Episode 6: Nonsense Speaker

If there was one thing in the world that Issei Hyoudou was sure that he'd never expect from this past month was a monkey coming down from the sky and wrecking his school.

…

No? Nothing? He was sure that would get the divine Gods' (Or God's, he didn't care at this point) attention. Regardless, he was stuck in a situation from those magical girl shows that he probably should have thought to expect.

His lives were colliding. Not like you could really call his events in the supernatural a "life". They didn't happen often enough to deserve that, and he didn't want to have a life where he was female.

"And this is why Saji will be eating lunch with us." He finished, turning around to face Motohama and Matsuda. "Any questions?"

It was only a few days after the "Beach Episode" (Ruby's words, not his) and he decided that Saji should make friends with his other friends. Of course, it took him like five minutes to find him due to their classrooms being on opposite sides of the floor, but he just put that under hard effort rewards.

"Any questions?!" Matsuda yelled. "You haven't explained anything!"

Issei guessed that the reason he was upset was because Issei had grabbed them to eat lunch on the rooftop, and not the classroom where they usually ate and dragging a new guy to boot.

"Look," He growled out. "Are you letting him eat lunch with us or not?"

"Eh, why not?" Matsuda said apathetically, sitting down apathetically.

"Wait just like that?!" Saji yelled in shock. "You were just worked up about a minute ago!"

"Well you see.." Matsuda trailed off. "We have much more important matters to discuss then you. Motohama, show them."

"With pleasure Matsuda." Motohama said, pulling out his cellphone. On the monitor shown a picture of Issei (His boy form, thank god) and Kiyome sitting in the park.

Suddenly, Matsuda got up and then pointed at him dramatically, the sun shining down behind him if only to accent the announcement he was going to make. Motohama stood up and bended down on his legs before bending down and leaning himself towards the right and holding the phone to his left.

"Issei Hyoudou, what in the world were you doing with that girl!" Matsuda yelled. "You've been ditching us for her for weeks! She's your girlfriend or something, man?!"

Uh… what was the word that adults and TV used during times like this.

Oh right, shit.

Before Issei could say anything, Saji grabbed his shoulder with his fist clenched. "To think you even had a girlfriend too…. Dammit! I won't let you get further ahead of me!"

"Wait what?!" Issei shouted in shock, capturing the attention of the others on the roof. "First off, we're not dating! She's just a friend! Second of all, how long have you been practicing that pose?!"

"A few hours." Matsuda admitted, sitting back down along with Matsuda. "We just wanted to mess with you, we knew you weren't dating."

"Why!"

"You see, Issei," Motohama said with a catlike grin. "Now that people think you have a girlfriend, no girl will come up to you now. This is the punishment you must pay for ditching out us so much!"

And it was at that rare moment that Issei's sanity caught up to him and he did the only sane thing he could think of, whacking his two best friends in the head.

"Why would anyone be interested in me in the first place? We're nine!" He stated, turning around to look at Saji only to find him walking away.

"Saji? Where are you going?" He asked, running up to him.

"Unlike you Hyoudou, I have friends who don't mess with my love life." Saji said with a smirk, walking away to the exit of the roof.

"Oh come on!"

Contrary to what the two idiots he called best friends planned, no such rumour about him having a girlfriend popped up. Or at least ones he did here.

Honestly, sometimes the two of them could really get on his-

"You said that girl is going to show up soon?" Saji asked.

The two of them were waiting in the park for Kiyome. It was surprisingly empty for the afternoon on a weekday, and that was just perfect for the two of them.

"Yeah, she's the one who told me about my Sacred Gear." Issei remarked, watching Ruby and Sapphire fly around the air for a bit.

"And what the hell is a 'Sacred Gear'?" Saji asked, taking a sip of the water he bought from a local vending machine.

"Well, you know," Issei replied, trying to figure out an explanation. "Ah! It's those weird gadgets that we used in our fight! You know, Absorption Line, Twice Critical, that thing. Apparently their gifts from God or something."

"God?" Saji asked in confusion. "You mean Gods?"

"No no. God."

"But there are multiple Gods…"

"I believe he is talking about Christianity, Master Saji." Sapphire explained, coming to a halt in mid-air. "It's a big religion in the west, and is the source of holidays such as christmas."

