Hello everyone! Thank you all so much for being patient with me with my other stories. While suffering from a case of severe writer's block, I concocted this short story. For once, Seras will be one of the main features! I hope you guys get as much of a kick out of this story as I did writing it. This is just for fun, in no sense is it dark (except for the rampant dark humor, but ya know~~)! Please enjoy, and don't be afraid to review! I would like to thank all of you in advance for reading this! :)

Part One: It Started With Babysitting

"And you trust me… with that thing?" the ancient vampire growled as he gestured towards the squishy blob sitting in the corner of the office with a lettered wooden block in its slimy hands.

Sir Integra folded her hands together and glared. "I need to go to this meeting with the queen alone. Although it has become increasingly apparent that neither of you get along, there is no one else available at the moment. I do not trust the mercenaries at all. And while Seras is away, you will have to be in charge. There is no time to call up a babysitter because I am expected to depart within minutes; it is a matter of urgency. That leaves you."

Alucard sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. It was rare that he was ever irritated. He was primarily one of three emotions: bloodthirsty, enraged, or bored. Usually, it was extreme when he shifted from the latter. But he was peeved. Not giddy, not impressed… just mildly annoyed. It was a wonder what humans could do to you. "How do you expect me to handle this? I haven't catered to a toddler in centuries."

He looked over his shoulder to glare pointedly at her child. The baby looked up, made eye contact, and began to blubber incomprehensibly. When this did not work to release his stress, he threw the block in his hand towards the vampire's towering presence in a feeble attempt to punish him for being in the same room. Alucard turned back to his master with an 'I-told-you-so' look.

"You are under my command. So long as you follow my directions, all will be well." Ah, yes: the ten paged stack sitting on her office chair with complete lists of the dos and do-not-dos of child care, complete with preparations for the worst and punishments if he failed to comply. Although Alucard was masochistic by nature, she had managed to find things that even he did not find pleasant. He had to commend her on that one; she was creative.

Alucard wisely held his tongue and watched as Integra snapped her suitcase shut. It was really too bad his fledgling was on a diplomatic mission to America. She seemed to have a knack for all of that maternal-instinct bologna. "I could eat him right now," he muttered to himself at a level that his master would not hear. "I could sink my fangs into that soft flesh in his middle as hard as I can and swallow the thing in one bite. She wouldn't know where he went. Nobody would be any wiser."

"I wouldn't recommend it," Integra remarked coolly as she opened her door. "He's got too much fat for your liking. And not only would I kill you, but I will torture you slowly and in a way that you would not enjoy."

A little shiver went up his spine at those words. Although he wondered how she was able to hear what he said, he was mostly regretting the fact that she was no longer a virgin. Oh, how he wished he could keep a woman like that around. "I was merely fantasizing, Master. I will follow your orders until my last breath," he purred.

"See that you do." Integra stared him directly in his eyes before glancing down at the little boy on the floor. She bent down and kissed the top of his head. The baby giggled and swept his feet in and out in front of him. This earned a rare smile from his master. "Be a good boy while I'm gone, won't you Arthur?"

He blinked.

And just like that, they were left alone. Alucard's eyes traveled across the tile floor and right to the green blanket where the youngling was seated with a large arrangement of toys. Startling blue eyes, a distinguishable Hellsing trait, looked right back up to his.

"Well Sport, it's just you and me, now." The baby blinked back dumbly at him for a nanosecond before turning back to his toys. Alucard raised an eyebrow as his mouth set itself into a tight grimace. He felt that irritation grow just a smidge when he realized that he had just been snubbed by a three year old.

Shrugging it off, he glanced towards Integra's office chair. While she was gone, it was the perfect spot from which he could keep an eye on his charge while the master was away. Deciding to take advantage of this, he lowered himself into the chair and suppressed a groan of pleasure. So soft… so molded… it was a hundred times more comfortable than his old wooden throne.

