AN: It's been a while. I graduated college. I got my heartbroken. I moved to a new country. I started a new job. I had a mental breakdown. Did some self-care. Got my shit together. And now I'm back. Over the past few weeks, I have been in the process of editing this story. For the most part, the plot is exactly the same; however, for that character Sam, his name has been changed to Carver. If you want to know more about the changes, feel free to drop me a PM and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Other than that, I want to say thank you to those who have continued reading this story, it means a lot to me. This story has influenced my life in various ways and it makes me happy to have been able to experience those influences with you all. Thank you. Now, enjoy this new installment in Cat & Mouse.

Cat & Mouse

Part One

Chapter 21: Amends

By: anybodihearme

Originally Uploaded: Tuesday, April 9, 2019

"Thank you," Eddward nodded towards the young, petite woman standing behind the receptionist counter. A bright red blush covered her cheeks as she looked up at him from beneath her thick, dark lashes.

"No," she said barely above a whisper. "Thank you, Mr. Vincent." Tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear, the receptionist tore an admit-one-ticket off the roll and handed it to Eddward. Their fingertips touched for only brief second and her heart sped up followed by her cheeks darkening and her body stiffening. Eddward tucked the ticket between his fingers and winked at the teen, making her gasp. But, before she could even speak, let alone process what happened, Eddward turned on his heels and entered the gallery.

Bemused. He was bemused.

The gallery, like any other day, was bustling with guests.

Ranging from the old to the young, patrons walked around the gallery, admiring the works of art that decorated the walls and occasionally the floor. If he had to admit it, Eddward would say with nothing but brutal honesty that the art held no type of appeal to him. In a way, majority of it was what one would classify as modern; however, Eddward had a soft spot for expressions of baroque. It was hard to explain, but the ornate style and mannerisms that were carefully crafted into baroque pieces did more for him than the simplistic and strategic nature that characterizes modern art.

It was more alluring to the eye.

Walking up the stairs, Eddward slid his hand across the railing. The smoothness of the oak felt nice underneath his fingertips, almost like silk. Oddly, it felt welcoming but Eddward knew better than to believe the false pretenses that surrounded him. It wasn't too long ago that he was left bleeding on the floor, barely clinging to life. The sound of his shoes echoed against the walls with each step he took as he slowly climbed the stairs. It was almost deafening. The higher he went, the faster his blood pumped through his veins, making time appear to slow down. His senses heightened and he became on edge.

There was nothing welcoming about the gallery.

Reaching the desired landing, Eddward walked forward with purpose laced in each step.

The walls around him transitioned from chaotic to bare as the amount of paintings decreased. There were less lights hanging above which did nothing but promote an ominous atmosphere. Which, was ironic considering the dreary weather that has been plaguing the city for the past two weeks. Maybe the sun decided to leave.

Who could blame it?

Dipping into his back pocket, Eddward pulled out one of the brochures he picked up along his way. Supposedly there was an exhibit dedicated to artists such as Vivaldi and Handel. In the past, Eddward listened to their creative pieces but he was more than curious to see how their textures and melodies were translated into pastel paintings. Unlike compositions where the rhythm could guide and lead one into feeling certain emotions, paintings, on the other hand, were more interpretative and fluid.

Eddward's blue eyes shifted from painting to painting as he ventured farther into the gallery. Each creative piece was unique in its own right; however, he couldn't help but recognize significant similarities between the portraits themselves. Many of them followed the same warm toned color scheme with one focal point that would immediately catch his attention. Others were subtler in the structure, making him truly wonder what meaning lay beneath each.

Eddward came to a stop at one portrait in particular.

The portrait was simplistic to the point that he wondered if it was misplaced because it resembled patterns that are exemplified in expressions of modern art. Looking closer, however, Eddward was amazed to see subtle details that were hidden behind the color schemes and layers of pastels. The line work was breathtaking to the point that he debated whether or not someone truly constructed the painting by hand. The blending of the materials trapped his eyes and pulled him in, holding him hostage to the beauty of the simple portrait. It was mesmerizing in every sense of the word.

