Castle and Beckett walked for a while, making small talk only, they even managed to exchange a laugh or two. As the blocks went by, Castle began to think, that it actually would be alright with him, if they didn't get back to their earlier conversation, tonight. Not that he didn't want to continue it at some point, because he definitely did. However, if Beckett didn't bring it up again, he would be content, to simply share a few more enjoyable, light moments with her, and end the evening on a high note.

Beckett was happy that they were able to recaptured some of the good feelings that they had shared for most of the evening, However she wasn't going to let it deter her. She knew what she wanted to do, and now she just had to figure out how to start the conversation.

As they continued their walk, they passed a toy store, which first opened it's doors in 1958. It had a few going out of business signs in it's window and Beckett stopped short in front of the store.

"Oh no," she said, "Toyland is closing."

She was clearly upset to see the going out business signs.

Castle walked up to the toy store's window and peered inside.

"That's too bad." he agreed, "I came here a few times as a kid, usually after my mother booked a decent paying acting gig, and she felt like spoiling me a little."

He paused for a moment, smiled at the memory, then added,

"You know, I also brought Alexis here a handful of times, when she was little."

He looked over at Beckett and asked,

"Was this the preferred toy store in the Beckett household?"

Beckett nodded her head.

"Yeah, my mom and I had a tradition every year." she said wistfully, "About a month before Christmas, she would bring me to here to look around. I would pick out a few toys and games that seemed the most interesting to me and together we would write my Christmas list to send to Santa. Then before we left the store, she would always have me pick out a bunch of toys, that we would then buy, and to donate to needy children around the holidays.

She paused for a moment, then said with a sad tone,

"I always thought that if I had a child one day, I would start that tradition with them, but I guess if that day ever comes, unfortunately, it won't take place at Toyland."

"I'm sorry." Castle said. He paused for a moment, then added,

"It will be still be special at a different toy store though."

"Yeah," she replied, "Thanks."

Castle gave her a smile and they started walking again, both of them were quiet for about half a block. Castle thought about how adorable, a six year old Beckett must have been, scanning the shelves of Toyland and gathering up information, to put into her letter to Santa.

Beckett tried to put her memories of Toyland away for the moment, and instead she forced herself to focus on the mission at hand. They approached a bakery that was closed for the night. It happened to have a bench out front and Beckett grabbed Castle's arm and asked,

"Hey, do you want to sit for a second?"

"Sure." he answered.

They settled on the bench and Beckett turned toward him and said,

"So Castle, I want you to know, that I understand if this evening was confusing for you. I mean, I call you up, out of the blue, and ask you to have dinner with me and.…"

She paused for a second, and Castle took that opportunity to jump in.

"Beckett, I love that you called me and asked me to meet you for dinner." he said "We're friends after all, and you needed a friend tonight. I'm happy you turned to me. I'm just sorry I messed things up earlier."

Beckett shook her head and replied,

"Like I said at the restaurant, you didn't mess up anything."

She paused again, took a deep breath, then asked,

"Do you know what I think the real problem is?"

"No, what?" he asked, squinting his eyes at her.

"I think the real problem is, that we're not just friends." she said, as her heart started to beat a little faster.

Castle stared at her.

"What...what do you mean by that, exactly?" he asked her.

What did she mean, she thought as she shook her head. Just be direct with him, she told herself.

"You know what Castle, I'm sorry, I am not being very clear. The fact is, there is something that I really need to tell you." Beckett said, trying to get her thoughts in order.

Castle's head was spinning a bit.

"Alright." he said.

She reached over and grabbed his hand and held it between both of hers.

Castle glanced down at his hand encased in hers. What was going on, he thought. Not that he minded her holding his hand, in the least, but it wasn't something that occurred very often. He wasn't sure what to think. He looked up at her again, and asked,

"Beckett, what is this all about?"

"I wasn't honest with you about something, and I think the time has come for me to tell you the truth." she replied.

"Okay then, what weren't you honest about?" he asked pointedly.

Beckett closed her eyes for a moment, trying to summons a bit more courage. Then she opened them, looked at Castle and said,

"When I told you that I had no memory of my shooting, that wasn't the truth."

Her confession hung there between them for a moment, before a suddenly, very serious looking Castle asked,

"Are you saying that you remembered all of it, everything that happened after you got shot?"

"Yes," she said nervously, "I remembered all of it."

She could see hurt and anger take over Castle's face.

