Disclaimer: I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of their characters. And if somehow this is realistic, I apologize in advance. This is purely a work of fiction.

Trigger Warning: Serious Illness, Cancer.

A/N: Also I know next to nothing about Cancer, I'm basing this off of experience with a family member and wikipedia, so if something's wrong. Please don't hesitate to tell me.

Guys! I encourage you to listen to this song while listening to this chapter.

(In My Veins - Andrew Belle )

HOPING FOR TOMORROW

Chapter 17/18: Final Decision

"I Love Her."

(in case you skip author's note: pls listen to In My Veins by Andrew Belle if you can while reading. pls and thank you, it'll make you feel more feels, promise.)

The days drag along at times blindingly fast, and others surreptitiously slow. It was indeed a mystery, and Murphy's Law was playing on every second of their lives.

Times were fast when Chloe was awake enough to smile or have a conversation, and it was painstakingly slow when she was unconscious, unable to breathe or in so much pain that she cries and cries.

It's been a week and four days since Beca was told that Chloe only had a few weeks left to live. The thought had never left her mind that she only had Chloe for only a small handful of diminishing weeks or days even, left.

And it's only her slowly disappearing sanity that's keeping her going. It's her understanding of the situation that allows her to still accept it and go on.

Early on when Beca rarely prayed, and more often begged, to somebody, it was for Chloe to make it through cancer. She convinced herself that she was doing it for Chloe, that she wanted there to be a cure found, or a new drug, or for even the chemo to work. But she realized now that, she was doing it for selfish reasons.

She wanted Chloe to survive so that she could love her and hold her. To not constantly feel bad like a ball of anxiety, and to stop worrying so much about her feeling lonely if Chloe died. She won't be able to bear it.

Now, she's become used to not caring for herself. It's built up as a habit in small ways. In the beginning it were things as simple as, forgetting to eat at times or not being able to shower because she was at the hospital or Chloe needed attention. Then it progressed to bigger things like not going into work, giving up mixing. Then it grew into canceling important meetings, ignoring her other friends.

And she realized that the greatest disregard she had was when Chloe was lying peacefully on the hospital's blue sheets, and she'd had a good day. She didn't have so many of those, but she was actually laughing a little, and she kept her eyes open for more than half an hour while Beca and Aubrey talked aimlessly around her for a white noise for her to listen to.

However, the thing with good days is that there needs to be some amount of work done. Like paperwork and legal documents. And to sign that, Chloe would need to be conscious. Some of the ones she had to sign were ones that ensured that the death was inevitable and that the hospital didn't do anything to allegedly make her die. And other familial matters.

And it's harder when Beca has to see Chloe, someone she loves more than anyone, sign a DNR form (Do Not Resuscitate; Don't restart someone's heart if it stops). Because that's when Beca knows that this is final, and Chloe wants it to be final too.

There's no shade of hope now, and Chloe knows that. So she signs the DNR form in something that no longer resembles her signature, her hand is too weak to grip the pen and it shakes too much. The nurse looks at her with pity and sadness, as she supports the clipboard close to Chloe's hand. All the while, Beca stands near the window looking out to the view with a few tears running down her cheeks.

And that's really the moment Beca realized to stop being so selfish. She can't pray or wish or hope with everything she got for Chloe to survive. Because Chloe might not want to.

It's also the time that Beca realizes that she never really knows the extremity of Chloe's emotional and physical pain, and she doesn't really want to. She can't imagine herself signing away her life like Chloe did, and to get to the point of pain and despondency that she can't withstand. And Beca can't even fathom how something like that would be if it happens to her. It frightens her that Chloe feels like this.

So, frankly, she stops being a selfish bitch.

She doesn't pray for Chloe to get well, even if it means that they struggle through this for another three, five, ten years. She doesn't wish for Chloe to get better no matter how long it will take. No. But she does pray for Chloe to have peace, and for the pain to stop, in whatever way it can. Even if it means that one of the ways is through letting go.

-Panda-

Another thing that has become apparent as the days march on is that the supposedly 'good days' turn into bad days too. The only maybe nice thing is that Chloe might have her eyes open, heavy-lidded and dark. She's fighting for every moment and every breath when she's awake, and the good days turn to bad days eventually.

It's hard for Beca to see Chloe so pale than what she used to look like. She couldn't see the light of Chloe Beale anymore when she sees her now.

There are times when Beca knows that Chloe is far too conscious of her own death sentence, and the pain that comes along with it. When she knows what's going on, but not really. That's when it really changes how Chloe's brain work, making her not see the reason she's here the first place. And when Chloe opens her eyes and spoke for the first time in three days, the first thing that comes out of her mouth is, "I want to go home,"

It surprised Beca, she shut her laptop and put it on a desk beside her. She took Chloe's hand and it's warm, Beca's initial thought is she's having a fever. She places a hand on Chloe's neck and forehead, but it doesn't really indicate anything. She kept in mind to call a nurse later.

"You want to go home?" Beca said after a few moments, she looks into Chloe's face, her eyes are shut, but she's agitated and her lips are dry.

"I want to go home." Chloe repeats, and it's somehow more stable, but still in the soft tone that she can only speak in, "Take me home."

Beca let's go of Chloe's hand for a minute and hoists herself up onto the bed, so she's sitting beside Chloe, pressed up against her. "I can't Chlo. You have to stay in the hospital."

"No no. I don't. You need to take me home. It'll be better there, I promise." Chloe replies, her voice trembling, "Please Beca."

"They're looking after you here Chloe, you know that," Beca says softly, but she starts to panic when she sees Chloe getting more stressed by everything she says.

Chloe's head starts moving from side to side, and she repeats, "No, no, no, no, no," a number of times. There's a tear running down her nose as she whispers, her voice broken, "No, it will be better there. It won't hurt there Becs. It hurts so much Beca. Please. Take yo- me home. Tae-take me home."

It's almost incomprehensible the sounds that are coming out of her mouth, and Beca can hear the heart monitor beside her speed up the beeps. So she places a hand on Chloe's cheek and silences her until her mumbling stops, her own hand starting to quiver.

"Hey, hey, you know I'd take you home if I could Chlo. But I promise it doesn't hurt as much here." Beca says slowly after a few moments of letting Chloe take her breath.

She swallows hard, and Chloe's voice is almost not like her own as she says, "B-but you can't p-properly lay down with thi-s hospita-al bed. You can't, you can't, you can't- it's not big enough. Please Beca," She's almost incoherent, and she's hardly finishing any sentences or thoughts in her head, but it makes Beca stumble a bit.

"I know Chlo, I know it's hard," Beca says, a little teared up, "But hey, I'm right here, see, I'll always be right here. Okay?"

She moves her body to look at Chloe's face so they're looking into each other's eyes, "Hey, okay?"

Chloe's voice failed her for a bit, it caught it's dryness before she says, "Alright."

Beca stays with her there until she falls into a sleep after a little bit. The silence of the room, except for the occasional beeps, is almost deafening. After she deems that Chloe's asleep, albeit restlessly, she goes down and sits on her chair again. She presses the button to call the nurse to do the necessary check ups. She watches as she takes what's left of Chloe's blood. She looks away wishing that she could take her home.

