A Bridge between Broken Hearts

London AU. What if the night before Ross' wedding was memorable for a different reason? Instead of having the best night of his life, Chandler had possibly his worst. Mondler (I promise).

A/N- Ok, I know there's no shortage of brilliant London fics out there but I just love stories set in this time. It may not be the most original but I couldn't get this idea out of my head and I just had to give it a go. Besides, I wouldn't feel like a true Mondler writer without joining the London club!

It's an angsty one (hopefully not too OTT) and may not seem Mondler-friendly at first but trust me… I don't know how to write anything that doesn't have a happy Mondler ending! It's mostly finished so hopefully it won't be too long in-between updates...also, a massive thank you to everyone that cotinues to read and review my ramblings :o)

Chandler took a long drag on the cigarette, inhaling deeply and savoring the feeling of the smoke as it filled his lungs. He held it for a moment before he slowly exhaled the fumes into the crisp afternoon air.

He stared unseeingly at the rubble and mess that surrounded him; at the remains of the old church that was barely still standing behind it. He heard the constant drone of the distant traffic from the other side of the safety barrier, as people went about their usual Sunday business. They were oblivious to him and his pain. Oblivious to his living hell. They didn't know or care about what he was trying to brace himself for...what he was about to do.

He inhaled again, closing his eyes briefly as the nicotine attempted to relax his overtired, tense muscles and sooth his emotional turmoil. He could do this. No, he had to do this. He had no choice. Ross was his best friend and he was Ross' best man. He had to force himself to walk into that damn church before this damn wedding started and he would. He would force himself to stand there like he was supposed to. He'd stand next to him...and close to her, so close to her; even if it broke his heart that little bit more.

Ross needed him. It wasn't his fault that this had happened. It wasn't anyone's really apart from Chandler's. He couldn't blame any of his friends and he especially couldn't blame her. He was the idiot that had fallen in love with his best friend without permission. She hadn't asked him to. He was the one that had broken all the rules and he was the one that now had to face the consequences.

He had to face reality.

The reality that she hadn't chosen him.

Would never choose him.

Why would she?

He took another drag as he shook his head, trying to quiet his self-loathing mind. Last night had been for self-decrepitating thoughts and pity, as would tonight…he was sure of that. He couldn't allow himself to think about it again, not now. Now he had to mentally and physically prepare himself; to make himself strong enough to believe he could get through this.

Soon he would have to stand next to Ross at the front of the church. He'd have to hand him the rings and force himself to smile for the cameras, though he was sure he looked like death. The ceremony wouldn't last more than an hour. He wasn't such a nut job that he couldn't keep a check on his over-whelming emotions for that short amount of time. He'd had his whole childhood to learn how to build his defences and wear emotionless masks. He'd had the whole night to build his walls against this current situation.

After the ceremony he could leave. Miss the meal, miss the reception and just escape this stupid country and start to heal his fresh wounds.

He could do this.

"Hey."

His eyes jolted open as he spun around to face the owner of the voice. He didn't want company; he had retreated into this old cordoned-off courtyard to avoid everyone. However, the shock of seeing his friend was enough to cause him to speak.

"What are you doing here?" he frowned, "I thought you were staying at home?"

It was the first words he'd spoken to anybody in hours, his voice thick and hoarse from lack of use and the continuous cigarettes.

"Well," Rachel sighed, she looked just as lost and empty as he felt, "I realized I'm still in love with Ross and came here with a grand plan to tell him before the wedding."

He frowned, had she only just realized? "Oh," he said stupidly. His focus was still not fully on her; still too caught up in his own tortured thoughts. He watched as she sat on the small wooden bench that was mostly clear from debris.

"But when I got here I saw them together," she continued misty-eyed, "…I realized how in love they are. I can't do that to him, Chandler, I just can't be that woman. So, instead I'm gonna be a guest at their wedding and watch the man I love walk down the aisle and marry someone else."

