This wasn't right. It wasn't right. Why was he doing, this? How did he get into this situation?

He wanted to test and see what would happen. So he didn't go home one night. He went home, expecting Hinata to question him or say something. She didn't. And so he didn't come home the next night, or the next night after that. Surely, someone would ask where you've been for two days in a row.

Nothing.

And so he stayed away for a week.

No complaints, no mention of something strange.

Then he stayed awake for two weeks, and then three.

The only one who ever said anything to him was his son. Anger, curiosity, the feeling of wanting to be together or spend time together? His son felt that way… but he didn't. Not towards him, not towards Hinata, not towards their daughter, wasn't he supposed to feel something? Clearly, Hinata felt nothing either since she never said anything about it.

Three months had passed and he'd only been home three or four times. He spent his nights holed up in his office, luckily the personal bathroom inside the tower contained a standing shower. He had all the clothes he needed and if he needed more, he sent an aid to get them.

It started off as a test, to see if Hinata would at all react to his absence. Then it turned into a test to see if he would feel anything by being away from his family. Now, he didn't want to go back. Just the thought of returning to their home gave him a sense of dread. The same dread washed over him every time his son appeared in his office, demanding his return and his attention.

He wanted to say this feeling of dread was new… but it wasn't. It had always been there. He pushed it away, tried to ignore it. Maybe it was normal to feel so dreadful, being in a relationship with her, proposing to her, getting married, having their kids. The dread of being an adult, right? Sometimes he felt happy, but only after he talked himself into believing everything he did was the right thing. He did the right thing, reciprocating her feelings, giving her a stable life, giving her the children she silently asked for. That is how it's supposed to work right?

It couldn't be. Something wasn't right.

He thought about his parents and the stories his mother had told him, however short they were. He couldn't imagine his mother putting up with his father's absence with no explanation. He couldn't imagine his father being able to be away from his mother for long periods of time for no other reason other than dreading to see her and be with her.

He thought about all of his friends relationships, only one resembled his own. Sakura and Sasuke.

He had to ask. He had to know what Sakura thought. Is she really ok with Sasuke being away, leaving her like this? Did this mean… Sasuke felt the same as he did, dreading to be near her?

Naruto grabbed his cloak and left his office. The paperwork could wait.

He walked the streets of the village he ran. Not much had changed, not as much as he expected. People walked around with cell phones and tablets, but no one hardly seemed to speak face to face anymore.

He hadn't spoken to Sakura in weeks. Months possibly. When he first became Hokage, she was in and out of his office, typical of the head of the hospital. She only remained in the position for a short time. Then she quit. She left the village. She didn't tell anyone where she traveled or why. Months later… she returned with a child. Sasuke's child. Naruto had so many questions, but Sasuke told him it was true.

He thought Sasuke would return, or visit Sakura for once, but he never came close to the village after that. In fact, Naruto had to go outside the village to meet him. Whenever they met up, Sasuke never asked about how Sakura or his child. He didn't even seem curious, it was like they didn't exist to him.

Naruto wanted to ask Sasuke why he neglected Sakura so much. Clearly she loved him, right? So, why didn't Sasuke care? He wanted to tell Sasuke to take better care of Sakura and explain how unhappy she must be even if she denied it.

Naruto had no room to talk. He felt the same. Even after learning of Hinata's feelings, he felt hesitant. He felt guilty, her feelings were not mutual. But he pushed his own feelings feelings aside, Sakura TOLD him to push those feelings aside and give Hinata what she deserved.

His love.

But he couldn't. It wasn't that simple.

He knocked on Sakura's door. All the kids were at school, a perfect opportunity for them to speak in private. She finally opened the door, surprised to see him.

"Seventh? Shouldn't you be at work?"

When he first became Hokage, he asked everyone to call him 'Seventh'. Even his friends. At first he only insisted on such jokingly, or he thought he did. He started to insist everyone call him that, especially people who had disrespected him in the past. It felt… good. He would never exact any real revenge on them, but forcing them to acknowledge him fulfilled the need.

