ATTENTION::WARNING::DANGER, WILL ROBINSON. DANGER!
Got your attention? Good! The following is a work of fanfiction. For those of you who are ignorant about the subject, please allow me to elaborate. Fanfiction is a work or works of FICTION written by a FAN of a particular show or movie. This is because people who aren't FANs, generally speaking, would not go to the trouble of writing FICTION about any particular show or movie. That is, unless they were really bored or trying to write a satire. In the latter case the point would be missed entirely and people known as FLAMERS, people who deserve to have their scrotums removed with a pair of rusty wire cutters, would send rude, poorly written, pointless, and generally just not nice e-mails to the author to feed their equally pathetic egos and draw attention to themselves because they're too lazy to get their fat, lazy a$$es off their squeaky chairs and get real lives because they're too stupid! In any case, fanfiction is always free because of COPYRIGHT LAWS, which are LAWS that give the RIGHT to COPY, distribute and otherwise profit off of any creative work to the owner of said work or to whoever he/she sold it to. It also gives the right for them to sue the FUC| out of anyone who takes credit for their work.
Hence, I do not own Ranma ½ or Oh My Goddess. People who will hopefully not sue me because I'm not making any money from this own them. By the way, I don't own "Lost in Space" either… or the Teletubbies, or Barney, or your pants, or the moon, or my pants (no wait, I do own my pants).
With further ado:
AN UNTITLED RANMA ½ / OH, MY GODDESS CROSSOVER
[Now, you'd think that a work about a boy and a goddess and how they almost inadvertently destroy the world, as we know it would have a prologue aptly named "Boy Meets Goddess" or "BMG" for short right? (BFG if it was a lemon, but it's not so we're not going there) WRONG! Let it be known henceforth to all that the author of this Fanfiction does not know the meaning of the word Apt or any of it's other forms. (such as aptly) Hence, this prologue shall be called…]
PROLOGUE
(pretty original huh?)
[… And subtitled…]
BYOB
Bring Your Own _BLANK_
(You may fill in the _blank_ at your discretion)
***Asgard***
"I can't believe this happened to big sister Belldandy."
"She's been like this for three days?"
"She's just been wondering around that town and that temple."
"I'm still trying to figure out how this happened."
"_Somebody_ got it in her head that she should have 'an affair or two' with a mortal."
"What? It wasn't me."
"Uh, huh…"
"Besides, I haven't even had a boyfriend in ages."
"Yeah, right."
"It was probably that Peorth. You know she's spread 'em for about every other client she's had since she came to the Goddess Relief Office. It's people like her that give the GRO a bad name."
"Whatever"
"Besides, this wasn't supposed to be some simple affair. You know Belldandy, she'd never do that."
"Um… you're right."
"It looks like she put a bit of planning into this. She must have planned to have at least a short-long term relationship with the guy. She even had a little temple picked out for them to live at. Hmm…well, the guy's not much, anyway. He's a wimp through and through, but he's got a good heart. I guess he's what you'd call a fixer-upper."
"So, she's not upset over the guy-"
"She's disappointed because all her planning was for naught."
"…"
"Too, bad her terminal crashed before that Morisato guy could get to have Belldandy grant him a wish."
*Gulp*"B-But, everything will be okay, right? I mean at the least she could just find another stupid human to obsess over … right?"
"I doubt it, that Keiichi was one in a billion."
"… he doesn't look that special to me."
"It's not what's on the outside, but what on the inside, that counts."
"I still don't see it…"
"Look kid, on the earth alone there are 864 people with 'pure' hearts, 96 saints, 46 different groups of magical girls, 35organizations hell-bent on world domination, 21 hardcore perverts over the age of a hundred and sixty, and 12 physical incarnations of evil; but, there are even fewer people who are even close to Belldandy's apparent human age and more naive about sex and romantic relationships than she is."
*Cue facefault*
******
In Nerima, three people sneezed. One was a pigtailed martial artist, the second was of course Kasumi, the other was Ryoga's cousin who had fallen through a manhole at the age of three and never found his way out.
******
A lone goddess stood at the top of a utility pole staring off in the west towards the sunset. The sky was painted in bright yellows, oranges and reds and the town was bathed in a golden hue. So beautiful. For the last three days she had come to this very spot to watch the sunset and not one of them was completely like the other. 'Do the higher life forms on this planet take such things for granted?' she wondered to herself. Did they appreciate the significance of such things as the setting of the sun or the dawn of a new day and what they represented? Some of the gods themselves didn't even appreciate such things. Dwelling in heaven, where the sun never set and it was always warm and sunny, where the chance for showers was equivalent to a snowball's chance in hell, many gods see the sunset as nothing more than a prelude to the night, a sign that their day would be interrupted and would not proceed again until morning. Very few viewed it as Belldandy did, as the end of a today and promise of tomorrow.
