WARNING: Spoilers up to manga chapter 794.

It was almost frightening how smoothly the excuses came to his lips. Talk of the CP-0, of obligations to the Revolution, of people waiting for him. Easy answers to the question of why he was leaving so fast, so early. He almost had himself believing it.

The quiet burn of the Mera Mera no Mi within him felt like Ace's voice telling him, 'you're Sabo, you're Luffy's brother'.

But was he?

Mouth twisting into a frown, he pulled the brim of his hat down to further shadow his face. Those little things, like the weight of his hat and goggles on his head, the feel of the iron pipe across his back… They grounded him. Reminded him of who he was. Reminded him of 'Sabo'.

But the pipe had been picked up from the debris of a town he'd gone out to investigate; the top hat found at a market in some recently-liberated snowy country; the goggles a remnant of a mission that had necessitated some diving. A mimic of the old, made from the new life he now lived. And perhaps that was the greatest lie.

He had lived ten years without his past. Ten years of not being a brother. Ten years, just being Sabo. Not reluctant-son-of-nobles Sabo, nor big-brother-to-hopeless-little-brother Sabo. Just…Sabo. First the youngest member of the Revolutionary Army, later Chief of Staff. For ten years, the Revolution had been all he lived for. Until suddenly, two years ago, it wasn't.

The truth had nothing to do with obligations, with threats. The simple truth was that he was afraid.

He was afraid he couldn't be who Luffy wanted him to be.

He was afraid that Luffy might find that Sabo was no longer the big brother he remembered. He was afraid that when he looked into the younger boy's eyes, he would see a stranger reflected back at him. That maybe it wasn't wrong that 'Sabo' had died that day in the fire.

But most of all, Sabo was afraid that Luffy might say, 'hey do you remember when we did that?', so bright and pure, and he would have no choice but to lie.

Reviews are very much appreciated!

The inspiration for this drabble is, of course, the latest chapter, but at the same time it's been something that's been nagging at me ever since Sabo revealed himself. Like he's trying a little too hard to be a big brother to Luffy, to make up for the lost years, to take up Ace's mantle. And the latest revelation made things a little more grim in my headcanon.

I mean, you don't spend TEN YEARS of your life without a single memory of the past, essentially being a different person, and simply bounce back to your old life once you remember it. I feel like his guilt about Ace's death, along with the intense desire to protect the brother he still has, is driving him a little too much to be healthy. My headcanon thinks that Sabo only picked up those trademark items like the top hat and pipe after he regained his memories. For example, his primary fighting style has nothing to do with the pipe, it's almost like he carries it around for the sake of it. I feel like it's part of him trying to cope with the disparity between his two lives.

Just a little bit of insight in this ficlet.