A/N: New story! I don't know what I've gotten myself into.. Thanks to the wonderful latenightmom for encouraging me to write this with her fantastic ideas, and thanks to my main girl Andrea for going over this ridiculously long chapter when I didn't have the time to. I don't own the rights to this show but everyone knows that already. Enjoy and please review!

The crowd in the foreground was enormous. Cheers of celebration, constant yelling coming from people in the mob, smiles that were stretched wide, Peter must be doing something right because she suddenly was beginning to feel as if it were real.

It was their first visit in Chicago since the election two years ago. They were voted the power couple back then, and were still regarded as 'hope' for America. Something that always sounded so foreign to her ears.

She took Peters hand rather for her own emotional support than anything else, and squeezed it tight. It was no secret that she was nervous in visiting Chicago again, but the timetable was lacking, and the tabloids were beginning to notice the first lady of United States lack of interest for her hometown.

Lights began to flash as they neared a few cameras, Peter paused to talk to a few reporters. She smiled and spoke her excitement on being home, even though that wasn't entirely true.

A little girl with a red balloon was in her peripheral vision. She was crying as she stood alone, Alicia's stomach ached for her to be held, deep down she was aware that it wasn't protocol for her to move anywhere else, her security squad will kill her before anyone else tried and yet, she moved anyway.

Peters hand slowly fell from hers as she walked towards the little girl's direction, when she reached the location, she heard noise and suddenly her two bodyguards were behind her. She ignored them.

The face was unavoidable in its unexpected recognition. Maybe that was what provoked her to move in the first place. She had seen this face before, but couldn't quiet place the scene in her mind.

Kneeling down, she smiled softly and hesitated at moving her hand, afraid of the little girl's reaction, after several seconds, she stretched a hand out and wiped the single tear off her rosy cheek.

"Hey there sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"I cant find my mommy" was her response as she surveyed Alicia with hesitancy.

"Really?" Alicia pouted "Maybe I can help you with that? Is it okay if I take your hand?"

"Mamm." She heard her bodyguard whisper behind her. She placed a hand up, silently pushing him away before returning her soft smile.

The little girl nodded as she slipped her small palm into Alicia's. "What's your name?"

"Lilly."

"Lilly." She grinned. "Lilly Is a beautiful name. My Grandmothers name was lilly."

"Really?" she stared up at her with beautiful long dark lashes

"Yea." It was so unbelievably obvious in her mind that this girl had a striking resemblance to something that she had seen years ago. Standing up with her hand stroking soft patterns against sensitive skin. She searched for the man who had total control, yelling his name before he showed up out of thin air.

"Ahh. Eli there you are. This little girl has lost her mommy and we need your help."

"Alicia this is no time to be playing mommy…" he murmured in her ear. "I'm serious. We promised the union that we would only stop for ten minutes. We're already on a tight schedule. Just leave the girl with Steve."

"Eli we have plenty of time." She gave him a glare that lasted no longer for a second but he saw it. "This. Little. Girl. Has. lost. Her. Mommy." She repeated in monotone

Over the last two years she had grown to accept control, control over a person, people, country, and city. She had an enormous amount of power when it came to being first lady of USA, she often used it to her best quality but nonetheless knew that she had to be brought down from her high and reminded of the little things that mattered the most in her life. Sometimes, having control over Eli Gold proved to be difficult as well, but really, who could refuse an innocent little girl?

"Oh my god! There you are, Lilly where the hell did you get to?" The woman with long brunette and straight hair ran in their direction. Once noticing Alicia's presence she stopped with eyes that shot up in shock.

"Mommy!" the little girl jumped in her arms, relieved to be in her mother's eyes while reluctantly falling free of Alicia's hand.

Alicia had to pull herself together once realizing that her gaze was settled on the woman a bit too long as she tried to distinguish her face with familiarity.

"I'm sorry mam, she just wondered off.."

"That's fine." Alicia stared at her face for a bit longer than necessary, her eyes and skin, her hair and voice. She tried to place her face in the gap between her mind.

She felt Eli tug her arm and pulled her out her trance. "Your daughter is absolutely beautiful. Take care." With that she turned and followed Eli to the car. She waved at a few on the way out, Steve, her number one body guard led her into the car and she slid in next to Peter. The breeze hit her at last as the door closed and she sighed for the first time.

"Who was that?" she heard Peter say.

Her gaze rested outside the tinted window. "There was a little girl, she looked lost. She was so cute, it reminded me of Grace when she was that age. Remember when she was little?"

"Yea" he laughed. "I remember everything."