"Eh? Oh... " Saji exclaimed, before slamming his fist against his hand as a revelation hit him. "Didn't we use to have a church for that or something? My parents mentioned how it got abandoned after the last pastor moved…"

"Yeah…" Issei spoke quietly as Ruby secretly flew up to Saji's ear.

"Issei was friends with the pastor's son." She whispered. "It's part of his backstory and drive as a main character."

It was at that moment that Issei looked up and grabbed Ruby out of the air.

"Wahhh! Issei!" She exclaimed, struggling to get free. "What did I do?!"

"I don't know why but my Ruby sense is tingling." Issei replied, looking at Ruby with a stone cold face. "And when it does, it always involve you saying or doing something stupid."

"That's mean!"

"With you it's a perfectly reasonable measure!"

"I was a bit worried when you called me out of nowhere, again I might add." A new voice interrupted. "But I see that you're just acting like yourself as always."

"Kiyome!" Issei shouted, turning his head to face the newcomer. "I have a riv- no wait that's not what I meant to say at all! Dammit Ruby!"

"So," Kiyome began, completely ignoring Issei as she turned to face Saji. "Who's this?"

"Ah, that's Saji." Issei explained. "He's like me in which Ruby's sister tricked him into also… you know…"

"Hey! Let me do my own introductions!" Saji yelled, smacking Issei on the back of the head before he turned to look at Kiyome. "Saji Genshirou."

"Kiyome Abe." She said, before smirking at the blond. "So how did you get into this mess?"

"Well…"

"Hello there Saji." A blue starred wand greeted, flying in from his window. "I regret to inform you that you have been selected as the only candidate in this area to be my partner. I hope we can-"

"WHY IS THERE A TALKING WAND IN MY ROOM!?"

"Your city is under great threat from the Class Cards. If not prevented, this whole town could be detonated at any minute."

"IS THIS A DREAM?!"

"I can assure you that this is not a dream."

"Wouldn't a dream say that it isn't a dream!?"

"If you cut yourself I can indeed prove to you that this is not a dream."

"After that Sapphire pulled me around into battle with the Lancer Class Card and then I met Issei during the battle for the Rider Class Card." The blond admitted, trying not to get annoyed at the suppressed laughter his companions were holding in. "You should have been there it was awesome."

"You still should've made up better summoning calls!" Issei cried. "No good special move ever starts with 'Take this!'"

"What I really want to know," Kiyome interrupted, once again ignoring Issei entirely. "Is why Saphire called you the only candidate in the area."

"Ah! I can explain this one!" Ruby exclaimed, flying in between the two groups. "When we were sent out into the town, we were given a specific set of qualities to look for. Among them being nine years old, and having the feel of a dragon."

"Wait what?!" Issei yelled. "You never told me this!"

"You never asked." Ruby said, shrugging it off.

"Yes I did!"

"Well you never asked specifically."

"That's enough." Kiyome said, stopping the argument before it could go on any farthur. "Since you said the feel of a dragon...Saji, what was your Sacred Gear again?"

"Eh? Oh, um, Absorption Line." Saji answered.

The group watched in silence as Kiyome pulled out her phone and began-

"Wait there's an app for this?!"

"There's an app for everything."

-Okay maybe not that silently.

"Here we are!" Kiyome exclaimed, showing the phone towards the rest of the group. "Absorption Line also known as the Black Dragon's Pulse, is one of the four Sacred Gears that is said to contain the dragon known as Vritra's soul. It's ability is to restrain and suck the power from beings or objects while also being able to transfer said power to something else."

"...Am I the only one who didn't understand a word of that?" Issei asked, only to receive a nod of agreement from Saji.

"It's okay Issei." Ruby comforted. "It's all part of the exposition that is not meant for your ears."

"...Then who is it mean-"

"Don't ask questions you don't want to know."

"Great! Now that we have everything settled out." Kiyome interrupted cheerfully. "Who wants to see a Beast Tamer at work?"

The river Kiyome had brought the group to was on the outskirts of town, far away from any prying eyes. It was calm, surrounded by plenty of trees and rocks that formed a beautiful scenery that any photographer would die for…

If it wasn't for the turtle like thing that stood in the middle of a river.

It was green, it was mean, but it was not a killing machine. In fact, it looked right out as a supernatural version of a hipster. A worn out cap laid backwards on some heads while a pair of shades rested on it's eyes. As a radio layed out on the shore and beat music, it was a wonder no one had found this place already.