A little girl dressed in a dusty red dress was depicted running across a bridge, smiling and laughing. Majority of her face was distorted in a way that made it seem as if one's own eyes were blurry, when in fact, it was a simple trick of the mind. The clouds above here were many but they were beautifully blended into one mass of purples, yellows, and reds. The trees danced gracefully in the wing with birds flying high above them, trapping themselves in an eternal dance with the wind and the sky. The corners of the portrait, however, were covered in deep, dark tones of blue and black that made it seem as if the darkness of the night was setting and encroaching on the girl. The birds' beaks were open as if they were chirping a warning that she could not understand and instead ran across the bridge, towards the darkness that would truly consume her entire being.

Not being able to resist the urge, even though he knew better, Eddward reached out with his right hand and gently touched the painting. The pastel rivets underneath his fingertips made him shiver as he traced his hand across the bridge, mimicking the girl's path as she ran. It was as if he was envisioning her running across the bridge even though she was depicted motionless in the portrait. Time stopped before him as he looked closer at the painting and took in every minute detail that told a desolate story despite the warm color scheme that provoked nothing but false pretenses.

Deception.

"Tell me," Eddward spoke, his words echoing off of the far walls. "Was any of it real?" He questioned, taking deep, even breaths. Dropping his hand, he took a step back and looked over his shoulder. "Or, was it all simply a game to you?"

Standing a few feet away, Kevin stood in the shadow of the walls. It was not too long ago that they were sliding them in front of one another in a desperate attempt to prevent themselves from discovering the truth. What a shame it all turned out to be. Kevin's hair looked darker – redder - than it ever did but his eyes, on the other hand, shined brighter than Eddward could ever remember. It was as if he was dancing around a fire and slowly luring the raven-haired man in.

"How could you do this to me?" Eddward's voice cracked.

"Eddward-"

"How could you do this to me!" Eddward screamed, holding a hand to his chest as if he could physically feel his heart break again, into thousands of tiny, sharp pieces. The fire that burned behind his eyes was strong enough to make Kevin take a step back. "I trusted you!" Eddward smacked at his chest. "I gave you my all and you turned around and did this to me!" With a flick of his hand, Eddward indicated to the small scar left over from the attack he suffered from not that long ago. "Admit it," he spoke through gritted teeth. "Admit that you never cared about me and I was only a means to an end."

"It was never like that," Kevin began but was cut off when Eddward's cobalt eyes locked with his. "Eddward," he continued. "I didn't mean… I didn't mean for any of… I didn't-"

"You didn't mean for any of this to happen," Eddward mocked, chuckling under his breath. "You never meant to lead me on? To come into my life? Comfort me? Play me?" With every question the raven haired man rattled off, his voice rose higher and higher until he was practically shouting. "You never meant to fall in love with me?"

"Please," Kevin took a few steps forward but stopped when he saw Eddward flinch. The sudden rejection made the redhead's heart ache, but he had no right to feel the way he did. Eddward was right, he had no one to blame but himself. "Please, let me explain," Kevin begged because Eddward at least deserved that, deserved the truth. "This is a lot bigger than me and you," he said barely above a whisper. "Let me explain, please…"

"Then explain it to me, Kevin!" Eddward yelled. "Explain to me why you lied to me, made me fall in love with you!" Eddward wiped furiously at his eyes. He has cried way too much for his liking in the past few days, weeks. It was all just too much for him.

"It's not that simple," Kevin spoke, taking a precautionary step forward. When Eddward didn't flinch, he took another. "There is nothing more than I want in this world than to tell you everything, but I can't!" Kevin's voice broke. "I can't," he repeated. "I can't do that to you." The words fell from his lips in almost sobs because he knew, he knew that if he told Eddward everything, Carver might get to him and there would be nothing he could do. And that simple realization was enough to bring Kevin to his knees.

The world could be so cruel, couldn't it.

Eddward stood in complete silence, looking Kevin in the eyes. Not once did his eyes falter but Kevin knew deep down that Eddward was contemplating something that could simply end his world. He could tell by the way Eddward's eyes seemed to change colors every time his thoughts took him in a different direction. It was maddening but Kevin knew that this interaction wouldn't end in his favor, he knew that when he first stepped into the building.

He could just feel it.

"Fine," Eddward said, shaking his head. "I'll make it easier for you," he began. "Either you tell me what is going on or I am leaving." Kevin's eyes widened. "You won't ever see me again and you can go on living this so called life of yours. I won't come after you. But, either way, I will get what I deserve," Eddward nodded. "Tell me the truth or I am leaving."

