She was running trying to keep them at a distance, to keep them from catching her, but they only ran faster reaching out for her, calling her name, Lindy. They said it over and over again, Lindy. She ran faster, but her legs were aching and she knew she wasn't going to be able to go on much longer. She looked back and saw how their faces were twisted into a mask of fury, revenge evident in their eyes. The red gash on their throats livid against the never ending darkness behind them. She ran on, she could feel them right behind her, one of their hands managing to touch her hair. She tripped over something sending her sprawling. She turned over to see them standing over her. Lindy, they spit out her name as though it were something vile. It was all of them, all of the people whose deaths she had caused. There were many like Reese, Oliver, Tessa… Ben. She wanted to tell them she was sorry that she hadn't meant for any of it to happen, but no words came out. Reese bent down, the blade in his hand glinting in the light. "Please," she tried to say, but the words were stuck in her throat, she was terrified. The blade came closer, pressing against her throat, she could feel it cutting her. She looked down as the trickle of blood began to stain the front of her white shirt. She looked back up at them. There was no mercy, no forgiveness in their eyes. They began to laugh, a harsh sound that made her skin crawl. She looked up at Reese's face, but it had turned into Jake's. "I did it all for you," he told her.
Lindy woke up with a gasp, her hand clutching her chest and her bed sheets tangled around her legs, she wiped a shaky hand across her sweaty forehead. "It was just a dream, it was just a dream," she told herself over and over trying to calm her pounding heart. The pale gray light of morning streamed into her room, a bird chirped outside of her window, but she was still caught up in the dream. It had felt so real.
She walked into the bathroom on shaky legs and splashed cold water on her face, slowly her heart rate returned to normal. She needed to get some air.
It had been three weeks since the Flirtual killer had been caught and thrown in jail, A.K.A Jake Bolin. Three weeks since Lindy had been able to stop constantly looking over her shoulder and worrying over her friends' safety, but Jake had left his scar. She'd let in another person into her life who she had thought she could trust and he had been the one to hurt her most. He had killed so many people and had almost killed Sophia. She blamed herself for all those people's deaths although everyone insisted she shouldn't.
Lindy walked into her apartment balancing two cups of coffee and a bag of muffins. Lindy wanted to make Sophia breakfast but she didn't really want to poison her, she had already been stabbed and could have died, a person could only handle so much.
Sophia had spent over a week in the hospital and had been on bed rest for the last two weeks. IRL had been closed the whole time and Lindy had taken a month off of work to take care of her. The doctor had said that Jake hadn't managed to slash anything too serious, but the loss of blood could have killed her. It was almost as if Jake hadn't really wanted to kill Sophia because he knew that Lindy would have never forgiven him. It didn't seem to cross Jake's mind that what he had already done was despicable and there was no way that Lindy would have ever forgiven him.
Sophia was already awake when Lindy let herself into the apartment, she was sitting on the couch and flipping through channels on the TV. "Hey," Lindy said, "Good morning."
"Hey," Sophia said, "I woke up and you weren't here, I thought-" she turned around and caught sight of the coffees and the bag Lindy was holding. "Oooh, are those what I think they are?"
"Yup," Lindy grinned. "A caramel macchiato with extra whip and a blueberry muffin, for you," she said taking out her banana chocolate chip muffin and handing the bag with the blueberry one to Sophia along with her coffee. "You know me so well," Sophia said through a mouthful of muffin. She had wasted no time digging into it. "Yeah, I do," Lindy said taking a sip of her Americano. She saw Sophia rub the back of her neck, she knew, although Sophia never told her that she sometimes still got sore from the stab wound even though she had already healed.
Her mind went back to the night Sophia had been hurt, the day before Jake had been caught, and the day she had been hoping she would get some closure about Sara. She had been so scared that Sophia was going to die that she wouldn't be able to save her just like she hadn't been able to save Sara. She had been so scared that Jake would hurt Connor and Tommy. She hadn't wanted any more people getting hurt because of her.
