A Covert Affair

The turtles' lair.

Donnie and Casey stare into each other's eyes, electricity practically leaping between them from the intensity of their glares.

"You ready to finally put an end to our little April situation, Jones?" asks Donnie, the edge clear in his voice.

Casey's eyes narrow.

"Bring it on."

Donnie smirks...

Then leans back with a copy of Teen Girl magazine in hand.

"Okay, so on scale of one to ten how cute are most puppies?"

"Uuuuuuuuugh!"

Casey groans, throwing himself against the back of the couch as he avoids eye contact with the mountains of trendy teen magazines sitting before them.

"This is so stupid! How are goofy magazine quizzes supposed to decide who's better for April?"

"First off all, they're not 'goofy.' They're statistically accurate compatibility quizzes, and secondly my research indicates that their results have an extremely high rate of accuracy. Now, if you could be any type of fish what fish would you be?"

"A blow fish." drones Casey. "Because this quiz blows!"

Donnie writes it down.

"Disregarding the sarcasm. Adding up your scores, aaaaand…sixty-eight percent?! That's three points higher than what I got!"

Casey leans over eagerly.

"No way! Let me see!"

"Forget it!" yells Donnie, pushing him away. "These quizzes are nothing more than nonsensical, teenage fluff."

"Come on! Let me see!"

The two wrestle for the magazine before both of them roll off the couch, continuing their grudge match on the floor.

As they do, Donnie suddenly notices something from the corner of his eye.

"Look! It's April."

"Nice try, gap tooth. I'm not falling for—"

Donnie grabs his head and directs his eyes up and across the lair where April enters through the terminal carrying a large grocery bag.

Around the same time Mikey walks out of his room, his headphones in as he bobs to music.

The two lock eyes before discreetly walking towards each other.

They shiftily look around the room before Mikey bows to April and kisses her hand with a smile.

"Milady."

April giggles.

"My prince."

The two laugh as they walk away together.

Donnie and Casey slowly climb up from the floor.

"What do you think that was about?" asks Casey.

"I don't know." replies Donnie, brushing himself off.

"You don't think…"

"What?"

"Naaaah! It's way too weird."

"Tell me."

"Well…you don't think those two are an…item, do you?"

"Mikey and April?!" scoffs Donnie. "I'd sooner believe Galileo was eating gyoza down at TCRI."

"Yeah! You're probably right."

The two sit on the couch in an awkward silence.

Donnie flips on the TV where a new episode of Crognard the Barbarian is playing.

On screen Wizardess and Crognard hold hands, staring into each other's eyes.

"Oh, Wizardess!" says Crognard. "I have loved you all my life!"

"I'm sorry Crognard," says Wizardess. "But I cannot return your feelings. For I am secretly in love…with Spooch!"

She runs away from Crognard and grabs Spooch in a loving embrace.

"Spooch! Spooch!"

Crognard falls to his knees.

"Noooooooooooooooo!"

Donnie stares, baffled.

"Well, that seems like a sudden plot development."

He turns to Casey who's writing in one of the magazines.

"Are you taking another quiz?"

"What? No!...Maybe…Shut it! I'm trying to work."

"You are! Let me see."

Donnie snatches the magazine from his hand.

"Hey! Give that back!"

Donnie holds him back.

"Favorite hobby: Dancing. Favorite exercise: Ninjitsu. Favorite food: Pizza?! These are all things Mikey would say!"

"No, they're not!"

"You're testing to see if Mikey would be compatible with April, aren't you?!"

"So, what if I am?"

Donnie stares.

BAM!

Donnie drops a stack of movies on the table.

Beside him Casey sits, surrounded by magazines, notebooks, and action figures.

"Okay!" says Donnie. "I pulled every movie from Mikey's DVD collection. Luckily, he organizes them from his least favorite up."

"Great! Now, what kind of tree do you think he would be if he was a tree?"

Donnie mulls it over.

"Pineapple. Mikey's always had a thing for any fruit that can go on pizza."

"I didn't think pineapples grew on trees." remarks Casey.

"Try telling that to him."

"Okay. So, we got movies, hobbies, dating preferences. Anything else?"

"Uuuuh, yes! One last question." says Donnie. "'If you had to guess, on a scale of one to ten, how good a kisser is your man…'"

The two sit in awkward silence.

"Zero."

"Six."

Donnie looks at Casey.

"What? Dude can fit like twenty marshmallows in his mouth at once. That's gotta mean something!"

"O-kay? We'll split the difference and say three. Now we just tally up the scores and…"

He jots down a few notes.

"Ninety-eight percent?!"

"What?!"

Donnie grabs a few more magazines.

"Ninety-six percent?! A hundred percent?! A hundred and three?!"

"How is that even possible?!"

"I don't know!"

Donnie angrily flings the magazines across the room.

"This doesn't make sense! We put slug people as his favorite animal! SLUG PEOPLE!"

