Grey Warden Commander Elissa Cousland has been roped into helping the Inquisition by her dear 'friend' Garrett Hawke. It's been a decade since she's involved herself in any sort of heroic endeavors, but she supposes she can try it once more. 10 years ago she loved Alistair Theirin. He destroyed her when made the ultimate sacrifice to end the Blight. She's refused to become close with anyone ever since. The Inquisition is being led by the mage Maxwell Trevelyan, who can sometimes prove to be rather difficult. When the Hero arrives at Skyhold, Commander Cullen immediately recognizes her as the Warden who saved the circle at Kinloch Hold. She has seen him at his weakest moment and somehow that is comforting. Their past hardships draw them together, but not without a few snags and angst fueled moments. Will she give in to her feelings, or push another chance at love away?

Cousland-Cullen pairing. Inspired by the Cullenites! Smut (future M rating possible), Angst, Cursing, (attempts at) Humor, Drama.

The Hero of Fereldan. That's what people still called me, after all these years. Sure, 10 years ago circumstance left me as one of the last standing Grey Wardens in Fereldan, but I had just fumbled my way through that really. We were mostly lucky. At least until the end. Alistair was the real hero. He was the one whose luck finally ran out. The damn clod just had to be the one to strike the final blow against the archdemon. He knew what it would do to him. 10 years ago almost to the day I had lost him, I wonder if he knew what it did to me. I was hard now, at least more than I was before. Time had made me somewhat of a cynic and I tried never to let my feelings show anymore. Unless the feeling was anger. Anger I was very good at.

When Hawke introduced me it was as the Hero of course, not Lady Cousland. But I think their Commander sensed my discomfort with the title, he was intuitive enough to know I'd rather be called anything else. Well...nearly anything else. Once I was called 'that Warden Bitch' and someone may have lost an eye. 'The Hero of Fereldan' wasn't that bad I suppose. People thought they were being respectful, but I didn't like being reminded of the sacrifice that someone else had made to earn me that title. Sometimes Commander Cullen called me Warden-Commander or sometimes Commander Cousland. Though I wasn't really that anymore either, not since I'd practically rebelled against the Wardens. Always the rebel, wasn't I? Leliana surely knew better than to try any of that Hero business. For one of the first times in recent memory I got to hear my first name from friendly lips. She only ever called me Elissa, even in the company of others and I loved her for it. She always brought me back to a softer place, and I think I did the same for her.

We were at our talks now, I stood in their war room waiting for my turn to speak. The room they had dedicated to this purpose wasn't small, but something about it made it feel very enclosed. Maybe it was the tension that was always present in these walls or maybe the colors. We were surrounded by rich hues of autumn, reds and golds, soft yellow from the candles that burned. Behind each of the advisors stood a set of tall windows. Trees with turning leaves could be seen through the latticed glass. The table that held the center of the attention was made of an old oak tree, giving an even warmer feel to the room. The Inquisitor stood on the side of the table facing the advisors and he had given me a place to his right.

The Commander and the Inquisitor were deep in some strategic discussion and I was trying to pay attention, but was having a difficult time. My eyes kept drawing up, resting on the Commander. I was staring even though I didn't mean to. The way he moved and held himself reminded me of someone. It reminded me of Alistair. And to think I had actually made it an entire day without thinking about him once before this. The Commander was making my mind wander. He used to be a Templar, like Alistair had. I guess the training becomes a bit ingrained in them, affects their movement and posture. It was always easy to spot a Templar even out of their armor. Cullen was handsome too, but that was where their similarities ended. Commander Cullen wore a serious expression each time I had seen him, not like Alistair at all. But I knew he had been through as much in the last 10 years as I had. We've met before, during the Blight. When we helped the circle at Kinloch Hold he was stationed there. He was one of the only survivors. When we found him he was under some spell. For a second I remembered how his face looked when he was a young man, how horrified and confused he was. They tortured him. My throat was catching as I looked at him. I doubt he wanted to be pitied. The man that stood here was not the same scared young man. He had matured and grown into his skin like we all had. Everything that happened looked to have made him stronger for it. In here, discussing their military, he was in his element. The confidence showed.

His eyes flickered up to mine for a moment. Unfortunately he noticed I was watching him and it made him pause. I think I made him lose his train of thought. He surely made me lose mine and I'll admit he made me blush, just a little. He cleared his throat and I heard him say "Where was I?" The Inquisitor picked up where Cullen left off. The Inquisitor gave me a little frown for distracting his Commander. I played ignorance and gave him a quizzical look, raised my eyebrow at him and shrugged. He just kept at his scowl. Maxwell Trevelyan doesn't scare people as much as he thinks he does, despite that magic that buzzes from his fingers. I've dealt with Morrigan, I think I can handle this mage. And I've defeated an archdemon, he can't seem to even take care of this one ugly darkspawn that's given itself an even uglier name. Someone please remind me why they call us women the weaker sex.