"This particular girl had big brown eyes and I thought I had recognized her from somewhere but now I cant remember."

"Alicia.." he sighed. "I'm sorry ok?" she didn't answer

"I know you didn't want to come back here, but honey we have to at some point."

"I know we have to!" she snapped. "It doesn't mean I want to."

"So I was right? This is about him." The lack of context was just fitting seeing as two of their main s sat in the front seat. Two of whom Alicia and Peter came to respect with great dignity.

"I don't wanna talk about him." She made it clear, fury raging through her veins at the thought of Will in proximity. She considered her little fall several minutes ago, trying to distinguish him through the crowd, it was nothing but her own nerves getting the better of her.

"I don't either.. but he's been in this marriage ever since I can remember.."

"Peter just stop please.." she felt the tears rush to her eyes when her voice broke.

"I'm sorry.." he apologized immediately. Knowingly but silently acknowledging their history over the matter from the beginning of the night of his election that had Will tear her life apart and afterwards where Peter had to deal with the months that followed her depression. To this day she couldn't believe her husband had put up with her, he could easily have left her, but chose to stay. She loved and despised him at the same time.

She felt his hand cover hers delicately. "I just want you to be happy."

"I am happy." The lie was out of her mouth before she had come to terms with the fact that Peter knew her more than anyone else at this point in their lifetime. Two years ago she would have said differently but that was then and this was now. It was a situation that had always been inevitable, they lived together and worked together, and at the end of the day he would always be the one to pick her up off the ground when she couldn't.

"Yea?" he murmured. "I'm not."

"Hey mom… I just called to find out how you're doing." Alicia whispered, playing with the small lint that had caught onto her dress. "We're about to head to the Chicago law dinner. Peter is so excited to be home. I'm not.." she laughed. "Anyway I just wanted you to know…. that whatever happens. I love you."

She ended her voicemail and dropped the phone in her wallet. Looking at herself in the mirror, she sighed, but not quite knowing what for. Her dress was red and beautiful in all ways that should have had her smiling. She had lost a lot of weight after Peter won the presidential election, but gained it all back thus led to her sexy curves and strong skin tone. Yes, she had formed some wrinkles in the process, but the professionals she was assigned to work with introduced her into a whole room of skin care products that she could call her own. She never once thought that anti-aging creams would do the job, but her face that was constantly in a glow said otherwise.

She had changed her hair up a bit more than a year ago. Toned it into an even more darker shade of black, and grown it several inches longer. Her mother had pin-pointed one afternoon that her long thick black hair was more important to the tabloids than what was happening over in Syria or East Asia. Alicia had tried with utmost strength to stop herself from screaming at Veronica.

"Mrs Florrick" she heard Steve's voice from behind the door. "We have to go now mam."

The hotel was at the most a five minute walk from the mansion where the dinner was held, she hadn't participated in a casual stroll around the city for more than two years. Wherever she went she was being watched, the only place where she could be alone was in her bathroom, and even then, it wasn't enough to be her safe haven.

She opened the door to find his face that held worried features. "Oh Mr Shaw, when are you ever going to start calling me by my first name."

"Not protocol mam."

"Yea yea whatever." She grinned when he laughed. Taking her time with her earrings, she heard him fidget and rolled her eyes.

"Give me a break will you? We're fifteen minutes early."

"Mr Gold instructed with firm orders that I had to get you down there half an hour before departing."

"Mr Gold doesn't know shit, you know you don't have to listen to him Steve."

"He gets very… scary when he's mad."

"Steve, you're twice his size. You could probably pick him up and throw him in the Michigan Lake."

"Is that code word for something Mrs Florrick?"

"For a guy who sacrifices his life every day to keep mine in order, you can be pretty gullible sometimes."

"Just doing my job Mrs Florrick." She laughed loudly.

Closing the door, she made her way down to the lobby, meeting the other half of their security squad along with Eli who sat with a very unhappy face. Before he could say anything, she placed her hand up in his face and shook her head.

"Don't. I know. We talked about this Eli. You may be Peters chief of staff but you aren't mine. I will take my time and you will be patient." She noted from her side vision a few of her men smile under their tight lips.

"Well good evening to you too Alicia. I was just about to say how beautiful you look."

Closing her eyes, she smiled uncomfortably. "I'm sorry Eli. I'm not in the best mood."

"It's okay." he said with cautious eyes. "You sure you'll be ok tonight?"

"Yes. It's nothing I haven't done before."

He led her out into the waiting car and climbed in beside her. "Peters already there?"