"How could you lie to me about that!?" he practically yelled.

He tried to pull his hand away from hers, but she held on to it tightly, not letting him remove it.

"I'm so sorry." she said, "Please, please let me try to explain everything to you."

"What is there to explain Beckett, I told you that I loved you, and you choose to completely ignore it, and then lied to me about it for months." he said angrily.

"Please let go of my hand." he added.

She reluctantly released her grip on his hand and he stood up.

"Wait Castle please," she pleaded, as she stood up too, a few tears in her eyes, "It's not as simple as that. Please just give me the chance to explain to you why I didn't tell the truth. I know I've hurt you, but I promise you, that was never my intension. Please just hear me out, and then if you still want to leave, I won't try to stop you."

He was hurt and angry. Part of him really wanted to walk away, but as he looked over at a distraught Beckett, pleading with him to stay, he just couldn't. He took a deep breath, slowly sat back down on the bench and simply said,

"Explain."

"Thank-you." Beckett said, as she sat down again. She took a deep breath as well, and thought for a second, then said,

"Well, I guess the best place to start, is to try to explain to you my experience, of the time in between the moment I got shot and when I lost consciousness."

Those moments she was referring to, had been terrifying for Castle, but now, knowing that she remembered them too, he couldn't even image how terrifying they must have been for her.

"I heard you call out my name, just as I felt a searing pain in my chest." she began. "You grabbed me and we fell to the ground. I didn't realized for a few seconds that I had been shot. All I knew was that I was in an immense amount of pain and it was incredibly hard for me to breath. I looked up at your face and you looked very upset and then I heard you asking me to stay with you, not to leave you and I realized what had happened. I could feel myself slipping away and I started to panic, but I couldn't move. The only thing I could do was look at you. I saw your eyes fill with tears and then I heard you say that you loved me. You said it a second time and then everything went black."

She paused for a moment before continuing.

"I thought I was about to die Castle, but I heard your words, your beautiful words, and they comforted me, in what I honestly thought, were my final moments on earth."

Castle closed his eyes for a moment. He still felt very upset, but couldn't help thinking about what that must have been for her, to feel that your own death was imminent. It was hard to imagine. He opened his eyes and said,

"I'm grateful that my words were a comfort to you in that moment. I can't even comprehend what that must have been like for you. I know it was horrifying for me to see your life slipping away. I felt utterly helpless, and all I could do in that moment, was finally tell you how much you meant to me."

Beckett reached for Castle's hand again and he didn't try to pull it away. Instead he glanced down briefly at their hands and then looked back up at Beckett and asked sadly,

"So, why did you decide to tell me you didn't remember anything?"

Beckett saw the pain in his eyes and knew that this was going to be the difficult part to explain. She cleared her throat, thought for a second, then said,

"When I woke up after surgery, I felt completely overwhelmed and confused about what had just happened to me. My memory was actually a little hazy at first, but as the shooting itself came into focus, a million things ran through my head. Among the most significant, was the fact that someone had just tried to murder me and had actually come extremely close to accomplishing their mission. Also, there was the fact, that the person who shot me, was almost certainly connected in some way, to my mother's murder. It was quite a bit to try to wrap my head around, especially in the state I was in. Of course, the other very significant piece of information that ran through my head, was that you had told me you loved me."

"And how did you feel about it?" Castle asked matter-of-factly.

"When I initially remembered your words, they gave me butterfly's Castle. However, if I'm being completely honest, they also made me very nervous." she said. "At the time, I had Josh hovering over me, non stop. My emotions were all over the place and I felt more vulnerable, then I could ever remember feeling. When I thought about you professing those three little words, it was truthfully, difficult for me to fully process. I'm not saying that your words were insignificant to me, because the opposite was true. They were extremely significant to me, but Castle, in the state I was in, I just wasn't ready to hear them. Because of that, I wasn't able to deal with them properly."

Beckett paused for a moment and took a deep breath. Then she said,

"I don't know if I'm doing a very good job of explaining this to you."

"I think I'm beginning to get the picture." Castle said.

Beckett still saw the hurt and sadness in his face and said,

"Castle, when you walked into my hospital room and I told you that I didn't remember, it was because, at the time, I truthfully wasn't capable of of having an honest discussion with you, about what you said to me. I didn't want to hurt you, and I desperately needed to give myself some time and space to heal. I needed to work through everything that had just happened to me, not to mention, sort out my own, very real feelings as well." She paused for a moment then added,

"If you recall, I broke up with Josh a couple of weeks later."