My part in the council is over soon. I tell them everything I know about this Corypheus and about Clarel, how extreme her measures have been and why I left. There is some I left out, but they don't have to know that. I've told them enough. They all seem very understanding and glad to have my help. But in turn I need them to come with me to the tower in the Approach, we have to figure out what the Wardens are up to before anything else.

"I know Clarel," I say. "She's dedicated, and she's deadly. She'd end any of us if it meant stopping a Blight."

I think the worry and severity is showing on my face, because all of their faces reflect it back. I like to think I can hide my emotions, but I know my face has always been overly expressive. Trevelyan volunteers himself and a few of his companions to come with me. He seems the type who wants to do it all himself to make sure it's done right. Hawke will come with us too, and the Commander insists on sending a few of his troops as well. Once again I'm the lone Warden facing a problem much bigger than myself. And once again I've found a group of people heroic enough to help me in my efforts. Fate likes to do this sort of thing to me. It puts me in some sort of dire situation to take me down a notch and then lifts me up by showing me how a few rag tag individuals can come together and make a difference in the world. It's sickening how mushy it makes me feel, but I think I'm going to like this Inquisition.

They call her the Hero of Fereldan and I can tell she doesn't like that. I make a conscious effort to address her as something different. Commander or Warden or maybe I'll try Lady Cousland. I met her once before, back in Fereldan during the Blight. She was just a girl then, and I was barely a man. She hasn't really changed that much. I thought she was pretty then and she still is. Funny that out of all the terrible things that happened I remembered her, one good thing in all of it. If I hadn't been in the state I was back then, I may have been jealous of Alistair. He was lucky to have found her. I knew him too. I trained with him, but he had never finished his Templar training. He was lucky in that aspect too. He didn't have to go through the things I went through when Kinloch fell. He and Cousland just swooped in like heroes and saved the day, leaving us all looking and feeling weak. Those of us who survived anyway. I felt weak and broken for a very long time after that. Alistair was gone now though. Maybe that was why she looked so sad all the time. It had been more than 10 years, but those events still haunted me. Maybe they did her too.

I watched her lips every time she spoke, and the movement of her dark eyes. I couldn't help it, she was gorgeous. Her eyes had this illumination behind them, and the way her lips parted and moved in response to everything was subtly alluring without being overly so. She constantly drew more attention to them by touching them or running across the bottom one with her teeth. I was strangely captivated. Maybe in some odd way I was drawn to her because she was one of the only people who had seen me at my weakest. I didn't feel like I had to hide anything in front of her, she already knew what I had been through. She found me blubbering about it all when I was stuck in that sick nightmare.

When we dismissed the war council I told Trevelyan to meet me at the training grounds to choose the troops he wanted to take with him on the mission. I invited Cousland along as well. Sister Leliana's scouts needed to do a thorough assessment of the area before we could send them into the field and I can't say I minded that the Warden would be stuck with us for a time.

I was sparring with Bull when she joined us. I tried to show off in front of her, but Bull had bested me and laid me flat on my back. She was snickering with her hand over her mouth when I snuck a look at her. The way her fingers touched her lips sent a twitch to my loins. Bull was being a sore winner, standing over me beating his chest like an animal.

She walked over with her hands at her hips. "That was quite a show you put on boys," she said.

Bull left me laid out like an idiot, still dizzy from his blow. She extended her hand out to me and helped me back on my feet. Her hand was very soft for a seasoned warrior. I was a little embarrassed when she looked at her hand and wiped it on her trousers. I guess I had gotten a bit of my sweat and dirt on her.

Trevelyan hadn't joined us yet. Out of the war room and one on one with her, I started to get a little nervous, I started to fumble around a bit. I was rubbing the back of my neck like I always did, trying to think of something to say while we waited for him. I moved to lean on the fence to catch my breath after the fight. Sweat was still dripping off my skin and she was watching me wipe it away. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw her bite her lip.

"What do you think? Of Skyhold I mean?" I managed to ask.

She looked around and was nodding. "Impressive," was all she said. Somehow I don't think she was just talking about the fortress, not with the way her eyes ran over me.

I hoped she would give me more than that. I wasn't good at this at all. I was awkward at conversation when I wasn't discussing the Inquisition. I couldn't think of what to say. I had seen she had a chance to clean up and shed her armor. "I take it you found your quarters without any trouble."

"I did," she answered. She looked at me and was smirking. I think she was enjoying torturing me. "They have me staying near the library," she added giving me a little more. I tucked the piece of information away for later use. I may have to do a bit of reading later. "The Griffon room I think they call it. I think the Inquisitor thought he was being clever," she chuckled.

I laughed. "He does tend to think very highly of himself." I told her.

Then I heard his voice behind me and felt his hand rest on my shoulder blade. "And our Commander here doesn't think highly enough of himself." Of course he was back there. I hung my head and laughed at myself and she laughed along. At least I had been able to make her smile. Not that I noticed, but...it was quite a beautiful smile.

An hour later and the Inquisitor had doled out my punishment. I was assigned the task of showing the Warden the grounds...alone. Now I was really nervous.