"I will never stop looking for you, Lindy." Tommy had told her. That scene of Tommy looking so conflicted, all of the different emotions: anger, disbelief, frustration, and finally resignation flashing across his face when he had had to let her go with Jake along with the one of Sophia lying on the ground bleeding replayed over and over in her mind despite the fact that Jake had already been caught.
Her worry over Sophia had made Lindy put Sara on the back burner for a while. She hadn't even dared to look at what was in the tablet Jake had given her at the train station before Tommy and George had rescued her and captured Jake. She hadn't done it for fear of what she would find, she was afraid that it would be another dead end and after Hart Island she didn't think she would be able to handle another one.
"Lindy? Earth to Lindy!" Sophia was waving her hand in front of Lindy's face with a look of concern on hers. "Lindy you need to stop," Sophia said. "You can't keep living like this."
"Living like what?"
"You can't keep reliving what happened that night, you have to move on. You can't keep punishing yourself over what happened. You have to know that it's not your fault."
She didn't even bother denying that that was what she had been thinking about. "It was my fault, Sophia. What happened to you and Ben and Tessa and everyone else it's all on me. If it hadn't been for me none of you would have been in danger in the first place. Nobody else would have died…"
Sophia looked angry now. "Don't you dare blame yourself, Lindy. Everything that happened, it was all because of psycho-crazy Jake. I don't blame you, none of us blame you! Something was wrong with him not you!"
"But Sophia-."
"Don't but Sophia me," she said setting her coffee down firmly on the coffee table between the two of them. Lindy didn't think she had ever seen her this angry. "What's your fault? Being beautiful? Amazing? Because you hadn't figure it out sooner? Well none of us did Lindy. So you can't keep blaming yourself and reliving it over and over. We all wish we had figured out that Jake was a psycho sooner. You, me, Connor, George, Tommy, he had us all fooled, but sometimes we don't see these things coming as much as we want to. I am so sorry it happened, Lindy. Jake left his scars- on everyone, but he'll never hurt us again, he's behind bars for life." She leaned over and gripped Lindy's hands in hers, hard, looking her straight in the eye. "Now we just have to learn to go back to normal, even if that is the hardest part, we have to do it. It takes a lot more time to build yourself back up than it does to crumble, but you have to remember that when you—when we finally do we'll be stronger than ever before."
Lindy just looked at her. It was like Sophia had looked deep into her mind, her soul, and seen what was there and had given her what she needed to hear. It was like she had injected her with hope and energy, things she felt she had lost weeks—months ago. Lindy smiled at Sophia and she knew that it was a real smile she leaned over and hugged her hard. "Thank you," she whispered in her ear.
"How touching," Connor said coming in to the living room. He had a spare key to the apartment and no job yet so he came around all the time to look after Sophia and to cook dinner sometimes. "She's right though, none of us blame you. Just be glad that that crazy is behind bars for good and he's never coming out." It was one thing for Sophia to say that, but Connor? He and Lindy had never really been friends but his words touched her.
"Thank you Connor." She looked at the both of them feeling thankful. She stood up and stretched having already downed her cup of coffee, she still had half a muffin left, but she wasn't really hungry anymore. "I'm going to go for a run, take care of Sophia, Connor."
Lindy headed into her room and changed into her workout clothes. She could hear Sophia and Connor in the other room discussing what Sophia should wear since Sophia was sure that Yeager was going to show up later. Sophia always made sure she was changed and ready for the day in case Yeager showed up. He had shown up the day after Sophia had been released from the hospital. She had been wearing sweats and an oversized T-shirt and had freaked out that Yeager had caught sight of her like that and demanded that Lindy not let him in. Since then she always made sure she was ready by ten since Yeager visited several times a week to see her. Lindy finished putting her hair up into a ponytail, grabbed her phone and her keys and said goodbye to Sophia and Connor. Out on the street she put on her earphones and decided to run to Central Park, it was about a twenty minute run from the apartment and she didn't want to stop until she got there, she needed to clear her head. She had a lot to think about.
