Author's Note: I told myself I would never write an Avengers fanfic (big fandoms intimidate me ._. ), much less for a wildly crack!pairing (I was planning on writing a Wanda/Vision fic first if I finally broke, lol). But here we are, and I figured I should write an extremely 'what-the-actual-heck' crackfic at least once in my life anyway. 8D *gets shot*

Technical notes – extremely AU, based on a premise where Ultron is on the Avengers' side, and some of the events have been shifted to later (more notes at bottom if you're interested). Backstories (to an extent, I am really pushing this AU thing lol) and appearances will be taken from the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Ultron will be in his Ultron Prime appearance. Mostly. You'll see what I mean.

Disclaimer – Don't own Avengers, which many people are grateful for. Also, this fanfic is inspired from the Hades and Persephone mythology, so you'll most likely see connections. And major warning – AU and crack. Turn back if you're not into that stuff, because this is that on steroids.

Among the Chitauri, it was Ultron's name that was most hated and cursed at.

The A.I. had been created three months after the first invasion, when Tony Stark discovered it in the gem of Loki's scepter. It wasn't until another three months of manufacturing that the machine and his drones were deployed to take back the cities that had fallen into the Chitauri's hands. While the aliens had been nearly relentless in their attacks, sending warship after warship through the wormholes to replenish their ranks, Ultron was perpetually ceaseless. The robots did not need to sleep or eat, nor did they hesitate even when their limbs were blown off. And combined with Chitauri anti-gravity tech the humans had reverse-engineered, they made a formidable foe in the skies.

The only reasons the Chitauri still held their ground were because they had taken the lead first, conquering many cities and establishing their bases on top of resource-rich lands. Ultron was not infinite, and the humans in the captured cities were all under thrall, held hostage and following the Chitauri's command.

So while the Avengers and remnants of S.H.I.E.L.D. raided the Chitauri bases, protected their secured cities, and desperately researched a cure for the brainwashed civilians, Ultron oversaw the operation in numerous countries through the eyes of his Sentries, even as his main body held a Chitauri general in the air, his hand wrapped around the alien's neck.

"Call your men off, or die," the robot intoned, examining his nonexistent nails on his other hand with a bored look. "I'll even let you live if you tell me how to release your mind-control on the humans."

The general laughed, an ugly hacking sound that grated on the robot's nerves. "Lonely king of the underworld," he choked out, twisting the name the humans had given him for managing the most dangerous Chitauri-entrenched lands. It sounded grander coming from the humans than the alien's mouth though, the robot mused absentmindedly. "Puppet with strings, is what you are. Doing a dog's work while your Masters hide in their sanctuary –"

A crunch sounded out when Ultron reflexively tightened his grip. The robot looked up from his free hand, realizing he just killed the general.

"Dammit. My hand slipped. Guess I'll have to find another Chitauri."

Wanda exhaled deeply into the frigid February air, watching her breath slip past her lips and drift upward in gray-white wisps. It was very faint - her telepathic connection to Pietro – but she could still sense a mixture of agitation and worry seeping from it. Somewhere in an Avengers facility, thousands of kilometers from where she was, her brother was pacing back and forth, wearing down the carpet. The carpet Stark had paid for, she thought wryly, and most likely annoying the man in the process.

Such a thought didn't bring as much spitefulness or vindication as it would have almost two years ago. The all-consuming rage that fueled every fiber of their being, the well of stubbornness she and Pietro drew from as they were subjected to numerous experiments at the Chitauri's hands before they escaped, had grudgingly simmered down during their time with the Avengers.

She didn't know if it would ever boil over again to that intensity from the earlier days when this was all over (if this nightmare ever ended, a treacherous voice whispered in her mind), but hatred required consistency, and such a thing was not possible when she could not afford to lose their allies. She hadn't forgiven the Iron Man, of course, and she probably never will. But she and Pietro could work with the man, if it meant that they – and numerous others – could survive.

Wanda wrapped the dark scarf more securely around her neck and slowly made her descent down the hill, the scattered dead leaves crunching under her combat boots. The sound was lost among the noises from the wildlife and the nearby gurgling of a running brook. She briefly marveled at the sight – that something so close to despair could continue to persist as if it were a normal day. But it made sense – the Chitauri saw no use for the surrounding woodlands and nature around the cities they held, and the people that couldn't evacuate in time no longer held any thought or wit to themselves. There was no fear that the civilians would ever try and escape through the forests, just as there was no fear that their enemy would come through them.

Most of the focus, Wanda thought bitterly, was on liberating the major cities and capitals. Not on isolated, smaller cities like this.

But there lied the advantage, and after extensive discussions and disagreements, they decided to send her alone. Ultron had been briefly considered as a candidate since the area fell under his jurisdiction anyway, until Stark reminded them they had to send someone more subtle than a 'giant ass robot.'