Kevin looked down at the floor, feeling a wave of emotions overwhelm him to the point where he wanted to drop to his knees, potentially allowing the floor to eat him whole and hide him away. It was then that he realized that he never felt so strongly for someone. Throughout his short time on this earth, Kevin has been able to go through life as easily as the next person without a care in the world, only preserving a few emotions for those that were closest to him like his mother, Jimmy, and Jonny.

But Eddward was different.

Kevin wanted nothing more than to cross the room and engulf the raven haired man into his arms and tell him that he was sorry and how much he was cherished. Kevin wanted to tell Eddward - to ensure him - that everything was fine and that everything was going to be okay but he knew that would be nothing more than another lie and he was tired of lying. God, was he tired of lying. Looking back now, it was as if his life was printed out on a piece of paper with nothing but a bunch of holes in it, signifying all the false memories he has accumulated throughout the years.

It was as if his entire life has been a lie.

It was then that Kevin realized that nothing would be okay because nothing about their situation was okay and telling Eddward just that would be another lie he would be forced to live with.

Nothing was okay.

They were so far okay that it was damn near a joke.

"I don't deserve you," Kevin spoke barely above a whisper but Eddward heard him loud and clear as if the redhead was standing right next to him. "Everything that I have felt for you up until this point has been nothing but genuine," Kevin choked. "If there is anything that you would believe, please believe that. Please, believe that I love you as much as I know - I hope - that you love me. But," he continued. "Understand that I never meant to hurt you, Eddward."

Kevin looked down at his hands, tracing the life line with the love line with his hands. In an odd way, they connected briefly before branching away from one another.

"I love you and I cannot be selfish with you, Eddward." Kevin looked up and locked eyes with him. Through the blue, Kevin could see all the pain that he has caused and he couldn't stand it. "I don't deserve you," he finally admitted, turning around.

"Kevin!" Eddward screamed, taking a step forward but Kevin didn't respond and only kept walking forward, slowly leaving Eddward behind.

Tears ran down Kevin's face and he did nothing to stop them. It is what it is and he knew that. The only way to ensure Eddward's safety was if he left for good. No matter how much his heart screamed and yearned for the blue-eyed god. Kevin could no longer be selfish. It was putting too many people he cared for in danger. It was not fair.

"I'm sorry," Kevin whispered, his lips trembling.

A hand grabbed Kevin on the shoulder and jerked him around. Without having a moment to make sense of anything, fierce blue eyes were staring up at him with so many emotions that Kevin gasped. "You don't get to walk away," Eddward said tightly. The grip on Kevin's shoulder tightened and Eddward leaned in, his other hand gripping Kevin's jacket with as much force as the other. "You don't get to walk away," he said again but this time his voice was fleeting.

Looking down, Kevin could see Eddward's eyes soften and barley shine against the dull lights that surround them. It broke his heart even more to see up close the amount of emotions that Eddward was barely able to hold back considering everything that they have been through. Without thinking, Kevin reached out and stroked Eddward's cheek, wiping away the stray tears that fell. Eddward's grip loosened and he went to look away, not able to look at Kevin anymore, but the redhead couldn't stand it and used his hand to make Eddward look at him. His hands were gentle against Eddward's face, slowly stroking and feeling the smoothness he craved.

Taking a deep breath, Kevin closed his eyes and leaned down, placing his forehead against Eddward's and relishing in the moment. It was as if all time had stopped and they leaned into each other like all couples do. Where their bodies curved to fit perfectly into one another. It was pure bliss. They were able to sense everything about one another that they weren't able to voice before. It was almost as if all their questions were answered and everything was truly okay. The world fell apart around them but what mattered more than anything was that they were there, together.

"You don't get to walk away," Eddward whispered, his breath faintly touching Kevin's cheek, making the redhead shiver. Eddward closed his eyes and leaned in further. Deep down, he knew that he was doing nothing but setting himself up for further disappointment and heartache but he couldn't help it. All he wanted was to run away and be with the man he gave his heart to.

It all was too much.

Kevin opened his eyes and leaned forward with such caution that he was barely moving but Eddward sensed it and opened his eyes as well. Hesitantly, Eddward looked up and his world fell away because he leaned forward and kissed Kevin with such gentleness that one would have wondered whether or not the two men were actually touching. Kevin's heart skipped a beat before it took off in his chest and he leaned down and deepened the kiss.

It was everything he could have asked for.

Not once has he ever got so lost in a kiss before.

