Mostly I was worried about you. The shock of walking in and finding you like that…" He said, and I remembered then how I'd knocked over the vase, shattering on the floor and sending the roses flying all over before I collapsed onto it. I remembered the smell of the flowers and the stench of blood. "…I think it took a year off my life."

Just then the door opened again and my doctors filed in, four of them standing at the foot of my bed in a group with charts in their hands and grave expressions. I shifted over slightly in bed so Edward could sit next to me, which he did and his arm slid around me protectively as we listened to the doctors elaborate.

"We've been running tests, to see what might've caused the miscarriage." My obgyn said, "It's your body Winry. Its …a hostile and inhabitable enviornment."

I found myself rendered speechless, simply not knowing how I should respond. Edward did it for me.

"So what percentage does she have of getting pregnant?" The doctors shook their heads sternly.

"No, its not getting pregnant thats the problem, its creating a child. Winry, your blood destroys anything entering your system that could potentially harm you. Your blood cells must've seen the growing fetus as a threat. We feel that if you get pregnant again we'll only be back in this same position, and we don't want to see that happen. It could've cost you your life if Edward didn't find you when he did, you lost a lot of blood."

"So… I can't have a child? There's no chance?" I quaked. My obgyn crossed her arms and sent me a look reminiscent of a mother scolding her child.

"It would be pointless Winry. Your body will destroy any embryo it grows, and it may very well kill you in the process. Don't make this mistake ever again."

I mentioned once before that I hated my gyno, right?

My throat tightened violently and tears welled in my eyes, blurring the image of Edward hollering at my insensitive doctors to get the hell out as he pointed to the door. I felt the wetness fall down my cheeks and I gave into my despair, knowing then that I had desperately wanted to have Edward's child, but never could. Edward quickly turned and pulled me into his arms for me to sob freely, trying anything he could to comfort me yet knowing it was impossible so he held me tightly, and softly murmured 'I love you's' to me over and over, until his voice and my tears pulled me to sleep again.

I had watched Winry like a hawk over the following days, searching her behavior carefully for signs of worsening depression. Her depression was palpable, but she didn't appear to be in a violent state towards others or herself, and for that I was thankful. She was in our room reading when Roy and Riza entered the great room from the elevator. I motioned them to come in and they sat beside each other on the sofa as I joined them, easing into a leather club chair.

"How is she today?" Riza started. Her pretty face was stoic as ever, but I could see the worry in her eyes. Winry was like a sister to her.

"I finally convinced her to eat something today. Tea and a piece of dry toast, that's all she'd have. She barely speaks a word, hardly leaves our room. She sits in the dark with one light on and just …reads. All day, all night. I think she's trying to distract herself."

"And the crying jags?" Roy asked. I shrugged my shoulders somewhat helplessly.

"Getting better maybe? I don't know, so far today she only cried once, but it was a damn good one."

The hardest part of all of this was having no one to blame. Our biggest problems usually came with someone at the root who I could throw punches at and threaten, then tell Winry everything was fine and after that, it was. But nothing could fix this. There was no one for me to scream at, no one for me to use as target practice to sate my anger. Winry had spent her whole life trying to come to grips with her condition, it had been the source of her torment and anxiety for her entire existence. We had made real strides, and I knew this would make her fall off the band wagon for sure.

"What happens now? Wedding plans delayed?" Roy said, breaking me from my thoughts. I sighed and sagged in my chair, raking a hand through my hair.

"I'm not sure. I don't know what she'll want to do now. She said she was still planning the wedding before but …I honestly haven't paid much attention to her lately." I admitted shamefully. "I should've been there for her. I didn't want kids. I still don't, and of course I was gonna step up and do the right thing but it was impossible for me to pretend to be excited. She knew that, she isn't stupid. I think she wasn't sure if she really wanted kids either, so I'm a little surprised to see her taking it this hard."

"Maybe this made her realize she really wants to be a mother after all." said Riza. Our heads all turned when we heard the soft patting of bare feet coming down the hall. Winry stood in the entryway, clad in my grey sweats that were way to big on her and pooled around her feet along with one of my white shirts. Circles curved under her eyes from inconsistent sleep, and she was frighteningly pale from lack of nutrition and not seeing the sun in days.

"Ed?" she called softly, not even noticing our company. "I'm a little hungry, is there anything to eat?"

She was finally asking for food. My heart leapt a little in my chest as I perked up and nodded, standing to walk Roy and Riza to the elevator.

"Thanks for checking in, I'll call you guys later." I said before turning to walk back to Winry as they left. Alone again, I moved to the kitchen as Winry slid onto a bar stool at the island and I opened the fridge.