"What, you're saying the break-up was because of me?" Castle asked.

Beckett took a deep breath.

"Yes." she said, "I mean, don't get me wrong, there were plenty of problems with our relationship, but for me, the most significant problem, was the fact that I had feelings for you."

She saw Castle's face soften significantly and continued,

"I hated lying to you Castle, but trust me, I did it because I wanted to be able to get to a place in my life, where I could accept your love fully and return it freely, without sabotaging everything. That is what I want, and that is the goal I continue to work towards."

Beckett took a beep breath, the significance of what she just said to Castle, started to sink in and she closed her eyes briefly.

As he listened to her words, Castle felt his heart swell. It was hard to believe this was actually happening. His mind was going a mile a minute, as he tried to process everything that she had just revealed to him, in the past fifteen minutes. It was quite a bit to try and wrap his head around.

"Kate," he finally said softly, as he put his other hand on top of hers. She looked at him, and he said,

"I want you to know, that I get it. I understand, I really do."

Beckett felt an overwhelming sense of relief wash over her. After months of carrying around this secret, she had finally told Castle the truth and he understood. She had also just revealed the depths of her feelings for him, and not only did it feel, positively right to her, the look of absolute joy, that she now saw on Castle's face, was priceless.

She smiled at him, as he continued,

"I know, from everything you've told me tonight, that this is your journey of healing, but if it's okay, I would like to be right beside you, helping you reach your goal in any way that I can."

A few happy tears welled up in Beckett's eyes.

"It's more than okay," she said, "and Castle, you have already helped me, so much more than you know." She paused for a moment, then added,

"I promise you, that I will get there soon, we, will get there soon."

Castle lifted one of his hands off of hers and brought it up to her face. He lightly traced her cheekbone with his thumb, then gently held the side of her face. They gazed into each others eyes, more intensely then ever before, and that's saying quite a bit, because they had been locking eyes with each other, since the day they met.

"I know we aren't venturing down this path quite yet," Castle said, "but would…"

Beckett didn't wait for him to finish his question, instead, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. She wrapped her arms around him and he pulled her body close, and for about a minute or so, they allowed themselves the pleasure of getting lost in each others lips and embrace. Three and a half years of want and desire and yes, love, came pouring out of each of them. Then, showing extraordinary restraint, they slowly separated. They both attempted to catch their breath, as they pressed their foreheads together for a few moments.

"To be continued." Castle finally said, as he pulled back a bit, so he could look at her.

"Oh yeah," Beckett agreed, still a little breathless, "to be continued for sure." she added, as she flashed him one of her captivating smiles.

For the first time, in a very long time, Beckett felt virtually unencumbered. She felt a sense of happiness that had been absent from her life, for such a long time. She had completely opened up to Castle and told him the truth, about everything, and it was thoroughly liberating. Becoming the person she wanted to be and having the kind of relationship that they both deserved, was her end goal, and it was finally in sight. She almost felt like she did when she was eighteen years old, before tragedy and anger and pain and walls, entered her life.

Castle felt his heart flip once again, at sight of her amazing smile. Any feelings of hurt that he had experienced minutes ago, were completely gone and forgotten. This was the woman he had waited his entire life for. Now he finally had confirmation, that she wanted to be with him too. After all the uncertainly he felt regarding their relationship, he now knew for sure, that they had a future together and even the writer in him, would have a hard time describing how amazing it felt. He took a deep breath as an unpleasant thought suddenly dawned on him. He knew, that if they were going to move forward, with complete honesty between them, that he was going to have to tell Beckett about Mr. Smith soon. He just hoped that when he did, she would understand, and he would be able to convince her, that nothing was worth risking the happiness that lay ahead of them. He pushed the thought out of his mind for now. That was something to be dealt with on another day. Right now, he didn't want anything to detract from the joy and hopefulness, that they were both feeling. He touched her knee gently and asked,

"So, do you feel like walking a little more?" then added, "It really is a beautiful night."

Beckett nodded her head.

"Yeah," she said, "That would be nice."

Castle stood up and offered Beckett his arm. She stood up and draped her arm though his. Together they started walking, at long last, blissfully aware, of the direction they were headed.

The end.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading "Renewal." I sincerely hope that it brought you some enjoyment! Reviews are always welcome and appreciated.