I wish I'd known why Claire had taken me off to her room. I wanted to know what to prepare for when she pulled me onto her bed. Her room remained dark, and it bothered me more than I'd admit. With Claire next to me, though, it wasn't as bad.

At first she kept her distance, and I kept mine. We lay there silently together on our backs, staring up at the ceiling. Wow, awkward. Eventually we found ourselves moving closer to one another, if only to stave off the loneliness. Soon enough I was nestled up next to her, breathing slowly to relax myself. This was nice, this was something I could get behind.

"Hey, Claire?" I whispered, wondering if she'd even bother talking to me after what'd happened. "I'm sorry I'm so fucking pushy."

She rubbed my shoulder, and I heard her sigh. "Look… Don't apologize. It's just really complicated is all."

I sat up now, peering down at Claire. She didn't look happy, but it was pretty dark. "Doesn't have to be complicated, y'know? Maybe you're just over thinking things. I mean we all do it, so it's probably just that. Plus it's… well it's late and I was stupid."

I leaned over her to turn on the bedside lamp. Just wanted to see her better, totally not scared, not me, never. I remained where I was for a moment longer, lingering on her face. Damn she was pretty, but maybe a bit less so now given I thought she might start crying on me. That'd suck… I guess I didn't look so hot either because soon enough her hand was on my face, trying to comfort me.

"There's a conversation I'd like to have with you but I'm pretty sure I could only do it drunk."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Forget it."

"Be real, that does not sound like the sort of thing you just forget." She was reaching for the lamp now to turn it back off, but I grabbed her wrist without thinking. She stared at me for a moment before pulling her hand back. "You know you are allowed to talk to me. I mean… we are friends aren't we? Or did I fuck that up entirely?"

Claire sat up now, which I guess meant this was suddenly a serious conversation. You couldn't have serious conversations laying down unless you were dying (trust me on this). "No, no we're still friends. You didn't mess anything up. It's just" she hesitated, deciding whether or not to sugarcoat what she was about to say next or not, "I haven't been with anyone in a while."

I nodded, giving her time to finish.

"I don't know what the least shitty way of putting this is, really. But, uhh, I don't know where the loneliness ends and the actual affection begins."

It was probably the most awkward way she could have described it, so I decided to help her along. "So you don't know whether or not you want to fuck me or "make love" to me?" My addition sounded a lot better in my head, but she nodded anyway.

"I guess that's another way of putting it."

"Don't suppose you want to just throw caution to the wind and see where it goes, do you?" I offered, half laughing to lighten the mood. I knew better than to pressure Claire, but part of me wanted to at least try.

"Maybe if I was ten years younger and still cute." She replied, shrugging dismissively.

"Hey, woah, woah, what?" I found I was nearly offended by Claire's comment about herself. I guess I didn't have any right to be, she could think whatever she wanted about herself but to me it was wrong, especially given how casual she was about dropping the entire thing. "The fuck do you mean?"

She tried to explain away her comment, rubbing the back of her neck. "Well, Moira, you do realize I am… getting older… and—"

"Fuck no! Fuck that! I mean, yeah you're older than me but that doesn't mean a damn thing!" If the only thing standing between me and her was self-esteem issues, I wasn't about to just take that lying down. It was bullshit, her worries were bullshit. I don't care how bad that sounds, it was the goddamn truth of the matter. "Have you ever looked in a goddamn mirror? Like, ever?"

She was staring at me again, utterly confused at my outburst.

"You're adorable! You're a big fucking adorable dork! You ramble on about stupid motorcycles like some dumb kid at heart and you were happy and cute and just—Fuck!" I pulled her close, demanding she get the message, demanding she just listen to me and accept it as truth. "I don't give two shits about the fact you're older than me. Just means you've got more experience in everything. Besides, you make me happy. I like being around you."

That uneasy stillness returned between us once I stopped ranting. I heard her swallow before she found her voice again. There was something ticking behind those damn blue eyes of hers. Her brain was trying to make the right choice. Morally, she probably thought she made the wrong choice in that moment when she kissed me again. Not like I cared very much.

"You wouldn't think I was that cute if you saw all my scars." She said absently, looking at the space between us.

My reply came at just above a whisper. If I'd fallen asleep and this was a dream, I didn't want to wake myself up by talking too loud. "Show me and I'll be the judge of that."

I really don't think Claire actually knew why she took all her clothes off for me because I didn't really know why I'd done it either. Sex was either spontaneous or planned, in my mind, and this felt like neither. Sex was the final outcome here, right? I wasn't about to jump on the whole virgin status thing, but I was uncomfortably aware of the fact I'd never technically slept with anyone. Messed around, yeah, but that was different than this. This felt different.

We just ended up looking at each other for a while, examining every inch of bare skin we could see as we sat on opposite sides of the bed. The bedside lamp wasn't incredibly bright, but I could tell Claire was pretty beat up. Someone who'd been through all she had had every right to look like that. At least she still had all her fingers and toes.

