Disclaimer:Anything you recognise, including characters, belong to their respective owners.This is a work of fiction and does not represent reality, please treat it as such.

Don't Go

-x-

Renee had a visit from her ante natal nurse and Jon had followed them up to the bedroom, closing the door as the nurse checked her over. She was almost full-term in her pregnancy with their second child now and he watched the nurse take Renee's blood pressure.

He heard the door handle wiggle as the midwife began to discuss their plans for the birth.

Jon went to the door and opened it, finding Ella outside.

"Why can't I come in daddy?" she asked, looking up at him through her long eyelashes.

"Mommy's getting checked by the nurse okay baby, let's go make you some breakfast"

"Is mommy okay?" she asked as he took her hand and led her downstairs.

"Mommy's fine" he assured her, releasing her hand so she could sit at the table. "What do you want to eat?"

"I don't know..."

The intonation of her voice made him stop rummaging in the cupboards and turn to look at her.

"What's wrong baby?" he asked, walking over to sit down next to her.

"I don't want to go"

Today was Ella's first day of school. Renee was supposed to be taking her today, she was better at these things than him. But he knew she had some questions for the midwife and didn't want to rush their appointment. Having agreed to take Ella, he was starting to have doubts.

"What are you worried about angel?" he asked as she crawled into his lap.

"The other kids..."

Jon felt his heart clench. He thought living through school was bad enough when he did it, but now having to watch his little girl go through it...

"You have lots of friends at preschool, it'll be just like that" he tried to reassure her.

"None of my friends are going to this school" she whispered.

"You made new friends when you started preschool. You're nice and you're smart, the other kids will love you"

"What if they don't?" she asked in a small voice.

"You'll be fine princess, I promise. All the other kids are probably just as scared as you are"

"Will you hold my hand daddy?" she looked up at him with those big blue eyes and he felt his heart clench uncomfortably once more.

"Of course I will baby"

- x -

Jon watched her pick at her breakfast, pushing the cereal around the bowl without really eating it.

In the meantime, he took her brand new lunch box out of the cupboard and filled it with fruit and some sandwiches. Renee would moan at him for it, but he threw in an extra chocolate bar and some candy for her, thinking maybe she could use it as an icebreaker to offer to some of the other kids.

He never thought he'd be a dad, let alone feel like he wanted to wrap his little girl in cotton wool and keep her safe from the world. It was a strange feeling. Recalling the things he'd seen as a child, he knew he had to make sure he could provide everything for her that he never had himself.

Closing the lunch box, he turned to see her nervously pulling at her hair. "Can mommy fix it?" she asked. "I want to look pretty"

"Mommy needs to talk to the nurse" he shook his head regretfully. "You want a braid?" he asked.

She nodded, a sweet little pout on her lips.

"C'mere" he patted his knees as he took a seat on the stool. She hopped up and he took her hair in his hands, copying what he'd seen Renee do a hundred times.

Tying her blonde hair up in a bobble on the top of her head, he took three sections and braided it all the way to the bottom, securing it with another band. It wasn't perfect, not by any means, but it wasn't half bad either.

He picked her up so she could look in the mirror.

"Did I do a good job?" he asked, tickling her.

"You did good daddy" she giggled as he put her down.

"You look beautiful baby" he told her as she smoothed her hands over her little white dress. Handing her the lunch box and helping her with her backpack, they called goodbye to Renee.

"We're leaving now!" he shouted.

"Bye mommy!"

"Bye El! Have a good day!" Renee shouted back.

- x -

Things were going smoothly until they reached her new classroom. She had a death grip on his hand and while his instinct was to pick her up, he didn't want the other kids making fun of her. Her teacher was a sweet lady with blonde hair. Her smile put Jon's mind at ease.

"Hi Gabriella, it's nice to meet you. Your hair looks just like mine, we can be twins" she smiled warmly, immediately making Ella feel better. She could only have been in her mid-twenties and Jon was thankful that she was so nice.

She offered her hand and Ella reluctantly released Jon's to take it. "Let me show you where to put your bag..."

Jon stood in the door of the classroom, watching the other parents showing their kids around and making friends. He watched her put her things in her locker, her teacher asking her all about her favourite Disney movies.