-Panda-

It was a simple day, nothing happened at all. There was, however, a sperse of chaos just outside the hallway of Chloe's room. Beca can hear that someone has gone through cardiac arrest. And she hopes it wasn't Mrs. Jadelyn, she was really nice. Old, but nice. She was already at stage four carcinoma by the time she came to the hospital. That was another thing she learned in her stay, most people who understand you when you talk despite the weeks before when they couldn't, tend to die. Just a thing she noticed.

But other than that, it was very normal. Chloe's lying on her bed and Aubrey and Beca worked on the recliners that they have claimed as their own. Beca moved her recliner as close to Chloe's bed as it could and she's sitting there, mixing music or doing work, and sometimes playing with Chloe's hands and fingers loosely on the bed.

Aubrey sits on the other side of Chloe's bed, but at the end. She also does the same, she reads and writes papers, and when she falls asleep, she's hunched over her back, holding on to a part of Chloe, mostly her leg. And the weight is comforting, Chloe can't move her legs anyway, she's too tired. The weight that Aubrey puts on it makes her feel less weak.

Aubrey is here more often these days, she has cancelled more projects and jobs the worse that Chloe's become. She still goes on to work and contributing a part of her life to work. Mostly because that is a part of her life that she has control of.

Chloe isn't as scared about leaving her behind because of it, but she still sees the incredible hurt in Aubrey's eyes when Chloe begins to struggle to breathe, or when she has to have a nasogastric tube shoved down her throat. She knows at least it'll still hurt her.

It was still normal when a nurse comes into the room in the late morning, and there's warm wind coming through the open window, the needle that she pierces into the top of Chloe's bruised hand glints from the sunlight as she took Chloe's blood. She pushes the blood cart out of the room, and excuses herself out of the room, giving Beca and Aubrey a pitiful smile and a tired face.

Chloe doesn't wake up from that. And that's normal.

She does however wake up almost 30 minutes later, squeezing Beca's hand. "Hey there beautiful," Beca whispers, looking up from her mixing software and leaning to press a kiss on Chloe's cheek.

Moving her head a little to Beca's affection, Chloe pries her eyes open in the morning light. "Hi," her voice is slow and raspy, and it's getting more and more soft, "Did they take my blood?"

Beca laughs a bit, putting her laptop away, "Yeap, they took it about 20 minutes ago Beale." She gently courses her fingers around the small tape covering the needle mark, "Did you feel it?"

Chloe doesn't bother asking what it was ever for. It's a pretty constant thing. She even doubts Aubrey and Beca knows, or asked either. It's far too many medical technicalities to remember.

Chloe offers a small smile at Beca's fond voice, "Didn't feel a thing, what time is it?"

Beca rummages around for her phone to tell Chloe, but Aubrey beat her to it from the end of the bed, looking at the laptop screen. "It's a little past 11am." She rests her chin on her hand, elbow on the arm of the recliner and legs propped up on Chloe's bed, her eyes look bloodshot and tired, looking much like Beca's.

The presence of Aubrey surprised Chloe because she only managed to open her eyes to look at Beca. She winces as she tries to move her body over to see Aubrey. It takes her a few moments, and her hands shake from beneath her as she tries to push herself up the bed a little. Eventually Aubrey can't sit there and watch her hurt herself anymore, so she stands and puts her hands on Chloe's shoulder gently to push her down. Chloe shudders at the relief that it brought from her aching body.

Aubrey leans so she's looking to Chloe's face, "Do you want to sit up Chlo?"

Chloe took a deep breath before replying, already laboured from the tiny effort, "Yes, please,"

Aubrey nods and Aubrey places an arm under Chloe's back, lifting Chloe's arm around her shoulder. Beca stand up to help, but Aubrey just silently shakes her head and gives her a sign that she's got it. Aubrey pulls back the covers, and places another arm under Chloe's knees.

In a fast movement, but careful to not mess up Chloe's IV's and her cannula, Aubrey lifts her up in her arms. She tries not to think about how light Chloe is now, her legs and arms showing too much bone, and just dangling; she looks impossibly small. Beneath her, Beca uses the remote to adjust the bed into a seating position and she adjust the pillows and blanket so Chloe can lay there in comfort. Aubrey has to shift a couple of times to guide Chloe's head back into her shoulder because she can't lift her head up.

When Beca's done fiddling with the bed, Aubrey places Chloe back down gently, she straightens out her legs and pulled the blankets back over her. Chloe's eyes are screwed shut and it looks like she's in great pain. Aubrey pushes her recliner more further up towards Chloe's head and asks, "Chlo?"

Chloe offers a simple hum to let Aubrey know she's listening, Chloe even lets her eyes open and they're red with tears that she doesn't want to let out.

Aubrey scrunched up her face and she almost huffs out, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to hurt."

Chloe shakes her head slowly against the pillow, she swallows and licks her lips before rasping out, "No, no, don't worry. It's just me. I'm not used to moving much," she takes a deep intake of breath before continuing on, "I don't like that you have to do it too."

One of the worst things is to literally let everyone do everything for you. For Chloe, she tries to be all there mentally, but physically, her body is failing her to the highest level. She knows that she's hardly ever been out of bed this month, because they bring the drugs and the chemo and everything to her now. She's too sick to travel to another ward. Dr Neal even said that it is impossible for Chloe to even walk, simply because her muscles have forgotten how to function. And it would take vigorous physical therapy for her to regain all that she's lost.

It's simply the worst that Beca, Aubrey or someone else has to carry her to move anywhere. More than anything, Chloe misses her independence.

"You know I don't mind Chlo," Aubrey says, twiddling her fingers together, in what Chloe assumes is nervousness. "Hey do you need more painkillers? I can go call a nurse."

Chloe's eyes properly snap open, "Nope, I'm fine. It's okay, it'll be gone soon anyways," Technically she's not lying when she says it'll be gone, but soon for her is probably in about ten minutes if she's lucky of an ache that courses through her body.

Usually when Chloe was sleeping before and suddenly jerks awake, she would ask the nurses to put her on painkillers so she could ignore the pain. But right now, she's awake-ish and Beca and Aubrey are here. And the least she could do is not be sedated; it's worth it. It's worth being able to regain at least some of her consciousness by talking to them, even if she drifts off for a few minutes or if she's just sitting and watching them talk to each other.

It's worth their time to talk to Chloe as much as they can before she goes.

They sit like this for a while, Chloe slipping in and out of sleep, and she's truthfully the most awake she's been in weeks. She's become more aware of everything because of the lack of drugs in her system, no mixture of oxycodone or morphine. A subsidy to this is that she still feels every ache in each of her joints and every bolt when she shifts a little on the bed, and every pain of muscle in her neck and back when she's been in a position too long. The worse thing is, it hurts more when she tries to fight it off. So she waits until the pain is unbearable before urging Beca or Aubrey to change her position or to massage the pain away or something.

Time rolls around and it's suddenly half past five, Beca and Aubrey were going to go grab something to eat and bring it back to the room. Chloe has been awake for the majority of the day and she can't take anymore, especially when her mind is already pulling her to the dream realm. And having the room to herself seems like not a bad idea, the other two offer to have a nap when they're gone; to let some of the pain go away. But as they were about to go, and Chloe was about to fully submit to sleep, she hears a familiar voice pop in from the front of the room, "Knock Knock? Can I come in?" Followed by two quick knocks on the door.