She loved the way running made her feel like no one could touch her, if only that were true she thought grimly. She didn't stop running until she had reached Central Park and had found a bench that wasn't occupied. She sat right in the middle of it since she didn't really want someone who was going to feed the park pigeons to sit next to her. She just wanted to be alone with her thoughts for a while. Lindy took off her earphones, leaned her head back against the bench, and closed her eyes. She didn't know how long she stayed like that, letting the sun warm her face and the breeze play against her hair when a voice brought her out of her head.
"Hey, is it okay if we join you?" She didn't need to open her eyes to know whose voice that was it was as familiar to her as the codes she used on her computer. Nevertheless he had startled her. Her eyes flew open.
"Hey," she responded, she hadn't expected to see him here. He had sweat staining the front of his tank top and a water bottle in his hand, clearly he had also been running. She kept looking into his hazel eyes and he kept looking into her chocolate ones. They stayed like that for a minute until he looked away.
"So uh could we…" he gestured awkwardly to the small empty space of bench beside her. Lindy snapped out of her daze, "Oh yeah sure," she scooted over to make room for Tommy. Wait, we? She didn't see anyone with him. Then she looked down realizing that his companion wasn't human, it was a dog. She smiled involuntarily, she missed having a dog. She had had one when she was younger in her hometown and she had wanted one now but there wasn't enough room in her and Sophia's apartment. Besides that Sophia was allergic, so she claimed although Lindy strongly suspected that Sophia was just worried the dog would chew up everything in its path. Tommy sat down while his dog laid down on the ground between the two of them.
"I didn't know you had a dog," she told him although she wasn't really surprised. She looked at the unconscious way that he scratched his dog behind the ears while looking at her with a smile that softened his face. "What's his name?"
"Boris. I've had him for three years now. I found him in an alley near my apartment looking for food in some trash cans he had knocked down. He didn't have a collar and nobody claimed him when I posted signs, so I kept him." He smiled looking fond of the memory. Impulsively Lindy leaned down and patted the dog's head and scratched him behind the ears. Boris stood up and licked her hand before laying back down. "Seems like he likes you." Boris wagged his tail in agreement. "So how have you been, Lindy? I haven't seen or talked to you in weeks."
It was true. The last time they had talked it had been at the hospital while Sophia was still there recovering. The same day he and George had rescued her at the train station. Lindy had thanked him for saving Sophia and rescuing her and had gone back into Sophia's hospital room hardly leaving her side until she was released and even then she hadn't really left the apartment. Tommy had wanted to give her space to recover from the entire ordeal so he still didn't know where he stood with Lindy, if he was forgiven yet or not. Admittedly three weeks was probably not enough considering it had taken them months to catch the killer, who had turned out to be right under their noses the entire time, but he couldn't stand not seeing her anymore. If he hadn't run into her here at the park he would have likely gone to go check up on her at her apartment, which would have been embarrassing. Was it a coincidence? He briefly wondered if the universe was trying to tell him something but he brushed off that thought almost as soon as it had come to him. He didn't believe in those things, although he had asked a psychic about Lindy's sister, so maybe he had some faith.
"I've never been better," Lindy lied.
Tommy could see right through her. He had found that he could before, although he was not always able to decipher what she was thinking, which infuriated him more than he cared to admit since it made her completely unpredictable at times. He had to admit though that it kept him on his toes. He knew that she was lying, there were dark circles under her eyes that she had unsuccessfully tried to hide with makeup. Normally he wouldn't have pushed the issue, but he still didn't know where he stood with her. She had told him that if he saved Sophia she would finally be able to forgive him. It sounded selfish even in his thoughts, to voice it would make him sound petty, but he had to know.
