Breakfast and The Long Ride Home – Vacation is wrapping up. The family gathers and then heads home.

Rating: K

The hash browns, the potatoes, the eggs, and the turkey bacon looked delicious. It was all cooked perfectly, but it all tasted like ashes in her mouth. Asha sat back and twirled her fork in the eggs, only picking up the minutest pieces and placing them in her mouth. She chewed just to say she had done it, before allowing the tasteless food to slide down her throat.

Master Splinter sat at the head of the table where April's father used to always sit. Mikey was to his right, Asha to his left, April right next to Mikey, Raph positioned himself purposely next to Asha, Donnie next to him and Leo at the other end of the table. Raphael didn't know what was going on, but whatever it was he figured Asha didn't need Leo hovering, or Donnie for that matter, since he suspected him of harboring feelings for Asha. No, she didn't need that kind of pressure especially not at the table.

Mikey kicked Asha underneath the table, and when she looked up he was smiling brightly at her. She couldn't help but reciprocate even if it was barely visible. It wasn't his fault how she was feeling right now.

"Are the hash browns okay? I know you like 'em crispy," Mikey said trying to make light conversation. She nodded, then not believing that was good enough she forced herself to speak.

"It's good as usual Mikey. Hash browns are perfection," she said trying her best casual, don't-mind-me-I'm-crumbling-inside-but-determined-to-hide-it-from-you voice. He smiled even more before trailing off to tease Donnie about a lack of pop tart icing for breakfast. Asha was grateful he hadn't continued trying to talk to her. She was determined not to break the general jovial mood and good spirits. She was also determined not to take her anger and hurt out on the rest of the brothers, Splinter, or April. None of this was their fault and it simply would not be fair of her to burden others with her feelings. Asha didn't trust her voice, and was being extra conscious of the faces she was making. She was aware that she often wore her feelings like a neon sign, but she didn't want anyone asking if she was okay.

The rest of the day was spent with everyone gathering their things and packing up the Shell Raiser. Donnie went around the entire house, barn, garage, and outside area with a checklist to make sure no one left anything behind. It was all Asha could do to try to maintain some amount of normal interaction. Just once or twice one of them would ask if she was alright in passing, and she would nod and try a smile just to play it off. A few times she ended up in the bedroom she shared with Leo while he was in the room. He wouldn't even look at her. He wouldn't speak to her, and on some level his complete avoidance of her hurt worse than the actual breakup. It was as if she no longer existed. To be fair, she didn't know how either of them were supposed to act now. How do you act around your ex whom you still want, but who has told you they don't want you? Asha didn't know how to feel. She was lost in a sea of strong but unnamable emotional currents, and she had no idea how to handle them. Honestly, Leonardo was even more lost as to what to do. Having been in his first ever relationship and now his first breakup, he was more than a little perplexed at what his next move should be. There was no tactical plan or strategy that would help him with this. He wanted to say something, anything, but he was afraid it would be wrong or she would explode at him. In a way he wished she would explode, then he could gauge how she was really feeling, but her silence unnerved him a great deal.

Finally everything was packed up. April and Donnie took front seats since they were handling the driving. They started out at night so that it wouldn't be so obvious that there was a van full of mutants riding down the highway. Once again Raphael made a point to position himself next to Asha so that Leo couldn't be. Raph was glad Donnie was up front with April. He didn't feel that Donnie posed a threat per se, but he didn't want his younger brother getting any ideas in that genius brain of his. Raph knew if whatever was going on between Leo and Asha kept up, it wouldn't take brainiac long to figure it out at all. For once in his life, Raph was glad to have Mikey back there with them.

Mikey was the perfect tension reliever with his obnoxious behavior and crazy antics. If he hadn't been there, Raph and Leo may well have gotten into an argument over this. Even though he felt it wasn't really his business to interfere, Raphael was also the only one to witness Asha's break by the pond. He couldn't get the mournful sound of her sobbing out of his head. It sounded so broken, so lonely, and so hurt that had he been a lesser turtle he would have cried with her. The worst part was that everyone seemed or pretended not to notice her sudden shift in mood. Yeah, he knew Asha could be at times quiet or even brooding, but it was different today. All vacation long she had been happy and upbeat, even going so far as to help Mikey play a prank on him. It was for this reason that Raphael kept eyeballing Leo in the backseat. Of all of them, it should be Leo that noticed her mood first and done something about it. Raph could see something in Leo's eyes as well. Hurt perhaps or possibly guilt over something, and Raph couldn't understand why Leo would not simply address it or try to correct it. Lord knows whenever they argued or fought Fearless never dropped the subject until either it was resolved, they came to blows, or Raph left out of the lair. No, there was something deeper than a lover's spat going on here, and he was going to figure out what.

