Cora Crawley sat on the bench near a lake, miles away from her so-called home, Downton Abbey. She looked at the swans swirling in the lake, happily, freely. She sometimes wished she was a swan. She would've been free and happy and beautiful. She had always been told she was very beautiful and she saw herself as well, dozens of men trying to impress her, she was usually in the spotlight at any ball, here in England or back in America, always the envy of numerous ladies her age, but it was different for her, she didn't feel beautiful, not now anyways.

She had arrived in England two years earlier with her mother, to find an earl or a duke to marry, who would give her a respectable title and give her a position in the British society. She had been so nervous, because despite her beauty, everyone looked at her with judgmental eyes, noticing her every move, gossiping openly about the "American girl with strange accent and strange taste", her mother consoled her saying that all the others were just jealous and advised Cora to not pay attention to them but to just look beautiful and socialize, and so she did. Balls after balls, dances after dances, but that niggle of anxiety kept building until the ball in November 1888. She saw him there; she had read it in story books but never believed in such things until that moment. She laid eyes on him and felt her knees buckle. That beautiful face, those ocean-like eyes, that masculine body, that sexy grin. That is how she met Robert Crawley, Lord Downton.

They danced and talked and laughed and by the end of the night, she knew she'd marry him. Robert, only Robert. In the following months, she realized the situation Downton was in and that Robert was pursuing her for her money also that his mother didn't particularly like her, also that she could marry Dukes instead on a future earl of a small, crumbling estate but her heart was set on him, despite all the drawbacks, she still wanted to marry him and Robert hadn't hid anything, did he? He was honest with her , which she admired. After months and months of discussions and formalities, they were married on 16th February 1890. Cora was asked to sign the papers which stated that her entire inheritance was now tied to the welfare of Downton and that she had no right on the money anymore. She didn't hide her shock and uncomfortable reaction but she signed it anyway, she was getting all she wanted in return, Robert, so money didn't matter. She knew he didn't love her, she knew she wasn't the favorite of anyone in her new home, but she was determined and was sure that she'll make them fall in love with her, all of them. She has always been friendly and kind, she was smart and beautiful, everyone loved her, how can a couple of English people not, right?

Now five months later, she sat facing the lake, thinking how was she so sure? She had been patient all these months. Her mother-in-law was horrible to her, she was unkind and made fun of her American-ness in front of all her friends. Lord Grantham was kind and understanding enough but not enough that she could talk to him about her feelings. And Robert, she sighed thinking, he wasn't even trying to work on their relationship. She knew he didn't love her, he made that clear months ago, but she didn't think he'd never try. He spent very little time with her, there was still an awkward communication between them, they did spent part of their night together, fulfilling their duty. She used to lay back and think of England, as her mother-in-law used to put it. There was nothing sweet about their love making, he used to enter the room, asked how she was feeling, got rid of his dressing gown, blew out the candles and the next second he was on top of her. It all lasted twenty minutes usually, the longest they'd spent is thirty minutes and after they recovered their breathing, he used to give her a quick kiss on the cheek, sometimes on lips, if she was lucky and escaped the room. She had tried to make him stay, not once but three times, but he always replied with "I can't, it's not proper" , coupled with a consolation kiss on the cheek and left. He even did that on their wedding night and it tore her apart. She wanted him near her, to be with her, to hold her, but he never did. After a month he noticed her sad eyes after yet another session of love making and he held out his arms and held her for some time, Cora remembered how surprised she was when he did, but it was a happy and a welcoming surprise, but it was too good to last long, after a while, he kissed the top of her head, bid her goodnight and left, that's what their routine had been from that day. But he was still kind towards her, she didn't blame him because it wasn't his fault that he didn't love her. She was head over heels for him but he….well he liked her, she was sure of that, but far away from loving her, It hurt her badly but she remained optimistic, but moments like these when she was all alone, she used to have this panic attack, it was like an inner voice whispering, He won't love you. Everyone dislikes you. You're a burden. You're a foreigner. He regrets marrying you. She shut her eyes and told herself that it isn't true and that it will all happen in good time. Right? But ,when? It's been months. She was just twenty years old, she was torn, she had so many dreams about her and Robert but it was like they're stuck in a dark room and they can't find the light. When will he fall in love her? Will he ever? She didn't know, but she chose to remain positive before this loneliness eats her up fully, she didn't have a choice, so she chose to stay positive. She wiped away the tears and picked up the long forgotten book by her side, she flipped the page open to continue when she saw someone approach behind her. She turned and saw her lady's maid, Simmons. An elderly woman in her fifties. She was kind and honestly her only friend here. She understood her and consoled her. Numerous times she had hugged her for several minutes when Cora needed to cry, she was almost like a mother, Cora smiled as she saw her approach.

"Yes, Simmons?", Cora asked sweetly.
"Milady, Lady Grantham is asking for you in the drawing room"

Cora sighed, knowing, it was the end of her peaceful time for the day.

"I'll be there in a moment", Cora said sadly.
"Milady, she seemed…well rather angry, it's better if you come right away"

Oh dear! Mother-in-law is angry, Cora stood up in an instant and followed Simmons wondering what has she done wrong now.