Chloe breathes out a small, "Yeah," and Beca has to follow up with a "She says yeah,"

And Chloe finally pieces the voice with a face. Dr Neal comes around to her side of the bed and has a small smile on her face. She hasn't heard from the doctor for a couple of months, and she didn't dress in a doctor's attire with her labcoat, she's dressed pretty casually. Chloe hasn't heard much from her since she switched hospitals, but she's still Chloe's primary caretaker/doctor.

Beca and Aubrey makes small talk with the doctor, and Chloe learns that Dr Neal just got off from work and drove straight here to see Chloe. Chloe wracks her brain to the last time she saw Dr Neal and there hasn't been any need for face to face contact between two of them.

Until now apparently.

Before anything else, Aubrey smiles and excuses herself out of the room like every time one of Chloe's doctor comes in. She does it out of respect, and about something her dad said to her, she typically wants to leave those situations for Chloe and Beca. They're private, and it's not something she's entitled to. And if it's not anything important or if Chloe wants her to know about it, Aubrey will probably hear it after the doctor leaves.

The click of the closing door behind Audrey queued Dr Neal to look at Chloe. "Nice to see you again, Chloe."

"You too," says Chloe as she leans in a little forward to face Dr Neal. And it was, Dr Neal was a wonderful doctor and almost as though she was Chloe's a friend during her treatments. But something was strange. This isn't normal. and it was making Chloe's pulse beat faster by the second. Everyone could hear it on the heart monitor beside the bed though, they choose to ignore it for now.

Chloe asks, "Why did you come to this hospital Doc?"

"Well some occasions have to be made with face to face conversations Chloe." Dr Neal replies slowly, watching every word she says. There's a small moment where Beca puts her hand in Chloe's. After they're done Dr Neal says, "I have some news." And there's a small beat of silence again where she looks between two of them, curled around each other, "Do you want to talk alone, or with Beca here?"

Chloe makes a small frowning face because she's confused. Beca's been there through every single meeting and consultation and every single procedure that she's legal enough to be there for, "With Beca here." She says slowly like there's something she's missing, "I mean she's been here for all of them, and if not I'd tell her anyway."

Dr Neal fiddles with her wedding ring and a file that she's been holding since she came in, "Are you sure?"

Chloe nods, getting a little frustrated and she tightens her grips on Beca's hand. Because if she's honest, she's really terrified right now. This all seems so ominous and what news could be so bad that Dr Neal deems that Beca can't handle it?

Dr Neal fidgets around for a moment but shrugs, and then she opens up the file that she's holding at the table on the end of Chloe's bed. And there's another moment of silence when she finally looks up from her papers and a hesitant smile rests on her face, "There's a clinical test that you are suitable for, Chloe."

There's several long moments of silence, in which Chloe immediately releases her grip from Beca's and she hears Beca take a deep breath beside her when Dr Neal said those words, and she doesn't think that she fully digested it yet. As the cogs begin to turn in her head, the first thought that she has is that she's so confused.

Dr Neal has seen this confusion on both their faces before and so she starts to speak the speech she prepared on the way to the hospital, "There's a test that's been developed in another clinic not to far from here, my hospital just got the news and when I heard it, I thought immediately of you. This is it. This here is your last chance to beat this-"

There was more to her speech, many more words come out of her mouth but after a while of zoning out Chloe raises her trembling hand to stop Dr Neal from speaking. Her mouth has fallen open a little bit and her eyes are squinting like she still has no idea that this is even happening right now. And she's also grateful that she hasn't looked at Beca, because knowing her she's probably about to cry any minute. But Chloe thanks to all that is holy that Beca hasn't spoken yet.

"I want to speak with you." And there's a small pause where Chloe takes a small glance towards Beca, "Alone. Please."

Dr Neal nods, and meets eyes with Beca. But Beca just starts frantically shaking her head, and her face resembles one of a panic setting and her eyes are rimmed with tears, and her hands shaking too. "No. No. I'm staying, Chloe, I'm staying," she turns to look at Chloe and she adds forcefully, "I'm staying."

Chloe still hasn't turned to look at her but she looks at Dr Neal trying to beg silently to make her go because this conversation can't happen while she's inside. There's no way.

Dr Neal took the hint and took a breath, "Beca. Please leave the room. I need to talk to Chloe, my patient, alone." When Beca doesn't move, half through stubbornness and half because of confusion, Dr Neal sighs and looks at the floor, "I don't have a choice Beca. I have to abide to my patient's wishes, and if she wants to speak to me alone, you should respect that."

And afterwards Beca does look genuinely sorry as she takes one last look between Chloe and Dr Neal, and a look that's also some parts betrayal and confusion. Chloe nervously pressed a kiss to Beca's hand before she stood up, "I'm sorry Becs. I'm sorry. Just please, give me a minute." Beca takes a deep breath and exhales shakily as she walks out the door to join Aubrey outside.

When Chloe hears the door shut again, she looks straight at Dr Neal, who's biting her lips at her expectantly, wondering who should break the silence. Chloe opens her mouth to ask the many questions in her head.

However instead of intelligent questions that she asks, a string of emotions comes out of her mouth in a scared whisper, paired with tears that's been begging to come out, "I'm supposed to be dead within the next month or two. How- what- I don't… I don't understand."

Dr Neal sighs but smiles anyway, "Do you want me to explain further and then you can ask me anything, I've got all night,"

Chloe takes a moment, and feels her neck ache a little, though the race of the adrenaline in her veins are causing her hands to act jumpy. Chloe lets her head fall back onto the pillows as she tries not to get too caught up in it all. As she tries not to get too expectant of the idea of living. That is of too much hope right now.

"Yeah," she ends up breathing out. Dr Neal nods and takes a seat on the end of Chloe's bed, perching so she can rest the file next to Chloe's legs.

"Okay, so this test has been trialed since almost 6 years ago. Maybe you've heard of it Chloe. It is for patients who are in their final stages of life and one's who are terminal. Who are like you." Dr Neal looks at Chloe but her face is focused on nothing ahead of her, and she kept going, "This test wasn't supposed to be open for another 10 months or so but then they have been intensive in their research and they're made a lot of changes. To put it simply, it's something like chemo but a lot stronger. It's for patients who chemotherapy alone isn't enough to work. It's vigorous. But you fit all of the requirements to participate. All you need to do is sign this form, and I've filled out the rest."

Dr Neal looks on hopefully at Chloe as she puts the papers in front of her. There's a space at the bottom that says 'patient signature' where Chloe is supposed to sign on. But she can't make herself pick up the pen.

"You can live Chloe," Dr Neal encourages watchfully, "This is your last chance to be happy,"

Chloe doesn't respond but she takes in the information. She stares at the papers intensely like somehow, with enough staring, she could move them with her mind. Dr Neal just lets her sit there and stare for a moment and allows her to ask any question if she has some. It's a few minutes until Chloe finally has the guts to speak up.

"What's the it called?" And that's not the question she means to ask, but it's what her brain decides to make come out of her mouth. She's just not ready for the answers she's not ready to hear. Not yet. So she starts with something small, something that she probably won't understand to calm her down a bit.

"Uhm, it's called H-caesiumixia-diroxide," Dr Neal responds, somehow knowing that Chloe is just stalling time. "The name is still developing, not really approved by the commercial board yet."

Chloe nods, the name sound scary, it something she can't even pronounce. It takes her back to college chemistry, without the added innocence. She's still scared of what she has to ask, but she knows she needs to, "What's the uh… the treatment plan?" She mumbled.