But when Sakura also started to call him that… well, he couldn't take it back and tell everyone call him Naruto again. It had become a habit now. No one called him by his name. Not even Sakura-chan. He regretted it, he felt distant and separated from everyone again, in a completely different way. Another mistake to add onto his list.

"Ah come on Sakura-chan, we haven't spoken in so long!" He walked passed her into her home, he hadn't been inside for years. It didn't resemble the home he walked into years ago. The Uchiha symbol was on everything. The walls, the bookshelf, the kitchen, even on some of the rugs.

"What do you want? I was in the middle of something."

He turned to her. She was dressed in an apron, it had splotches of dust on it, maybe she had finished dusting shelves. Yet, her hands were wet and soap still hung onto her fingers.

"Busy washing dishes?" He asked jokingly. Her eyes narrowed and she swiveled around, heading back into her kitchen. Sakura had replaced her own clan's symbol with an Uchiha symbol upon her back. He cringed.

"I didn't mean it as an insult, Sakura-chan." He quickly followed after her, speaking apologetically.

She dipped her hands back into the sudsy water, but gave him an expectant look. She still wanted an explanation. At least it felt like she wanted SOMETHING from him. He rolled up his sleeves and offered out his hand, offering to take the clean dish to dry it. He couldn't remember the last time he helped out with dishes, or any chores at all. She looked surprised, but gladly handed him the dish.

"I want to have a serious discussion with you."

"What kind of discussion?"

He slowly dried the dish, running the possible conversations through his mind.

'I think I made a mistake.'

'I think I'm depressed.'

'I haven't slept in my own bed in months.'

'I haven't been home in weeks.'

'I don't love Hinata. We're barely a couple.'

'I don't want to be around my family.'

'I think-

"Seventh?"

She called him even though it wasn't his name. He put down the dish.

"It's… a personal discussion. I figured you were the best person to have it with."

"Alright," She handed him another dish, almost impatiently. "But what is it about?"

"What is a relationship to you?"

He didn't look directly at her when she asked, but he saw her surprised reaction from his peripheral vision.

"Well… there are a lot of different relat-"

"A romantic one. Marriage."

They continued to wash the dishes in unison. She washed one, he dried one. She handed one over and his hand was there to take the next one right away.

Finally, she spoke. The silence nearly suffocated him. Maybe that's why he couldn't stand being at home. Hinata hardly even spoke to him. He had to speak to her.

"Why are you asking me? Did you get in a fight with Hinata?"

"Not really."

"Then why are you even worrying about it? Are you thinking too much again?"

Naruto frowned. When he and Hinata had started dating, Naruto was on Sakura's doorstep every day, asking what he should do, what he should say. Nothing they did together ever felt right. Naruto could go on talking for ages, but after only a few exchanges, Hinata's mind seem to close off and he was left to talk to himself while she nodded along.

'What's wrong with her? Am I doing something wrong?' He asked.

'Why am I the one who has to ask to do things? She never seems to want to do anything until I ask her.' He questioned.

'She's so distant. She never goes out of her way to do anything with me, why?' He reasoned.

All these questions, all these feelings, Sakura's answer was always,

'Girls are like, the man should be chasing the woman. And she's 're thinking too much.'

'Don't worry, she's fine with just listening to you. She doesn't have to speak up if she doesn't want to, be happy she's listening to you at all! You're thinking too much.'

'She's content with just waiting until you do something Naruto, you should appreciate that stupid. You're thinking too much.'

'You're thinking too much.'

"You know Sakura-chan, I don't think I am-ttebayo."

Now she frowned, scrubbing a particularly stubborn stain.

"I think you are. These things are natural."

"I don't think it's natural, I think it's strange."