Eddward tasted of lavender: sweet and smoky with a hint of floral essence. Realizing that up until now he was starving, Kevin moaned and fully began to taste Eddward, devouring him for everything he had to offer. Deep within his chest, Kevin's heart steadily kept missing beats and no matter what he did, Kevin just simply couldn't bring Eddward closer to him than he already was. With each intake of breath, their chests touched and become flushed with one another before pulling apart and coming back together. Kevin has kissed before but the kisses never burned him like this one was. His entire body was slowly being engulfed into flames but he just revealed in the feeling. Thinking to himself, all he could understand and come to terms with is how soft Eddward's skin was when it brushed against his own and how until now, he has been waiting for Eddward forever.

Eddward loosened his hands on Kevin until they were softly laying against Kevin's chest. No matter how much he lied to himself, Kevin was the one for him and he would be damned to let him walk out of his life now, especially with so many unanswered questions and shared past experiences. Never before has Eddward felt so strongly for someone and if he was going to be brutally honest with himself, it scared him; however, he was willing to face that fear head on if it meant that Kevin would be by his side until the end of time. He was tired of waiting.

He was tired.

The kiss itself was gentle but the passion behind it was out of this world and when Kevin pulled away, Eddward realized he forgot to breathe. Closing his eyes again, Kevin placed his forehead against Eddward's in a way that was comforting for the both. Shockingly, Eddward leaned in closer and wound his hands in Kevin's hair, feeling the soft tresses encircle his fingers, thus effectively trapping Kevin within his arms.

"I am so sorry," Kevin spoke, squeezing his eyes as if he was in pain. "I am so sorry, Eddward." Kevin shook his head making his hair fan out around him but his lips never stopped moving. Over and over, Kevin kept repeating his apologies to Kevin, hoping that he would one day forgive him for what he has done.

"Kevin," Eddward spoke tenderly. "What is going on?" Kevin breathed in deeply and for a moment he wished that he could go back in time and prevent himself from meeting Eddward at Nazz's party. Then, just maybe then, everything would turn out better for everyone.

"I am in trouble, Eddward," Kevin admitted. Eddward tensed but he didn't dare say anything in fear that Kevin would shy away and lie to him once again. "This is bigger than you and me and I don't want anything to happen to you. Please, don't get involved more than you already are." Kevin opened his eyes and looked down at Eddward.

Eddward was standing before him with his right hand gently placed against his chest. His long piano like fingers barely touched him but Kevin could feel sparks flying all across his chest. His eyes were cast down as if he was concentrating but his eyes seemed as if they were lost within themselves. Reaching up, Kevin grabbed Eddward's hand with his own and interlaced their fingers together. It was odd, he thought to himself, that Eddward's hands were always cold.

It worried him.

"All my life," Eddward began. "I have been alone and now when I think I have finally met someone, it's as if the fates themselves are looking down and laughing at me." Eddward shook his head as he chuckled to himself. "When I was in high school," he began and Kevin felt him grip his hand together. "I was raped."

Kevin's eyes widened and he gasped.

Eddward shook his head but kept his eyes focused on their hands.

"I kept it a secret for a long time and I slowly let it consume my life," he admitted. "I was convinced that I was filthy and incapable of being loved but now I know that's just a misconception I allowed myself to live with for years out of fear," Eddward blinked and slowly stoked Kevin's knuckles. "I am tired of being afraid and letting others rule my life. I have been alone for so long and it wasn't until recently that I realized what a toll it was taking on me." Eddward nodded and squeezed their hands once. "I love you," he whispered.

Eddward brought their hands up and he placed a gentle kiss on them before looking up.

"Let me help you, Kevin."

Kevin swallowed and Eddward watched as his Adam's apple bobbed before he shook his head.

"After my dad died," Kevin began. "My mother began working multiple jobs just to put food on the table and keep clothes on her back. I ended up getting a part-time job to help out but she was furious and made me quit because she wanted me to focus on my studies. But, I couldn't just stand by and watch her work herself to death, especially when her health started deteriorating and we couldn't afford her medication." Kevin took a deep breath and locked their hands together once more before continuing.