The ride home was long and mostly everyone was in good spirits. Mikey was making everyone either cringe, laugh at, or dance with his music choices. He landed on a channel that played only 80s rock music, and surprisingly knew a lot of the songs that were played line for line.

After so many hours Donnie had taken over driving while April rode shotgun. Asha had gone into a fitful sleep, Splinter had slept almost the entire ride, and Leo was busy looking out of the dark back windows of the van into the night rolling away behind them. Raphael didn't sleep. He had grabbed a throw and placed it on Asha as she used his shoulder as a pillow. It couldn't have been comfortable as he wasn't exactly cuddly, but he let her rest anyway. His mind turned back to the image and sound of her crying, and he shook his head to clear it away. What happened that made her react like that? Whatever Leo may have said or done, he was sure Asha would forgive it. After all, she had forgiven him of striking her without any preamble or reservation or throwing it in his face later. That act above all others solidified her as his sister in his mind and heart. For this reason he felt it his duty to protect her even from Leo. Raph would have bet his very life that Leo had not physically harmed her, so whatever happened Leo should just fix it. Unless of course it could not be fixed. Realization crept over Raphael's mind. Leonardo, the one who had confided in Raph on so many occasions about being lonely, and finding love. Together they had made a pact that if either of them ever found a woman to love them for who they were, they would never let them go. Raphael recalled that night vividly in his mind's eye.

A twelve year old Raph tossed and turned in his sleep, unable to rest. It had been a difficult day of training for all of them. Sensei had demanded them to all switch weapons, as they had become too dependent on the one's they were mastering. He was trying to teach them about teamwork and adaptability, but for Raphael it had only been humiliation. He could not for the life of him wield Leo's swords even half as good as Leo himself. He took only small pleasure in the fact that Leo had just as hard a time dealing with Donnie's bo staff. The clumsy way he had handled the katanas and had almost cut Mikey in the process played over and over in his mind.

Turning over on his shell for the thousandth time, Raph finally decided to get up and maybe get something to eat or perhaps a drink of water. He crept out of his room not wanting to wake any of his brothers and especially not his dad. He'd made it all the way to the kitchen when he heard what sounded like soft crying. He stopped, listening hard like sensei said that ninjas could do. He was holding the glass of water, but hadn't had an opportunity to take even a sip. The soft crying continued. Slowly and quietly he made his way towards the sound. It was coming from just outside the lair, past the turnstiles even. Raphael stopped, apprehensive about leaving the lair without the knowledge of his brothers or sensei. For all his big talk about leaving them behind and going on his own, now that he had a chance he was scared. What if this were some kind of enemy they didn't know about? What if it was a trick of some sort? Briefly he thought maybe the little squirt was playing another prank on him, but he dismissed that thought. Mikey slept like the dead and would never wake up just to play a trick, at least Raph thought he wouldn't do that. You never knew for sure with Mikey. Raphael let out a breath and made his way over the turnstiles. He moved towards the sound, trying to be ready for anything when his foot splashed, just a little bit in a small puddle of water. The sound stopped, and so did Raphael. A long minute passed before Raph thought it okay to move again, cursing the puddle and determined not to make another sound. He rounded a corner to find moonlight streaming through a grate and his older brother Leonardo sitting in the shaft of light. His knees were drawn up to his plastron, arms linked around them, mask off, and face wet with tears.

Leo tried in vain to wipe the tears away before Raph could see and tease him about it, but to his utter surprise Raphael didn't laugh. He sat down next to Leo and placed an arm around him the way he did when they were upset.

"What's wrong Leo? What's the matta?" Raph asked softly.

"It's nothing Raph, you should go back to bed before sensei catches you," Leo said, trying to put his leader voice on and failing badly.