He trusted his senses enough to place his large red fedora atop his face to shield it from the glaring sunlight. The only thing he hated even more than waking up in the middle of the day was being tasked with babysitting. The vampire felt his senses begin to calm and his muscles react. The soft scraping of toys against the floor was the only indication the child was still present, and soon he found himself lulled to sleep by the noise.

Just as he was in the midst of a pleasant nightmare, a smell made him wake up.

There were many smells Alucard could deal with. Sweat, grime, mud, hormones, liquor (which was sometimes very pleasant), blood (which was always pleasant), fire… really, all the scents of the battlefield and all else were familiar to him. However, this smell in particular he had not dealt with ever since he had turned into a vampire. Humans did this act perpetually: most on a daily basis. It disgusted him. The scent was no longer natural to him: and as such, it actually made him gag.

Very bright crimson eyes snapped open and he ripped off his fedora in a hurry to stare at the child in awe of the putrid odor escaping his diaper. And he was still just playing with his toys, sitting upon it as if nothing was amiss!

"You," he growled in a threatening tone as he stomped towards the child, feeling his self-control wavering. "You've shit yourself."

The baby just stared at him blankly.

Clenching and unclenching his hands, Alucard debated his options. Master won't be home until tomorrow evening. That means if I leave the diaper full, it will likely develop some sort of rash. And I do not feel like smelling it all day…

Grabbing the child by the back of his shirt and holding him at arm's length, the king of vampires shielded his nose. The fact that as a vampire his senses were intensified did not help.

There are fresh diapers in the nursery. Yes, the nursery! Perfect!

He quickly set the baby down on the counter and took a few long strides back, assessing the situation carefully. The diaper was leaking slightly, little pools of brown staining the back and dripping onto the protective paper set down just for that purpose. He grimaced and altogether just stopped breathing. He didn't need the luxury any more since it was no longer a luxury but a cruel, cruel punishment.

"Why couldn't you just wait for Master to deal with this?" he growled (even though he knew she would not be home for weeks) as he bravely stepped forward and unclasped the sides, revealing the disgusting mess inside. Alucard nearly gagged and ran off, leaving the child to stew in its juices.

No. I will not be defeated by this. He could have sworn the baby was smirking at him as he slowly slid the filthy diaper away. He pictured in his mind what the baby might be thinking towards him with his feeble mind. "Yeah, that's right bitch. Pick up my poop."

Rage flowed through his veins and seeped into every pore of his being as he clenched his jaw and dumped the filthy article into the waste basket. But that was only half the battle. I have faced armies of men and slaughtered millions. I have endured the stench of thousands of impaled victims in a field of blood and supped upon my dinner in their presence. I will endure this, you damn brat! I WILL NOT FAIL MY MASTER!

Everything was almost clean by the time that little Arthur decided to play a game of trajectory. Being that he was only thirteen months old, he had neither crossbow nor literal gun to fire. There was only one thing he could use.

Seras Victoria was wandering around the mansion after returning from her mission, bored out of her skull since she had recently gotten a call from Sir Integra explaining that she would be partaking of the burden of watching her child while she was away at an important meeting with the crown, when a sudden deafening roar shook the foundation of the entire building. After realizing that no feral beast was chasing after her, she shakily came to the realization that she had heard the familiar sound before. Was that who I think it was? And it seemed to come from the baby's room, too! Just what was going on?

Phasing to where the horrible sound had come from, she stepped into a wall of stench that hit her and made her gag on the spot and cover her face in pure revulsion. Gathering her wits about her, she looked up to see her master standing over a baby with his Jackal pointed directly at its skull, dripping wet in what she highly doubted was water.

"Master, no!" she screamed as she lunged forward and shoved the gun out of the baby's giggling face.

Alucard snarled, his eyes swirling brightly with rage. "Look how he laughs, Police Girl! Look how he mocks me! The cretin! The lowly scum-sucking abomination! I shall end him now: he will never be my master!"

"He is also a baby," Seras reasoned cautiously, lowering the gun to his side. "He doesn't know any better and Sir Integra will have your head upon her mantle. Please, Master, don't do it!"