"I ended up getting myself involved with the young crowd as you can imagine. It was nothing serious at first," he said, humping his shoulders ever so. "I just did a few errands here and there for a couple of bucks so I could help my mother get the medicine that she needed. As you can imagine, however, the jobs ended up becoming more and more serious the older I got. Before I knew it, I was in deeper than I thought and I couldn't get out. It eventually began to become too much for me to handle by myself and I ended up introducing Jonny and Jimmy to the world that I live in. And even though they never complained about it once, I know that regret it as much as I don because for people like us, there is no out."

Eddward nodded his head processing the words that fell out of Kevin's mouth, slowly calculating the situation that they were both in.

"The man we work for," Kevin continued on. "Is one that you do not want to face." Kevin shook his head. "He scares me more than you can imagine and he has made it clear that if I step out of line, he will not hesitate to put me down." Kevin stroked their hands and looked away, ashamed of everything that he has done that has caused harm not only to himself, but to Eddward as well. "I am in trouble, Eddward."

Finally, Kevin looked up and his green eyes locked with Eddward's and he felt as if everything will be okay if they stayed liked this for just a bit longer.

"Kev-"

"But," Kevin continued, cutting Eddward off. "Please believe me when I say that I want nothing more in this world to be with you but I have already done so much that has put you in harm's way that it would be better if we stopped and just went our separate ways." Eddward gripped Kevin's hands tighter and his eyes widened with such force that Kevin instantly regretted saying anything. The amount of fear that plagued Eddward's eyes was enough to make Kevin want to drop to his knees and beg for his forgiveness.

"Kevin," Eddward spoke. "I have been so alone for so long and when I finally believe that I found someone I simply can't turn a blind eye and walk away." Eddward nodded and looked up. "Let me help you," he whispered and leaned forward, placing a chaste kiss on Kevin's lips.

Swallowing loudly, Kevin nodded his head and leaned down, capturing Eddward's lips with his once more.

Soft wind blew through the open windows, making the curtains ruffle and the temperature in the room drop a few degrees. Eddward shivered but did nothing to close the windows but, instead, leaned deeper into the mattress, searching for an alternative heat source.

Sandalwood.

The bitter sent invaded Eddward's nostrils and he sighed, closing his eyes and enjoying the strong arms that encompassed him. It was all that he ever wanted. Someone to love him and care for him. In the back of his mind, he couldn't help but hear a small voice warning him of all the tragedy that was approaching. It was as if something was clawing the back of his neck, nagging at him. It was a weird sensation but he chose to ignore it.

With each intake of breath, Kevin could feel Eddward's hair tickle his chest. It wasn't enough to make him laugh but it was enough to make it all feel real. While they were barely over the damn, the fact that he was lying there with the man that holds his world, Kevin could do nothing but smile a smile to happy that it almost scared him.

He hasn't been this happy in years.

Trailing his fingers softly up and down Eddward's bear arms, Kevin drew small circles randomly. In silences, he watched Eddward's skin turn a bright pink with the pressure he applied right before turning white when his hands trailed down to another area. In a way, Eddward seemed so delicate beneath him, but Kevin knew that was a false pretense. Ever since everything became so complicated, Eddward has changed.

Kevin could remember seeing the raven-haired man after all those years in Nazz's and Edd's house.

It was surprising.

In high school, Eddward was nothing but a book smart kid that could have weighed no more than a buck twenty. Given that he was an only child; he was a bit reserved more than average. Which, more often than not, often left him alone with the sole company of his two best friends. But, even that changed with time. It was quite a shocker when the rumors spread that the three Ed's were no more. No one knew what happened, but whatever it was, it was enough to sever a friendship that was going for ten plus years. In a way, it seemed that as time passed, Eddward disappeared and no one gave it a second thought.

That was the same impression Kevin got when he laid eyes on Eddward after all those years.

Eddward seemed the same but colder.

The hate he had held for Eddy was unimaginable. Kevin never seen something like that. Granted that Kevin knew - or rather understood - the bond the three Ed's shared throughout their childhood years, he never thought it could be severed like it has. Thinking back, he could recall all the little fights the three had; however, it always seemed like no matter the issues, they were able to patch everything back up and be friends once more.

Now, Kevin understands that is not the case.

When the three fell apart, he can briefly recall how secluded Eddward became in comparison to the other two. Yes, they were best friends, but even the three had other friends than just each other. Or maybe, it was only the two. Ed was a social butterfly in every sense. So, making friends was not a difficult task for him. Eddy, on the one hand, was a scammer in every sense, but making friends with similar qualities was just as easy. All in all, it seemed as if Eddward was the only one who was truly left alone.