"Any requests?" I asked, praying she would ask for something substantial.

"Eggs?"

My heart leapt for the second time. She wanted protein. I pulled the carton out happily along with cheese, ham and milk. She didn't know it yet, but she was getting 3 slices of cheese in her scrambled eggs because when I watched her get in the shower the night before, I'd counted her ribs and it pissed me off. When I was finished I set her meal in front of her and sat next to her, watching her eat and feeling my fear-frozen insides begin to thaw. She consumed nearly the entire plate along with a glass of 2%, and I was satisfied with that. Picking up her dishes and putting them in the sink, I made a mental note to throw some sausage in her eggs the next day when I felt her arms slither around me from behind. I paused, feeling the weight of her head resting between my shoulder blades and she spoke softly.

"I was afraid of raising a child. I still am. I don't know if motherhood is something I want. Because of our dangerous lives, it's probably not a good idea. But I loved our baby anyway because it was ours. Because it was yours. I would've taken the risk for the chance to have your child Edward. Is that selfish?" I considered her question before turning in her arms to face her and brush an errant strand of hair from her eyes.

"You're not a selfish person, Winry. You would've protected that child with your life, and so would I. Because it would have been yours. I would have loved it no matter what because it was yours." I watched yet another tear fall down her cheek and my spirits fell along with it.

"I'll never be able to give you a child. Even though I don't think I should be a mother, just knowing that I can't produce a child for you makes me feel so …inadequate." She mewed sadly. Alarm bells rang in my head and I grabbed her shoulders.

"Don't ever say that." I implored. My eyes bore into her anguished, watery sapphires and suddenly I had to stop myself from wanting to cry. None of this was her fault. It didn't make her less of a woman, less of a person, it changed nothing in my mind. I loved her. I would always love her. I pulled her into a fierce hug. "You could never be inadequate. So what if you can't have a kid, you think thats gonna make me love you less? You're my whole world, Win. You're everything."

I released her and wiped the tears from her eyes, wishing more than anything to just see her smile. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen true happiness wash over her, but I told myself to be patient. It would take time, we were making progress. In the meantime, all I could do was make her feel loved.

Another handful of days came and went, and I could tell Winry was feeling better, though I still hadn't seen her fully smile. Little twitches in the corners of her mouth, but no real smiles. I was determined to get one out of her. Reading the paper on my iPad or watching the news certainly wasn't inspiring happiness, what with all the fuckery going on in the world that I knew would eventually mean me having to step in at some point, so I turned away from technology and moved out onto the balcony for some air. The sun was bright that day, the wind was mild, and as I looked out over the bustling financial district I wracked my brain for something I could do for her. Something to make her happy. My eyes fell down the street heading uptown, and my mind's lightbulb blinked to brilliant life.

It took some convincing, but I got her out of the apartment and onto the E train, and clutched her hand tightly as we ascended the stairs to the street. She'd asked me repeatedly where we were going but I wouldn't tell her just yet, even though I knew she'd figure it out the closer we got. I'd taken her there on several dates and she always loved it. When we reached our destination on the High Line and looked out over the city, I hoped being there again would make her as happy as the first time I'd brought her. We walked the length of the 2-story suspended train tracks turned garden sanctuary hand-in-hand, and when she stopped to run her fingers over the long strands of lavender, I decided it was now or never.

"How about here?" I started, suddenly nervous for some reason. "You said you didn't know where you wanted the wedding reception to be, how about here?" She stopped and turned to me with surprised etched across her. She didn't seem turned off by it, so I kept going.

"We could hire catering from Chelsea Markets downstairs, or wherever you want, and there's plenty of room up here. You love this place in the spring. So… thoughts?"

I waited as she looked around and took it all in quietly, as though she'd never been here before, and just when I thought she wouldn't go for it, there it was. She turned to me with blue eyes shining bright, and my heart soared.

She smiled.

A/N: As usual, thank you all for your beautiful comments and compliments, reading them fills me with the same joy as falling in love and that feeling you all give me is a source of inspiration. I try my hardest to put that feeling into describable words to convey how Ed and Winry feel for one another. This short story sat on my mind for a long time, and was something I felt needed to happen for this AU. Don't worry, I'm still brainstorming what will happen for the wedding but it will take a while because I have no intentions of it being a one-shot. On a side note, I've had multiple readers PM asking me about possible fics that wouldn't be a part of the Perfect Blood universe, but I was never inspired to write one. Until now. Another AU is brewing, I've written 3 chapters and I'm very excited for you all to see it. Thank you all again for your time and attention, I'll be back soon.

-C.