Wanda had readily accepted even as Pietro paled. He had pleaded in hushed Sokovian for her to reconsider, while everyone else turned away and pretended to be interested in something on the holographic displays. They had sent agents before to other 'minor' cities, bigger than the one they were targeting, and no contact had been established since. Going alone with virtually no intel was tantamount to suicide.

But none of them had her abilities, Wanda had answered, laying a comforting hand on his forearm. She could take care of herself.

A quip from Stark – ("Junior will send forth his children to scout ahead, and I'm sure he can spare one as backup," he had grandly stated, which Clint had coughed at, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like, "Junior? More like Platinum Bastard,") – only made Pietro's face grow stonier. Her brother always maintained some sort of wariness for the A.I., which stemmed from semi-realistic nightmares of the robot going insane and destroying humanity – something only Wanda and he knew about. But seeing her remain steadfast despite his pleas made him eventually resign to her decision.

Wanda halted to a sudden stop, her feet sliding forward on the uneven slope. Birds continued to chirp and whistle overhead, but she tensed, quickly scanning her surroundings. Her senses registered no sentient being, but her instincts were on alert, the hair on the back of her neck prickling at the feeling of being watched.

It had to be Stark's 'Junior,' or at least one of his scouts. The man did say that a Sentry would meet with her at some point. Even so, the air around her shimmered slightly as she extended her powers, weaving a barrier as a precaution.

"Show yourself," she managed to say evenly. Her heartbeat thudded loudly against her chest.

For a moment, nothing. And then, the sound of leaves being crushed underfoot came from behind her.

Wanda whirled around, hands instinctively raised and swathed in glowing tendrils of red energy. Her eyes widened slightly when they settled on her stalker, who raised his hands up in a pacifying gesture.

"Whoa! Easy, there. Is that any way to greet a friend?" The baritone voice had a metallic undertone, but was still human enough for her to detect the humor in his statement.

She lowered her hands, the energy immediately dissipating. "I'm not sure if we're 'friends,'" Wanda said, eyes flickering over his form. The design and structure – unpainted, slightly taller and more sleeker-looking than the mechs from Stark's Iron Legion – indicated that it was an Ultron Sentry. But instead of blue light emanating from his eyes and the frozen caricature of a mouth, it was red. Frowning inwardly, she continued, "It's my first time meeting you. You…look different from the other Sentries."

He waved his hand airily. "Altered programming. Ultron can't come here himself, too busy – no offense to you, of course. The Chitauri won't be suspicious if they see him on the frontlines as usual." The Sentry stepped forward, languidly closing the distance between them. His height became more apparent then. The top of her head barely brushed his shoulder. His head tilted to the side as he looked down into her face. Like the way a curious puppy would view a confusing situation, she thought, faintly amused. "So he sent me instead."

"I see."

Wanda was quite sure that wasn't it. She never got the specifics of the Ultron Program – Stark had insisted on secrecy on the finer details, fearing possible leaks to the other side – and news footage on the robots in action were understandably sporadic. Secured cities like the one where the main Avengers headquarters was located did not have any presence of Ultron. And on the times the Avengers operated with him on their missions, it was only indirectly through his Sentries who were used as support and civilian evacs, so she rarely saw them up close and knew little about how they worked. But the name of the program indicated a singular entity in operation, and if Ultron's abilities were similar to how J.A.R.V.I.S. controlled the Iron Legion –

Then the Sentry was just an extension of Ultron. Whatever was coming from his mouth – or rather, vocoder, was practically Ultron's own words.

Altered programming. He wasn't quite lying, but he wasn't being straightforward about it either.

She decided to leave it alone for now and gradually figure out his intention later. If anything, she could at least trust him as an ally.

Wanda started forward, and the Sentry easily fell into step beside her, despite his longer legs. She had the feeling he was altering his stride to match hers, something she was grateful for. All the other Avengers were either faster than her or were capable of flight. It was nice to have someone next to her instead of staring at their backs for once.

"Did you find any traps or surveillance devices?"

"Unsurprisingly, no. The fools are lenient because it's apparent our overlords are more concerned with freeing the strategically important cities first." The robot huffed. "And I suppose there's some sense to that, as we don't have an infinite amount of Sentries."

The bitterness his voice took on in his earlier words disappeared as fast as it had risen, but Wanda knew she hadn't imagined it. For some reason, it made her recall the dreams Pietro had.

She quickly dismissed her fledging doubts. Pietro was not clairvoyant, and what they had discussed about his dreams did not match up with the current situation at all. And Ultron had proved himself over and over again as an Avenger. There was another reason to his bitterness, not the one she had assumed.

"Tell Ultron I said thanks, then." When the Sentry jerked his head toward her in surprise, she added, "For sending some of his Sentries to help me, even though you're stretched thin. It sounds like you already knew what you'd find, but went ahead anyway."

The robot did not reply, still staring at her with that immovable face. Reflexively, she reached out to brush her senses against his mind, before she remembered she couldn't read his emotions in the first place.

