Alt. Summary: Boruto and Sarada swap bodies on a very important day. Typical, really.

Note: very mild spoilers for the latest chapters of Naruto and the last two movies.

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Like You Mean It

a strangely tipsy comedy

and romance, perhaps

told in bits and pieces

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Konoha village has several badly kept secrets.

The first is that the Hokage never attends any public briefings in the flesh.

Hokage-sama uses kage bunshin for almost everything, even village-wide TV addresses (which means his that poor, overworked advisor-aka-accomplice Nara-sama has to smile and wheedle and lie between his teeth on live television as well). Of course, Naruto—as a war hero—is forgiven.

The second is that Sakura Uchiha is over forty years old.

It is a (traumatizing) rite of passage for teenage boys from other villages when they learn that the legendary medic is actually their mothers' age. This is commonly referred to as the pre-test to the Chunnin exams, for weeding out the mentally weak. In fact, many Konoha warhawks are secretly filled with glee at the fact that this often lowers foreign genin morale for the first days of the exam. In Konoha, when Uchiha-san's true age is alluded to in broad daylight, however, the speaker must glance furtively (as if checking for traffic: right, left, then right again) to make sure no one working for the hospital overhears and reports it to their beloved boss. Because medical check-ups are expensive enough as is.

The third badly-kept secret is that the reigning Hokage's son is a bit of an idiot.

(Not that anyone would tell the Hokage, because, you know, the man in his youth was a bit like a brick himself. )

All things considered, the villagers only began to suspect this the day Boruto Uzumaki painted Konoha's Hokage Monument the morning other village Kages came to visit.

They brushed it off back then, mostly because they were too busy thanking the stars that Boruto let out his pubescent angst in a non-homicidal, non-suicidal, non-masochistic, non-i'm-gonna-screw-this-village-over way. Thank goodness. After several generations, Konoha villagers did not have high standards for this kind of thing.

Everyone's niggling suspicion of idiocy is confirmed, at long last, when Boruto is seventeen.

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Sarada wakes up at precisely 500 military time to go to the fields and practice her katas for two hours. Just because she has her Sharingan doesn't mean her body's naturally limber enough to follow her head's commands.

She pries herself out of bed, and toes the cool floorboards before stalking to the bathroom, half asleep and squinting as bespectacled people do.

Last spring, she'd moved into her own studio apartment. Her mother's hours on duty in the hospital and also training of new medics translates to an empty Uchiha house most of the time.

Living on her own allows for a few embarrassing personal decorations that she could never reveal to Mama, even less so, Papa. These include a small photo of the Hokage (ripped from Trendy Kunoichi magazine, which is junk, but junk with high-resolution pictures) taped to her bathroom mirror. The Hokage looks particularly cheerful, and, twinkly teeth aside, his thumbs-up pose encourages her every morning toward her dream.

So when she splashes gunk out of her eyes and finally focuses on the not one but two blonde heads and two pairs of blue eyes staring back at her, she screams.

The bathroom sink knob is twisted clean off.

The resulting water spray sticks her pink nightdress (from Mama) to what is a very nice, very male set of abs.

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Himawari Uzumaki is awake and downstairs when a loud knocking pounds the front door of the Uzumaki residence.

Strange. Usually, ANBU tell family members of visitors before guests ever reach the main compound.

She peers through the door's fish eye. It's her brother—looking a bit out of breath and clothed in Uchiha formal wear: sleek hakama pants and an expensive-looking haori with the fan crest repeated along the fabric.

"Did Sasuke-sensei give those to you? You look ridiculous," she smiles and swings open the door. "Dad's not going to think that's funny."

"Himawari, it's me!" Boruto's eyes are like saucers.

"Uh, yeah, Nii-chan, sure."

Himawari attributes this to the stress of upcoming jounin nominations. Or maybe too many concussions from his teammate Sarada. She rolls her blue eyes and is thankful Mom is already at Hokage Tower, away from her brother's juvenile moods.

"Anyway, I'm glad you're actually up early. Let's go over some things for Dad's big day." Himawari pulls her brother into the house and sits him down at the kitchen table.

"Listen—ah, is Boruto home?"

The hand is on the hip. One of mom's subtle cues she inherited. "Okay, not funny."

"Himawari, let me explain! I'm Sarada!"

Himawari actually chuckles this time. "Okay, if you're thinking about pulling that joke again today, lemme remind you that Mom and Dad flipped out when you were ten. And also when you were fifteen and gave Uncle Sasuke that porn novel on his birthday." She giggles again at the memory. "Well, you're too old to be doing this now."

Sarada in Boruto's body groans. She instinctively tries to adjust her glasses and is again reminded of the predicament at hand. Then, her primary objective comes back to her.

"Listen, can we go to my bedroom? I need to check something."

Himawari beams. Her expression certainly lives up to the girl's namesake.

"Did you finish that card I left by your bedside? You did do more than sign your name on it, right, Nii-chan? …I mean, it's Dad's tenth year anniversary as Hokage!"

The younger Uzumaki sibling climbs up the stairs first, followed by her visitor. Upstairs, Boruto's room is the first to the left of the hallway. It's kind of like a rasengan exploded in the center and it smells faintly of kunai grease and ramen.

On the mattress tucked into the corner, sleeping like a corpse in Boruto's t-shirt and froggy boxers, is Sarada Uchiha.

Himawari's eyes light up.

"Oh, wow."

The real Sarada groans again. "Oh, no."

Himawari peers sideways, hardly hiding her glee.

"Well, now I owe Chouchou fifty ryo. Even if you finally got it through your thick skull and confessed, I didn't think Sarada would ever agree."

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tbc