"Yes. He did wait but you were in the shower and he had to be there early to greet some people.."

"Eli it's okay. You don't have to justify anything."

"What took you so long? I mean.. you were in the bathroom for a while.."

"I wasn't trying to kill myself if that's what you're worried about." She mumbled

She could sense his annoyance by the way he turned his head towards the location outside the window and ignored her for the remainder of their ride.

She stood by the door with her hand resting on the frame. Nobody could see her, but she could see everyone. Her table was in the front near the stage which meant all she had to do was walk straight across to where her husband sat.

She sighed for the last time that night and plastered a smile on her face as she made her way in.

The area wasn't as large as she had pictured it in her head, everyone dressed up to the nines and glamorous as ever. All eyes in the building scanned the first lady as she smiled and waved at people in the crowd, honorary guest that she recognised from her job.

She watched as Peter stood up to greet her, thus leading everyone around him to follow lead. His eyes scanned her body from head to the floor, surprise settled on his features. She tried not to take it from a personal side. She was aware from the way his shoulders relaxed that he was thinking about how she looked this morning on the plane with comparison to how she was now.

He smiled and kissed her hand before she allowed herself to great each individual around their table.

"Senator" she smiled as she walked up to him.

He bowed down with one hand behind his back. "Your majesty."

They both laughed as she pulled him in for a hug. "Its good to see you again Matthew."

"Like wise Alicia. You look well." he said, with a slight smile of concern that wasn't distorted on her part.

"Thank you." she tried to disguise the hidden frown behind her face as she made eye contact with Peter, knowingly aware that whatever went on between himself and his friend, she was beginning to think they were confiding each other's problems a bit too much. Alicia knew about the senate's wife cheating on him, though it wasn't public knowledge, she was beginning to wonder who else Peter was talking to.

She offered a hand to the wife and a kind smile followed by taking her seat. Throughout the whole night she felt violated of her privacy, though it wasn't anything foreign to her, it was all different. Everyone was either looking at her, or trying to divert their attention somewhere else when she knowingly noticed the inevitable. Leaning over to Peter, she whispered in his ear. "Why are so many people looking?"

His brows were pulled together as she pulled back to get a response. He looked around, followed some of their gazes and looked at the back of her dress. A smile went to his face followed by a blush. He lent back into her ear

"You are aware that your dress is strapless right?"

"Peter don't be ridiculous, the dress is not the reason."

"No." he agreed. "But your tattoo is." He chuckled as he watched her face go from porcelain to completely red.

"Fuck." She mumbled under her breath and for his ears only.

"Yea." He murmured.

Covering her face, she just wanted to dig herself under the carpet and never come out. "I didn't" she paused "I didn't realise it would show. I completely forgot about it."

"It's ok"

"The tabloids are going to have a field day." It wasn't even less than two months that she had gone out in an interview and spoke about how she didn't like that young people covered their bodies with ink.

"Give me your jacket." She instructed to which he frowned.

"Alicia.." he tensed. "Its beautiful. Nobody is going to judge you for having our children's names embodied onto your skin."

"Just give it to me" she mumbled under her breath.

"I cant."

"What?" she looked up at him

"I spilt coffee on my shirt on my way out of the car earlier."

"Are you serious?"

He laughed at her reaction. "Yes I am. Don't worry about the tattoo, you can't even see it."

She had gotten it a little over a month ago. Grace was getting her first, a butterfly on the nape of her neck, she had made Alicia cry because she told her father that it was for mom, a symbol of how truly beautiful and strong Alicia was.

The twenty year old had managed to drag Alicia out with her, and when Alicia saw the process, she simply knew what she wanted and where she wanted it. It was small, but signified the most important accomplishment in her life.

Zach95

Grace97

Printed on the back of her left shoulder, several inches away from her arm with the year of their birth dates beside each one. Very small but easily recognizable.

She was embarrassed for the remainder of the night but hid it well from any prying eyes. She danced with Peter and laughed with some other important woman who she couldn't quite remember the name of. Judy? Cindy? There were so many names that went through her ear and out the other these days that it was hard to remember who was who.

The hall was fairly empty when she decided she needed to use the toilet, her bodyguard begrudgingly allowed her to use the toilet on the floor. The rest room was empty of any modern terrorist, other than a woman in one of the stalls.

She moved into the stall next to her and sat on the toilet bowl. She had lied to her agent, she wasn't actually in need of using the toilet for convectional purposes, it all came down to the fact that she needed to escape the ballroom, and then she tried to escape her body men, but failed miserably.