She had always felt an attraction to Earth and it's people even with all their flaws. She understood that it was their flaws, their idiosyncrasies that made them unique and enjoyable. She always felt that she belonged on Earth, where she could immerse herself in the life of the planet, where she could enjoy things like the sunset, the sunrise maybe even love. But, it sure as hell wasn't looking like she was going to be enjoying any of these things anytime soon.
'Why? How did this happen? I had it planned out perfectly.' After hearing about the relationships other gods and goddesses had with mortals and beings from other worlds Belldandy had started dreaming about what it would be like if she had a relationship with, well, anybody. Although she was sought after by many she never really had any sort of relationship. She was devoted to being a goddess first class unlimited, and while that wasn't the only reason she had never had any relationships it didn't exactly leave a lot of spare time for a boyfriend. And, lets face it when it comes to most men, they only have one thing on their minds and that fact doesn't differ from world to world or even amongst the gods.
She had come to the conclusion that the only way for her to find a good boyfriend was to find a prospective match out of her list of potential clients then find out how to get them to wish for her as their girlfriend. It had taken a while but she had narrowed her search down to just a few possible candidates. Unfortunately she had just missed her chance at the most likely candidate due to a simple program error. It was a shame because he was really the only one who fit the exact specifications of her search.
' He was single.' Desperate is more I like it.
'He had a good heart.' A nice guy, and a little shy.
'And, he was supposed to be on my list of potential clients.' This is where they meet and he falls in love with her at first sight and they spend the rest of their lives together.
Unfortunately, her terminal crashed just moments before she was supposed to be called and sent to handle his access request. Therefore, it transferred to another goddess and he did not fall in love with her. "Maybe it was just as well. I heard he ended up wishing to be a Formula-One racing champion, instead. Just how did my terminal crash anyway?"
"LOOK OUT BELOW!!!"
She was shocked out of her introspection and quickly turned to her right and found herself staring into the most soulful blue eyes she had ever seen. At first she thought she was staring straight into the clear blue sky however those black orbs floating in that sea of blue was enough of a giveaway. Their eye's only met for an instant however for her it felt like an eternity. And then, those eyes blurred out of existence with a guttural grunt as she felt a strong breeze kick by her. She turned around in time to see a tuxedo clad, pigtailed youth crash into the concrete retaining wall beside the street. She stood there for a moment, looking down at him as he picked himself out of the rubble. She wanted to go to him, to see if he was alright, to look once again in those gray-blue depths. However, she couldn't .
Maybe it was because the shock of having narrowly missed a painful collision with another person while on top of a utility pole. Maybe it was the accumulation of three days filled with sorrow and self pity. Or, Maybe it was because during those three days of sorrow and self pity she had been using her powers to fly around and conceal herself and hadn't eaten or slept in that time, and she was currently falling unconscious. Falling being the predominant sensation since she used to be on top of a utility pole.
******
Most people would equate the feeling of flight with a good thing. They would find the sensation of the air rushing past them as they escape the overbearing gravity of the Earth for a prolonged period of time an especially liberating experience. For Ranma, It signified the violent conclusion to yet another argument with his primary fiancé.
It was the second failed wedding and of course it was his fault. It's always Ranma's fault.
As he reached the peak of his ascent, he noted dispassionately that she had hit him further than usual, a lot further, and higher to boot. As he quickly approached his impromptu landing sight, he began positioning himself for landing and expanding his aura to lessen the impact.
However, as he began expanding his aura the suddenly noticed an attractive girl with long caramel brown hair, dressed in a beautiful sundress with a sunflower pattern and wearing a straw sun hat standing on a utility pole. It was as if she had just suddenly appeared on the pole. But Ranma, didn't have time to ponder the mysterious appearance of a beautiful girl in the most unlikely of places as he was a bit preoccupied at the time attempting to avoid the impending collision with said beautiful girl.
At the last moment, right before he would have given the poor girl the headbutt from hell, he spun himself around bending and twisting his body at velocities he wouldn't have thought himself capable of, spinning himself in such a way that he transferred the entirety of his momentum to the section of his body below the neck, leaving his head completely motionless for an instant, just long enough to gaze into the eyes of his would-be victim before being rudely jerked back into movement by the rest of his body and slammed violently into a concrete retaining wall.
Somehow, he was able to retain consciousness, even though he felt like he just been punched a hundred times by Ryoga. Through the mental haze and blurred vision he was just able to register the sight of the girl he had just narrowly avoided falling from the top of the utility pole.
His body moved. Even as he was covered in a layer of shattered concrete and earth, his mind still numb from impact and his vision nothing more than multi-colored splotches, his body reacted at speeds unfathomable by even Olympic athletes. He had stopped and gently caught her even before he realized he had moved.
