Tell Me Something

Summary: Sakura, Hashirama and Karin gather for breakfast once a week to discuss their respective boyfriends—or lack there off. SasuSaku. HashiMada. SuiKarin.

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"Don't be so humble - you are not that great."
- Golda Meir

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"I'll have Caramelized onion, Arugula, and a Goat Cheese Omelet with a Blueberry Cream Slushie," said Sakura.

"I'll have a breakfast burrito with egg-whites only, a Peach Salsa topping and an Irish Coffee," said Karin.

"I'll have a Strawberry Parfait, Scrambled Eggs with smoked Salmon, Asparagus and Goat Cheese and a Banana Blast, please," said Hashirama.

It was a beautiful day; the weather was cool, the sun was shining brilliantly, and the sunshine was just that right amount of warm that made one feel like it was actually honey dappling over one's skin. Today, Hashirama, who'd arrived first, had chosen the window table.

"How are my favorite girls?" he asked with a smile so brilliant and so fake, the girls just had to scowl.

"What's up, Gramps?" asked Karin, and all pretense on Hashirama's part promptly vanished; his shoulders slumped in despair and his eyes cast down on the table top. In the happy light of sun, Hashirama's gloom was an odd contradiction.

Sakura and Karin exchanged uneasy glances. Then tentatively, Sakura reached out a hand and Hashirama positively pounced on it. He clutched it tightly in both of his and said, "Madara hasn't talked to me properly in a week! It's awful!"

Everyone, who was anyone, knew that Madara had the unfortunate reputation of doling out the most sadistic, cruel and inhumane of retribution. His vengeful vendetta was one to be avoided at all costs. That Hashirama; crafty, calculating, cheerful Hashirama had fallen for it, was a testament to his love.

"Oh, Gramps," sighed Karin mournfully.

Sakura tried tugging her hand free only for it to be held more tightly. So she patted their conjoined fist gingerly and added, "You were kind of really mean."

Hashirama looked stricken, so Sakura added, "I'm sure he'll come around, soon!"

With a quivering lower lip, he asked, "Really?"

"With a bit of maneuvering," said Karin.

Hashirama looked hopefully at her. "Tell me!"

"Well, take him out on a really expensive date or something," said Karin, just as their breakfast arrived.

Hashirama pondered the option as the waiter put down their order.

"Or grovel," added Sakura.

"Yes…" said Hashirama, taking a bite out of his parfait and staring into space thoughtfully. "Yes. I could trick him out on a date and grovel. He'd like that." The perpetual merry glow in his eyes seemed to be returning.

While Hashirama retreated in his mind to plan the most spectacular of dates, Karin took up the mantle. "I went out with Suigetsu."

Sakura, who at that moment had been about to take a dainty bite of her omlette, slowly lowered her fork and closed her eyes. You are Zen, she told her heart. Totally Zen.

Hashirama, on the other hand was having trouble containing his glee. "Spill!" he gushed, and the girls cringed at his very poor attempt at appearing hip, once again.

"O~kay," said Karin. "He shows up on his bike—his bike!—and hands me the helmet. I refused to get on."

"Why?" asked Sakura, bewildered and furious. "Why?"

"Because it was so obviously a cloying, stupid ploy to get me plastered to his back! I have self-respect!"

"Screw self-respect!"

"Whose side are you even on!?"

"Yours!"

"Then shut up and—"

"Did you get on the bike?" Hashirama interjected breathlessly.

"Eventually, yes. Yes, I did," Karin sniffed self-aggrandizingly

"Hah!" scoffed Sakura, whose heart was so totally not Zen, and took a sip of her Slushie.

"He took me bowling—"

"Ooh, I love bowling!" said Hashirama.

"—and it was all going surprisingly well, until I accidentally dropped the bowling ball on his foot."

Hashirama gasped and Sakura's shoulders slumped. They had a bad feeling about this.

"Naturally, he flipped. I told him, my fingers were just as injured as his fucking foot!" she held up her index finger, which, now the company noticed was bent forward at a slightly awkward angle. It looked painful.

"Oh, Karin," said Sakura, reaching out and examining the slightly purple hue around her joint. "You should get this wrapped up. I'll give you some ointment."

"Thanks, babe," said Karin, patting Sakura's head affectionately while Hashirama silently lamented Karin's clumsiness.

"Anyway," she continued, "We had this huge fight and he said, and I quote, 'Jesus Fucking Christ you annoying woman!"

"Asshole," said Sakura, without inflection.

"Totally," agreed Hashirama.

"So I asked him what crawled up his ass and died and he said it was his foot that was actually dying. We ended up taking a taxi to the ER and I kind of left him there," Karin finished morosely.

No one said anything for a while. It was a conjoined mourning of something lost. a minute later, they resumed eating.

"Baby Daddy tried to arrange a romantic dinner," started Sakura.

"No," laughed Karin, "Knowing him, it probably ended in disaster."

"He left the lasagna in the oven, too long. The smoke alarm went off and beeped for eternity. We ended up eating Chinese take-out on the back porch," she explained. "It was amazing."

Hashirama, had he been younger and/or of the opposite gender might have squealed.

"You two are disgusting," sighed Karin, smiling past a spoonful of salsa.

"In love," corrected Sakura.

"Reminds me of your epic crush on Tobirama," Karin smirked.

"What?" Hashirama smiled, pointedly mishearing to avoid severe blunt trauma to his ears.

"Sakura had a crush on Tobirama," explained Karin.

Sakura wholehearted shrugged. "It's true. I still kind of do."

"…B-but—What?"

"It's alright, Gramps," Karin mock consoled while surreptitiously sneaking a huge bite of his parfait.

"Tobirama? My Tobirama?" Hashirama gaped.

"Technically, he's not yours. And yes. He's hot."

Hashirama appeared appalled. In all his years, he had never, not one single time, known anyone enamored with Tobirama, of all people. He was prissy, prickly, had a terrible superiority complex and loved hating Madara.

"Does Sasuke-kun know?"

"Some secrets, you take to the grave," Sakura recited wisely.

Such was his distress, Hashirama couldn't speak for quite a few minutes; just stared out the window in listless discomfiture. "Oh," he perked up, for Sasuke walked down the street, right on time.

"Aw," Karin cooed. Today Sarada sat proudly on his shoulders, clutching at his hair to keep her balance and laughing her delight. Sasuke had one careful hand around each leg, and walked leisurely. Sunlight dappled his face, catching at his cheekbones and glowing through his lashes.

Sakura grinned and waved, and stopping just outside the window, Sarada , as per ritual, blew her a kiss. Sakura caught it and mimed putting it in her heart.

"You lucky bitch," sighed Karin.

"You bet I am," said Sakura, getting up and gathering her coat. "See you next week," she shouted over her shoulder.

"That child might just melt Madara's heart," stated Hashirama thoughtfully.

"You know what?" asked Karin, "She just might."

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tbc