The sound of Feliciano breathing next to him had kept Lovino awake. If he closed his eyes, Lovino could almost feel like he heard everyone sleeping all around. Gilbert and Ludwig on the couch, Francis and his grandpa in the room next door. Antonio, sleeping in his room at the end of the hallway. And Feliciano snoring. Especially Feliciano.

It could almost drive him insane.

Lovino sat up and looked at the moonlight filtering through the curtains. His heart started beating faster, and he felt hot. Too hot.

He slipped out of the bed and grabbed his shoes. Feliciano stirred a little, stopped snoring, and then fell into a strangely silent sleep. Lovino stood next to the bed, looking down at him for a moment, before walking out of the room.

Closing the door behind him, he took a moment to look towards the end of the hallway, where shadows hid the door to Antonio's room. He could go there and open the door, and…and then what? Tell him that he couldn't sleep? That he felt trapped, and afraid, and desperate even though there was no reason for him to feel like that? He wanted to tell him something though. He wanted to speak to him and have Antonio hold his hand and just…listen.

He almost took a step towards the door, but stopped on his tracks. What would Antonio think of that? Sneaking into his room like that would probably weird him out. Lovino shook his head and headed downstairs where he found Gilbert and Ludwig sleeping in the living room with their clothes neatly folded and arranged on the coffee table. After a judgmental glare towards them, Lovino slipped out of the house and sat down on the front steps to lace up his shoes. He looked at the empty street, feeling the cold night air hitting his face. There were no strange whispers of breath here, alone with the night. And the shadows already knew all his fears. But he couldn't escape them.

Or maybe he could?

He could stand up and start walking. Walk away from the night, and from the weight of his brother's shadow. Away from his grandfather's secrets, and from the fear of ruining whatever he had with Antonio. He could walk away now when everything was perfect and Nono still believed in him, and Antonio hadn't realized that he didn't really love him. Because of course they would all be disappointed in him at the end. And the pain of walking away and leaving would always be less that the pain of having them hate him.

He could send a postcard, when he reached the ends of the earth; before he ventured into the ocean to leave everything behind. He would write to his grandfather saying that he was sorry for not being as strong as him, and not being able to stand the pain of living. He would write one to Antonio too, thanking him for loving him even among the depths of his own pain.

"Aren't you cold?" asked Antonio behind him, and Lovino startled.

Antonio wore a blanket with tiny happy tomatoes printed in it, and sat down on the steps next to Lovino, covering them both with the blanket.

Lovino opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't find the words for anything.

Antonio leaned against him, letting his head fall against Lovino's shoulder. "Look, that jerk's still awake," he said, pointing to a light on the window of a nearby building. "He borrowed a book from me last year and never gave it back."

Lovino smiled. The scent of Antonio's hair next to his face felt very calming. "Which book?" he asked.

"The third Harry Potter book," said Antonio, holding Lovino's hand.

"You like Harry Potter?"

"A little. Not as much as Gilbert. He was the one who made me read the books. He may seem mean, but he's actually a really nice guy."

Lovino hesitated before speaking. "Do you think I'm a nice guy too?" he asked, unsure of what reply he expected, or why he asked that in the first place.

"Nice? I think you're adorable," whispered Antonio against Lovino's neck, and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"Stop that! It tickles!" said Lovino, falling down to lay against the steps in his attempt to get away from Antonio's wandering hands. "Bastard, don't do that!" he growled, trying to sound angry, but couldn't help himself from smiling.

Antonio smiled above him, and placed kisses all over his cheeks and the tip of his nose, never letting go of him.

"Ah~, you're so cute when you pretend to be angry," said Antonio. "Come, let's go back inside. You can stay in my room if you don't tell your grandpa," he winked. "I won't try anything, but he might not believe me."

Lovino took a deep breath. "Don't you want to know why I was here?" he asked.

"I do. I want to know everything about you. But you don't seem ready to tell me, and that's ok," said Antonio hugging him.

Tears filled Lovino's eyes. "Thank you," he whispered, and pulled Antonio closer to kiss him in the mouth.

The pain of leaving might have been less than the pain of being left behind. But staying was worth it for those moments when he realized every day brought joys that he had been hiding from, lured away from life by the whispers of shadows.

Shadows that fell apart when Antonio smiled at him.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading this fic. If you have enjoyed the story, please consider liking it or leaving a comment. It would mean a lot to me.

Also, I decided to end this story here, as I felt it would be a good emotional place to end since the story I wanted to tell was the one of Lovino and Antonio getting together despite Lovino's depression, but I have realized that there are still a few secrets and things mentioned in passing that I didn't delve into. So I would like to know if you the reader would be interested in me expanding the story and developing all the characters in depth.

Once more, thank you for staying with me for the entirety of this story *hugs*