How I Met Your Sister; or, Snow Good to Meet You

Frozen Duos: Elsa and Kristoff

Kristoff had just finished his early morning ice delivery at the castle. Now that it was summer – again – the kitchen was using quite a lot of ice, and he was making two deliveries a day. It wasn't hard, and he didn't mind it one bit. Not with his new sleigh, which was a new wagon at the moment with it's cool slick wheels and cupholder, and the chance to see Anna. Princess Anna, he reminded himself.

Anna had made it a point to be down in the kitchens for his afternoon delivery every day since they had met. Which is why, when everyone around him bowed, he simply thought Anna had gotten up early. Later he would find out that that was as unlikely as herring starting to fly, but it was early in their relationship – or whatever it was – and Kristoff didn't know that yet. And as for the royal who came down the back stairs with very unAnna-like poise, it was her sister – Queen Elsa.

"Your Majesty," the ice harvester stuttered as he dropped into an awkward bow. "How nice – um – to – um – see you." While his tongue twisted, his brain was shouting, 'She knows about the kiss! She knows about the kiss! She's going to have you thrown in the dungeons! Or executed! Or exiled to – Weaseltown!"

"Master Ice Harvester," Elsa returned. "You may rise."

"Um, thank you?" Kristoff stood straight again just in time to see the queen's eyes taking in and cataloging all of him, from his worn boots to his somewhat scruffy and not completely clean hat. He knew he should have changed this morning, and put some ribbons or something on Sven. Sven who was currently munching happily on a carrot, not at all put off by the presence of a queen.

"I have been looking for you," Elsa said.

'Oh, shit! She knows about the kiss!' Kristoff's brain shouted again.

"I wanted to thank you personally for your heroism and kindness in regards to my sister –"

'Whew,' went Kristoff's brain. 'Maybe she doesn't know about the kiss.'

"Princess Anna, my heir presumptive."

Kristoff wasn't quite sure what heir presumptive meant, but he was pretty sure that one of the things it meant was – She knows about the kiss!

"And Anna tells me you like ice?"

Finally Kristoff's tongue managed to free itself from its panic, "Yes, ice is my life." He made a hesitant gesture to what he then realized was an empty ice sleigh, er, wagon. "I, um, work with ice. Ice harvester and all."

"Yes, that would be why we named you the official Arendelle Ice Master and Deliverer?"

"Oh, yeah – right –" Then a pause and a hurried. "Your Majesty."

"And you were interested in my ice palace, at the North Mountain."

"Oh yes." Kristoff's eyes grew dreamy as he thought back on the castle. "That is some beautiful ice. So clear. So perfect. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seem." He wondered if he was insulting Anna. He thought he shouldn't insult the princess in front of her sister, the queen. "I mean most beautiful thing – except Anna." Or insulting the queen. "And you … you're beautiful, too, Your Majesty." Or maybe all that was not the sort of thing a lowly ice harvester should be saying to the princess or the queen of Arendelle. And yeah – exile.

But the queen just chuckled, demurely, behind her hand. "Thank you, Master Ice Deliver. That is too kind. But I wondered if you were interested in actually seeing it. First hand." Elsa smiled. "Without a snow monster chasing you."

A joke? Did the queen make a joke? Was he supposed to laugh? Do you laugh at the queen? Well, this would be more like laughing with the queen, so maybe – maybe yeah. But, you idiot, it was a little late for laughing now – that would just be weird. Oh god, she knows you're weird.

Elsa waited to see if Kristoff was going to say anything. When he didn't, she filled up the lengthening silence. "Because I have the day free today. And I thought we might go up and see it, together." She waited some more. "So do you want to?"

"Eh?" Kristoff blinked as he wondered if there was ice to harvest in Weaseltown.

"Do you want to go see my ice palace with me?" Elsa enunciated clearly.

"Oh –" Think Kristoff! He berated himself. "Oh yeah. I mean yes, yes, Your Majesty. I would love to go see your ice palace." Whew. Then the second part of the idea hit him like a ton of bricks. "With – um – you."

"Oh good. It's settled then," Elsa said happily. "It will take me just a moment to get everything in order. Let the people I have to let know that I left the castle. So if you would meet me in the courtyard in half an hour?"