******
As she came to, Belldandy once again found herself staring into those same blue-gray eyes. They were so honest and deep, she could see straight into his soul. She saw his hard life and a miraculously warm heart.
He asked her if she was alright in a way that was so full of care that it warmed her soul. She nodded her head, never once losing eye contact. He smiled after she answered a smile that for a moment made her forget all about her problems and made her feel warm and fuzzy all over. A feeling that was almost ruined when he lost consciousness and slumped over her body which he still held as he balanced precariously on the balls of his feet in a crouched position.
"Oh, dear" Was her only reply.
******
Ranma awoke for the third time that day in an unfamiliar location. At first he thought he was in the dojo, on account of the old architecture and size of the room, but even from his position on the floor he could tell that the room was in worse condition than the Tendo dojo. He waited for the mental fog of semi-consciousness to lift before raising from his laying position on the floor. Once he was standing he made his way out of the dimly lit room and took a better look at his surroundings.
He recognized the structure he was in as being one of an old temple. The buildings were in disrepair and he assumed that it had been without a caretaker for a few years at least, which meant that nobody resided there. The temple was situated on the side of a mountain partially surrounded by forest with a few other houses to one side and across the street. It was night and judging by the sky and the city lights it was relatively early at night. By his estimation it would take him several hours to get back to the Tendo dojo if he ran, but he was in no real hurry to get back there since there would probably be an uncute tomboy waiting to pound him when he got back.
That left him with the predicament of finding a place to stay for the night. He assumed that, since the temple was pretty much abandoned, nobody would mind if he stayed the night there. As he looked upon the aged temple, decrepit and nearly falling apart, overgrown with weeds and covered in dead leaves; he couldn't help but feel a sense of familiarity, almost deja vu. Then he realized he didn't really know how he had gotten to the temple.
Now that he thought about it, someone had to have taken him there. He didn't remember walking or falling or otherwise coming to the mountain side complex. And, he couldn't tell if anybody else was there since it was such a big place and he was too tired to focus on his chi senses. He had started looking around when he smelled food coming from somewhere nearby and he decided to follow the scent. Food was always a good thing.
He followed it to the center of the compound, to a courtyard behind the living area of the temple. There, he found the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. She had long auburn hair tied back in a loose, thick ponytail with her long bangs unbound and hanging freely at the side of her face. She moved with a subtle grace that was more fluid than most seasoned martial artists, projected an aura of serenity that rivaled Kasumi and possessed an unearthly beauty that outclassed Akane a hundred times over.
He walked to her, making nary a sound, his legs moving of their own accord. He'd never felt this way around a girl before. She hadn't spoken to him yet and already he felt she had an unoffending superiority that made him feel both comfortable and unworthy at the same time. He hadn't acted toward her in any way yet and already he felt the need to be… better, more honest, nicer, smarter, stronger, faster, more considerate, more sympathetic, more… everything. In his mind, there was nothing he could do, say or be that would make him worthy of breathing the same air as this woman.
As these feelings became more and more dominant in his mind his pace got slower and slower, until finally he stopped, just a few short meters from this perfect woman. She seemed to be enjoying the scenery, gazing off into the forests in just the opposite direction from him. He wondered if he should say something; announce his presence? If so, what should he say? He knew he was completely inept at social situations, but for the first time it really bothered him. Just as he was about to resign himself and leave, content in the mere fact that someone like her actually existed, she turned her head and looked at him.
At first, she looked surprised, like she hadn't expected him to be there. That was understandable sense his rate of recovery was far above most people. Then her expression slowly settled into a caring smile and in that instant all his doubts and insecurities were lifted away and the words came naturally to him.
******
They ate the exquisite meal she made and Ranma reaffirmed that she was indeed the perfect woman. They talked for what seemed like hours and found out their situations had a lot in common. She told him that she had lost a relationship that she had put a lot of effort into, and had her hopes and dreams dashed before her eyes. He told her that he was stuck in a relationship that was going nowhere fast, and had lost all hope in it ever working out.
They were still talking when the last dwindling rays of the sun were gone from the horizon and the city below lit up with artificial light. Ranma never had a longer conversation with anyone up until that point of his life.
When they finally hit a lull in their conversation, Belldandy stood to get ready for bed. "I assume you'll want to stay here for the night? I'll get you a bed roll so you can get some rest."
But, before she could go his hand lashed out and gently grabbed a hold of hers. He had the oddest sensation that if he went to sleep, she wouldn't be anywhere near when he woke up, and for some reason that scared him. He had to do anything he could to keep her around, for as long as possible. He knew that they would eventually part but just a few more minutes, maybe an hour-- he needed her in a way he couldn't fathom, in the most pure and decent way possible, he needed her. "Wait, Bell, there's… something I want to show you."