He looked from his concerned fledgling back to the evil child, who was only watching him with mundane interest now. Seras's wide blue eyes were filled with innocence and caring. Slowly, he felt his resolve crumbling. With a sigh, he placed his gun back in his duster. "Just stop giving me the puppy-dog eyes. You are a proper vampire now: stop with that goody-two-shoes business."

Seras smiled softly and turned back to the baby. Alucard watched over her head (he was far taller than her) as she gently finished up and placed a new diaper on the baby. She picked him up and cradled him in her arms, slowly rocking him and kissing the top of his head. And to the vampire king's absolute astonishment, his fledgling was able to make little Arthur fall asleep in her arms.

Looking at the peaceful expression on her face, he was met with a rather disquieting thought; what if she would have wanted to be a mother? He had noticed, even before this day, that Seras always had this look of softness when her gaze landed on that little baby, even in the midst of a tantrum. Even Integra did not look at him quite like that. "Police Girl," he rumbled quietly, having calmed down considerably since her arrival, "Why do you cling to your humanity so adamantly?"

It was the reason she never drank her blood; she felt that she would lose that part of herself if she did. Which was decidedly true; Alucard remembered back to when he drank his first victim as a member of the night: scared, confused, and disoriented after awakening from having his head chopped off, he had followed his first instinct and slaughtered all the soldiers present at his execution. After that, it was hard to feel those vague emotions any longer. How she knew that it would fade away as soon as she gave into the temptation, he had no clue.

"I couldn't tell you, Master," she replied, looking up to meet his gaze bravely. "Maybe I just want to remember how to be human as long as I can before it's gone."

Alucard snorted. "Aren't you hungry?"

A flash of red sparked in her eyes for a fleeting moment, though it could have been a trick of the light. "I never said I wasn't. But I figure that hunger is easy to fix. I'll just deal with it for now."

Perhaps… she isn't quite as weak as I had imagined, Alucard thought to himself. She endures the extreme pain of hunger even better than I did. "Being human means feeling pain, too, Police Girl: not just love," he reminded her.

She smiled sadly at him. "I know. That just makes the good things worthwhile." Looking down at the baby in her arms, she felt a wave of compassion. "I'm feeling a little nostalgic. You're awfully talkative today, Master: would you mind a story?"

Alucard arched an eyebrow and gave her a reproachful look. "I won't be able to sympathize and I will likely disappoint you, but very well."

Seras set the baby down in the crib and the pair left for the nearby recreational room. She pulled out a chair and plopped down, wringing her hands together nervously. Alucard positioned himself openly, relaxing his long legs out and leaning with one shoulder on the nearby table, staring at Seras from the corner of his eye. She began. "You see… when I was only about six years old, my parents passed away and I lost my only sibling. I'm not going to get into what happened, but there was an… incident and I was left badly injured. My two-year old brother was in his nursery when it happened and when the police came and took us away, we were sent to different locations. He was given immediately to a family who adopted him at first sight. I wasn't so lucky. After the orphanage closed down, I was taken to a catholic school. I have no idea where he is. It's just… Arthur reminds me of him, how he used to be. He brings me back to those days where I used to look at him, so happy that I had someone to play with and love with all my heart."

"Did you ever try searching for him?"

She shook her head. "Every time I came close, I always backed down because I wouldn't know how to approach him. I highly doubt he's even in England any more. Besides, I can't go after him now; I can't drag him into my life especially since I'll just outlive him anyways. It's best I don't have family around."

Alucard nodded slowly. An idea slowly began to form in his head. "If he were presented before you, however: would you speak with him then?"

Her eyes widened and she stared at him directly. "I would, immediately. But I would prefer if that didn't happen. It's probably best not knowing."

A small and mischievous grin formed on his face, although Seras had already looked away and did not see it.

"Sometimes," he consented. "What was his name?"

Seras's eyes glazed over as her soul seemed to be lost somewhere out in the distance, past a void that Alucard could not see. "Christopher."

And with that one name still fresh in his mind, Alucard decided to go on a hunt.

Next chapter, I introduce an OC! I'm pumped; I hope you all enjoyed!