"Of – of course – Your Majesty."

"Oh, and Master Ice Deliverer, change out the wheels on your sleigh for the runners, please."

"Sure. I mean, yes, Your Majesty."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

An hour later Kristoff and the queen of Arendelle were flying along up to the North Mountain. Elsa was providing a trail of snow which made traveling much faster than it would have been if they had been going by wagon instead of sleigh. Creating the snow path that was just a little bit wider than the sleigh and deep enough that it covered all the irregularities in the mountainside seemed to take all her attention, a fact which rendered her silent and didn't bother Kristoff in the least.

Anna had mentioned that her sister had spent a lot of time alone. In fact, she had joked that Elsa and Kristoff had that in common. "Two people who can't carry on a decent conversation, which is why it's so lucky that you both have me to help out with that," she had observed, not the least bit modestly. So Kristoff thought, hoped, maybe it would be possible for this entire trip to happen in silence. Friendly silence, but silence. Kristoff liked silence, anyway. He was used to it. And he had already decided the less said during this outing the better. He was looking forward to seeing the queen's Ice Palace, but he was not looking forward to any discussions of princesses and kissing.

However as the morning turned to afternoon, Kristoff's luck ran out. They had arrived at the North Mountain in record time. And while the queen had waited quietly as he reverently examined her Ice Palace, not commenting on his hushed exclamations of "beautiful" and "I've never seen ice like this," or even "and the design, so perfect, so, so perfect" eventually she made an attempt at conversation.

"So, Master Ice Deliverer –"

"You can call me Kristoff," Kristoff said. He was on his knees examining how seamlessly the ice changed from floor to walls. "If – um – you want to."

"Very well –" Elsa hesitated just a moment, "Kristoff, I don't believe I have thanked you enough for your role in saving my sister's life. Actually in saving mine, too."

"Oh, no. You have, you really have," Kristoff answered as he got up from the floor and dusted his hands off on his pants. "The sleigh. The job. The really cool bells for Sven. That was quite a thank you."

"No," Elsa said firmly. "It wasn't, nearly enough. Here –" she looked around the room and settled on going out on the balcony. Kristoff followed her. Once outside she made two chairs from ice, one for each of them. "Sit with me. I want to talk to you – about my sister."

Kristoff stumbled, catching himself on the ice chair just in time to prevent a fall, as what little blood remained in his face drained from it. Here it was. Here was the part where she talked about the kissing. Where she told him that a man like him had no chance with a princess, and that he had better stay away from Anna – Princess Anna. Or – dungeons, death and exile.

"Oh?" He squeaked as he lowered himself into the chair. "The princess?"

"Yes, well that's the only sister I have." Elsa grinned at him.

Joking! Here she was with the joking again. It wasn't fair. You shouldn't joke with a man when you were about to imprison, kill, or exile him. And – well, maybe he should just end the torture part, now, because this was starting to feel a lot like torture.

"I'm sorry. I know. I know I shouldn't have kissed her. But she was OK with it. I mean, she said she was. I asked. I mean, I would always ask. I'm not the kiss someone against their will sort of guy. But I know it was wrong. And … and … it will never happen again. Just don't … you know, send me to Weaseltown, um … Weselton."

"Wait, what?" Elsa's face scrunched up in surprise. "Weasel –, I mean Weselton? How did we get there?"

"I'm sorry, I kissed the princess. I won't do it again," Kristoff mumbled.

"Oh." Elsa's lips formed the round shape and held it. "Oh. So. Oh so, you think that's why I brought you here. Because you kissed Anna?"

"Yes." Kristoff nodded meekly. "Wasn't it?"

"Um, actually no."

The ice harvester and the queen stared at each other.

"I mean, I did have a little chat with Anna about kissing in public. It's not forbidden, but it does start people talking. I mean she is the princess. But it's fine. I mean as long as it's fine with her, it's fine with me, and –" Elsa frowned slightly. "You don't plan on marrying her tomorrow do you?"

"Marrying!" Kristoff squeaked again. "Oh no."