Kevin felt ashamed that he never noticed this until now.

The redhead could easily recall moments of seeing the other two Ed's surrounded by people that at least seemed to be friends, but in Regard to Eddward, he cannot say the same. It was as if Eddward hid himself from the world in a desperate attempt to erase himself from existence. Not to mention after the accident he endured. Which, now Kevin knows was attributed to something more than a simple "accident" he played off.

"Eddward," Kevin hummed, sitting up in the bed, pulling Eddward along with him. Beneath him, Eddward stirred but didn't make any sudden protest about the change in their positions. Which, made it a bit difficult for Kevin to actually sit up. Shuffling a bit, the red head leaned back against the headboard, allowing Eddward to lie his head on his chest and hand across his abdomen. "Eddward," he hummed again but giving Eddward a little shake.

Eddward's blue eyes opened and he groaned.

It was late according to the clock on the wall.

The sun was gone and the wind was picking up.

"What?" Eddward asked absentmindedly. Not Once did the raven-haired man look up. Instead, he simply drummed his fingers across Kevin's chest. Goosebumps began to ride up his arm, but he didn't shiver. Kevin couldn't tell if it was from the cold or from something else. Either way, he pulled the blanket up in order to provide Eddward with a bit more warmth.

"We need to talk…" Kevin trailed off but beneath him, he could feel Eddward tense. It was as if it was a natural instinct for the man to do so. It made Kevin frown but there was nothing he could do about it.

It all was his fault.

"I'm listening," Eddward stated in a voice that was void of all emotion.

"What happened?" Kevin asked, almost trailing off. "Earlier, you told me that you were…" Kevin couldn't bring him to say the words.

Between them, the sentence held in the air. It was suffocating. Kevin felt like he was choking.

"Raped?" Eddward questioned in a matter-of-fact way, finishing the sentence with the word Kevin couldn't find himself to say. Kevin swallowed loudly and Kevin felt his chest move with the movement. Eddward inhaled deeply, holding the breath for a few seconds, before exhaling and sitting up. The blanket feel around his hips, exposing his pale skin and slender figure. In a manner Kevin could only describe as graceful, Eddward ran his free hand through his hair, keeping the other one stationed on his chest.

The black locks ruffled between Eddward's fingers. Which, made them fall around his face in pure perfection. The soft tresses framed his face and did wonders in making his already blue eyes seem bluer. It was one of the things that constantly took Kevin's breath away. He could easily get lose in those blue eyes as if he was lost a sea.

"I was raped when I was seventeen," Eddward started, looking off into the distance. His eyes were void as if he was being transported into another time. Through his slim hands, Kevin could feel the tension rise so he went to sat up. But, it was as if Eddward's hand was made out of complete stone because he couldn't move.

"Eddward," Kevin whispered, not completely sure as to why he did, but it felt right. "We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to," he encouraged. The last thing he wanted to do was give Eddward another reason to feel less of himself than he already did.

"No," Eddward said sharply, shaking his head. The black hair moved around his face in a way that made it seem as if stars were shining around him. "I want to talk about it," he finished.

Kevin nodded his head.

"I was walking home one day when I was attacked by a group of boys." Eddward's lips feel into a thin flat line. "They did awful things to me," his voice began to waver. "I asked them to stop but they didn't listen. They wanted to 'teach me a lesson.'" Eddward closed his eyes and became very still. If his chest wasn't moving with the intake of breaths, Kevin would have wondered if Eddward was even alive. "I told myself that if I could just get through it, then I could move on pretend that it never happened. I would have been able to," he started, tensing more which made his nails dig into Kevin's chest. "But, it was a surprise when I was told that Eddy was involved." Eddward's voice broke on the last syllable and Kevin's eyes went wide.

"Eddward…" Kevin whispered.

"I knew Eddy didn't agree with my life choices but I never would have thought he would stoop so low," Eddward whispered. Looking down, Eddward's eyes fell on Kevin's chest where his nails were practically imbedded in his chest. Eddward lifted his hand up and watched as the skin turned from a white pigment to red and then back to its natural red. "That's in the past now," Eddward finished.

Kevin sat up and looked at Eddward.

Even if he wouldn't admit it, Kevin could see the pain etched on his face with such finality. It was painful to see and realize that someone who was so close to Eddward, could do something so terrible. It made Kevin's heart ache.