A tiny smile formed on Dr Neal's face when she hears Chloe ask that, she knows she's getting there, just a little more budge, "So the first stage they mix some old drugs with it, a multi-agent intensive chemo they call it. I won't lie to you Chloe, it hurts and goes all out on your body. But the new drug will help you ease into it. And that stage alone can last 6 months to a year, my guess with you conditions it will probably be 9-12 months."

Dr Neal takes a breath, and look over at Chloe who gave a small nod, "The second and mostly final stage has two areas; first is that we continue using the multi-agent chemo but combined with remission drugs. That won't put you to remission but it will kill most of the cancerous cells because of the new drug. The other area is just preventative prophylaxis therapy to stop your cancer to reach your immune system. It's low dosage and that's it."

There's a beat of silence as Chloe takes in all the information, she's been in this long enough to know most of what Dr Neal is saying. And she also knows that this won't be a short time to deal with. And the thing she's scared of the most, it may not work.

Calming her nerves a bit, Chloe speaks more firmly now, a voice she didn't even know she was capable of in weeks. It almost scares her. "So what are the chances that it's just more painful water pumped into me?"

Dr Neal changed her face to one of confusion, "Pardon, what?"

Chloe looks down at her fiddling hands and winced a little at where they took the blood, "What's the chance I will get it?" Because she knows, she did her research. Some clinical trials just advertise and she won't even get it. The doctors give hope and give fake drugs and fake results. And then that's it. She's dead. But with all the hope that there is the slight glimmer of hope that she would live.

"Don't think that way." Dr Neal gave her a pointed look as if she just read Chloe's mind, " And besides it's a phase IV trial, you'll certainly get the drugs. They've just have a little over 4000 patients in on it."

"Stats." Chloe says, her voice beginning to get raspy again. And right now she doesn't know between right and wrong or what to do, it pains her just thinking about it. "What's the statistics doc?"

This is what Dr Neal's been waiting for. This is her chance to tell Chloe what she needs to know to give that push. Because in her 23 years of treating patients, she's never met someone else more ready for this drug than she is.

"They're really good Chloe. So about 85% of them have gone from being terminal to the first phase. Then from the 85%, there's about 60% who went to remission therapy. People who started legitimately have gone to remission, 5 years cancer free!"

Chloe's eyes move from Dr Neal to the papers that are centimeters away from her hands, "But there's still a chance I won't." She pauses for a moment, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, "There's still a pretty big chance that I'll die and it'll just be all for nothing."

That catches Dr Neal by surprise a little, because ever since she's known Chloe, Chloe's been always on top of things when it came to ways she could stay alive. Chloe spent weeks asking Dr Neal treatments she's viable for, things that she could try out, ask about clinical trials that she read online. And more often than not, Dr Neal has to tell her no time and time again, she always leaves looking sad. But a couple of weeks later, now that she's back, she drops it down. This isn't the Chloe she's used to seeing. The patient he treated weeks ago even if she had tubes shoved down her throat wasn't cynical and death minded already, and certainly not welcoming death for a chance to live.

After a brief silence, Dr Neal clears her throat and starts to speak again, "There will always be that small chance, Chl-"

"It's a 40% chance actually." Chloe interrupts, biting her tongue to literally prevent her from crying. Because she's so close to it. So close to just break down. She should have not let her in, she should have just pretended to sleep.

Dr Neal registers that for a moment and replies, "Yes. A 40% chance you won't make it. But there's a 60% chance you might. They are incredible statistics Chloe, better than most. And the bar is increasing every day."

"Tch, or it could lower everyday too. 60 to 40? Might as well call it 50-50." Chloe says. She's mumbling this mostly to herself. And she's just so angry, not at Dr Neal but at herself. Why did she even have to ask about this? What good will it bring to her now? Nothing. She just needs to pretend that this didn't happen and tell everyone she's turning it down. And she knows they won't understand at first. And they won't understand that she's doing it for them.

"Well. For the stage of cancer that this is targeting, I say it's pretty damn remarkable. This is actually miles ahead than anything else in the oncology area right now," Dr Neal insists, she almost seems desperate.

Chloe closes her eyes and composes herself, "I can't do it."

Dr Neal sighs and speaks, "Look before you convince yourself or convince me of anything else, I want you to know that this is something you can handle. It's hard, and it's going to be long but I know you can handle it." She is sure about it.

"Beca and Aubrey?" Dr Neal says, she sees Chloe slump her shoulders, "I'm pretty sure they'd want you to do this. I really can't imagine them saying anything different."

And Chloe starts shaking her head, she can't listen to this. Of course Dr Neal wouldn't understand too. Honestly she was hoping that someone would, but she didn't. No one will. Chloe will die being the guilty party. The one that didn't take a second chance at life.

"Please stop." Chloe trembles, noting that Dr Neal is still trying to prove her wrong. She's suddenly so tired. Her head is aching just by the thought of this, and she really doesn't want to hear any of this crap anymore.

She feels Dr Neal move around, and gather the papers. She sighs and says, "Well you have three days until they give up your place in the trial. Call me anytime. Even if it's to ask more questions or anything, I'll be available. Please Chloe." She's paused on the door and glances back to Chloe, "Would you like me to send Beca and Aubrey back in?"

Chloe just closes her eyes and Dr Neal knows that there are tears threatening to come out, "No, don't, not yet."

"Would you like me to tell them? Dr Neal asks, it's soft and understanding, and she can see Chloe relax a bit.

It takes Chloe a little bit to respond then she mumbles out, "Yes please. And tell them everything. I don't think, I can't…"

Chloe trails off, unsure of where she was going. Dr Neal replies, "No worries, I get it." And this is something Dr Neal has done before.

Before she completely it out the door she adds one last comment, "I just hope you would really consider this Chloe."

Chloe just nods a little and closes her eyes, sleep taking over her immediately.

-Panda-

When she finally wakes up she almost forgot that she may have completely fucked up the last few weeks of her life. Almost.

The small time between her regaining consciousness and finding strength to open her eyes, she feels a moment of peace. Where she's warm and she can hear someone breathing next to her and she's in the darkness. It's simple and calming.

But then she has to open them. And Aubrey is sitting in Beca's recliner. She's leaning forwards, elbows on her thighs and chin on her hands. She can see her eyes looks bloodshot and rimmed with red that it comes back to Chloe. She swear she could feel the blood slow down in her veins, and immediately loses the warm feeling she had just a second ago. And she's scared.

She doesn't say anything for a few moments, and she doesn't think Aubrey even knows she's awake because she's looking at the floor. She has completely zoned out and Chloe doesn't even know how to start this. Does she apologize, does she try to explain herself?

In the end, after internal debating, all she can force out is a small, whimpered, "Bree?"

There's a small crane of her neck, but her hands doesn't move from her hands. Aubrey lets out a depressive sigh. Her mouth pursed tightly, something Chloe's grown accustomed to since Barden. And after, what Chloe knows is probably a mess in her mind, she whispers out defeatedly, "Why Chloe?"

Chloe has to look away and all that she could say is another small, "Bree," but it's quieter and smaller, and she really does want to be anywhere rather than here and have this conversations. She wants to go back hours ago and just makes sure that Dr Neal never got to her in the first place.

"Don't," Aubrey says, louder this time, and she fists her hands, a sign that Chloe knows is her trying to keep her cool, "Just, why are you doing this?"

"I don't have a choice." Chloe mumbles out, and she's tried. She really shouldn't have woken up.

