A/N: Post ep for 'Rise', a continuation of the conversation with Dr. Burke. Not quite sure where this came from, I got the word about #CastleFanficMonday coming up and there it was! I hope you like it!

Coming Up For Air

"You're probably surprised to see me back here. I bet most cops don't come back after they pass their psych eval."

"Everyone's different."

"Yeah."

"What's on your mind?"

"I don't even know where to start."

"Why don't we start with the shooting? Is any of it coming back to you?"

"I lied…before."

"What do you remember?"

"I remember everything."

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"Why did you lie, Kate?"

"I…um…"

"I could revoke your psychological evaluation…"

"No, Dr. Burke! Please…"

"I probably should. But I'd like to hear your reasons before I do – or if I do."

Kate sighed with relief. That 'if' was her lifeline.

"He told me he loved me," she looked at Dr. Burke, thinking he would ask her who loved her, but he remained silent.

"I mean – I really didn't remember at first," she backtracked. "That first week or so in the hospital, everything was so fuzzy. But when I went up to my dad's cabin…"

She gave a mirthless chuckle.

"…to lick my wounds, so to speak... All the flashes of memory that weren't quite coming through – did."

She looked up at Burke again, hopeful that he might say something, but he didn't.

Damned shrinks and their interrogation tactics.

"I-it wasn't like a lightning bolt hit me or anything, she stammered, wilting a little under his gaze. Did he have to be so intimidating? She felt like she was in the third grade being sent to the principal's office.

"Kate," he said. "It's all right. You've talked to me freely before, do it again."

Do it again. It was climbing Everest the last time to get everything out, what is it this time – Olympus Mons?

"You mentioned that he told you he loved you. I'm going to assume you mean Mr. Castle? Why would that make you lie?"

"Because I was already seeing someone," said Kate shakily. Well…once I started remembering, I realized that I really wanted to be with Castle. And that's when I broke up with Josh. Ahhh!"

She stopped talking, taking a moment to press her hand to her chest.

"Are you all right, Kate?" asked Burke, concerned.

"Yeah," she gritted out. "The scar pulls sometimes."

The pain eased and she sat back in the leather chair.

"After Josh, I thought about calling Castle, but I didn't know what to say. I mean, what a way to start a romance. Changing bandages and dealing with my nausea from the pain meds, not to mention going to the doctor twice a week…Besides; I didn't want him to be – or think he was – a rebound."

"Is he a rebound? For you, I mean."

"No! God, no."

Kate paused, thinking how to phrase what she wanted to say.

"I liked Josh. I still do, really. He's a nice guy, and I felt bad for breaking up with him the way I did. But I never should have been with him in the first place."

Another dark chuckle.

"Even though Castle and I have never been 'together'," she airquoted. "There's always been something there. Something big – something huge. Then when that summer hit….well….let's just say Josh was the rebound."

"Do you want to talk about that summer?" asked Burke.

"No, it's irrelevant now. And not really the problem. Castle and I actually did pretty much work that out."

Kate remained quiet for nearly a full minute.

"Go on, Kate."

"I need to find out who killed my mom," she said slowly. "I told Castle that. I told him that I couldn't be in the kind of relationship I want until that happens. It's a wall that's inside me. I don't…I can't let anyone in. And the only thing that's going to knock it down is finding her killer."

"And what did Mr. Castle say to that?"

"Oh, he understood," Kate leaned forward almost excitedly. "I think he'll wait."

Dr. Burke sat back in his chair, looking at her shrewdly.

"Tell me about your first case now that you're back at work."

Kate's face fell. She didn't want to talk about what she had done concerning her mother's case, but that wasn't what he had asked, was it? On the other hand, what had happened on the Sonya Gilbert case wasn't something she really wanted to admit either. But she's here to talk to a shrink, so she might as well talk.

"I originally was going to sit that case out. I had – ha! I have a ton of paperwork to catch up on, plus at that point I had to requalify to get my gun back. It wasn't until I got Captain Gates to let Castle come back to the precinct that I ended up joining the case."

Her smile, though a bit smug, was genuine.

"I also requalified on the first try."

The smile dropped.

"On our first takedown my partners Ryan and Esposito took point. I usually do, but it was good they did this time."

"Why is that, Kate?" asked Burke.

"Our guy bolted. I ran after him and caught up, but he pulled his gun on me. I froze. I couldn't move. I couldn't pull my own weapon, I couldn't speak, I couldn't…" she trailed off.

"Kate…"

She pulled herself out of her reverie.

"It didn't last long, though it felt like forever. Espo and Ryan caught up and took him down. Castle wanted to talk about it back at the precinct, but I didn't want to. It was only my second day back, so it wasn't a big deal. Until the next time."

"You froze again?" Burke's concern made it seem like he thought there was something more to it.

"No, not like that first time. I was nervous…okay, maybe a little scared, but Castle had my back. He talked me down. Got me through it to take the guy down."

She paused, her brow furrowed, thinking.

"He told me the wall wouldn't be there forever, that we'd figure it out. That's when I realized I needed to come clean about remembering. But I can't tell him yet, I just got him back as a partner and friend…"

Dr. Burke interrupted.

"You will have to tell him soon, Kate. Something like that has the potential to blow up in your face."

"No, I need things to get back to normal," she said stubbornly. "I'm still healing physically, and I have a long way to go for that."

"Don't make it too long, Kate."

She smiled at him.

"Thanks, Doctor. It was good to talk about it with someone. Are you going to revoke the eval?

"No. I don't think it'll be necessary. You came back of your own accord to admit to the lie. I am concerned, however about your freezing during a takedown. It could be PTSD beginning to manifest."

Kate looked stricken for half a second, then laughed.

"No, I'm fine. Dr. Burke, it was just that it was the first case I was on after coming back. I admit I was a little scared…"

"Because you'd been shot, Kate."

"Because I'd been off work for three months," she retorted. I'm fine, Doctor. Thanks for the listen."

"Kate, I'd like to set up another appointment."

"I'll call you if I need to. Promise."

And with that, Kate walked out of the office, leaving Dr. Burke sitting in his chair, a concerned look on his face. He walked out to the waiting room to speak to his receptionist.

"Annette…"

"Yes, Dr. Burke?"

He looked at the closed waiting room door.

"Please put Detective Kate Beckett into the appointment book."

"Certainly," Annette pulled up the appointment calendar on her computer. "Date and time?"

"No, there's no set time. Just put her name in. Whenever she calls, make sure I'm clear. It'll probably be some time before she calls, but I'm positive she will."

Annette looked a little confused, but complied.

"All right, Doctor; Detective Kate Beckett has a standing appointment for whenever she calls."

"Thank you, Annette," he looked at his watch. "I'm going to go get some lunch. I'll be back in time for my next appointment. Take your lunch now, too."

Annette smiled at him as he walked out of the office, a thoughtful look on his face. This Detective Beckett certainly had made an impression on him. She wondered what the story was there.

'Not your concern,' she thought as she pulled a sandwich out of her bag.

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Kate came back two months later.

A/N: I'd really love to hear what you think!