Peggy And Darcy Raise Hell

This special extra chapter was written specially for the Fandom For Rainne fundraiser. It was kept exclusive until now but is now generally released as a celebration for me reaching 800 followers on Tumblr (ozhawkauthor, in case you're not already following me there)!

I hope you all enjoy Peggy And Darcy Raise Hell!

"And who might you be?" Peggy asked.

The brunette jumped two feet straight up in the air with a shriek, spinning around so fast her glasses almost fell off. Pushing them back into place, she glared defiantly at Peggy from dark blue eyes.

"I'm Darcy Lewis and I'm the administrative manager for this facility – and who the hell are you?" Darcy couldn't quite believe that the Avengers had someone this old on staff. Someone's grandmother? As far as she knew none of them except Sam and Rhodey had any family left alive, and this lady was white; Darcy was pretty sure that she wasn't grandmother to either Falcon or War Machine.

"And it's part of the admin manager's job to watch the surveillance feed from the gym for thirty minutes straight, is it?" Peggy didn't answer the question, watching with amusement as Darcy's cheeks flushed red.

The old bat was messing with her, Darcy could see a little quirk at the corner of her mouth. She grinned back suddenly. "Hell no. But it's a really good view. Want to pull up a seat?"

"Don't mind if I do." Peggy accepted a chair, Darcy tapped on her keyboard, and suddenly the camera feed was displayed on the big OLED screen hanging from the ceiling. "Now that's better. Got any popcorn?"

"I'll get my intern to bring us some." Darcy sent a text from her phone and then settled into the office chair next to Peggy. After a moment she got up, grabbed a box of files from Avengers Tower she hadn't quite got round to unpacking yet, and pushed it in front of Peggy. "Here. Put your feet up."

"Cheers." Peggy put her feet up, glanced sideways at Darcy. "Peggy. Peggy Carter."

"Yes, I guessed that after a couple of minutes of wondering who the hell had let their grandmother loose to wander around my facility," Darcy said dryly, not taking her eyes off the screen.

"Heh. You're not fazed at all, are you?"

"Eh, when you've spent months living with legends, what's one more?"

"Good girl." Darcy's intern Paul at that moment delivered two large bowls of popcorn, and Darcy handed one to Peggy. "Thank you, dear. Don't suppose you've got any Scotch to wash it down with?"

"Please! I know there's all the rumours that I'm Stark's biological daughter, but I'm really not, and I don't have his bad habits." Darcy's eyes flickered mischievously over to Peggy. "I only have vodka."

"You and I are going to get on famously."

"I'm not sure if I should be delighted or terrified."

"If you're as smart as I think you are," Peggy toasted Darcy with the glass of vodka as Darcy handed it over, "you'll be both."

Smiling, they both settled down to watch the footage of Steve beating the daylights out of yet another hapless punching bag. With no shirt on.

"It does sound like fun," Darcy agreed cautiously, "but tell me again why it's just you and me going?"

"It's a spa weekend, Darcy! You haven't had a weekend off in three months."

"I get that. Why not the other girls, though?"

"Natasha doesn't let other people touch her. You must have noticed that by now. And Wanda – do you really want to spend a weekend with a bored Wanda ranting on about capitalism and having nothing better to do than poke around in our minds?" Peggy shuddered theatrically.

"Good point," Darcy conceded.

"Come on, Darce. I want to go and get pampered and have my old bones relaxed with massages from burly Swedish guys called Sven."

"None of your bones are old, if what Clint told me is true!"

Peggy smirked slyly and played her trump card. "My treat."

I was right, Darcy thought dismally. I knew letting Peggy befriend me was doomed to end in my grisly death. I'd heard enough stories. I'm an idiot.

She risked another peep out from under the massage table.

Weekend spa, my ass.

The place was a front for HYDRA.

More specifically, for test subjects recovering from various treatments by HYDRA's Mad Science Divisions.

Technically it was a spa resort as well, but as far as Darcy could tell, she and Peggy were the only 'guests' who were actually paying members.

I should have known when she handed me the reservation in the name of Louise Darcy instead of Darcy Lewis. I just thought it was her dementia playing up and humoured her. Never thought to look and see what name HER reservation was in… not until they arrived and she found that Peggy was booked in as Margaret Darcy and Darcy was supposed to be her granddaughter.

Should have got back in the car and driven home then.

But it was an awfully glamorous resort, and Peggy had immediately started signing her up for all sorts of fantastic-sounding treatments…

Undone by my own desire for pampering.

"I think it's safe to come out now, dear," Peggy said cheerfully.

"It might not be safe for you. I'm really angry."

"I think I'll take my chances."

Darcy growled, crawling out from under the table. "Why did you have to drag me into this?"

"I needed you for my cover!" Peggy smiled at her as Darcy glared up at her. "You were never in any danger, dear."

"Says you. It felt pretty dangerous when that big dude was throwing fireballs around."

"Yes, well he was a little unexpected, but it's all dealt with now. Promise."

Darcy was getting to her feet while trying not to flash Peggy – she'd only been wearing a towel strategically draped over her when the shooting and yelling started – when the door slammed open and Captain America strode in.

"Where is she?"

"Right there," Peggy and Darcy spoke simultaneously, each pointing at the other.

Darcy blinked. "Why would he be looking for me?"

"Because he knows I can look after myself," Peggy smirked at her, looked at a blushing Steve, and reached up to pat his cheek. "I'm pretty sure these rooms are soundproof," she stage-whispered loudly before walking out and closing the door firmly behind her.

Darcy gaped at the door, and then up at Steve. "What the hell is going on?"

Steve pulled his cowl off, revealing adorably fluffed-up hair. "Um." He'd turned scalding red pretty much all the way to his hairline, Darcy saw with fascination.

"What? You know something, tell me!"

She really hadn't thought it would be possible for him to go any redder, but he was somehow managing it. And muttering something under his breath about 'still managing me after all these years'.

Darcy folded her arms and stared him down. It had the bonus effect of holding her towel up a bit more firmly.

"What are you doing?" Clint whispered in Peggy's ear as he found her bent almost double in front of a closed door, listening at the keyhole. She didn't jump.

"Making sure Steve doesn't cock up his chance with Darcy," Peggy replied with a smirk. "The doors are actually even more soundproof than I thought, though."

The smile slid slowly off Clint's face. "Peggy. Have you taken up matchmaking?"

She smoothed her hair as she straightened up. "Good, they're kissing. Yes, Clinton, I believe it's time for me to start a new career. I'm getting a bit old for this spy game, really. Now." She linked her arm through his. "Would you like to tell me how many more years you plan to hide in Natasha's friendzone before you admit to her that you're in love with her?"

Clint seriously thought about just running for it. But Peggy's grip on his arm was far too strong.

"Do I have a choice?" he asked eventually.

"No, dear. But I've let you think that you do quite long enough." She beamed up at him happily.

"Now we're really doomed," Clint said dismally.

There may still be more bits of Bionic Battle Granny to come. I've got a half-written scene of her meeting Bucky but it's a bit too angsty at the moment, I have to wait for the crack!fairy to come visit. But then with Agent Carter beginning again next week and Peggy no doubt being badass and providing me with heaps more inspiration… no doubt I'll be revisiting BBG again soon!