He could hear her raw pain and what was left of his own battered heart went out to her. He knew that pain, was living through that pain at this very moment. Sure, it wasn't exactly the same. Her Geller was in love, he was hopeful his Geller had just been drunk and wanting sex. 'His' he scoffed at the naivety of his thoughts, she wasn't his and never would be. Especially not now.

He put the cigarette to his lips and inhaled again, glad that Rachel seemed too distracted with her own pain to comment on his smoking. He was sure that there must be some irony that the two of them were having their hearts broken at a wedding. Weren't weddings meant to be joyous occasions? Celebrations of love and relationships?

She sighed heavily and Chandler looked over at her; she was lost in thought. At least she'd been with Ross, had had her chance with him and had memories to think back on. He didn't even have that. His dreams were crushed before they'd even started. They said it was better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. It looked like both sucked.

Finally, he sensed her turn to him. He felt her scrutiny and he was unable to even try to put up any shields to hide his pain; not from a kindred spirit.

"What's going on with you?" she asked curiously, "Why are you hiding out here?"

He was hiding. He didn't even try to correct her on that. He squeezed his eyes shut as visions of last night's nightmare flashed before his eyes in techno-color. He swallowed hard, trying desperately to get a grip on the painful emotions that came flooding to the surface.

"Chandler, what's happened?" he heard her stand and moments later felt a warm hand on his jacket arm, "god, you look awful, what the hell happened?"

"I-"

~/Flash-back– the night before/~

Chandler sighed as he finished his drink and took one last look around the emptying hotel bar. He didn't recognize anyone anymore, not that he'd known many people to start with. Joey had disappeared, presumably with the other bridesmaid; Ross and Emily had turned-in ready for their big day tomorrow and Monica…she was tucked up safely upstairs in her hotel room.

He hated seeing her like that, so depressed and down. He blamed it partly on her parents for constantly knocking her fragile confidence- couldn't they see what an amazing beautiful woman their daughter had become? He also blamed some of it on that stupid drunk guy that had upset her. How the hell did she look anywhere near old enough to be Ross' mom? What a joke.

But the person he blamed the most was himself.

If he'd had the confidence to tell her that she was perfect in every way. If he'd told her she was the best person he'd ever known. That she was stunning, loyal, brilliant and simply the most amazing woman in his life. If he'd had the guts to tell her that he was so hopelessly head-over-heels in love with her then maybe, just maybe, she'd have felt that little bit better about herself.

Had he? No, because he was a coward. Instead he'd tried to be the best friend he could. He'd offered her a shoulder to cry on, reassured her and not let her get too drunk, or do anything she might regret come the morning. He'd been the perfect gentleman that she'd expect and walked her safely to her door.

Filled with a familiar self-loathing, he left the barstool and headed towards his hotel room. He walked through the bland hallways and stepped into the elevator. It was still early, only coming up to 9.30pm but he was tired. It had been a long day and he was ready to sleep and reenergize for the inevitable long day tomorrow.

It would be worth it though to see Ross get married. He was his oldest friend and although Chandler thought they were rushing into it, he was happy for them. Especially after all the pain Ross had gone through after his first failed marriage; it was nice to see that it hadn't scared him off trying again.

He reached his door and fumbled in his pocket for his keycard. He silently hoped that Joey hadn't brought tonight's girl to their hotel room otherwise he'd be screwed.

He gingerly slotted in the keycard and pushed open the door.

He froze in disbelief.

He couldn't move.

Pain rushed through him, pinning him to the spot.

He couldn't close his eyes, his guts knotting and twisting as his worst nightmare played out in front of him. He heard a horrible distressed sound which possibly came from his own throat. He felt sick and utterly powerless to stop what was happening, what he was seeing.

It was at that exact moment he felt his heart break, shattering into tiny jagged pieces.

TBC...

I'd love to hear your thoughts...especially as I've never done the whole flashback thing before.