She turned and smiled to him, a smile that only she could perform. It was sweet like the sweetest honey, warm and refreshing like a summer breeze. It was happy, with the innocence of a child, but also having the calm maturity of a woman in full bloom. It made Akane's most beautiful smile seem hideously ugly by comparison. Until now, he had never thought a smile could be so wondrously humbling.
"I want to take you to my… special place." He waited for her to nod in reply, then he gathered her into his arms, his movements as soft and gentle as a warm breeze but so fast that she hadn't realized what had happened until she was enveloped in his warm embrace. Then suddenly, they were off. For a moment she thought they were flying but when gravity reasserted itself she realized that he had actually jumped very, very high… for a mortal. Within seconds they were at the top of the tallest building on the compound and he was setting her back on her feet. "Here we are!" He stated simply with a smile that was in sharp contrast to the cocky grin he usually wore.
"But, this is the roof of the Temple." She said looking across the roof and back to him. He answered with a bashful smirk, the kind a child would wear while playing a game with their best friend. "I've been here for at least three days and I've never seen you around until today, not even in town."
He merely smiled happily and shifted his weight to his heels and leaned back until he slid gracefully into a laying position, and looked up towards the sky. "My special place is always with me, as long as it's high up and has a clear view of the stars." She looked to him again, this time less confused but not completely understanding. He patted the roof next to him, an invitation to sit down, which she accepted.
"I like to look a the stars whenever I feel down." He started off. She was listening intently. "Lots of people don't like to think about it. They think about how small the Earth and how big the Universe is, and it makes them feel small, like their not important."
"Insignificant." Belldandy supplied.
"Yeah, insignificant. I makes them all depressed to think that they don't add up to much in the 'grand scheme' of things. But, I like to look at it differently. It helps me put things in perspective. I like to think of the world as a small place, that way, when it feels like the whole world is against me I can just say 'It's a small world, after all' and then my problems don't feel that heavy anymore."
She settled into a lying position beside him and looked up at the stars. She gazed to the heavens and tried to imagine all her problems as being smaller. After a few moments she gave up. "I can't do it." She said simply. She turned and looked at him. "I can't look up and imagine I feel any better. When I look up, with nothing but the stars as my companions, I can't help but feel smaller, lonelier."
He looked at her for a moment before turning back. "I guess I explained it wrong." He paused in thought. "I said it was a way of thinking. But, its more like not thinking than thinking." He looked for any sign of comprehension in her features. At finding none, he elaborated. "Nothing is an important part of the martial arts. When you engage an opponent, you focus your senses in their general direction without sensing anything. If you look for the punch, you miss the kick; if you look for the kick, you miss the head-butt; if you look for the head-butt, you miss the throw; so, in order to sense everything you look for nothing, you listen for nothing, you feel for nothing; and when your opponent attacks, you do nothing. That way, when your opponent attacks, you sense it without effort and your counter strike is automatic. A martial artist can accomplish anything, by doing nothing."
"It's much the same when I look at the stars. I don't think about anything. The good, the bad, happiness, and sadness are somewhere else entirely. When I look at the stars it's just me and nothing. And, I find contentment with the nothingness."
He looked back at her in hopes of seeing her understanding but instead found an unreadable expression on her face. He waited for a few moments and she finally spoke. "You're very odd."
They both stared at each other for several long seconds with matching blank expressions. Then they both started snickering. Which progressed into giggling, and finally, into full blown laughter.
After they calmed down, they began talking again and before they were finished they had told each other their life stories. Belldandy had already guessed that he was a martial artist and Ranma was surprisingly, well, not surprised when she revealed herself to be a goddess.
Hours into their conversation the two found themselves comfortably in each other's arms, still on top of the temple roof and very near unconsciousness (and fully clothed you god awful perverts!!!). Ranma was still vainly trying to keep the conversation going.
"So, you grant people's wishes." Ranma said not fully awake, yet not asleep.
"hmn-ph." Belldandy mumbled the affirmative, snuggling a little closer.
"You know what I wish?"
"Hm?" She asked. Barely recognizing the slight buzzing sound associated when she accessed someone's file for access request registration.
"I wish I could make your wish come true." He said; finally, falling asleep.
Belldandy's eye's snapped open as she realized her goddess powers had been activated. Her thoughts were a blur as she automatically connected Yggdrasil when the wish was stated. She watched in shock as the wish was not only accepted, but also registered, filed and sealed. Suddenly, a massive wave of energy flowed down the link to her and the area exploded in white light, startling Ranma awake.
Through the blinding light he could just make out Belldandy's form and the words she said as she floated in the sea of light.
"Wish granted."
To be continued…