She heard the woman outside the stall turn on the tap and decided to flush the basement before unlocking the door and setting herself free. The first thing she did was remove her rings as she began to wash her hands, something that Alicia had no choice in doing since the jewellery she wore for promotional purposes wasn't hers. Except for her wedding ring that still glowed in the dim light even when it no longer meant anything.

She could sense the other woman staring at her from her peripheral vision and suddenly felt uncomfortable. What was going on in her mind if she even considered the possible idea of others not noticing the first lady of United States in a free area?

She did a take in the mirror with a false smile towards the woman, and then she found herself having to look again.

Diane's hair was a bit brighter than the last time Alicia had seen it, maybe a tiny bit shorter as well, but she still looked as glamorous as when Alicia first met her.

Alicia found herself greeting the older woman's surprised but pleasant features. It had only been two years but god did it feel like decades. What are you doing here? Alicia thought.

"Alicia." She said with enthusiasm, a smile gracing her lips. "hello"

"Diannee." She pronounced slowly, trying to grasp her head around what was going on. "Hi." She managed to get out

"It's been a while." Diane commented with confidence

Alicia smiled before chuckling. "It has."

"Two years."

Alicia smiled with gentleness. Something that she had grasped onto naturally from years of campaigns. She agreed. "It has.. been a very long time. You look great by the way." she received a laugh from the other woman and smiled. Memories rushing back from years of late night depositions and meetings regarding the inevitable of being a lawyer. How she missed being a lawyer.

"Like wise." Her response sounded sincere. "How are you?"

"Great" Alicia said, hastily putting her rings back on and drying her hands. "I mean.. you know"

"I do." Diane nodded in agreement. "I would be lying if I said that I haven't been keeping in touch with you and Peters lead. I knew there was a reason I became a democrat.. And I have to be honest with you Alicia.." Diane surveyed her with cautious eyes. Alicia felt so nervous under her gaze, she was still slightly intimidated by her intelligence and yet she didn't know why. "What you and Peter are doing… as a working couple, it's amazing and I may biased" she smiled. "But you're really doing a great job."

"That.." she stuttered. "I… thank you Diane but I am being totally honest. Peter is doing… everything. You know, the tabloids like to paint it as a job that both of us do, but the majority of the time I'm overseas. So please give all the credit to him."

"I knew you would say that." She laughed. "But you're doing a great job."

"I am?" she laughed, and quickly changed the subject. "And yourself? Judgeship it was, wasn't it?"

"Yes it was.." Diane chuckled. "I turned it down."

Alicia flipped her head back in her direction. "What?"

"It was just something I wasn't interested in doing anymore. And I plan on retiring anyway." She shrugged.

"What are you doing here exactly?" Alicia then asked, "I mean, I thought it was judges that were only on the invitation list when it came to people in the courthouse."

"Yess it was." For some reason Diane's words sounded cautious as she continued.

"But Lockhart Agos and Gardner were pitched in the top five firms that represented more probono cases more than anybody else.. It's one of those idiotic terms that don't necessarily benefit the people who run this thing. No offence."

Alicia laughed. "None taken. So you're here.. on your own.. representing the firm?"

"No.. I'm here with the partners."

For a split second Alicia considered the possible idea that she was so close to screaming at the top of her lungs she could almost sense the need of wanting to crumble and fall apart.

Don't say it. Alicia thought when she watched Diane continue almost in slow motion. Don't say his name.

."Cary was fairly excited to attend.. Will was a different story."

She was very proud of herself when she managed to stay as calm and less heated than her heart was revealing. She could almost hear it break from the painful memories of her poor love life and the man who had destroyed it more than two years ago. She had come so far since then, so so far. She didn't need to go back.

Before she could formulate a response. The door was opening with excessive force. Diane received a natural fright at grasping the fact that a six foot man had just entered the ladies bathroom.

Alicia sighed when Steve stared at her with disapproving brows. She sighed deeply "Give me a minute." With one glance towards Diane, he nodded and led himself out.

"It was very nice seeing you again Diane. I hope we will see each other more often."

"Yes.. like wise" for a second Alicia thought Diane didn't know what to call her when the older woman said. "Alicia."

With one last sincere smile, Alicia led herself out.

She entered the ballroom trying to hide her anger when she slowly sat down and took slow deep breaths. Peter was talking on stage, she tried to pay attention but her ears were zoning out. It seemed as though Eli were the only individual who noticed her sudden change in demeanour when he leaned over and whispered "what's wrong?"

"Did you know he was here?"

"Who?"

