This episode of DR2 Abridged is brought to by Hope Bagels. Hope Bagels: a bit of hope in every bite.
Byakuya is dead under the table with blood pouring out
"Oh no, Byakuya's dead. Do you know what that means?" Hajime asked everyone
"A first of the prick actually dying?" Akane asked
"No worse, it means on of us will become the prick!" Everyone gasps at what Hajime says
"The horror!" Sonia says
"So, who's ready to talk about murders?" Monokuma asked, a childish yay track was heard. "Don't tell Monomi I said this buuuuuuuuttt, you are now going to investigate and find clues as to who killed Byakuya"
"You expect a bunch of high school students to investigate murders professionally?" Mahiru asked
"Well, better and more professional then the police, I mean with the police brutality lately..."
"That only because they're men who deserve to die! Put women on the police force!"
"Please don't encourage her" Hajime begged
"Now then, I'll see you all later. Don't disappoint me!" Monokuma said as he disappeared
"*sigh* Oh well, guess it's time to-MIKAN?! OH MY GOD!"
"I...*sniffle*...I tripped..." Mikan started to cry
"You...you tripped?" Akane asked
"Y-yes...now if you all...can p-p-p-please help me..."
"No no no no no no, let's analyze this for a second. You fell down, on your back. There's a plate of food in between your privates, and sausage wrapped around your legs and arms. So I must ask, how did you do this?!" Hajime said
"This is the best day of my life" Kazuichi said gawking at the sight
"This is kawaii desu ba! Moe moe moe!" Ibuki cheered
"Wow, you have a fan service moment. That means you have nothing special about you!" Hiyoko teased
"Aaaaand now the boner's gone" Hajime said
"Well that was fun, I can safely say that anyone who happened to miss out on this will most likely kick themselves later" Nagito said "So, wanna come with me and find clues?"
"Wait, why with you?"
"We gotta get the yaoi started somehow"
"I'm straight"
"And I'm pan"
"*grrrrroooooaaaaannnnnn!*" 'So me and Nagito went around looking for clues as to who the killer might be. Some people were helpful' "Hey Mikan, you're a nurse. Can you please check the body out a little more?"
"Yes. A-and I think I see some night vision goggles underneath the table with Byakuya. Perhaps he had them in h-h-his duralumin case"
"Hey wow, you might be right. Thanks, Mikan"
"R-really! You...you're actually...thanking-"
"You're fat!" Hiyoko cried out to her
"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
"Really?!" Hajime yelled 'Some weren't that helpful' "Hey Mahiru, you took photos right? Maybe you can use them to determine where everone was during the party"
"Why don't you man up and go do that yourself!" Mahiru complained
"Because you're the one with the camera"
"That's just a lazy man excuse"
"Why don't you do it because you're a self independent woman who doesn't need a man to do things for her"
"That's the men job!"
"F#CKING! SOCIAL! JUSTICES! WARRIORS!" 'Some were weird'
"Ibuki came remember every voice that was heard from the dining hall" Ibuki said cheerfully
"..."
"Aren't you going to ask her about the voices we heard?" Nagito asked
"I'm weighing my options" 'Some even more weird'
"So the office has this breaker that controls the power" Kazuichi said
"So it does"
"And Peko was the one guarding the office, which makes her action suspicious"
"Bitch, I'mma cu-ooh oooooh uuuuggghh." Peko started to threathen but then held her stomach in pain "Orrrggh! Orrrrgghh! Aw, screw it! I'll cut you later!" Then Peko groans even more and starts to run for the bathroom.
"Gross" 'Some were suspicious' "Hey Teruteru do you mind if I ask you some questions about where you were?"
"What uh..wh-why would you? There's nothing to ask, nothing to see here, just a chef and his meat heheh. THAT'S NOT MYSTERIOUS by the way. Lalalala" Teruteru said sweating
"Seems legit to me" Nagito said
"Not even going to try anymore" Hajime said 'Others were obvious'
"Hey Hajime look at this. These irons were turned on and so were the air conditioners, they must've drained the power out. I wonder who could do such a thing?"
"...No idea" 'More things were obvious'
"Hinata-kun!"
"Don't call me that...EVER!"
"Look! A letter for Byakuya in his room, it must be threat letter. What do you think it means?"
The letter read:
"Hiiiii Byakuya~,
Just thought I should let you know that I may or may not kill someone tommorrow
But don't worry, it shall be a day filled with
HOOOOOOPPPPPPPPEEEEEEE~
So you shouldn't have to worry, teehee! :)
Hugs and Kisses,
Annonomys"
The o's and the i's dots had holes in them to look like bagels. And the word hope was all black.
"...No idea" Hajime said 'Some were useless'
"My hell hound earing is missing!" Gundham yelled as he was running around aimlessly
"Gundham there's a more important murder-"
"MY HELL HOUND EARING!"
"God dang it Gundham" 'Some were unneeded'
"Hey Fuyuhiko, where were you at the time of the crime?"
"Up your mother's vag-hole, that's where?" He answered. Then "where the hood at?" started playing and Fuyuhiko put on sunglasses
"You that's getting old real quick right?" 'And some were...er...'