"You don't have a choice?" Aubrey almost shouts disbelievingly, but when she sees Chloe physically flinch at her tone she takes a deep breath and moves forward on the chair. "All you have are fucking choice Chloe. A choice not to do it and die, or a choice to do it and live."

Chloe locks eyes with her again. Hurt. Even though at the back of her mind she knows Aubrey wouldn't understand, she still hoped that she wouldn't. But now it's hard to explain this seemingly unexplainable thing. It's confusing even to her, but she does know that it's her only option.

"If I do it, it doesn't guarantee that I'll live." Chloe says, and it's a little bit irritated, but it comes out exhausted more than anything. She meant it to be firm though, so Aubrey would get her.

Aubrey looks frustrated and looks like she might just vomit. "But Chloe, you don't really have a chance if you don't do it. I don't- I don't understand." And now she's shaking, and there's tears in the corner of her eyes, her voice quaking sometimes.

"I don't know how to explain it Bree." Chloe stars, and her voice is small and sad, "But I can't do it Aubrey. I can't."

"You have to Chloe." Aubrey replies, like it's the simplest choice and the most obvious thing to do."

Chloe shook her head, "I don't have to do anything. It's my choice."

She watched as Aubrey chokes back a sob and palms her eyes for a moment. And Chloe feels an overwhelming sense of guilt knowing that she caused this much pain. Her mind flicked back to a promise somewhen in Sophomore Barden age that she'll always make Aubrey happy if she could. And she is. She just doesn't realize it until the long term. They just don't understand that she's doing this for them. To protect them.

"Okay look," Aubrey clears her throat. "I know I can't force you to do anything." And she sniffles and tries really hard not to cry, and it's heartbreaking and Chloe just has to force herself to look away, "But you can't imagine what it's like to lose you Chlo. How it's the worst thing ever that's happened to any of us."

Chloe looks at Aubrey confused, and after Aubrey removes her -now wet- hands from her eyes, they're looking at each other's eyes. "I lose you guys too." she mumbles, and she already knows what Aubrey's response is going to be.

"No. You are dying." Aubrey states, and it's not angry or meant to annoy her, it's simple and small. "Me and Beca and your parents, siblings, we are losing you. We have to go on without you," And it's a few seconds before Aubrey composes herself again, but her voice albeit strained, "I don't want to do that. I want you to come with us."

Chloe takes a long time to respond to that because she knows that. And when she does respond, her voice is firm and controlled, because it's important to get across and she's also just realizing this herself, "I don't want to give you guys false hope."

"It isn't false hope." Aubrey counters immediately.

"It is." Chloe replies just as quick. "Everything else; the chemo, the transplant, the radiation. It was all supposed to fucking work. But it didn't did it. This is fucking false hope Bree." Chloe almost slams her fist against the bed if she has any strength to do it.

"These are better chances than the beginning though," Aubrey says, her voice still laced with strain.

"It's a 40% chance I'll still die, but if I take it I have to endure through treatments that's harder than actual chemo, and give everyone this hope," She says like it's a swear word, "I am so tired aubrey. I'm tired of fighting. And I was ready. You know?"

Aubrey just stares at Chloe for a while to the point when Chloe has to look away. There's a shaky intake of breath when Aubrey whispers out, "You know I will respect any decision you make, and I know I can't even fathom to know how hard and painful it is to be this sick. But I still think you should do it. I want you to."

Chloe almost completely relaxes when aubrey says the words she needed to hear the most. And she knew that last bit was coming but she needed that. The reassurance that Aubrey wasn't doing to totally hold it against her and even if she did, that she was going to hold it aside.

So all Chloe can say now is a small "Thank you." There's a small moment where she really just wants to ask the question that's been burning in the back of her head since she scanned the room and finding no trace of the small brunette, "Where's Beca?"

There's a small change in the dexterity in Aubrey's eyes. A little flash of what Chloe can see is regret? She sits back in the recliner a little and hesitates a little, "She went home. Well, I dropped her home, maybe four hours ago?"

Beca never spends time away from the hospital until she absolutely needs to. And Chloe is cared because Beca is probably the only good thing for her right now. The only thing that made it all bearable. She's the one that's been beside her all the way. The one that supported her the entire time. There's Aubrey too, but even she left for a while.

And leaving is understandable. Leaving is expected. But Beca never did that. She stuck through everything, all the procedures, the operations she could be in, the hospitals check in's. Taking all her troubles. Keeping count of her medications, what time the chemo was, researching new treatments plans.

Beca was honestly everything that kept Chloe alive. And though she is impossibly sick in her body, and her soul even more so, she knows she would follow Beca anywhere. She owes her far more than just her life.

The long silence of thought allows Aubrey to speak again, composed this time, "She stayed to talk with Dr Neal. She said she wasn't up for driving, so I did."

"Did she say anything?" Chloe whispered, her words mumbling a little, and she's tired again already. Feeling hopeless. Aga- Always.

Aubrey bit her lip like she's trying really hard to lose composure again. But her eyes brim with tears again, and her voice is strained, "She said she's really sorry she's not here. And that-" She sniffs. "And that she thinks you don't deserve to see her cry." She wipes the tears away and pretends that it's okay that Beca could be so humble.

"Shit." Chloe pushes out, because she wanted to know that but really didn't need to know that, "I really don't deserve her."

And probably been a long time since she had said anything like that. Something so sincere. Because right now it feels like she has pushed away the only person that truly cared for her. To suffer so badly because she can't do anything to help.

Aubrey offers a gentle touch on Chloe's hand, "Chloe," Aubrey started, "I think, I…" She doesn't finish that sentence and lets it hang before shaking her head.

"No, what?" Chloe persists.

She runs her hand over her forehead and whispers, "I really don't want to say this but my emotions are a mess and I have no barriers but right now you really don't fucking deserve Beca. She loves you so much, too fucking much."

"I love her too." Chloe says back, and it's desperate and now she begins to worry because making Aubrey think that she doesn't love Beca is a nightmare. She needs her to understand that she's doing this because she loves Beca.

Aubrey just shrinks into her chair and slightly nods, then she looks away. And Chloe hates her a little in that moment. Because she knows there's an underlying factor there. She despises Aubrey for not understanding.

In reality, she just hates herself even more.

-Pandas-

Chloe doesn't sleep very well. When Aubrey left the previous night, she slammed her hand at the nurse's button, tears streaming down her face and she demanded painkillers. She just wanted to sleep, to shut it all out.

She was in a deep sleep until the early morning when beams of light bounces off the walls and the floors into her hospital room, reflecting all the things like her respirator or her IV. She dreamt a lot.

She dreamt that she was in a park in Barden, but it's eerily empty and there's no background noise like students chatting or traffic or anything really.

She sighs as she looks down and she's still wearing her hospital gown, and it's waving slowly with a wind that she can't feel. And all of the sudden she's holding an IV pole, and it's making a screeching noise that reverberates around her ears. Slowly she starts to hear the sounds back, leaves crunching, distant people around her.

And suddenly she also realizes she's standing. And could feel her bare feet bleeding from the amount of pressure that it wasn't used to. It doesn't bother her though, she doesn't feel the pain. And then with a shake of her head, she sees her.

Beca.

She's standing at the bottom of a tree, in conjunction with herself. Chloe notices that she's wearing her favourite pair of jeans and a navy shirt covered with a plaid top. Beca smiles brightly when she sees Chloe, except she doesn't move towards her, even if Chloe stumbles upon to walk. She just stands there and smiles, occasionally moving her feet to sway her body to the music that she just noticed is there. And it seems to get louder.