She rolled her eyes. "Hinata is a great wife, you were never going to find a better wife. There's nothing stran-"

"She still hasn't asked me why I haven't slept at home in three months. Or why I don't return home to change my clothes and send someone else instead. Or why I only sent her a card through the mail on her birthday and didn't actually go to see her."

Sakura dropped the dish in the sink, shocked by his confession.

"Nar- Seventh!" Now she looked angry, he hadn't seen her so angry in a while. "What are you doing! Work can't possibly be that hectic right now."

"Strange right? What's stranger is that, the only feeling I have is guilt. Not longing, or a desire to go back and remedy things. I feel like I have to fix it, not because I want to, but because people will think badly of me."

'People'. He really just meant Sakura.

"Na-" She kept stumbling over his name. Why did she insist on calling him Seventh when clearly she wanted to call him by his real name. "You'd better go home right now and apologize to her, or I'll drag you there myself!"

"So you aren't ok with this?"

"Of course not! Hinata is such a kind woman, she doesn't deserve that kind of treatme-"

"Then what about you?" He interrupted her again. He thought he would be more nervous having this conversation with Sakura, but… he felt confident and firm. "When's the last time you spoke to Sasuke?"

He caught her off guard again; he saw she was going to brush him off.

"I spoke to him two weeks ago when we met outside the village." He said quickly.

"What… that has nothing to do with this." Her eyes remained wide, of course she hadn't known that her 'husband' had been so close to the village but didn't bother to even say hello.

"When's the last time he contacted you? Told you or his daughter 'Happy Birthday', or even informed you of how he was doing?"

His questions began to upset her. She already looked tired enough, but now she looked angry and defeated.

"Get out of my house, Naruto!"

Ah, she finally said his name… but not in the context he wanted. He didn't move. She didn't move to make him move. They stood there silently. Stubbornly.

"Got dammit." She whispered. She was the first to turn away.

"… I'm sorry, Sakura-chan. But I just need to kn-"

"To know what?" Now she was the one interrupting him even as her voice shook.

"Why you are ok like this. And why I should be ok with this."

"What is 'this'?"

"Sakura-chan. You're tired… I'm tired… we look older than Kakashi-sensei at this point. Why are we still jumping around and ignoring the issue here?"

"There aren't any issues." She insisted, she crossed her arms and still refused to meet his eyes.

"… I'm don't want to live like this anymore. I'm tired of feeling guilty, I'm tired of feeling like I have to do this. I don't."

"You… you can't do that. You can't just break up with her like that!"

"It shouldn't have gotten this far in the first place. But the guilt was too much. At every turn… at every moment I should have broke it off… I came to you. You insisted that that is how a relationship should be, that I was imagining things, that I was thinking too much, that I didn't deserve her and I better grab her before someone else… you laid on the guilt really thick."

"So now it's my fault?" She finally looked at him, surely an accusation would make someone angry if it weren't true. In her emerald eyes… he saw guilt too.

"No… not completely. I blame mostly myself. I knew what I felt… but I guess I … couldn't think straight. I couldn't think straight long enough to make a mess of things."

"This is ridiculous. Naruto, go home to your wife already." When she started to walk away, Naruto held her shoulder, keeping her in place.

"I could go home. I could go home and say 'Hello'. I could sit down at the table and ask for a cup of water and Hinata would bring it to me without saying a word or asking where I've been. She'd recuse herself and go along with it. No matter how much I ask that she speak her mind, scold me, or tell me when I'm doing something wrong, she never would and she never will."

"That's what you should want!"

"That's not what I want!"

He held her shoulders tighter when she tried to move away.

"Why is it acceptable for it to be this way? Why are you trying to justify it in my case, but you refuse to look at your own situation!"

"It's completely different! He's bus-"

"But not busy enough to send me a message once a week and meet up with me every other month? Why are you alright with living like this?"

"Let GO!"

Finally, she broke free of his grip. He expected her to demand that he leave the house again, but she turned away, trying to catch her breath after their brief shouting match. Even he was out of breath, but he would not let the opportunity to clear things up slip away.