"I was finally able to use to bathroom!" Nekomaru yelled out
"..." 'And after all that we finally finished and were told arrive at...' "Mt...MonokumaMoore...okay, sure"
"How do we even get inside anyway?" Kazuichi asked. Then one of the rocks opened up it's mouth and out came an escalator.
"...I have been here 2 days and are already 1200% done"
*swish* At the trial ground *swish*
"Welcome to the class trial!" Monokuma announced "It's basically like Ace Attorney except you're all the defense and prosecutors at the same time! And all your lawful and civil rights have suddenly vanished and don't exist anymore here. Oh one more thing, if you can't the real killer then everyone but the killer is going to die, so have fun!" *Bang!* *Bang!*
"Before we begin, I have to ask. Did someone really-" Nagito started
"YES! SOMEONE HERE F#CKING KILLED BYAKUYA! THAT'S A STUPID F#CKING QUESTION THAT SHOULD NEVER BE ASKED IN THE FIRST PLACE!"
"Sooooo, where do we begin with?" Kazuichi asked
"How about how Byakuya's body was underneath the table?" Chiaki asked
"Well there were some night vision goggles under there as well, maybe Byakuya moved there out of his own free will" Hajime brought up
"YOUR REASONING IS OUT OF FOCUS!" Mahiru yelled
"What the?"
"No, the killer brought those goggles to the crime scene!"
"Wait, if you would please let me just-"
"Dumb Hajime! Of course a dumb man like you would end up getting the facts wrong!"
"ALLOE ME TO CUT THROUGH THOSE WORDS! As I was about to say, in a duralumin case Byakuya had with him there's a small bag for the night vision goggles. Meaning Byakuya was the only one who could've gotten them"
"O-okay...I guess that...makes sense then"
"Then I guess we should discuss the sudden blackout then?" Sonia asked
"Yeah,and I know exactly who caused it. You, Peko Pekoyama!" Kazuichi clamied
"Did you really do it Peko?" Akane asked
"No" she answered
"Okay then"
"Don't trust her so easily!" Kazuichi shouted
"Bitch, I'mma cut now" Peko threatened
"Okay"
"Besides, I wasn't in the office at the time anyway"
"I AGREE WITH THAT! You were probably in the bathroom at that earlier considering how Nekomaru only went after the murder"
"It's true, my sh#t was starting to constipate and grow in my intestines" Nekomaru added
"Dude, there's a phrase called TMI, and you need to learn it" Fuyuhiko said
"*sigh* In the end, this is all pointless. No matter what we do we won't ever find the killer" Nagito sighed
"Wait, when did you start talking like that?" Hajime asked
"Let's just quit already. I mean, there isn't a single piece of evidence that points to anybody suspicous at all"
"NO! THAT'S WRONG! Funny how you mention that Nagito, because my sources say that-"
"Oh, now I'm an object huh?! This is exactly the reason all men are scumbags!" Mahiru complained
"I heard that you were the only one near the table before the blackout"
"That's totally a coincidence. Ahahaha" Nagito laughed
"But, you had the chance to. Weren't you the one who was cleaning the shack today"
"Yeah, you did that on purpose didn't you?" Mahiru asked
"Uuuuuuuhhhhhmmmm..." Nagito started to sweat
"Well Nagito?!" Hajime asked
"...Do you guys want to see something cool?"
"Huh?"
"Happy, sad, happy, sad, happy, sad" Nagito said, as his hand waved across his face "Happy, sad, happy, CRAZY!"
"What the fu-"
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, OH THIS IS SO F#CKING BEAUTIFUL! ALL THIS HOPE AROUND EVERYONE IS MAKING ME C#M LIKE MAD!"
"What the actual f#ck is this?!" Fuyuhiko asked
"You're eyes are all swirly!" Kazuichi cried
"Kowaikowaidesu!" Ibuki cried
"How long were you like this?!" Hiyoko asked
"Am I being punked right now? Is Ashton Kutcher going to come out any second?" Hajime asked
"All this HOPEful HOPE is truly amazing! All of the ultimates working together for a once thought HOPEless case, but now with all your HOPES coming with an extremely, bright, shining HOPE! It is truly beautiful! Ahahaa" Nagito laughed
"Can we just vote and kill him already?"
"About time someone said something that makes sense" Fuyuhiko agreed
"Um-um...can we please hold on a...a..minute please?" Mikan asked
"No! Now shut up and die you worthless pork rind!" Hiyoko tormented the nurse
"Just because of that, I'm going to listen to what she has to say" Hajime said
"Oh what the hell man?! I thought we had something!" Fuyuhiko asked
"Um...I saw that the body...had um...stab wounds thinner than the knife..and probably came from under...th-the floor" Mkian explained
"Then they can't certainly be from Nagito who was with us!" Sonia said
"Well in that case, I guess there's no one else who could be the killer then-" Teruteru spoke nervously
"Maybe it was you, Teruteru?" Hajime asked
"WHA-WHA-WHA-WHAAAAA?! DOH, WHY YOU GODDA BE ACCUSIN' ME OF THAT ANYWAY!"
