Castle tried to push her away, still in defensive mode, but she sprang back almost as if she were on wires and pushed her body right back against his. Her fingertips danced a path up his neck, attempting to guide him to her for a kiss, but he was firm in his reluctance. "Kate – I -" His hands came up to her shoulders and held her apart from him, gripping her shoulders firmly, the span of his hands large against her slender body. "No. That isn't going to fix anything."

She blinked, tears of frustration falling from beneath her eyelids as she leant forward to rest her forehead against his, feeling the rush of his exhalation as he closed his eyes and sighed loudly. She spoke quietly; hesitantly, considering every word before it came out of her mouth, as if she knew this was the breaking point. It was now or never.

"I can't explain my actions, but I can explain the reasoning behind them. I was afraid, Castle. I needed time to recover, and not just from that fucking gunshot. I needed to process what happened between us; the trust stuff, and the fact that you, the person I depended on the most and opened up to the most, were a part of the whole 'deal for my life' thing."

He opened his mouth to respond, to defend himself, but she shook her head at him and frowned. "Castle you wanted an explanation, so let me give it, ok?"

He pulled away from her and shifted back against the wall of the elevator again, leaning against it and sliding down until his body was in a sitting position. Patting the floor with his open palm, he beckoned for her to sit beside him. "Ok. I'm listening."

Settling beside him, she started picking off imaginary threads and brushing away dust from her trouser legs, giving away her mental reticence and nervousness in her physical actions, and his hand came to rest on top of one of hers to still her movements. He looked at her, his tone essentially telling her to get the fuck on with it and open up already. "Kate."

She sighed in response, her hand trembling under his. "I've been in therapy, you know." His head spun sideways to look at her, his brow furrowed, and he twisted his body so that he was facing her.

"I did not know that."

She smiled. "Well, you wouldn't, would you, because I didn't tell you. I just knew I needed time; to put in the work and get the job done without making any excuses for myself, does that make sense?" He nodded, and she continued, her voice trembling.

"The only reason I was able to use that fact – that I almost died, and that I remembered every second of it – was because I've been working through it all, and the walls are finally coming down."

He blanched visibly at her choice of words; both because they were the same ones she'd used earlier, and because it always pained him to remember the day he so nearly lost her. Despite his protestations to the contrary, he still felt somewhat responsible, and he'd come to accept the fact that it would probably always be like that no matter what anybody else said. His hand squeezed at hers, and a brief smile played across her lips in acknowledgement as she used her sleeve to wipe away the errant tears still running down her cheeks.

"I don't know why I lied, at the start; it was automatic, and I think I was just afraid. We'd put all that happened those few days behind us so quickly because of the Captain dying, and even though I understood why you dealt with the shadowy guy, why you kept it from me, why you carried me out of the hangar, all of it... I was still angry at you, deep down. I trusted you implicitly, and it felt like you'd violated all the trust that we'd built up together. Our partnership is based on it, Castle, not on some stupid book you're writing, and I know you're smart enough to know that when a foundation like that is shaken, sometimes it takes a little while to heal those cracks."

He raised his eyebrow comically. "Now I know you've been in therapy. You've started talking like Dr Phil..."

"Castle..." Her tone was serious; warning, almost, asking him not to push her too far and he acquiesced, flapping his hands and muttering 'ok, ok" as he indicated once again for her to continue. "I didn't make a jackass out of you, but I'm sorry if that's how you felt, and I'm truly sorry that you had to find out that way that I had remembered everything. I didn't mean for it to happen like that; I wanted to tell you in my own time. But it's just taken me longer than I thought it would to get to a place where I could acknowledge it... It's a pretty big thing you know, Castle. Telling somebody that you love them. Especially when they've been through what we've been through together. You're not supposed to chuck it at them when they're about to die."

He swallowed loudly, another pang of guilt pulling at his stomach as his mind automatically flashed back to that day. "I just... well, you've just said it. I truly thought you were going to die, right there in my arms, and I just couldn't bear the thought of you not knowing. It's self aggrandizing, but I thought it might make you hold on, might make you feel better... I could do fuck all about the bullet wound, but I could tell you that I loved you and yes, selfishly, it was partly for me too. But most of all, I just wanted you to know how I felt. When Alexis tells me that she loves me it makes my heart flutter and jump, still, after all these years, even now she's all grown up. It never loses its wonderfulness. So if you were going, in that moment, I wanted to make you feel as loved as I possibly could. See, now I'm not making sense." He rubbed at his eyebrows again with his fingertips as Kate turned her body, raising up on to her knees to face him, his hand dropping to the floor as she moved.

"It does make sense, and I understand it, now. I was just angry, at the time, and the only way I could think of to deal with it was to run away... You know that's my specialty. Run into shit relationships, my mother's murder and my work, run away to my Dad's cabin for two months. I don't face things; I hide from them. Because I don't know how to deal with them. But that's beginning to change now, and I think it's for the better."