Chloe's feet seems to be bleeding more and more, and despite the loss of blood they are becoming heavier to carry, and the stones on the ground doesn't really help. She feels her body beginning to slow down and writhe, feeling every movement her muscles make under her skin.

But something happens that Chloe doesn't even know how to describe. There's flash of red, and somehow her whole body goes transparent as if something just went through her. And she realizes that another girl slides towards Beca. Half running into Beca's outstretched arm, and the other just waiting to give her a hug.

Beca's face softened as the girl appears. Chloe's smile fade but not into sadness but something of fondness. This girl makes Beca happy. And the dress she's wearing is the same as Chloe's hospital gown but with ruffles and it looks incredibly soft, and Chloe wants to touch it. Beca does. Chloe can no longer move her body, it's as if she's been stuck there for a while watching moments unfold.

The girl places her hand on Beca weight and starts to dance alone with the music. But she starts to recognize the girl's features a little more. The way her hand clasps at the side of Beca's waist, the all too familiar taste of movements. The way her hair flows down just past her shoulders. She looks like someone Chloe saw before.

And when she turns around. She recognizes that it's her face.

But it's in a way that Chloe hasn't seen it in a long time. Full, the redness in her cheeks are there and her eyes blue as ever. The rays of sunlight makes them both look perfect. And Chloe sees the way Beca's hand fits so beautifully in the other her.

Chloe looks down at her own hand, it's bruised and thin. It's empty except for the IV tube attached to her right hand. It mocks her. It reminds her of something she never truly had. The dream fades until she can only see Beca and the other Chloe. And Chloe tries to capture the absolute joy on Beca's face.

The room is quiet when she finally wakes up, there's no quiet tap of keyboards or even quieter whispers of the two talking.

She lies awake for a long time, awake in her own sense of loneliness. She'd never felt more abandoned in her life. She feels as though she's betrayed herself. But there's no second-guessing. They'll thank her in the end.

-Pandas-

Beca has never knocked when coming inside Chloe's room before. But she does this time. She's nervous and she feels distant, and Beca knows it's strange, but it doesn't feel right for her to just walk in anymore.

Chloe perks her head up at the sound of the door, she had been waiting for the nurse to come back with more fluids, but the nurses give out a small knock and immediately comes in. Then she hears rustling of legs and and a silhouette of a shadow and somehow she knows it's Beca.

There is so much in between them right now, there is too much. And even though Chloe doesn't see her yet, hasn't even so much looked at her, she knows she's not going to be seeing the same Beca. And really, all she wants to do right now is love, and if all that she gets is the space in between them, then she will still love that. She will love every part of Beca until Beca loves her back. She will.

Although there has been pain up until this point. Chloe never thought she'd be able to see the kind of shattering and pain etched on Beca's face. She'd thought she'd seen all of it, the worst of it.

But Beca comes in through the doorway, and her face visibly crumples when she sees Chloe, and a wretched sob escapes from her throat when they locked eyes. Beca looks like she'd been crying, red eyes, swollen, her throat just raging, she promised she wouldn't cry. But she can't keep that promise anymore.

Beca closes the door and leans on it. Chloe hears the thump of her back hitting the door, and the noise of her black converse sliding on the floor.

All Chloe can hear is Beca just gasping for breath, and Chloe feels her tears well up too. She holds back crying but Beca just had to sob out, "I can't be here. I can't do this, I'm sorry." And Chloe can't even find words to say to Beca right now, to comfort her and tell her it's okay. To come and hold her because really she's tired and she misses her.

After a gracious amount of time, Chloe can hear Beca start to move again, and when she looks up, Beca was standing in front of her bed. Close to her, but still seemingly as far as she could be. She moved so that her hand is gripping the railing, and Chloe can see her veins popping out. Beca's chest is still heaving and she's stuttering and hiccuping words that Chloe can't hear.

Eventually after some time, Chloe can decipher her words, and it's quiet, her voice breaking with every word she says, "I'm sorry. I really thought I could come here without crying."

Chloe doesn't really have a response to that, she kind of doesn't want to say that it's okay that Beca wasn't to cry or not. Because she knows Beca has to try to keep some form of control in her life.

"I just-" Beca started through panting breaths, "I don't even know what to say anymore, I had a list of things to say but all of them seem sad, now that I'm here. I don't know what to do." There's a pause where Beca is gathering her thoughts, and wipes away her tears, "Aubrey even said that you think this is false- false hope?"

And Chloe remembers that voice, a voice that she hadn't heard for a long time. It's a voice that indicates Beca's sad and angry. Chloe just wants this to go the fuck away. "It is." Chloe doesn't beat around the bush, she comes straight-forward, and her voice contrasts Beca's because it's low and guarded and tired.

"It isn't." Beca counters, her voice now a little raised, her eyes glimmering with something other than tears.

Chloe understands how to work through these now. All she has to do is keep explaining the same exact things to people until they understand, or they don't, she doesn't care anymore, "It is though Beca. It's just another treatment or trial or whatever the fuck you want to call it but it won't work. Just like all the others."

Beca just gapes her mouth and hangs her body over the railing, leaning on it fully for support. She doesn't understand what happened to Chloe that caused her to give up her life for death so easily. She sucks in a breath so deep, and starts to cry again before she says firm and loud intended for Chloe to hear, "I don't understand." She sucks in a few shaky breaths again before finishing, "I just don't understand why you want to die. Why you want to leave? Leave me? Delight me please, because I don't fucking get it. I really don't."

Chloe resents Beca for saying that, she wants to get angry with Beca but she's still surprisingly calm when she replies, but Beca knows it's full of annoyance, "You have no fucking right to say that. I never wanted to die, but that's the way cancer worked in my body." Chloe pauses to observe Beca's features, her lips were trembling and in fact her whole body was too, "I am tired Beca. So tired. I was so ready."

Beca can't even look at Chloe anymore as she hears her sobs bouncing through the room again. She clutched her chest, to try to get a grip. Mostly to keep her heart inside her ribcage. She feels like she's drowning in sadness and fear, and she feels like she needs to completely erase this part of her life to erase this emotions out of her because she's going to lose Chloe.

And that thought is what pushed her buttons to go further, and she's shaking the bed so hard and pushes through gritted teeth, "Oh my fucking god. Please please, Chloe please don't do this, please please god please." She's begging so much, and that's her last resort, what other possible things are there?

She sees Chloe look down, and her eyes search Chloe's for any shine of hope, and she winces when she didn't even budge Chloe. Because she wants Chloe to be with her forever. She never wanted anything more than this her whole life, and that's saying something.

There's silence where Beca calms a bit, to where her voice is levelled and it's saddeningly honest.

"You'll never know how this feels Chloe." Beca pulls in a breath and moves around the bed but still in grip with the bed rail. "And you are so fucking lucky you never will. Because watching the love of your life die right in front of you breaks you as a person. You can't even imagine how much pain it brought and still brings me to. And you know what hurts even more Beale?" Beca spat out.

"I thought I already had experienced the worst among all the worst but no. You know what's worse?" Beca suddenly punches the crisp hospital sheets, "Watching the love of your life die when there was a chance that she could have lived. Yea, turns out that's harder."