"Hey hey hey! Kiyome! If it isn't a pleasure to see you." It said, before noticing the two boys behind her. "And it looks like someone is getting busy."

"Ahaha! It's not like that Mr. Kappa." Kiyome replied, before turning to face Issei and Saji. "This is Issei Hyoudou and Saji Genshirou. They just found themselves into the world of the beasts and I thought I'd show them what's out there. Since today just happens to be the day we meet…"

"I got you girl." The kappa replied. "Well boys. My name's not important, but my soul? My soul you can call Green Waters. Now let me tell you all about life on the flip side."

"Oh please don't tell me he's going to rap…" Saji grumbled, leaning over to Issei. "If he does, we split on three."

"Are you kidding me?! Kiyome will kill us so hard we will die to death if we leave." Issei whispered back.

Green Waters inserted a CD into the radio and a new beat began to play, sending a chill down the nearby human's sound while sending Ruby into hysterical laughter.

And then he began to rap, by gods did he begin to rap. It was horrible. Every note sent a knife into the listener's heart and his rhymes was like static, a horrible noise that had no rhyme or reason. If Issei could rate this on a scale of horrible experiences he would rate this as number two.

Number one was meeting Ruby, of course.

Every inch of his body was telling him to get out of there, but his ingrained fear of Kiyome told him to stay put on fear of loss of masculinity. Again.

And thus, in the face of such horrible music, Issei stopped thinking.

Rocks were hard, Issei realized as he approached consciousness once more. Very, very, hard.

He blearily opened his eyes only to find Kiyome staring back over him, the sun shining over her through the trees in an afternoon haze.

"How…." He mumbled out to the confusion of Kiyome. "How could music be so bad?"

"Well… aha… we all have our quirks." Kiyome replied, looking off to the side to stare at Saji where he laid on the ground, still out cold. "He's been… working on it. And no, that is not what life's like on the 'flipside'."

"Never," Issei began. "Never say flipside again."

"Yeah…" Kiyome smiled sadly, not turning to face Issei. "This… is not turning out how I wanted to at all."

"How did you expect it to turn out?" Issei asked, sitting up and dusting off the tiny rocks. "The two of us being wowed at your skills as a beast tamer?"

"Maybe?" She replied. "You're a magical girl, I wanted to impress you for once."

"...You're impressed by me?" Issei asked scrutiny.

"You change genders to go save the town from impending doom with a magic stick at your side." Kiyome replied blankly. "Compared to that I don't really do that much."

"Are you kidding?! You're cool all on your own!" Issei exclaimed. "You get to meet all kinds of creatures like some sort of pokemon trainer! Do you know how cool that is?!"

"In some sense yeah but…" Kiyome sighed. "I have to keep up with my duties as the Abe family heir, and my father is away from home more often than not. There's a lot of weight on me…"

"Eh… Oh! I know this!" Issei yelled, realizing he knew this from the amount of anime crap Ruby shoved into his brain. He looked over at Kiyome before giving a thumbs up with a bright smile. "I still believe in you! You can do it! Just be yourself!"

"Um…. thanks?" Kiyome asked bewildered. "Let's.. let's just go home."

"Don't forget to check out my mixtape!" Green Waters yelled from further down the river.

If they could, Kiyome and Issei could be sweating rivers right now.

"Let's." Issei agreed, hurriedly rousing Saji up from his slumber.

"Issei stop." Ruby said seriously, pausing the group as soon as they had left the confines of the river. The batch of trees before them separated them from town and it felt like an entirely different world right at that moment. "A Class Card has awakened here."

"Now?!" Issei yelled before turning to look at the others. "You ready Saji?"

"As ready as I ever will be." He replied cracking his knuckles.

"Hey… Issei." Kiyome began. "I'm sorry that I can't help out more. So I'll just hope and pray for your success.."

"Eh? Don't worry Kiyome!" Issei shouted before grabbing Ruby and transforming into his Kaleido mode. "A hero never loses!"

And then the world exploded into a kaleidoscope as it twisted and turned, until he and Saji were gone entirely, leaving Kiyome there in the woods by herself.

"Idiot." She mumbled. "Dammit, I need to find someway to help…."

And with that she left the woods, alone to mull over her thoughts.

The woods were silent. There was no sign of any Class Card yet but that didn't stop Issei from being on alert. It reminded him of his battle with archer in some way, not knowing who or where the enemy was going to strike.

