hooo boy, i couldn't find a transcript of "Mayhem of the Music Meister" I liked so I'm typing out my own. and i decided, hey, why not write an au fic of that shit.
you'll just have to see (follows the same plot, but some roles will be reversed, some characters will be replaced because im a multiship whore and i demand that every character is lgbt+, every god damned one)
wow fuck this man lets get to it. pls forgive me i havent written btbatb in five years. i know im probably going to end up writing this sort of crackish because i wrote the first few paragraphs and i was like "damn son this is not what i wanted" but yolo i hope you enjoy some hit-and-miss characterization.
The scene is complete mayhem. There are soldiers every where, rushing around trying to take down a giant robot. Some guy, probably named Derek or something, tries to hit it with a Jeep, but fails miserably when it was kicked away, and he is subsequently knocked out. Everyone thinks he totally deserved it though.
They keep on shooting the robot, knowing it is their only chance at trying to destroy it, but they are so distracted by how much of a douche Derek was being that they don't notice the robot shooting missiles at them. In the few brief moment before they slipped into unconsciousness they all think that they are almost as much as a douche as Derek was.
Inside the dinged up robot, which Black Manta is, without a doubt, already going to complain about, the three villains are all faced toward the screen showing them the outside. Clock King still has a hangover from the night before, because god damn, does a night of drinking your sorrows away over a grandfather clock wears you out, so the others decided to help him through the plan, again.
"There it is. The United Nations new comm satellite," Gorilla Grodd states. He fixes the strap on his gun while Clock King tries to remember what they were going to use it for.
They all stand there waiting for Clock King to speak up. "Oh! Which in out hands will allow us to muck up the gears of global communication.
"And create world wide chaos," Black Manta chimes in.
They all leave the robot, which Clock King is grateful for. Black Manta has filtration in his helmet, so he doesn't have to deal with the horrible stench of Gorilla Grodd, or rather as Clock King and some of the other villains like to call him, Gorilla Gross.
The three of them walk to the entrance near the rocket, but stop when they hear and irritatingly loud, booming voice from behind them.
"Looks like someone's been caught with their hands in the cookie jar!"
They had all thought that for some reason, Aquaman's voice had raised a few octaves, but when they turn around, there come face to face with Green Arrow, Black Canary, and... Someone they have never seen before.
She is tall and muscular, for one, and dwarfs the other heroes around her. Her skin is very tan, and her face is covered up by a mask which was a respirator and reflective glass. It shows the back of her head, and the thin strip of black hair. She wears a sleeveless black and orange jumpsuit and boots, and has shields on her forearms and shins that looks more like plating.
While the villains are mildly shocked by the new person, Black Canary speaks up with her witty comment. "A good spanking's in order for you boys."
Grodd gets riled up and pulls out his gun, aiming it at them. "Nothing will keep us from controlling that satellite, especially you."
Clock King follows suit by unsheathing his sword, which he has said once before in public and still hasn't heard the end of it from Plastic Man.
He smirks, because Green Arrow's that kind of guy, and pulls out his bow, and loads it. "Then it sounds to me like you're ready to rumble."
Black Canary and the other hero, Blast Master, get into fighting stances, while Blast Master's hands emit a dim white glow.
Black Manta pulls out his ray guns and makes it a point to aim directly at Green Arrow. "Indeed, but it is you who will take the tumble."
Everyone is taken back for well more than a moment. No one moves, because this man with a deep as fuck voice just let out the most out of place note since any Disney movie.
"I'm sorry hun, but did you just sing that?" Everyone is grateful for Black Canary breaking the awkward tension that was building up. If it had kept up, they all would have grumbled some half-assed excuse and shuffled home in shame.
"Of course I did not, wait yes I did." Although Manta has a mask on, Green Arrow can only imagine the pure horror on the man's face.
"I'm sounding shrill against my will
And cannot stop this singing."
Green Arrow muses briefly on how Black Manta has a pretty nice voice before Blast Master steps forward and starts belting out her own notes.
"And in my ears
I swear I hear a quite distinctive ringing!"
Gorilla Grodd pushes Manta aside who falls down to the ground while distracted by his identity crisis. "This silly game's very lame and someone's going to pay!"
"An unknown source
But where's the force
That has us in it's sway?"
Blast Master stares adoringly at Black Canary while she sings. She swears she finds herself loving her more and more each day.