Beca crumples the sheets with her hands and continues to speak, "Because you blame yourself for not convincing her enough to take that chance to live! And you regret deep in your heart until ultimately the reason for her death is weighted all upon you."

Beca pulls the hospital sheets up a little, forcing Chloe to look up at her. "Chloe! I am going to have to live every fucking day of my life, regretting and knowing that you could have been beside me. But you're not. And I don't know how I'm going to cope with that. Tell me Chlo, how am I supposed to do it? You think you're the only one that's tired? I am fucking exhausted." Beca cries.

Beca hits the end of Chloe's bed with an open palm, because Chloe is staring at her, her expression stoic and sad and it's the same expression since she came in but now she has fresh tears falling on her face.

Beca just continues, "Just imagine, Chloe. Imagine if you were in my place, if you were me. Imagine knowing that you have to wake up without me beside you! Imagine if you were losing me! What would you want me to do? Just- just give up my life?"

And for a moment, Chloe does sympathize. For the first time she puts herself in Beca's shoes. Seeing herself alive without Beca. Before this it's been a blur, and something abstract. And she realizes that all she wanted was death because she couldn't be bothered to know any better. Death's sly and welcoming arms trying to encompass her, protecting her, all the while trying to kill her. Maybe that's is it's plan.

There's silence and a clarity in Chloe's eyes for the first time, in seeing Beca's broken ones, she sees happiness. Something she hasn't seen in the eyes of human flesh in a long time. And Chloe knows that it won't be there for a long time, but she saw it. And that's good enough. Chloe watched as Beca dropped down into the recliner that Aubrey mostly uses, looking impossibly exhausted and given up.

It's been so long since Chloe has been healthy. She doesn't even remember what it feels like. She can't even remember how it felt to be healthy. But she sees an end to Beca's sadness, and maybe she can almost feel it again. And for the first time in a long time, she sees a future, bright and somehow it can hardly be placed in her timeline. It's her and Beca lying on lazy Sunday mornings curled in a couch together, and it's acrylic and bright sun beams and it ends up being not that bright because they haven't showered but that doesn't matter.

It all comes rushing back to Chloe, the memories she's had in a time before this. What she misses from her life the most. She remembers teaching in her classroom, with her students laughing. She remembers cafe Saturday mornings with Aubrey, making jokes and drinking coffee. She remembers the feeling of strength when she was doing yoga. She remembers joy in listening to Beca's mixes or music, something that she hadn't heard in awhile.

She remembers Beca. Beca's phone calls in the dead end night, the thrill of clubs that she attends with her sometimes, the steel navy gaze when Chloe so badly wanted to kiss her but knows she shouldn't.

And suddenly she's missing life. She misses the feeling.

She feels all of this in her bed, with a machine hooked so that it's practically living for her, and Beca still silently crying at the side of her bed.

Chloe reached to her with a trembling and weak hand to place it on Beca's upper arm, making Beca flinch a little and look up to Chloe. Beca almost has this face of sufferable on her face, like she doesn't want Chloe to be touching her right now, like that in of that itself is too much to handle.

"Come." Chloe mutters, wrapping her small fingers around Beca's shoulder, and Beca started to stand painfully slow Chloe says, "Kiss me. Please."

"Chlo-"

"Please." Chloe pleads, she needs this so badly.

After a moment of hesitation in Beca's eyes, Beca shook her head and leant in. On of her hand holding Chloe's head steady on her neck and the other beside Chloe's shoulder. And she connects their lips together. And Chloe just wraps Beca, and it's soft but intimate all at once. And she can hear Beca's throat close up and leans in further into the kiss. It's like this is going to be her last, like they're still on a time limit.

And it's soft and Chloe lost her breath completely, but she whispers into Beca's mouth, "I'll do it."

For a few moments Beca just acted like nothing monumental just happened and continued kissing Chloe, until she stills and pulls away. "What?" She breaths out.

"I'll do it, and I'm sorry." And it's the most simple and most complicated thing in the world. Chloe raises her hand with all her strength to stroke Beca's cheeks as she lets out a small smile.

Chloe's hand falls from Beca's cheek when Beca's knees fail her. There's a choked sob that comes out from her body, she places her head on the side of Chloe's bed while crouching down on the ground. "Oh my god. Oh my fucking god." Chloe hears Beca mumbles as she shook her head.

And suddenly, Beca pulls herself up again excitedly and presses her lips against Chloe's, and mumbles out sincerely on her lips. "Thank you so much."

-Pandas-

Aubrey comes in that night when she got a call from Beca that Chloe had changed her mind. Aubrey cried and cried, and Chloe felt really sorry about what happened. The hospital also informed of Dr Neal on Chloe's change of heart and Dr Neal happily put Chloe on the list for the first phase.

They started two days after Chloe signed her form. She started her first phase on December 29th, and went to remission on the November 14th the two next years. It wasn't easy to get there. It took over two years of hard medication, a scare that maybe her cancer had failed her digestive system, three ambulance rides, another transplant, but most important was the love that she received from her loved ones. Especially from Beca.

It's hard to suddenly make disappear the last 4 years of her life. The one where she was controlled by some ungodly force that intended for her life to be as miserable as possible. Where it was only towards the end when she was growing out of the second phase, when she was only doing low dose of chemo and when she was able to relax at home while not being in intense pain.

It actually doesn't change much in being in remission. It doesn't change the fact that she was hospitalized for months, it doesn't change the fact that it held her back from her career and that the students she was teaching was already juniors in highschool. It scares her sometimes. It doesn't change the fact that she had to say goodbye to the people she loved the most, and reappear again as a part of their life. It doesn't change that she has to learn how to walk again on legs that never touched the ground in months.

It never changed any of that. And she won't forget any of them ever.

But one day she was going through her old books and she found one of her old journals where one question asked, "When was a time you felt genuine happiness?" And Chloe had wrote 6 years ago that winning the ICCAs and Worlds were the things that made her genuinely happy. And she even stuck a picture with the Bellas inside it. But now she thinks she would change that. Because when Dr Neal told her that there wasn't a single trace of cancer left inside her body, she experiences something so raw and happy, so happy that she felt like she could burst.

This doesn't mean that Chloe would put all her 4 years of pain and black behind her and hide it somewhere in a box so that one day she could pull it out and look through it for a sob story, no. This means that she's moving past that, that it was something she experienced but doesn't anymore.

And there are moments where Chloe just forgets, like when Beca clings to her whispering a chorus of I love yous and speaking her name over and over again. She just feels whole.

And Beca notices the change in Chloe too. The way that she regained her independence and strength. She'd strong and proud and she's alive. She goes back to teach at that school until the students of her class that are seniors have to graduate. She's becoming more self aware of who she is.

But there are still times when Beca could see the underlyings of cancer in Chloe, like she can't help herself but look at the little things Chloe does as a habit from cancer. Things that catches her off guard and things she can't seem to shake off. Like it's almost part of Chloe's personality.

Because Beca noticed when Chloe would stare at her now clean hands, free of bruises like if she stares hard enough, the bruises would reappear. Or when Chloe looks long and hard at the long sleeved, xxs sized shirts she used to wear that's now hidden deep in her closet. Or when they're sitting together working on the couch with the TV playing behind them, that Chloe touches the place where the IVs used to pierce her skins.