"OK, good. That's a relief. I mean not that you can't one day, but right now, too soon – you know you shouldn't marry a man, or a princess, you just met and all that." Elsa nodded at her own sage words.

"Yeah, no kidding." Kristoff agreed heartily. "What was that – that thing with – with Anna and you know?" Kristoff added. "I told her that it was a little soon to be engaged. I mean she didn't even know his last name."

"Yes, and 'of the Southern Isles' really doesn't count," Elsa chuckled.

They both laughed at the shared joke for a moment. Kristoff's rigid posture relaxed, and after a moment so did the queen's. Then Kristoff turned to her and asked, "So if you didn't come out here to tell me not to kiss Anna, then why did you bring me out here?"

"Well, because Anna said you were interested in the Ice Palace. And I thought I owed you at least this and –" Elsa sounded hesitant and a little embarrassed, "– and yes, you were right, I mean sort of, I did want to also talk to you – about my sister."

"OK, so what about your sister? I mean it's not like I'm an expert on her or anything."

"It's – Well it's just that you spent three, four days with her, and she likes you. And … that's more time than I've spent with her, which kind of does make you the expert here. And …" Elsa took a deep breath. "And I want her to like me, too. And she says we're a little alike, so I thought – Listen, it was probably a silly idea." She looked down at her shoes, and then gathering herself with a deep breath continued, "But I thought you could tell me a little about her, about the grown up her." Elsa winced at how pathetic she sounded. "Please?"

"Oh." Kristoff sat there taking all that in. "Well, Your Majesty –"

"I think when we're alone you can call me, Elsa. I mean since you saved my life indirectly."

"Elsa." Kristoff nodded and a broad smile appeared on his face. "OK, Elsa. I will be happy to tell you about your sister, Anna. I mean, ol' Fiesty Pants, as I call her."

"Fiesty Pants," Elsa giggled. "That's a perfect name for her."

"I know, right? So anyhow, did Anna tell you about the wolves?"

"Wolves!"

"Yeah, there were wolves. That's when we lost the sled. I mean first Anna tried to burn me to death. Did you know your sister was crazy?"

"She was a little rambunctious when we were little, but …"

"Yeah. Well, if that means crazy, then she's a lot now. And stubborn – and a little bossy." Kristoff held out his arms to show how little. "But you know nothing was going to keep her from you. Not snow, not wolves, not twenty-foot snowmen with icy fangs."

"Not freezing," Elsa said quietly.

"Well yeah," Kristoff stopped and rubbed the back of his neck in the awkward silence.

"You know it's not really my place to say this, so stop me if you want to but … but your sister really loves you. You were all she talked about. You're still most of what she talks about. I mean sometime she talks about me, or Sven, or Olaf – but mostly it's you." Kristoff shrugged and tried a shy smile. "So you're gonna have to forgive yourself because Anna will be really pissed – I mean upset – with you if you don't. And trust me, you don't want Anna upset with you even if it's about your being upset with yourself."

"Wait, what?" Elsa was stuck untangling the logic.

"I mean – what I'm trying to say is, she loves you, so you just gotta love her back. And a little chocolate won't hurt. She showed me this little shop she likes. They have special dark chocolates in gold foil with a crocus on the top."

Elsa perked up at the mention of chocolate. "Oh, I love those!"

Kristoff snorted. "So you really are sisters after all."

"What? Of course we're sisters."

"Well, you know. You don't act alike. You don't really look thaaaat much alike. I just figured Anna was dropped off by trolls."

"Anna was not dropped off by trolls."

"Oh, so you were the one dropped off by trolls"

"I was not …" Elsa sputtered and then saw the humor in Kristoff's eyes. Her eyes narrowed. "You!"

"Ahhh!" The ice harvester jumped a foot in the air as a giant snowball fell on his head. "No fair!" He cried sputtering. "No fair using magic. This is like – a no ice magic zone."

Elsa burst out into peals of laughter. "This – this my magical ice palace – is your idea of a no ice magic zone?"

Kristoff looked up from where he was brushing at his collar and trying to shake the snow out. Elsa's face was lit up in a completely undemure, uncovered, huge mischievous grin.

"OK, maybe you are related," he agreed.

-fin-