Notabum: Long time no see, I have a reason to why I was gone for a long time. First is all the test these weeks, second family problems, third is school drama, forth is friendship problems, and last is writers block. Oh and I know that Yoshiki x Ayumi is a cannon couple, but my otp shall always be Yotoshi or Yotoshiki or Satoshiki T.T SO MAAAAANY NAAAAAAAAAMES. So i'm doing day things, Saturday I do something, and Mondays are fanfiction updates ^-^ mostly every monday, for I have alot of free time now

EDIT: OH SHITZ I really only have 2 weeks of summer left, and I haven't been on fan fiction in a century. I'm sorry, at the moment there are family problems, and my lazyness. And other shit, like being on Skype 24-7

How many years has it been? How long has it been since I've felt this way? Feeling rejected, hated, unloved. I mean the feeling comes and goes, but It's hard to explain it.

Well, how should I put all this? I bet your wondering, wondering why it had to come to all this. Not like you would of cared. But by the time anyone finds this there is no going back in time to undo the mistakes that you have made. Just wanted to tell that to whoever ended up finding this.

"Yoshiki?" I turned to see Ayumi looking at me through the doorway with worried eyes. They were bright and full of life. Like she had no pain at all, like life was perfect for her. like shes an angel.

"Oh, Shinozaki, I didn't see you there." I said as I sat the journal I was looking at down. Her eyes followed it, even though she didn't say a word about it.

"What are you doing just sitting out here? You missed class, and as class rep its my duty make sure that everyone is at least attending class."

"You just made that last part up didn't you?" She had a small smirk on her face.

"Anyway I just was checking up on you. Lately you've been missing class more then usual. I do recommend that you at least show up to your classes if you don't want to bothered. But I'm not going to force you. . .anyway I'm going to class." She said as she made her way back in the school. I watched as she walked away, she was beautiful, in fact everything about her was beautiful. Her small body figure, her eyes, even her child like hair. She gives off the impression that she would be child like, but its actually the opposite. She acts mature, she's like a mother figure, making sure everyone is following the rules. When I compare her to myself, I know that she looks down on me, like I'm trash, but I love her, though maybe with everything that has happened, I may have a chance with her now.

I stand up and grab the notebook again, I recognize the handwriting in it. I still can't believe that he's gone now. There were huge changes without him but over time everything just seemed to go back to normal. Life going on like he didn't exist. It's like he wasn't even real. We don't even mention him anymore, we act like he was never here to begin with. But if we do mention him, will everything come crashing down again?

"Fuck it. . .I just need a breather." I set the notebook down and reach in my pocket. I feel my way around until I feel a box. I pull out a 12 pack of cigarettes. Looking back at it I'm almost out. I don't have like 20 a day, but just once in awhile when I'm bored, stressed, or whenever I just want one.

"Shit..." I heard a clank as my lighter fell out my pocket, I grab it along with the note book.I look at the notebook, I want to read more of it, but it wont do me any good if I do. I end up opening up the book and reading it from where I left off at.

So. . . I noticed a student, He's a rebel. Who am I to be calling someone that? Well, he's like one. I see him sitting by himself most of the time. I never see him in any classes, so I guess that he skips them.

I've seen him in the restroom, or outside, sometimes even the roof. I want to talk to him, or invite him to sit with me and my friends during lunch. Would that seem weird? I hope not, I don't want to seem like a creep or stalker to him.

So anyway topic switch. Yuka came home today upset, she has been acting strange around me . I asked her what was wrong one day when she came home in tears. She just told me it was nothing. but if it was nothing, why was she even sobbing? I didn't want to bother her about it, so I just didn't ask her anymore about it. I wonder if shes being bullied or something. But I shouldn't think that much about it. Though as a older brother I feel lik-.

I shut the book and stand up. I can't read this, not now at the moment. Reading this should be the least of my worries. I might as well throw this in the trash. I know throwing it away won't do anything. But what will keeping this do?

Notabum: I'm so sorry for not keeping this chapter longer, I mean I had written more, but I have decided that I will put it in the next chapter instead. I'm sorry for all my typos and errors, and I'm sorry for being inactive.