"Who is doing this to us
And on this we must concur."
Manta snaps out of his trance and hops up to the other villains in a mini conference.
"The dastardly
Despicable
Disturbingly inexplicable-"
Gorilla Grodd cuts off the rest of the villains, because he's attention seeking and feels like he needs to be validated by his peers. "And immanently kick-able!" He kicks his feet forward, as if to prove his point.
The villains and the hero form two separate lines in front of the rocket, facing each other as if they were going to square off or something. But instead, we get more non consensual singing.
"The dirty rotten rat is-!"
"The Music Meister!" belts the figure who has appeared in front of the rocket.
They all decide that this man is a fucking nerd, but he's ripped as fuck for some reason, and looks like he's just stepped out a mobster painting done by the Joker, minus the disturbing ass grin that would be on every person. But they also think that he is not to be trusted, so they raise their weapons to him.
"Lay down your arms my friends
Arrows, guns and swords."
Their eyes fog over, and they obediently listen to the son of Elton John and the Joker. Green Arrow, Gorilla Grodd, Black Manta, and Clock King drop their weapons, and Black Canary and Blast Master relax.
"Your resistance to my charm now ends
When I belt these power chords!"
The villains start pirouetting their way around the Music Meister.
Music Meister grabs Black Canary and Clock King, and pulls them into his arms.
"Good guys, or bad guys
It doesn't really matter."
He sets thems off to dance while he glances at Grodd leading Blast Master, and Black Manta leading Green Arrow, nodding in approval at them.
"You're all just slaves to my hypnotic patter
As I regale you with my story
You'll know you have no choice
But to do my evil bidding
When you hear this booming voice!"
They traverse over to the control room, the pairs dancing all the way over. It takes longer than necessary since the pairs all decided to do a dip, Green Arrow and Black Manta's more so than the others.
Music Meister can't blame them though. His hypnotism often subtly makes them do what they desire most. He doesn't count on Green Arrow and Clock King getting onto Grodd and Blast Master's shoulders to lift him up into the air. He applauds Black Canary and Manta's freakish upper body strength since they each only use one arm to hold themselves up almost completely horizontally.
"Oh, I'm the Music Meister."
"He's the Music Meister." They all chime in.
"And everyone just fawns."
He's controlled people on purpose many a times, but usually one, or two. Never six. He finds is weird how they're malleable under his words, like play-dough. He would say clay, but fuck, unless you heat that shit up, you'd need a jack hammer to break it. Or at least in his experience its been like that.
"He's the Music Meister,"
They all scramble to be Music Meister's stepping stool to the floor.
"And we are all his pawns."
Music Meister ballonly leaps over to the control panel and activates it.
"And so for me it's destiny
To be the meistro of villainy,"
He leads the others, who are in a line dance, out of the building once the hatch on the rocket was released.
"I'm the Music Meister
And I'm here to settle the score!
You see, I too have plans for this rocket, and now that I've established who's in charge, get to work."
Off to a distance, Batman sits back in the batcopter, watching the scene go down, and doing absolutely nothing, because everyone knows Batman waits until the last fucking possible moment to save the day. "Well, that's not something you see every day," he comments.
As his slaves pulled the staircase up the rocket, Music Meister continued to sing, because whether or he's doing something, he is in the middle of musical number.
"Bullies used to pick on me because I sang in choir
But something very strange occured when I kept singing higher
The ruffians quickly fell into a trance
And it was then with wicked glee
I made those puppets dance
I'm the Music Meister!"
"He's the Music Meister."
"And everyone just fawns."
"He's the Music Meister,"
They pass up the Meister's orb to the Blast Master, who attached it to the rocket.
"And we are all his pawns!"
"I'm the Music Meister
Crime became my path."
"He's the Music Meister
And we must beware his wrath."
As soon as Meister hears the first note of that deep voice ring out, he is ensnared. He is expecting maybe the walking hazard warning to be the one to sing it, but no, when he looks over, it is the Robin Hood wanna be. Regardless of gender his voice caught him. "That voice. It's beautiful." He jumps off the room to to Green Arrow.
"Oh oooooh."
Green Arrow is delighted by the attention he was getting from his master, even in the back of his mind he noted how creepy that sounded.
"Ah aaaaah."
Meister starts walking towards.
"Oh oooooh."
Green Arrow hops over the staircase edge, and walks towards him as well. He doesn't notice a Black Canary behind him getting red in the face and clutching her hands.