Casey picks up a magazine.

"According to this one they're both creative, out-going, vivacious types."

"Yeah, and this one says they're both sparkle pixie types. I told you these magazines are garbage!"

Donnie rips the magazine shreds.

Casey watches as Donnie stands panting.

"Look man." says Casey, getting up. "The only way we can find out if they're an item or not is if we go all ninja on their butts."

"You want us to attack them?!"

"No! I mean, we gotta follow them. Be all stealthy like."

"That's...Actually, that's not such a bad idea."

"See?!"

Donnie starts pacing the floor, talking rapid fire like a mad man.

"All we need to do is follow them, and after seeing that they really have absolutely nothing in common and noooo interpersonal chemistry what-so-ever we can put this entire 'Mikey-April' business back in the dark, putrid hole where it belongs."

"There you go!"

Donnie laughs eccentrically.

"And then I will swoop in, and April and I will ride off into the sunset towards a whirlwind romance from which we'll start the rest of our lives as a couple! It's brilliant!"

"Yeah! Wait…"

"Let's go!"

Donnie grabs Casey's arm and drags him away.

And in the background Spooch and Wizardess both stare lovingly at each other as pink and black swirls spiral in their eyes.

The dojo, the next day.

Splinter and April practice kata in the middle of the room, their movements perfectly in sync.

Casey watches from behind a plant at the other end of the room, hidden beneath the leaves.

He stares at them, watching as they repeat the same movements over and over.

He rubs his eyes, trying to brush away the boredom of the monotonous routine.

As he looks back in the center of the dojo he notices April still doing the kata…but Splinter nowhere to be seen.

He looks around for a moment before turning to the side only to see Splinter standing right there!

Before Casey can even scream, Master Splinter grabs his ear sternly and jerks him away.

The kitchen, later.

Mikey stands at the stove, happily cooking a pan of steaming hot stir fry as he hums to the music playing over his headphones.

Up in the rafters above Donnie carefully watches his movements, leaning over the beams as he takes notes.

Mikey flips the stir fry in the pan, effortlessly tossing it in the air before catching it right back in the same container without spilling so much as a drop.

He does this once, twice, three times, each time getting a little higher.

Donnie watches his movements intently until, without warning, Mikey flips the stir fry so high in the air that the entire steaming hot dish SMACKS Donnie right in the face.

Mikey looks down at his pan, smiling, only to notice the stir fry mysteriously disappeared.

He looks up at the rafter, but still no sign of the vanishing dish.

Unbeknownst to him however, high above Donnie lies in excruciating agony upon the wooden beams, his hand clamped over his scorched mouth as he tries desperately not to scream.

Living room, later.

Mikey and April sit together on the couch watching an animated, comedy movie and eating pizza.

Far behind them Casey, bearing a bandaged ear, and Donnie, bearing a bandaged face, hide upon the metal sewer pipes, watching their every move.

Mikey turns to April.

"April."

She turns to him.

"Yeah?"

Mikey sloooowly leans in.

Casey and Donnie slowly lean forward, barely holding onto the pipes as they squirm with a combination of anxiety and anticipation.

Mikey's face is almost to April's when—

"You gotta little peperoni stuck to your nose."

April's hand flies to her nose.

BAM!

Behind them Donnie and Casey fall, SLAMMING to the hard, concrete ground.

April and Mikey look around for a moment for the source of the noise, but, seeing nothing, go back to their movie.

On the floor, Casey and Donnie rub their sore everything.

"This is stupid!" whispers Casey. "We've been following them all day and they've done nothing couple-y!"

"Don't look at me!" whisper yells Donnie. "This was your idea!"

"So, April…"

The two boys look up as Mikey speaks.

Mikey looks around shiftily before leaning in and whispering.

"We're still on for our little get-together tonight, right?"

April smiles before whispering back.

"Trust me. I wouldn't miss this for the world."

Mikey grins.

"Good. Because I've been looking forward to this for a looooong time."

The two giggle before turning back to their movie.

Suddenly, a furious Donnie erupts from behind the couch.

He goes to strangle Mikey, but Casey quickly and quietly holds him, struggling desperately against the adrenaline fueled turtle as he silently jerks him from the room.

The light of the setting sun gleams across New York City casting everything in a golden hue.

Down below, in the midst of downtown, Donnie paces angrily atop a concrete rooftop.

"I can't believe this! My own brother! Going out with the girl of my dreams!"

Casey sits nearby with a pair of binoculars.

"You think I'm not steamed about this? I wanna punch that little cartoon watching reptile right in the face!"

"Oh, when I get my hands on him—"

"Shhhh. Here they come."

Donnie rushes over beside Casey and grabs the binoculars.

Below them April stealthily rounds a corner into a dark alleyway carrying a large grocery bag.

From the other end of the alley Mikey, dressed in a thick trench coat and hat, rounds the other corner trying his best to remain unseen.