"Well, if he catches me then he's gonna catch you too, cause I ain't goin' back ta bed. Now tell me what's the matta wit' you?" Raph waited. Leo, seeing that Raph wasn't going anywhere relaxed his shoulders and actually leaned into Raph a bit. He seemed to be deciding whether or not to tell Raph what was happening. He eventually looked up at the sewer grate, the moonlight capturing the blue of his eyes even in this dimly lit tunnel.

"I had a dream," Leo said then waited on Raph to laugh at him. He didn't.

"Like, a monster dream or sumthin'? Raph asked, not believing that his older brother could be shaken this badly by a dream. His brother was strong and brave, even though Raph would not admit that to Leo's face.

"No. It wasn't like a bad dream like that. It was just….a dream about something that's never gonna happen. At least not for me it won't," Leo said dropping his head onto his knees. Raphael didn't understand. If the dream wasn't about a monster, but it also wasn't gonna come true and Leo knew that, then why was he so torn up about it?

"So, what was it about then?" Raph waited for his answer. Leo let out a long sigh.

"It's stupid."

"Yeah, it was so stupid ya out here cryin' about it. Just spill the beans."

"I dreamed about a girl," Leo said. Raph's brow ridge raised high. This oughta be a good one.

"I dreamed a girl liked me because I saved her life. Then we were going out on dates and stuff. Even dad was okay with it. Then there was another girl showed up, I don't know how, and she liked you. We were happy and everything just like in those movies that Mikey and Donnie sometimes find. We kissed and everything and the girls didn't care we were turtles or anything." Leo let out a long sigh. Raph was slightly amused.

"Leo that was a good dream in my book man. Two chicks diggin' on us? That's golden, why would you be upset about that?" Raph still did not understand why Leo would be stressed out over dreaming about girls. As far as he was concerned it was as close as they were gonna get to the real thing, so they might as well enjoy….. That was it wasn't it? This was why Leo was upset. It was a dream and it would only ever be a dream. Nothing more. Raphael felt the reality close around him. Suddenly he was angry. Angry at his mutation, angry that he looked the way he did, the way they all did, angry that he and his family would never be accepted as normal. No one, certainly no woman would ever look upon them with anything but fear and disgust and contempt. He looked Leo in his eyes and saw the same sentiment. Raphael hugged his brother. They had been hugging less and less as they got older, and as they started not seeing eye-to-eye on things, but they loved each other fiercely. Now more than ever Raph realized they had nothing to depend on but each other, no matter how much they argue and fight. He decided to make a vow with Leo.

"I know we fight and stuff all the time, but we gotta stick together like master Splinter always says. I always got your shell, and I know you always got my shell right Leo?" Leonardo nodded emphatically. "That means we gotta watch out for Donnie and Mikey, especially Mikey cause he's a stupid numbnuts," Raph cracked a smile and Leo nudged him playfully.

"Anyway, we gotta stick together. You never know Fearless, some girl out there might be crazy enough, or ugly enough to think we're cute. If it ever happens, we gotta make sure to never let 'em go and treat 'em good too, okay?" Raph told, not really believing it himself, but it seemed to make Leo feel better. He smiled a bit at least. They got up and stretched and then headed back to the lair quietly. They hopped over the turnstiles, certain they were still the only two up. Before Leo went back to his room he turned to Raph, blushing a little.

"Don't tell anybody, ya know, about my dream and stuff," Leo asked sheepishly. Raph nodded.

"No problem Fearless, but you gotta promise you won't tell anybody I hugged you. I got a reputation ta keep up," Raph and Leo chuckled at that.

"Thanks Raph, for…..you know," Leo said before turning around.

"Don't mention it," Raph said as they made their way to their rooms.

Raphael had forgotten about that until the day they'd met April. Then the thought of women liking them went from something only in their dreams, to a possible reality. Now, Leo had gone back on their promise to each other. Sure it was a promise made on a whim and between children, but that was before it was real. Leonardo had let Asha go. There was no way there was another girl, or Raph would have known about that. He couldn't understand what would make Leo turn away from having the thing he yearned for, for so many years. Whatever it was, it was big. Leo did not make serious decisions lightly. Raph thought it would come to light eventually. Little did he realize the reason would be waiting for them in their home.