"Ah aaa-aah."
"Oh-" Before Music Meister can finish getting out his note, Black Canary runs forwards and sings in attempts to prove herself to Music Meister.
"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!" Her sonic voice activates, and knocks everyone over.
Batman watches it unfold, and still does nothing. "The feind, his voice can hit a pitch that can hypnotically controls anyone who hears it." He slips in earplugs before finally jumping down and doing something other than bumming around and getting his kick off to watching a group of people sing. "Your concerto of crime is over!"
Music Meister stands up and dusts his over sized coat off. "Batman... I'm sorry, but my work's not quite done yet." He shoots, believe it or not, fucking music bars out of a microphone staff.
Batman dodges them and grabs him by the front of his ridiculous coat.
"You better tow the line you see
Because your wills belong to me,"
Everyone who had fallen down slowly stand up, and start snapping their fingers, like they are in some sort of cheesy gangster movie, which isn't surprising considering Music Meister's current clothing style.
"And now my friendsyou have the chance
To show Batman how well you dance
Mwahahahaha!"
Batman tosses Music Meister aside, because Batman's all about the fighting and doesn't care if the villain gets away, and, of I don't know, sets the rocket to launch, or something like that.
Music Meister takes to opportunity to escape into the control room and do just that, because Batman really doesn't think these things through.
Black Manta does a grand jeté to Batman. He isn't sure why he does this instead of attacking, but damn does it look nice.
Batman grabs him by his antennas and hurls him straight into Green Arrow.
Black Canary and Clock King both go after him at the same time, Canary spinning her way to Batman, and Clock King doing a slightly less impressive grand jeté, and then going straight into an entrechat.
Batman swipes his foot under Canary and knocks her over like a sad house plant who has lost all meaning in their life. He immediately jumps up and kicks Clock King in the face. Before he can land, Grodd wraps his arms around him.
Music Meister, inside of the control, sets the rocket to launch in 30 seconds. Normally, one would scold him for not setting it off immediately, but the devious songster has another card up his sleeve, much like his maybe-father.
Gorilla Grodd dances with Batman squeezed in his grip like some loser with a life-size barbie, cause I totally didn't do that, no way.
Batman squirts lube- I mean oil on the ground, causing Grodd to slip, fall, and slide, while Batman rides his like a surfboard. Like, for real, and actually fucking gorilla surfboard how cool would that be.
Black Canary and Green Arrow try to clothesline him, but Batman duck under their arms and handcuff them together. Unfortunately, it is not with fuzzy handcuffs, but with the cold, hard steel of justice. And by that I mean bat shaped handcuffs because Batman is a nerd.
He jumps off of Grodd right before he hits the wall, but unfortunately for him, the gorilla recovers quickly and holds him in place by his upper arms and calves.
Black Manta, Blast Master, and Clock King approach him. Blast Master decides to make the shortcut and does a poorly executed jeté entrelacé . She goes to punch Batman, but he moves out of the way, and she hits Grodd instead.
Batman almost pities him when he hears the 'oof' and the sound of flesh sizzling. Once released, he tackles Blast Master out of the way. He looks up to find himself being circled by the others, and fire bursting out of the rocket.
Music Meister comes out of a hatch on the roof of the control room.
"Now that Batman's been delayed
Your usefulness has passed
A distraction is what I need
So kick into that blast."
Everyone, minus Batman, lines us and does the can-can in the direction of the fire.
"Oooh ooooo-ooooh
I'm the Music Meister, I cannot help but boast."
He jumps off the roof, and heads for his beamed note bike.
"He's the Music Meister
Under his spell we're toast,"
They sing as they head towards the fire, where they will indeed become toast. Did Music Meister pull an intention pun? An actual pun? Is he actually the son of the Joker and Elton John? CNN has more at 11.
Music Meister hops onto his bike and zooms off.
"I'm the Music Meister,
I won the day now I must fly
I'm the Music Meister
And I'm here to settle the scoo-ooooooore!"
im probs going to do one song a chapter and end the chappie at that song.
if you hadnt noticed im not taking this very seriously, but im having a hella fun time with this, so im likely going to update soon.
also im going to be moving soon (to pennsylvania), so im probably going to be doing some binge writting because i feel guilty about my computer deleteing everything when i was almost done with a chapter (im sorry im so pissed about that im working towards rewritting)