Beca notices them all. She also knew the unspoken times that Chloe would get out of bed at early in the morning and disappear from their room. She would sometimes hear the keyboard from across the hall playing soft notes accompanied with Chloe's hums. Or she would hear the soft noise of netflix from Chloe's laptop when she's out on the couch. Sometimes after those nights, Chloe would come back in trembling a little in the early morning hours.

Now it's different. And she's changed. She's better from it. And now when they lay together, their bodies moving in sync, it's sacred and so intimate. But sometimes she would be scared Beca would leave her after the cancer, that once Beca had nothing to look after, she would leave.

However, Beca would always greet her with a smile. And she stayed. She did always stay.

A/N: HOLLLYYYY FLYINGNNGNGNGNG FUCKKCKCKCKCKCKC. sorry for my profanity but i almost went crazy writing this chapter. there is an epilogue for this story but i dont think it will be released sometime soon. MAYBE in a week? if im feeling like it? there are extras for this like chapters i never released. and if you guys would like to see that maybe i would post some. BUT OTHER WISE THIS SOTRY IS FINISHED! I'M SOHAPPYYY! omg this has been my baby since last year but yea. Im so glad you guys liked it sooo much :) and thank you for being here all the way through and me not like keeping my promises and stuff and im sorry. but yea! And im sorry if you guys don't like the ending, i literally wrote the death one so if anyone want sot read the one where Chloe does die, maybe i will post it someday. NOWOWOOWOOWWWWW I REALLY COULDNT WAIT TO TELL YOU GUYS ABT THIS BUT I HAVE BEEN WOKRING ON 2 NEW STORIESSS :D And I want you guys to decide which I should go for :) And I wrote TONS of one shots that I will be posting soon. but befoer i get to any of that! I really want to take a moment and thank each of you guys who have gotten through this story with me. I'm serious, it really means a lot. So thank you everyone! *heart emoji* *hugs*

AND PLEASE REVIEW ON WHICH STORY YOU WANT TO SEE FIRST! These are their summaries, and I have their first 3 chapters all written out so I can post whichever one gets picked first. And the other will get released some time later haha. SO YEA LOOKIT :D

Remembrance: Bechloe AU. Everyone has that one person that when you say "childhood", they immediately remember them. Chloe and Beca were best friends, but one dreadful day broke their friendship apart for what seemingly like forever. Until Beca opened her door one night to reveal that maybe she has a second chance.

Falling Hard: Mitchsen High School AU. In which two people from different sides of the school meet in an unconventional moment, and they fall for each other hard and fast.

SPOLIETR ALRTE none of the above will be fluffy :P IM SORRY! but the one shots that i wrote will make up for it I PROMISE! IT'S EARLLLRRYY in the monring here and I may have had too much redbull BUT I REALLY WANTED TO POST THIS CHAPTER TODAY! SooOSOOOoOOOOO TADA! And thank you all so much for the continuous support I had on this story! I really love you guys so much :) Thank you! And see you soon for a brand new story! (psssttt i cant post without votes so... VooTE) pls)

AND AS ALWAYS if you wanna talk to me about anything really review below or my tumblr is the same thing as my username (haveyouseenmypanda . tumblr . com)

Bellavamps: I'm sorry! I really hope you enjoyed the last chapter :) Thanks for reading!

Guess: IM SORRY! But I hope you got what you expected from the story! Chloe livedd! :) Thanks for reading!

bechloeeverywhere: Aww *wipes tears* I really hope you were at least happy with the ending :) Thanks for readingg!

fan: Well you thought wronggg :P But thank you so much for the compliments you're amazing :) I'm glad you enjoyed this story! Thanks for reading! :)

xcombixgirlx: Hehehe might not need to combine 2 endings :P Thank you for reading! It means a lot :)

Guest 2016: I agree! That's why she lived :D Thanks for reading

lesbian-otps (chapter 4): ahahha i'm guessing you read the whole of the story ahahha but kudos for spotting that out!

AmericanGray: Woah really! Thank you so much! And thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed the ending :)

EAC47: Wow thank you so much dude! :) I'm sorry I made you cry :( Hope you at least enjoyed the ending! Thanks for readinggg :D

guitarkid: I know right ;-; I took so much time to perfect Chloe's letter. Thank you for reading dude!

Mia: ahahha I see what you did there ;) But yes there was magic and she survived! :D Sorry for making you wait so long :( Thanks for reading! :)

CapAmerica21: Wow really? Thank you so much for the compliments! You're awesome! :) Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed the ending :)

Daisy6789: Yes I like Chloe's letter too hahah. Sorry for making you wait longgg. :( Hope you enjoyed the ending, and thanks for reading!

uknownfan: Im sorry I made you cry :( But thank youu :) And yes you guys deserve a happy ending! Thanks for reading!

JASELYN: Aww I'm so sorry! But thank you so much for reading :) You're amazingg, I hope everything is well with your loved ones, hope you enjoyed this chapterrr! Thanks for reading :)

Guest (1): I'm so sorry.

Thelonewolf06: Aww I'm really sorry! And yea the teaser wasn't meant to provide answers ;) But I'm glad you read it :) Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed this last chapter :)

Guest (2): Aww thank you so mucchhh! but pls dont be dead. Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for reading

GoodEnough96: Aww thank you dude! Like seriously. I don't think this is the best Bechloe story but I'm glad you think so :) Thank you so much for reading! Your review was really nice to see :) Hope you enjoyed the last chapter!

Emotional wreck: I'm so sorry for taking so long to update! I'm sorry that I made you cry too :( But thank you! :) Hope you enjoyed this last chapter and thank you for reading! :)

Somebody: Holy Shit. Dude. Thank you so much for sticking with this story since like a long time ago lol :P Your reviews are really funny and idk if you remember or not, but around chapter 6 or so you promised if I finish the story you'll tell me your username ;) Ahahah I'm really fricking sorry it took so long to update. Tell your friend thanks for reading too! Hopefully the long length accounts for my absence ;-; Thank you very much! See you in the epilogue and I hope you enjoyed reading HFT! :) *heart emoji*

YesToBechloe: YOU BINGED 80,000 WORDS DANG But aww thank you so much! Hope you enjoyed this last chapter! Thanks for readinggg :D

crying me: DONT DIEE I'm sorry i took so long to updatee :( Hopefully you won that bet? :P Thank you so much for reading and I hope this chapter brings you joy :)

Guest (3): I did! :)

TheBecaMitchelFan: I'm sorry i made you cry :( Idk if that's somehting to be proud of or not ahha but thank you anyway :) Thanks for reading too :) Hope you enjoyed this last chapter! :D

skimboardinfun: I did! Don't sob anymore please :(

x-fingerstyle-x: I give you moreeee :D Thanks for reading

Guest (4): I HAVENT :)

Guest (5): HERE YOU GO :D

Chloe Beale: NOPEE KEPT YOU ALIVE :D

Ahern47: Aww sorrryy :(( I really hope you enjoy reading this :)

Guest (6): I'm sorry!

Guest (7): You're welcome! Glad you enjoyed the story!

Emotional me: Aww I'm so sorry it took this long to update :( I really really hope that this chapter satisfy you! Thanks for readinggg :)

Guest (8): Wowwww thank you for that detailed review :) I took every bit of that to heart and really immersed in your feedback and I felt that it;s true. But thank you for all the kind words anyway :) I really hope you like this chapterr! Thank you so much for reading this! :D You're awesome, have a nice day! :)

And with all that. I'm out. Thanks for reading Hoping For Tomorrow. :)