The two meet in the center of the alleyway.

They look around before Mikey opens a door to an adjacent building.

He bows to April with a flourish.

"Milady."

April giggles before daintily steeping inside.

Mikey takes one last look around before quickly stepping inside and closing the door.

"That weasel!" shouts Donnie! "He's probably cooking her a romantic dinner for two right now!"

"Yeah!" shouts Casey. "He musta hypnotized her with some gourmet food and now she's all gaga for him!"

He pauses.

"Why didn't we think of that?"

"Becaaauuse, Bonehead." says Donnie knocking hard on Casey's skull. "Mikey's the only one who knows how to cook!"

"Well, whatever, man!" shouts Casey pushing his fist away. "Let's just go crash their little dinner party, and bust that turtle's shell wide open!"

"I couldn't agree more."

The two leap down from the rooftop, landing quietly on the pavement below.

They look around before entering the same door as April and Mikey, quietly shutting it behind them.

Inside Casey and Donnie creep quietly through corridors of musty cubicles, the setting sun outside providing the only illumination for the otherwise dark building.

"What is this place?" asks Casey, keeping an eye out for any sign of movement.

"It must have been some kind of old office space." says Donnie.

"Milady, a word."

"What was that?!" exclaims Casey.

"Shhhhhh." whispers Donnie. "It's coming from down there."

The two rush between the cubicles towards a large door labeled "President" where Mikey and April's silhouettes can be seen through the musty blinds covering the large glass plating around the door.

"What is it, my prince?" asks April as her silhouette steps towards Mikey's.

Mikey turns to April, grabbing her shoulders.

"I've tried to keep it a secret, lest my evil brother grows jealous, but I can hide it no longer."

"Evil?" whispers Donnie. "Who's he calling evil?"

"I love you." says Mikey. "I love you, and I always have."

"Oh, my prince." says April as she cups her hand around Mikey's cheek. "I feel the same way!"

"You do?!"

"Does this give you your answer?"

April wraps her arms around Mikey's shell as the two slowly lean in for a kiss.

Donnie and Casey stare in horror.

"NO!"

BOOM!

The two BURST in through the office door, their eyes frantic and panting like mad men!

"April, stop!" shouts Donnie. "You can't…"

Casey and Donnie freeze.

Before them, frozen in shock, stand April and Mikey, holding each other in their arms and dressed like a unicorn prince and princess complete with glittery horns and rainbow colored tails.

The oddly dressed couple stare in horror.

"What are you doing here?!" shouts April, outraged!

"Us?!" asks Donnie. "What are you doing here?!"

"Yeah!" shouts Casey. "And what's with the get up?"

"Uuuuuuuuuuuh…" Mikey drones, his eyes wide as saucers. "This isn't what it looks like!"

"Relax, Mikey." says April, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "No use hiding it now."

She turns to Casey and Donnie with a look of pure venom.

"What we're doing here is reenacting our favorite scene from 'Our Tiny Equestrians.'"

"That dumb, girls' TV show?" asks Casey.

"It is not dumb!" shouts Mikey. "It's an intricately woven story centered around strong characters, elaborate plot lines, and a love of adorable unicorn!"

Casey and Donnie stare dumbfounded until-

"BAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"

The two burst out laughing, clutching their sides as April and Mikey glare.

"This…this is the best thing ever!" screams Donnie.

"Yeah!" laughs Casey. "You wanna catch some butterflies in your diaper while you're at it?"

"UGH!" screams April. "You see, this is why I told Mikey to keep it a secret. Because, I knew you two would be jerks about it!"

BAM!

April socks them right in the shoulder.

"Ow!"

"Hey!"

"Come on, Mikey." says April storming from the room. "Let's go reenact our scene somewhere without morons!"

"April!" calls Donnie.

"Red, come on!" shouts Casey.

Mikey marches past the two accused jerks with his glittery horned head held high.

"Uncultured swine."

He blows a raspberry before shutting the door behind him.

Casey and Donnie look after them.

"Stupid show." mutters Donnie.

"Yeah." says Casey. "What kind of girly, baby would watch that rainbow colored crud anyway?"

Suddenly, the closet door swings open to reveal an enthusiastic Raph dressed as a unicorn queen complete with rainbow wig and butterfly wings.

"Okay, guys. I'm ready to…"

Raph freezes as he spots Casey and Donnie.

Casey and Donnie stare.

Raph stares back.

The three all stare at each other for a long moment until—

"You…do realize I have to kill you."

THE END

Author's Note: Aaaaaand DONE! YAAAAAAAAY!

Thank you all so much for reading this, and a huge shout out to my BFFFFL (Best Fan-Fiction Friend For Life) Niko 56 for inspiring me to do this fic. You guys are just so amazing for continuing to read my stuff, and I'm so grateful to have you around. LOVE YOU GUYS!

Anyway, let me know what you guys thought of this latest fic, kay? Until next time!