Alicia looked at him with a gaze that was filled with so much irritation and exhaustion that it made his inner pupils fidget. "Tell me the truth Eli."

"No." he looked down. "I just found out, I didn't realize many law firms would be invited to this thing and then again… the last thing I ever assumed was that he would actually attend." He was right. Will had stayed as far away from her to the point of ignoring her calls after losing him, changing his number, disappearing off the radar for a couple of months, still a coward he had proved to be for so many years; she only knew from what her investigator had shared with her, it wasn't very helpful information. But it made her recognise just how pathetic she was during her months of repression.

She placed the palm of her hand on her forehead and closed her eyes. "I don't think I can do this anymore Eli.." she whispered. "I wanna go home."

Home

That big square white house with selected area only for her to mark as a household would never be her home. It didn't feel like home in comparison to what Owens apartment felt like, or her mothers beach house in that case, but for now it was the closest she could associate with some sort of comfort.

"Ok" he said. "I'll have a ride ready for you in a couple of hours. I think Peter can last the next couple of days without you."

"You sure?"

"Yea" he smiled. "You owe me big time."

"I already owe you my life." She said smiling now, her entire mood changed.

With her attention only half focused into what the woman in front of her was saying, she stared into her blue eyes and smiled, she had a skill for listening to people with interest, but at the same time having ten thousand other things spinning around in her head. She made people feel special when she laughed genuinely at their jokes, talked to them on a scale of hours, something that she wished she could do more often overseas then in America. No matter how inappropriate it sounded.

She heard someone calling her name, she would have left it to her security team if it weren't for recognising the voice that held so much excitement. When she turned suddenly and met his smile as he walked towards her, Alicia's arms were wide open and she laughed when they stumbled into each other. He patted her back and squeezed her tight, she closed her eyes and for a moment, just a moment she imagined that it was four to five years ago and they had just started their firm.

"Cary! You're here!" her grin was so bright, she felt lifted when he pulled back and she met his features that seemed completely settled and mature. Mature. That was something definitely out of the ordinary.

"You're here!" he repeated, his gaze flowing over her form as if he had just encountered someone completely new.

"My god" it felt so awkward when he looked at her with genuine shock. It was also slightly amusing. "You haven't aged a day.."

"Don't you dare play that game Mr Agos."

"No. I'm serious. Alicia you look amazing." He said quietly

"I think it's all that fresh hot air I spend overseas.. Anyway, it's been so long. I can barely recognize you." then she leant in and whispered in his ear, returned the favour. "But I'm not gonna lie this time, you look old as.." the last words by muffled by some noise in the background

They both bursted into laughter, it caused some attention from others, looking around the room, she noticed the prying side of the room staring at her, she didn't want to stare for too long in that case of potentially finding him in amongst the crowd, so she turned her attention back to Cary and grabbed his elbow. Leading him into the nearest hall, they sat in one of the chairs.

"So? How have you been?" Cary asked, she sat there with her gaze on his face, regardless of her separation from the law; he had always been an individual that she could always rely on thus the reason she bursted into laughter.

They sat in the corner for fifteen minutes, her private agents guarding beside the door. She listened intently to Cary's stories, as Diane revealed earlier on, he had merged the business with Lockhart Gardner not long after she moved away. She told Cary it was a good investment, however unable to hide the disappointment in her features. Alicia had always hoped that when Grace graduated law school her first internship would be with Agos and associates. Now that she knew the truth, it was completely thrown out of the equation.

"I feel like I've been talking about myself." He said. "Come on Alicia, tell me what it's like being the first Lady of USA."

She paused, pondering her answer before saying. "it's.. hard." Grinning at his face, she continued. "Honestly, it's been one of the most amazing and difficult times of my life. You know me more than most people, I was never really built for this."

"Oh come on!" he was grinning like a child. "Alicia don't do that. You and the president are the most talked people in Chicago. I'm purely speaking from experience."

"The president?" she questioned with amused brows

"I mean.. Peter." he shook his head.

She laughed again and sighed, recognising just how much she valued his company, he wasn't like her other friends, he treated her the same way he did three years ago. He treated her as if she were still the same woman from before all of this took over.

Resting her head against his shoulder, she heard him sigh and smiled when he asked. "Do you miss the law?"

"More than I miss drinking alcohol in a public place."

She felt him laugh and then a chill went down her spine. She could sense another presence enter the room, pulling back from her former business partner, she felt her heart start in slow beats when Will walked in, his gaze met hers instantly and the line of his throat curved down into a swallow.

His eyes were uneasy when he spoke to her for the first time in two years. "Hi."