Soon, the other parents began to leave, some giving their kids a quick hug, some just getting in their cars and going to work. Jon spotted the moment the penny dropped for Ella. The teacher released her hand, tending to a boy who was crying. Ella looked lost without the comfort, wrapping her arms around herself. A look of panic crossed her face when she glanced around the room and couldn't see him.

"Hey, hey..." he went to her, getting down to her level and wrapping his arms around her. "I'm still here, don't cry..."

"Don't leave me daddy" she pleaded, lip trembling.

"Don't cry El...please" it was his turn to beg.

"I don't want you to leave me here..." she said, tears threatening to spill over her eyelids now.

"This is school baby..." he tried. "Your teacher is really nice and you'll have fun. I'll be back to get you in a couple of hours, that's all"

She burst into tears, wrapping her arms around his neck. He held her, rubbing her back.

"Please don't cry angel, be strong for daddy?"

She continued to cry, her tears wetting his shirt. God, this was so much harder than he thought it would be.

It was almost time for class to start and the teacher came over to them.

"The first day is always hard" she smiled. "It's best not to drag out the goodbye, it makes them more upset. But you have nothing to worry about; I'll take good care of your daughter Mr Good"

Jon nodded, managing to prise Ella's arms away from his neck to hold her at arms' length.

"Be a brave girl El..." he leaned in to kiss her. "I'll be back to get you in a few hours okay?"

"Daddy no!" she shouted as her teacher took her shoulders and began to lead her away. She grabbed his hand, refusing to let go.

"Come on, let's go find out which table you're sitting at..." the teacher coaxed.

"Daddy! Daddy don't go!" she sobbed, crying harder when he pulled his hand out of her grip.

"I love you El, I'll see you in a couple of hours" he told her, forcing himself to turn around and walk away. As he went, he could still hear her crying for him.

"Daddy! Don't leave me! Please daddy!"

- x -

He made it to the car before he rested his head on the steering wheel, trying to compose himself. All he wanted to do was go back in there and hold her until she stopped crying. It broke his heart to hear her pleading with him, tears streaking down her face as she begged him not to leave her. He felt like the worst person in the world for leaving her like that.

The drive home was hazy and as he unlocked the front door, he was met with Renee who kissed his cheek.

"How was it?"

A lump formed in his throat and tears stung his eyes. He'd certainly cried more since becoming a father, but it was still rare and she recognised it immediately.

"What happened?" she asked, cupping the back of his head.

"She cried...a lot"

"Oh Jon..." Renee's face creased with sympathy.

"She wouldn't let go of me...she was screaming" he looked up at the ceiling, blinking hard. "God...it breaks my heart. Knowing I left her there, sobbing her little heart out and begging for me to come back...it makes me want to cry"

"She'll be okay" Renee massaged the back of his head, tugging gently at his soft curls. "She was just like that on her first day of preschool and I came home and cried my eyes out all day. When I went back I expected her to be heartbroken but she'd totally forgotten the morning and she was painting and holding hands with her new best friend"

He felt better after her words and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"...I love that little girl so much"

"I know you do" she whispered, tucking some hair behind his ear.

"And I love you...and lil' bit" he put his hands on her bump.

- x -

Renee let Jon go back and pick Ella up from her first day. He couldn't wait to get her from her classroom, waiting impatiently amongst the other parents. He knew he stood out like a sore thumb with his enormous height and build, but fortunately no one had recognised him yet. He wanted to keep things that way for as long as possible.

The classroom door opened and the smiley teacher greeted them. She stood, calling each of the children and handing them a letter to take home.

"Ella! Your dad's here" she called.

Jon peered around the door frame to see her face light up as she raced to the door.

"Daddy!" she shouted, a huge smile on her face. She launched herself at him and he caught her, lifting her up for a big hug.

"Hey baby" he mumbled, holding her tight. He took her letter and her lunchbox, letting her carry her own backpack. She seemed pretty attached as she clung to his shirt so her carried her towards the car. "How was your day?"

"I was really sad when you left..." she started.

"I know you were baby. I'm sorry I had to leave you"

"But I had such a great day! We drew pictures and played games and my teacher was really nice!" she beamed.

He smiled. "Were the other kids nice?"

"There's a girl who sits on my table called Lexi and she likes ponies too!"

"See" he tickled her. "I told you that you'd make friends"

"I love you daddy" she cuddled into his neck.

"I love you too princess. And I'm proud of you for today"

- x -

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