"Lindy?" She had been looking down at Boris but looked up at the sound of his voice. "Yeah?" He fidgeted with the sleeve of his hoody. Lindy didn't think she had ever seen him this uncertain before. "You know that you can tell me anything right? I'll always help you no matter what it is." Lindy stiffened. "I know, Tommy, but you-"
"I know I broke your trust and that what I did was wrong, Lindy, and I regret it. I really do. You have no idea how much. I'm so sorry, but you have to know that I will do everything I can so that you can have faith in me again." He was looking at her right in the eye. She looked away and watched a couple walk by hand in hand. Tommy saw them too and felt a pang in his chest. He looked back at Lindy, but she didn't look back, she was silent for a few minutes. Tommy just waited.
"It's hard for me to trust people," she finally said looking back at him. It wasn't always this way, but when I get hurt I push people away. We've helped each other out a lot, I think you can see why I was so hurt when I found out you had used me to get to Bubonic." Tommy started to say something, but she held out her hand. "Let me finish Tommy. You saved Sophia, so I do forgive you and you also let me leave with Jake that night. You trusted me to do what I had to do. I just couldn't let any more people get hurt because of me. Thank you for those things." She sighed, "But I can't say I completely trust you, Tommy. I know it's not fair since you've done a lot for me, but I just can't yet."
Tommy breathed a sigh of relief. She had forgiven him. Part of him had thought that she would never forgive him, but she had. She didn't completely trust him, she did a little bit, but he vowed then and there that he would work hard to gain all of her trust back. "Letting you go with him was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, Lindy." His voice sounded so raw so vulnerable at the memory that Lindy felt it cut into her. "But if there's one thing I have always done, it is trust you. I can accept that you don't trust me yet, but trust me when I say this, Lindy. I told you before that I would never stop looking for you and now I am telling you that I will never stop until I gain your trust back." She gave him a small smile and told him the same thing she had told him on Hart Island right before she had left with Jake.
"I know." It filled him with hope.
Because she did know, Tommy was always trying to keep his word. What had made her distrust him in the first place was what he had withheld from her.
They sat in a somewhat comfortable silence. Tommy felt better. He had gotten the answers he needed. Before, the possibility of her answer had kept him tossing and turning at night but he knew now where he stood with Lindy. He knew that he could eventually gain her trust back, even if it took a long time for that to happen, he had hope.
Boris barked bringing him back to reality. "I have to get going. I have to get Boris back to my apartment, get ready, and head down to work." He smiled at her. "I'm glad we had this conversation, Lindy."
She nodded, "So am I."
"Do you want me to give you a ride back to your apartment? It's on my way."
Lindy shook her head. "Thanks for the offer, but I really want to run, it's been a while and I want to work out more."
Suddenly an idea occurred to him. He wanted to keep seeing her. He didn't want them not talking for as long as they had been the past few weeks. He'd gotten used to seeing her nearly every day and the lack of her presence had put him on edge. The protective detail had stopped now that Jake was in jail, but he had found that it was in his nature to keep protecting Lindy.
"Hey, he said suddenly. "How about I show you some self-defense? We'd both be working out and it's always good to know some…just in case." He wasn't insinuating that anything bad would happen to her, but he would just feel better if she knew how to defend herself better. Tommy had seen her in action back at the Virtual Slumber apartment when she had been attacked. She had put up a hell of a fight. That was the way his Lindy was, she didn't give up she was a fighter. Another memory of something the two of them had done at that apartment tickled his mind, but he pushed it away before the image could fully form in his mind.
Lindy hesitated, she wanted to say no, but what would be the harm to learn some self-defense from Tommy? He was right it was always nice to know a few things. She could see that Tommy saw her hesitating, the hope dimming from his eyes with every passing second.
"Okay," Lindy said finally. "Where at?" Tommy grinned, it lit up his whole face. He needed to smile like that more often she thought.
"I'll text you the details later." He waved goodbye letting Boris lead him back to his car. He felt happier than he had in a long time. Lindy stared after them until they had rounded a corner and disappeared from view. She turned and ran in the opposite direction heading deeper into the park.