"I'm just saying, that it's a possibility. I mean there was a missing skewer from the kitchen and you weren't with us at the dining hall so that means that you had a chance"
"P-P-PARIS HILTON! AVIRRL LAVINGE! YOU A HICK, A HICK! ASHOAHSOAHSOAHSOAHSOAHSOAHAOAHAOSHAOAHSOAHSOA!"
"Yeah that's making us believe you by the way"
"WHERE DA WEAPON'?! WHERE DA WEAPON' DEN!?"
"...I got it! The answer is...On The Meat Bone!"
"WRONG!"
"Um,...then...The Meat On Bone!"
"WRONG!"
"...The Bone On Meat?"
"WRONG!"
"WHAT?!"
*swish* 2 hours later *swish*
"WRONG!"
"BULLSH#T I SAID IT RIGHT! ON THE BONE MEAT!"
"WRONG!"
"F#CK!"
At his point multilpe people in the trial stopped caring. Mahiru was on her phone liking and reblogging things from her tumblr app, Chiaki was sleeping, Nekomaru went to the bathroom and came back, Akane went to the dining hall and came back with more food for her to eat.
"Ugh! Screw this!" Monokuma complained. He grabbed a peice of paper, wrote something on it, and then chucked it at Hajime.
"Ow! What the...'Meat On The Bone'?" Hajime read
"AAAAAAAIIIIIIEEEE! HOW DID YOU FIGURE THAT OUT?!" Teruteru shouted
"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"
"Well, now that we have finally finished this trial. Teruteru was the one who killed Byakuya!" Monokuma announced
"I...I just don't care anymore...just...just go on with it"
"So why? Why did you do it?!" asked Akane
"Him! He made me do it!" Teruteru accused when he pointed at Nagito. "At the shack I saw him doing everything, so I confronted him"
*swish* Flashback *swish*
"Oh hi Teruteru, what's up?" Nagito asked with a smile on his face
"Oh nothing, nothing. I saw walking around and was wondering um...what are you doing exactly?" Teruteru asked
"Oh, I'm planning to murder somebody tonight"
"Oh, oh okay! Well I'll see you later then..." Teruteru walked away before stopped and thought about it for a minute "...wait what?"
"I'm planning to murder someone"
"...Wh-why? Why?!"
"Because, this way I make everyone's HOPE shine bright tonight"
"Th-that's...that's so wierd! And wrong!"
"Huh? Weird you say? Makes sense in my head"
"And what happen if I stop you"
"Oh ho ho, Teruteru. You can't stop me, because even if you do, I'll just try again the next day. And the next, and then the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day..."
*swish* back to the present *swish*
"...and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day..." Nagito kept saying right in Teruteru's ear
"Nagito, stop that" Chiaki ordered
"Okay" Nagito then backed off
"And I also have another reason...my mom" Teruteru answered
"Awww" all the girls squealed
"My mom has illness. I left her all alone back home, so I wondered what happened to her and I wanted to see her!"
"Awww, that's sweet" Monokuma teased "...Too bad your feelings matter here. So you gonna die!"
"What?" Teruteru askerd before having a chain clasp wrapped around his neck "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed as he was being dragged out by the chain. Then on a monitor an image started appearing.
"Hell-ooo, my wonderful people! It is I, your gracious host, Chef Monokuma! And welcome to another episode of Kuma Kooks!" Monokuma said on the screen. Wearing a chef hat and was on what appeared to be a studio kitchen set. Then the scene changed and he was in a helicopter. "And today, I will show you how to make 'Teruteru hash browns'."
"Wait, what's going on?!" Teruteru asked as he was on the beach tied up on a pole
"First, you batter your Teruteru in eggs" Monokuma said, as he pressed a button as launched a giant missle at Teruteru.
"Wha-HHHUUUUUUUUUUHHHHH?!" *BOOM!* Teruteru was covered in yellow yoke.
"Next, you bread your Teruteru" Monokuma pressed another button and fired a bunch of smaller missles. Teruteru was now covered in feathers ontop of the eggs. "Lastly" Monokuma then hooked a chain to Teruteru's pole and flew to a volcano "You cook your Teruteru at approxatimately 2000 degrees for 30 seconds" Then pressed another button and unhooked Teruteru as he fell into the volcano. Teruteru popped out all brown and crispy. "Now you have your Teruteru hash browns! Join me next week when I show you how to make Mondo yogurt!" The screen turned off.
"Everyone in the trial ground stared at the screen absent mindedly of what they have just saw.
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
"Who wants some?!" Monokuma asked appearing with their cooked friend on a plate.
THE END!
And there's episode 3. Took longer than I thought it would be but regardless it is out. Take that SHSL Jester, it's not dead and Dungeons and Despair doesn't get in the way of it! Yeah, that's right! I'm calling you out! Joking aside, the 2 stories don't interfere with each other and I would appreciate if people didn't say that. So until next time, chow! F#ck, I messed it up!