I felt like I should say something, but I figured I'd majorly fuck up dirty talk, so I avoided trying. "Still cute." I said as I reached out to touch a mark on her shoulder. I didn't' care to think too much on how she'd gotten it, and I knew she probably wasn't up for telling me yet. Maybe next time.

She moved closer to me now, and I silently thanked God she was making the first actual move. Claire sat by my side just close enough for me to feel her leg brushing against mine before she leaned her head to mine. I kissed her again, slowly this time, trying to savor the moment as if it might be our last. If she didn't still like me when it was over, it would be our last, and I had to prepare myself for that. Her lips were just soft enough to distract me from that fear for a while.

I don't know why I imagined Claire to be a more talkative partner, but I still found myself surprised when every word she spoke to me came as a vague mumble. It was almost as if she just wanted to get this out of her system and she didn't much care what I had to say on the matter outside of it. It felt almost impassionate, yet at the same time I could tell she couldn't really keep her hands off of me. Maybe it was my outburst, maybe it was my broken mental state, but something just wasn't right.

I tried to focus on how it felt. I could get off pretty easily with some practice under my belt, so I didn't necessarily need the romantic bullshit but the fact was I kind of wanted it. Kind of a lot, actually. Her fingers traced every curve of my body, and she seemed content to kiss every inch of me as she trailed downwards. All my reactions were there, every whimper and whine that ought to come out of something like this. Her hair tickled my thighs when she stopped between my legs, my breath caught in my throat, and I felt goosebumps on my skin. That was a pretty damn intimate thing to do, yet I just wanted something more.

And then… she stopped…

Claire pulled away, she sat up, she moved back entirely until she was on the edge of the bed, looking away from me. I was pretty sure I hadn't done anything wrong, aside from not shaving in... ever, really. I doubted she'd back out over that, though. I was damn good and ready for her too, I could feel that much as well. So why? I wormed my way up, looking at her. She was holding her face now, and if she was crying I couldn't hear it.

"Claire..?"

No response, of course. I crawled over to her, hugging her tightly. Suddenly the nakedness stopped mattering, what mattered was the fact Claire was suddenly miserable.

"I can't… Moira I can't do this I just…"

I kissed her shoulder, keeping my voice soft for her. She was definitely trying not to cry or something. I wondered how normal crying during sex was. I'd heard rumors but I figured it was all made up. "Well we don't have to have sex you know? If you don't want to we can stop, it's fine."

"It's not that. I want to I just don't deserve to."

I laughed now, pulling her back against me. "What do you mean you "don't deserve to"? That's dumb. No one deserves me more than you do right now. You're a good part of the reason I'm even alive at all, idiot."

"And I'm the reason you got caught at all." She said, limply resting against me now. "I thought you were dead. I cut my hair because I thought you were dead. It… made sense at the time. I can't remember why I bothered at all now, but…" She shook her head, turning to kiss my chin. "You were innocent before. You weren't like me. I never wanted to drag you into this messed up world of mine. I don't… really want to be responsible for taking your innocence again."

"Neither of us consented to the first thing but I'm consenting to this." I said, letting her go now. Stubbornly, I laid back down, crossing my arms. "I am telling you that this is something I want. This is something I have wanted. If you don't want to right now, that's fine, but if you're stuck with some weird moral idea that anything that happened before was your fault, so now you can't fuck me or whatever just drop it now, okay?" My voice came surprisingly gentle. I was running out of energy to be mad. I'd already gotten upset three times tonight.

She crawled back over to me now, laying down on top of me. She managed a sheepish smile before she asked, "you sure you don't blame me?"

"Yeah, I'm sure… Now finish what you started already."

She obeyed. Oh god did she ever obey. My forgiveness had opened up a whole new world for us to explore. I was still unsure but now she was talking me through it. Claire seemed so much brighter and more at ease now. I'd did it, I'd finally managed to find myself a girlfriend, or a lover or something. Fucking jackpot, literally. It didn't matter to me how many girls Claire had probably fucked to learn how to use her fingers like that, I was in heaven because of a woman who was made there.

Then I discovered I was a biter. My head was swimming and I admit that rational thought was long, long gone by the time I was kissing Claire's neck. Something primal prompted me to bite down, not hard, of course, but I still bit down. The same primal urge that made me bite made Claire pull away quicker then I'd ever seen her move.

Zombies… right…

Urgency flooded her face. Her eyes darted around the room, searching for a threat. She recognized me still, but the two ideas of "me" and "bite" didn't quite click in her mind. We had a fuckload of problems to work through. Claire wasn't half as cool and collected as I thought she was, for better or for worse, she just hid it better.

She came down off her adrenaline high pretty quickly when she realized what had happened, and both of us sat there looking just as embarrassed as when we started. I figured now was a good a time as any to say it, but I might end up feeling stupid later. Wasn't exactly magical like in the movies, but…

"Hey, uh… Claire?"

"Yeah?"

"I… Did you know that I… Love you?"