"Sakura-chan…"

"Just leave me alone Naruto. That's enough."

"I won't leave you alone. Not until things are resolved between us." The air became tense between them. His hands started to sweat, it was only now that he became nervous. "… I don't love you because of Sasuke."

She became silent again.

"And I have a feeling you know that already. But you saw a chance to push me away… and you took it."

"I don't know what you're talking about-"

"But you do. 'You only love me to compete with Sasuke'. You told me that."

"And you agreed."

"I agreed long enough to be wrapped into a relationship, to be pushed far enough away from you. And when I wanted to break away, you made sure I never did."

"You sure are putting a lot of blame on me."

"No, I already told you, I blame myself the most. For never making my feelings clear to you. But I'm going to remedy that."

He approached her, but she still refused to look at him. Even as he knelt down at her feet and tried to meet her eyes.

"Sakura, I ask again, why are you ok with this?" She ignored him. "I had only one condition for myself… I would let you go if you were happy. I wouldn't go until I knew you were happy. Whether it was with me, or with someone else, I would willingly to step aside. For a brief moment… or a moment too long… I lost sight of that.

For too long, I was weak. I let people distract me, I let YOU distract me from your own happiness. As years went by, you pushed me further and further away. You avoided me, you won't even call me by my name anymore unless you're flustered."

As he spoke, Sakura shifted from foot to foot. She might run away, he thought. Probably to avoid him further. He took her hand firmly, the hand that still didn't have a ring. His advances startled her.

"I know you Sakura. I know enough of you to know that you aren't happy with what you have… yet you continue to try to convince me… and to try to convince yourself that this is normal. That you WANT this. That you DESERVE this. Why?"

She tried to snatch her hand away, but Naruto held it firmly.

"Don't pretend like yo-"

"I'm NOT pretending." He stood up again, they were so close that their chests almost touched. She had to look up at him and he looked down at her. "Sakura-chan, you're one of the kindest, strongest, and most giving people I know. You'd do anything for the people you care about. You'd do anything for me… but whenever Sasuke enters your mind, you wilt like a dying flower."

"Don-"

"Why?" He held her hand now as he pleaded. "Why do you insist on living this way?"

"Don't tell me how to live Naruto!"

"Sakura, I want you to be happy. That's all I want! No woman wants to live like this, no one, especially not you! I won't let you convince me anymore that this is how it should be! That THIS is what you want!"

Again, the room became silent. Naruto released her and took a step back.

"Hinata and I… it doesn't work. I'm tired of pretending. Pretending that I love her that way, pretending that I want to be at home with them, like a family. Pretending that… I don't still love you."

"… You…"

"I've thought about it, for a long time. If things continue on this way, I'll only hurt her and the kids even more. You know lying isn't really my thing-ttebayo."

"Naruto…" He noted that she looked shocked by his conclusion, but not as shocked as he expected. Was there relief in her expression?

"Sakura… I hope you're tired of pretending too." He turned to the door and started to open it, but she grabbed onto his cloak.

"Sakura, if you were to send your husband divorce papers in the mail today already signed and prepared to be processed, what would he do? Would he hesitate and come back to you, begging at your feet to stay together and be with him? Or would he sign them and send them back immediately, relieved that you have even less expectations of him?"

He glanced back at her one last time as she released his cloak. They both knew the answer. Naruto knew Sasuke would send it back as soon as possible. No matter how hard Sakura tried to believe he would come back to her and they would be together, she knew the truth as well.

"I'll see you later, Sakura-chan."

He stepped outside and took a deep breath. It had been so long since he and Sakura interacted, let alone argued. But… it felt right. It felt right to be around her. It felt right to be close to her. It felt right to have her argue back, to stand her ground, to… be his equal.

He'd missed it.

He had no intention of letting it go.

They couldn't keep living like this, especially not her.