A raspy chuckle sounded out before she could wonder if she accidentally offended him. "Excuse me, it took longer than I expected to send a message from the middle of nowhere." Her lips quirked upwards at his dry tone. "But yeah, this is no trouble. Ultron has been overseeing the hot spots for over a year now. Sending a guide to help a fellow comrade through his land is just…basic courtesy."

Their conversation dwindled to silence as the distance between the forest and the city grew shorter. Wanda could smell the smoke and exhaust gas from the thriving city, although the densely packed vegetation still hid it from her sight. Slowing down, she pulled out a rectangular, glass-like device from her pocket and quickly tapped in the command. A map appeared on the display, along with a blinking red dot that indicated her current position.

Feeling the Sentry lean closer to look over her shoulder, Wanda held the device between them so that they could both observe it easily.

"Entering through this side will hide us from view," she traced the place with the tip of her black-painted nail. "I know a place we can hole up in, and…we'll see from there." She shrugged helplessly. "No definite plan, I'm sorry." Satellite images only told them so much, and without Ultron bombarding them, there was no telling what machinations the Chitauri had been up to all this time.

"No, no…it's more of a plan than what others would have. I can see why, with your background, the Avengers chose you."

Wanda pursed her lips. The years-old memories of participating in the riots and evading the cops and foreign soldiers were still fresh in her mind. She couldn't forget those pathways and hideouts even if she tried. Repetition made it so.

How ironic, that years later, she would find herself working with one of Stark's creations.

"It'll be more difficult for you to sneak around," Wanda said, purposely steering the conversation away. She turned the device off and slid it back into her pocket. "I'll figure something out when we get there."

"Heh, I bet the Cap would be horrified to hear you've only got twelve percent of a plan."

Wanda grinned mirthlessly. That was Steve's exact reaction when she outlined the bare skeleton of her idea. "Things never happen the way we plan them to. We'll just have to improvise."

"Luckily for you, I've had more than enough experience in that."

They resumed their earlier pace. Soon, they reached the fringes of the forest. Wanda crouched behind a tree, staring past the foliage. The city lie before them, seemingly normal and untouched by the Chitauri. She could even make out the tiny cars driving in the distance. If Wanda didn't know better, she would have assumed it was a secured city.

But the Leviathan and Chitauri ships flying overhead gave it away.

"Home, sweet home," Wanda murmured softly.

The Sentry overheard her despite her quiet voice and reached out, laying a hand on her shoulder. She could feel the warmth emanating from it even through the layers of her clothes.

"The Chitauri won't be here forever," he said.

"No," she agreed. "They won't."

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Horrifically long note for the curious:

1. What's with the timeline? Literally out of order. Got the idea when a friend was talking about how if Age of Ultron came first and the first Avengers movie came afterwards, the critic's ratings would be switched (AoU would have higher rating than first Avengers). It's something Doug and Rob from Channel Awesome on YouTube talked about in their review for AoU if you're interested. Anyways, in here, the Chitauri invasion came some time after Steve and Natasha find out HYDRA infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D. The first invasion was stopped at New York and Loki detained. But more invasions happened in other countries, and here we are. (And I know they needed Tesseract for wormholes, will address that next chapter). Extremely and unashamedly AU, like I said.

2. Why does Ultron look the way he does in the film, if that was technically his design and not Tony's? I like to think that Tony had the schematics designed for Ultron, something similar looking to his mechs from Iron Legion, but Ultron was like 'NOPE' and took matters into his own hands like a kid throwing a tantrum and voila. You have 8 feet giant ass robot and his shorter but still relatively giant ass minions. If this sounds too cracky for you, feel free to conjure up your own headcanon and share it. I'd love to hear it. Especially if it's even crackier than mine. 8D

3. Thor and the Aesir? Also have their own troubles to deal with. But Thor is definitely on Earth right now.

4. What the heck is happening. What are you doing. One of the crackiest things I've ever written, that's what. 8D *gets shot* Yeah, I blame the super large green tea latte I drank.

5. Next update? Sporadic, but it will be coming I promise you. I'm actually supposed to be studying more for my upcoming MCAT (it's coming very soon what am I doing), but my brain (or inner fangirl, take your pick), forced me to churn out this crackfic before I continue on. I'm not going to abandon this fic (it's too close to my heart lol), but if nobody seems interested, I'll just let it go to the backburner since it's not a priority. So, reviews are always appreciated since they force me to get off my lazy ass and write, lol.

Ah crap, my A/N ended up being ridiculously long. Oh well. Anyways, reviews, kudos, constructive criticism, etc is always appreciated, and it definitely motivates me to update faster! (Especially since I just think I made the mistake of my life posting this on the Net, lol). Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a nice day! :D

This fanfic can also be found on AO3 and Tumblr under the username argent_snow and argent-snow, respectively.