"I'm sorry," was all Kevin could say because, really, what could one say?

Eddward nodded but didn't say anything. Instead, he folded his hands in his lap and looked down. His father used to tell him that he had fingers like a pianist. It was the only complement the man ever gave him. Even though they both shared the same physical characteristics such as hair and facial structure, Eddward could barely remember what the man looked like. It's been years since he last saw him and Eddward only knew he was alive because there has been no sudden deposit made into his bank account in regards to his death.

"My mother knew what happened," Eddward started again, still looking down. "She didn't visit me in the hospital - nor did my father," Eddward shook his head. "Instead, I was sent flowers because my condition wasn't serious enough to warrant either of their return." A tear fell down Eddward's cheek but he did nothing to stop it. "After my parents left, Ed and Eddy were the only family I had but it seems that everything tends to leave me."

"Eddward…" Kevin sat up, carefully reaching for Eddward's hands with his own. Interlacing their fingers, Kevin gently ran his thumbs across the tops of Eddward's hangs. They were always soft. "I am so sorry," he said again.

Eddward shook his head as he took his hands out of Kevin's.

"There is nothing to be sorry for," he said. "It is what it is," Eddward said, looking Kevin in the eyes. "I moved on."

But both he and Kevin knew that was lie.

Earlier in the evening, when he and Kevin arrived at his apartment, tangled in each other's arms, it was almost as if an unspoken rule was suddenly born. Liquor bottles - both empty and full - littered the floor alongside broken glass and cigarette butts. It was a disaster. Almost as if a tornado came through and wrecked everything. Kevin stood in the hallway bemused but didn't say anything when he looked at Eddward. Instead, he grabbed Eddward's hand and let Eddward guide him through the dark house. Kevin, however, did notice the small sobriety chip lying on the floor and he couldn't help but squeeze Eddward's hand as a simple reminder that he was there for him. Deep down, however, Kevin couldn't help but believe that he somehow caused this.

The memories still plagued Eddward's mind but all Kevin do was be there for Eddward.

Reaching out once more, Kevin took Eddward's hands in his own. Kevin brought each hand up to his face and placed gentle kisses on each knuckle, before flipping his hands over and kissing the insides of his wrists too. Even though a faint scar sat inside his wrists, Kevin didn't say anything but instead kissed them too Everything about Eddward was handsome and even if the raven-haired man couldn't see it, Kevin would do everything to remind him.

"You matter," Kevin whispered and Eddward let out a small gasp as if he was holding a breath of air in his lungs the entire time he was talking. "You matter," Kevin said once more, insuring that Eddward heard him.

Kevin placed Eddward's hands back in his lap but kept their hands interlocked.

"I am sorry," Kevin began and Eddward tensed once again but Kevin needed to get this out, to say what was on his mind before it was too late. "I cannot begin to express how sorry I am for everything. I never meant for any of this to happen," Kevin said, giving Eddward's hand a soft squeeze. "You are my everything and I will do whatever it takes to get you back," Kevin stared at Eddward until the raven-haired man looked up, locking eyes with him. "I love you," Kevin said in a way that made Eddward's heart flutter.

"Kevin," Eddward began but stopped when Kevin leaned in and placed his forehead against his.

"I have hurt you in so many ways that it will take me lifetimes to truly show you how sorry I am," Kevin whispered as he placed a small but gentle kiss on the faint, hairline scar that was barely noticeable unless you knew it was there. Eddward gasped and felt his throat tightened but he didn't say anything. "I am so sorry," Kevin said again. "It's going to get harder from here on out but I promise you, Eddward, I will get out and I will do right by you because you deserve so much more than this world has given you," Kevin said as he leaned back.

Reaching up, Kevin placed Eddward's face in his hands, tracing his thumbs across his chin, almost getting lost in those ocean blue eyes.

"I will do whatever it takes," Kevin said with such surety that Eddward nodded.

Deep down, however, both Eddward and Kevin knew those words were just declarations of war. The battle that was approaching was more than either could handle and would not simply affect just their lives, but the lives of those around them as well. The fates loved to toy with their lives. Eddward and Kevin couldn't help but think about those who they hold dear and if their love for another would truly be worth it all in the end. It made their heart aches but Eddward was tired of being alone and Kevin was tired of living a lie.

It was a war that neither of them truly believed that they could win.

End of Part One