"Hey Saji." The now girl whispered, to her blue clad partner. "Any sign of it?"

"Nope." She, he, whatever replied. "You think it must be hiding?"

"Master Saji, I have reason to suspect that we are facing Assassin." Sapphire spoke from Saji's hands. "It would be best to keep on guard, as they are known to have Presence Concealment."

And right at that moment, Saji whipped his head around to dodge a thrown knife.

"Get ready Issei!" Ruby yelled. "I suspect that this servant is going to be… interesting."

As if on cue, black figures with a cracked mask began to come out of every nook and cranny the girls could think of.

"Sapphire." Saji gulped. "About how many do you think there are?"

"Estimating 88 master." Sapphire said, to the relief of the two boys.

"Hey Saji." Issei called out, summoning his sacred gear with a grin. "Wanna make this a competition?"

"You're on!" Saji replied hotly. "One who kills the most wins!"

"Bring it!" Issei yelled before flying right into one direction of the trees, quickly dodging the thrown knives and firing back bullets of his own.

"Don't think you can beat me!" Saji yelled, from the distance before the sound of explosions came that way.

"You think we can do it Ruby?" Issei asked, before unleashing his fearsome homing bullets into the woods around him.

"Of course Issei! With me at your side, there's nothing we can't do!" Ruby responded.

"Well let's kick it up a notch! Twice Critical!" Issei yelled, only to receive a [BOOST] from his gauntlet as power surged through him.

They came to him like lambs to the slaughter, trying to overwhelm him with numbers as he weaved through the knives being thrown at him to fire more homing bullets.

The woods steadily grew thinner as the enemies began to become thinner. He didn't know for how long he had been fighting. All he knew was his ever growing kill count to these assassins. However…

"Ruby?" He asked before dodging another spread of knives. "How can these people be heroes?"

It seemed like such an impossibility to him. It was so different from the green hooded Archer, the white Alice, and the pirate captain.

"They're a group Issei." Ruby responded. "They made their mark on the world as a group and not as an individual. Alone they are weak but together, they are strong. So why don't you show them the power of a true hero."

A… True hero huh? One who had made their mark on the world. Something about that struck something within Issei.

"You change genders to go save the town from impending doom with a magic stick at your side." Kiyome replied blankly. "Compared to that I don't really do that much."

Maybe… just maybe… he could be all they had to look up to. Stories, and not that far away goal.

Issei reached into the pouch on the side of his legs before bringing out a Class Card. It was different from what Ruby told him to do but… he knew this was right.

"Class Card: Caster Include!" He shouted, pushing the card into Ruby and suddenly he could feel it, as the Ruby faded into himself he knew what he had to do. He was certain that nothing changed physically but all of a sudden he could see.

He could see, and he could will. And so he willed the world to attack the Assassins, and the world did so. The true nature of Caster was now at his fingertips, and he smiled for he knew.

In this instance, he was not the hero but the reader, with the story answering to his will and denying reality to him.

He watched as the world morphed, as the trees began to attack the assassins. They fell into the masses, until he knew there was only one left. One final enemy to face.

He watched the world wrapped around that one foe until a red light streaked through the sky and strike the enemy down. It blew up in a surge of light, only thing left was a single card.

"Okay." Saji said as he glided down to the card. "That's cheating."

"Caster, Uninclude." Issei whispered, feeling the card dispel out of him and- woah okay that's dizzying.

He slowly drifted over to where Saji stood next to the card and collapsed onto the ground.

"Remind me." He spoke through gasps. "Never to use the Caster card again."

Ugh, that was the most creepiest thing he had ever experienced. Just, ugh.

"Well, I think we know who won that one so can I get the card?" Saji asked, helping up Issei to his feet. "I got the final blow afterall."

"Sure…" Issei spoke, falling down only for Saji to catch him.

"Woah! Okay you need rest!" Saji yelled, walking Issei over to the Class Card and picking it up himself. "It's bad if you wear yourself out after all!"

Class Card GET!

"Yeah…" Issei said as the world around him seemed to lose it's color. "Rest… rest sounds nice."

"Go to sleep Issei." Ruby spoke softly. "The pain of others can wait for one more day."

Well… that took a while, and went some strange places. Also marks the first time a non-Extra Servant has shown up.

Well, this took a while. So, went on a bizarre adventure lately? Huh? :v

SNAKE OUT! HAPPY NEW YEARS!

...For me at least.