All right everyone! Here is another short story idea I came up with and essentially pulled out of my butt while boredom overtook me! Thank you for dealing with my crazy mind and I hope you guys enjoy! Thanks for reading! :)

A Battle No Mortal Shall Forget

It was one of those quiet, peaceful nights at the Hellsing manor. The sky was clear, the moon shone brightly up in the sky, and two soldiers were quarrelling out of nothing but pure testosterone.

Seras growled and ripped the scope off of an AK-74. "Why can't you just hit the bloody target?"

The brown haired mercenary to her left crossed his arms and puffed on his cigarette. "Please, ma chere, I'm not superhuman. The target is five hundred meters away; I'll need both marksmanship and luck if you expect me to hit it!"

And with that, the young vampire shut one blue eye, positioned the gun, and pulled the trigger. With a feisty grin, she shoved the gun in Pip's arms, causing him to grunt and stoop with the weight of it, and began to waltz off. "Maybe Hellsing should just rely on only vampire soldiers. Your squad couldn't hold up against even me in any contest at all."

Although Pip was enjoying the sight of her leaving, something in her voice caused him to grow angry. "Swimming!" he yelled.

Seras rolled her eyes, but paused nonetheless. Her interest had suddenly been sparked. "In a regular pool, I'd be able to win without any sort of effort. It's just open-bodied water that I'll drown in."

Does that mean I might be able to see her in a swimsuit one day? Pip's eyes darted down to her chest as he began to salivate. The draculina noticed the hungry look and sent him a glare. "Try again," she barked, both out of an attempt to distract him and to win the argument.

Pip's lips twitched in a smirk. "Drinking," he purred, already knowing that he won.

Seras snorted. "That's so stupid. Why would I want to drink? I can't, anyways, since the only thing I can consume is blood."

The mercenary grinned mischievously. "No, zat's not true, mademoiselle. I caught your master sipping wine as we made our way to Rio. And you said any competition, so I want to settle zis ze old fashioned way: I want us to see who can last ze longest with their liquor!"

"What's this about a competition?" a dark voice suddenly boomed. And everyone in that room simultaneously shit bricks.

Alucard suddenly formed, literally, out of a mass of shadows that had gathered on the floor and became tangible in the creepiest way possible. Pip nervously took a few steps back, sweat perforating his brow. "Oh, Mr. Alucard, er… we were simply having a discussion about who can drink ze most…"

"And I was just explaining to him that vampires can't handle human food or drink, and then he had the audacity to accuse you of drinking wine! As if you wouldn't tell me there were some things I couldn't have… right?" Seras beamed hopefully at her master. The Frenchman spared her a look of absolute betrayal before taking a few understandable steps the fuck away from Alucard.

The vampire loosened his cravat and crossed his arms. "Actually, if the vampire is surprisingly able to tolerate the blood of not only humans, but grapes and other assorted life forms as well; it just cannot eat the flesh of anything but a human, and it would not benefit the vampire. As it is, I rather like drinking wine, though I doubt your virgin system would be able to handle such a shock. You would certainly become inebriated within minutes."

Seras gasped. "Master! How dare you! I'll have you know that though I might have been a pure bobby, that doesn't mean I didn't get into trouble back in the day! I drank quite a bit during my time at the sorority!"

Sorority? Pip gave her a look of approval. And she just admitted that she was a naughty girl… I wonder if she ever experimented while she was in college too…

It would be best to get those ideas out of your head before things got ugly, Frenchman; Alucard directed the warning directly into his head, she is my child after all, and I won't have you thinking of my daughter that way.

Before Pip could say anything about his mind being raped, Alucard responded to Seras. "With experience, you build up quite a resistance to the effects of alcohol. If I so chose I would best all of you in such contest. Plus, women aren't known for winning many drinking games." He did not mean the last part, but he knew that his fledgling would take it as a challenge. Truthfully, she had been very mousy as of late, it was good to spark her fire. She was much more fun that way.

"You both think you're so tough, well I've had it! I'll prove to you that I can hold my ground! Once I beat you, you'll be bowing at my feet, you sexists!" Seras shrieked.

"I have a hard time believing zat," Pip growled. "I am well known with my men for my ability to hold my ground and I will not be bested by two vampires! Drinking is a human game!"

"Then what are we waiting for?!" Alucard baited, slamming his hands on the table that held a few guns, making the thing shake violently. "Let's prove one another wrong! Let's drink unto the coming dawn! Let this be a battle no mortal shall soon forget! LET'S DO IT!"

Integra chose this time to stride into the room and jump at the loud roar of her servant. "Hold on! Do what, now?!"

Alucard smirked. "Ah, my Master, you never cease to amaze me with your impeccable timing. We were just in need of a referee."

"A referee for what?" the house butler, Walter, came to stand reproachfully in front of Integra.

Seras glowered at both the males in the room. "Pip thinks that humans are ultimately better at holding their liquor than vampires, and Master thinks that not only are vampires better, but he thinks that since I'm a woman that he'll beat me!"

"And I am much older," Alucard hastened to add.

Integra's eyes widened with anger. "Oh, so now he thinks that humans and women are weak? Need I remind you, servant, who the master of this house is?!"

Alucard's smirk grew as his eyes lit up with the possibility of another challenger. "Surely my woman master wouldn't want to partake in such a brutish game. After all, the defeat you would suffer by my hand would only cause you to lose confidence when ordering me. And we wouldn't want that, would we?"

The heiress's eyes crackled with electric blue lightning. "WALTER! STAND AS THE REFEREE! We're about to find out just who of us is the REAL breadwinner!"

"Ma'am, I would like to ask that I also partake of this contest," Walter politely bowed.

"You, Angel?" Alucard mused.

"Why?" asked Seras.

"Personally, I would like to see a human win this battle, and because I am old enough, I believe I will be able to beat you, Alucard. I have nothing against you ladies, or you, Mr. Bernadotte, but I would love nothing more than to crush him into the dust."

The vampire laughed loudly. "Oh, this is a treat! A real treat! I'm about to mop the floor with all of you, and I won't even get any punishment from the seals when I do! But… who will act as a referee, then, to prove that one of us is the champion?"

"I have a video camera!" Pip burst forth. "It's in Seras's room, but I am willing to use it!"

And in that moment, all eyes were drawn to the mercenary. The poor draculina blushed with both embarrassment and anger. "And just what was your camera doing in my room?"

Pip awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. "Er… capturing memories?"

And it was then that for the first time in history, two vampires, a government official, a butler, and a mercenary with a broken nose all set out to become the champion of The Drinking Game.

Things are about to get interesting! I've already uploaded the second chapter, so without any further ado, let's continue on! Thanks for the support!