He smiled at her, his eyes crinkling sweetly. "It is definitely for the better, Kate." He raised his arm, brushing her hair away from her face, letting his finger linger just a little too long on her cheek but to his surprise, she didn't look or pull away. His eyes flickered down to her lips and back up again, catching her trademark 'pulling-her-lip-into-her-mouth-but-not-quite-biting-it' that always, always made his stomach turn flips and his knees go weak, and she smiled shyly up at him as she whispered, her lips making shapes as her breath danced across his cheeks.

"Castle?"

He smiled. "Hmmm?"

"This would be a nice moment for you to not push me away again, if I try and kiss you. Do you thi-"

Quick as a flash he dipped his mouth to hers, catching her words and swallowing them as he kissed her so tenderly yet so fiercely, she thought she might melt. A moan caught in her throat; a soft, sweet 'Hmmmm' sound that gave him goose pimples, and just as he slid his hand up to cup her neck, feeling her opening up to him as her body shifted imperceptibly closer, the loud buzz of the intercom rang out again. Their mouths parted, their foreheads pressing together as they closed their eyes and groaned in unison, in frustration, almost, but the buzzing was insistent.

"Never mind my ass whooping. He's got one coming now…" Castle muttered, sighing as he pushed himself up with his hands on his thighs as Kate sank back against the wall of the elevator, pressing her fingers to her lips. He made his way over to the front wall and jabbed at the speaker button. "Yes, Espo."

"Hey bro, how you two holding up in there?"

Kate snorted loudly before she'd even realised the sound had escaped, clapping her hand over her mouth as she suppressed another laugh that made Castle turn his head towards her quickly with wide eyes, making 'shut up' gestures as he tried to hide the smile in his voice.

"Er… we're good. Aren't we Kate?"

She smiled back at him, her eyes shining. "Always."

Espo was slow to respond, trying to make sense of the change in their demeanour from earlier to now. "Okayyyy…" he replied, his reply deliberately drawn out in confusion. "Just thought I should let you two know that the maintenance guy is here, and L.T is showing him to the control panel now. He said he just needs to reset something, and then it should be all systems go. Two minutes, tops."

Kate rose to her feet easily, coming to stand behind Castle as she leant her mouth towards the speaker. "Thanks, Espo. Next time I use the elevator, I'll be making sure I'm by myself so I don't get stuck in here with this chucklehead again..." Castle raised his eyebrows and looked to her questioningly, but his expression instantly softened when he saw the smile on her face.

Espo laughed loudly, muttering another 'Mmmm hmmm….' before the 'click' of the disconnect button echoed around the cabin again. Turning to her Castle opened his mouth, ready with a sarcastic retort, but she leant up on her tiptoes and hovered her lips over his, whispering quietly.

"Well, we have to keep up the pretence don't we… Castle, we have a lot to work through. But I think we're finally making sense of it now, don't you?" She smiled, moving to his side and reaching for his hand, squeezing it gently as the main lights of the elevator flickered back on and a loud clunk signalled the fact that they were finally moving again. He leant to the side a little, dropping his mouth down and pressing a chaste kiss to the top of her head before stepping away again to put the normal amount of distance between them. She looked at him questioningly, her eyebrows arcing upwards, but he just smiled.

"Pretence, remember?"

They faced front, and waited.

The familiar 'ping' rang out as the elevator doors opened, putting them back onto the precinct floor as Esposito and Ryan meandered over from their desks.

"Aw, you guys, you waited for us…" Castle quipped, lifting his hand to swat Espo on the shoulder, but met with a steely gaze his hand stilled in mid air, remembering that the promise of an ass kicking from earlier probably still held. He brought his fingers down lightly, pretending to brush off a piece of hair from Espo's jacket as he smoothed the fabric over, patting it and smiling meekly.

"Bro. Still two inches away from an ass whooping."

Castle gulped, his hands flying up in a surrendering gesture until he caught sight of Ryan's wide grin, looking back to Espo and seeing the same flickering of a smile hiding behind the faux-angry expression as he began to laugh. "Seriously, dude. You think I'd kick your ass because your mouth ran away with you a little bit? What do you take me for?! Oh, and the only reason we waited was because we had a little pool going on. Who hit who, and who threatened bodily harm first. Cause we know that you two won't have been playing nice like puppies in there, that's for sure…"

Kate smiled. "If I know you two like I think I do, I'd say that Ryan's going to be buying the first drinks because he's the only one trusting enough to bet against me being the one to threaten him-" she pointed at Castle "- with bodily harm first."

Raising his fist in the air in a triumphant gesture, Espo held his other hand out as Ryan pulled out his wallet with a dejected look on his face, slapping a twenty into his outstretched palm. "Sweet as a nut. I knew you wouldn't let me down, Beckett, that's my girl! Come on, let's go. Remys?"

"Definitely." Esposito and Ryan led the way, instinctively walking towards the elevator as they bickered like brothers. "But boys?"

They stopped, turning around to see Castle falling back in to step at Kate's side. "Hmmm?"

She smiled again. "Let's take the damned stairs this time."