A/N: I decided to rewrite this story to show more emotions, particulary Mulan's. Reviews are welcome and appreciated.

It was early morning at Wu Zhong army camp, and I'd been there for three weeks. I always got up early to bathe now, before sunrise, since my near miss with Yao, Ling and Chien Po almost discovering my gender.

I hadn't slept well the night before, since there had been two snakes in my tent that were probably planted there by either Yao or Ling. It had taken me several minutes to catch and get rid of them, then I was nervous about going to sleep since I wasn't sure what else might be lurking in there.

The sky was still dark, but I could still make out the charred remains of Chi Fu's tent where I had accidentally shot a cannon at it a few days before. I had been embarrassed that my ability to operate that kind of artillery was so poor, but it was funny that the obnoxious man's tent was destroyed. Everybody hated Chi Fu, so many of my comrades were happy it happened and it actually helped me not to get bullied quite as much as before.

I deposited my training uniform on the shore and jumped in. The cool water felt incredibly soothing on my sore muscles. I'd spent the entire night before last trying to climb the pole and retrieve the arrow. I'd worked at it all night, for 8 hours, and finally reached the top. My hands were blistered, and I had plenty of splinters. Unfortunately, I'd barely been able to move after I climbed back down.

The sound of someone else entering the water startled me out of my thoughts. I ducked down into the water.

Just three nights before, I had narrowly missed discovery when Chien Po, Yao and Ling had jumped in while I was still bathing. I had immediately ducked down into the water up to my nose, but they saw me, anyways. That's when I saw way more of Yao than I'd ever wanted to.

I looked around quickly, and hid behind the rock. It was Captain Li. I held my breath and watched as he dove under the surface and made my move. If I'm quick enough, he won't see me getting out.

I stood up and quickly grabbed my towel to wrap around me. That's when I noticed my captain was watching me from the pond, his face showing his shock at seeing my gender. He must have surfaced quicker than I thought. He just saw me naked, plain as day. There's no way out of this now that he knows.

In a panic, I quickly dressed and grabbed Khan. I started to turn to run back to my tent, until I heard an order to stop. It's not like I could hide from my captain, so I'm not sure why I thought running away would help anything.

"Come back here, Soldier Fa."

My heart pounding, I slowly turned to face the now dressed captain. The penalty was death for a woman joining the army. I was going to die today and my father would be drafted in my place.

He glared down at me, arms folded. "Why did you join the army as a woman? Did you know what the penalty was?"

"Yes, sir. But, my father was seriously injured in battle years ago and trying to fight again would have cost him his life. I couldn't bear to lose him, so I took his place."

"So Fa Zhou really doesn't have a son, does he?"

"No, sir."

"I should kill you right here for deceiving me. What's your name?"

"Mulan"

"Infiltrating the Chinese army as a woman is punishable by beheading, Fa Mulan. If you leave now, quietly, I won't kill you. But, I will send for your father in your place."

"No, please don't make him go to war. He can barely walk. He's already fought bravely."

"You can't continue here, so whether you leave of your own accord right now or I kill you, he's going to have to come take your place. Someone from your family has to serve in the army."

"Please, Captain Li, please let me stay. He'll die if he goes to war. I'll do anything. Just please don't make him fight."

He stood looking at me solemnly for what seemed like a long time.

"My father is a stern general who always follows the law to the letter. Twice he discovered he had women in his army. He secretly let them stay rather than killing them, but they had to do certain things for him. Perhaps we could make the same arrangement."

"I'll do anything to protect him. What do you want me to do?"

"My father would visit these lady soldiers' tents every day, or they would visit his. This is how he handled women sneaking into his troops, and this is what I'll do. Being in the army makes a man lonely. If you give your body to me every day, I'll let you stay."

My body in exchange for him allowing me to stay. I guess I'm naive, because when he said I'd have to do "certain things" for him, I was not expecting that. I thought maybe he meant dish duty or cleaning the privy or cleaning Chi Fu's tent. But, having sex with him every day? How could I do that?

I could go along with this, and stay. Or I could refuse and be killed and my father drafted in my place.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, Mulan, I am."

"You want me to have sex with you in order to stay so he doesn't have to fight?"

"That's what I said. Don't make me repeat myself."

"That's not fair. Isn't there another way?"

"No, there's not."

"Please? I don't want to do this."

"No. Either you go quietly right now, or continue to argue with me and I kill you or you have sex with me and stay so you can protect your father. What will it be?"

"I'm not ready to give up my virginity."

"Mulan, the window of time that I would have allowed you to leave quietly is over. Now your choices are either having sex with me every day or dying and having your father be drafted."

"Isn't there anything else besides having sex with you that I can do?"

Captain Li drew his sword out of its scabbard.

"It appears you made your decision. I told you I wouldn't argue with you. Kneel down, Mulan, and take the penalty for dishonoring the Chinese army."

I knelt down and lowered my head. An image of my father doing sword fighting formations and falling to the ground in pain flashed through my head. A tear rolled down my cheek. I was about to be beheaded and he would be drafted. I'm sorry, Father.

An image of my mother weeping as he left for war flashed through my mind. No, I can't let him die. Not when there was a way I could still save his life.

I looked up at my captain as he was raising his sword to deliver the deathblow.

"Stop! I'll do it. I'll have sex with you to keep my father alive."

"Every day?"

"Yes, sir. Every day."

"However and whenever I want it?"

"Yes, sir. However and whenever you want it, I'll have sex with you." The gods help me, this was not going to be pleasant. I'd just condemned myself to what could be months of being my captain's sex slave.

He put the sword back. "Good choice. Go to your tent. I'll be there shortly."

Angry and depressed and in shock all at once, I tied up Khan and went to my tent to give my body to my captain. I stood inside and waited, unsure what to do. Should I take my clothes off? Lay down? How soon was he coming in here? I couldn't believe he was asking me to do this. I also couldn't believe I agreed.

A moment later, Captain Li came into my tent. He made sure the entrance was closed tightly and put his finger to his lips to tell me we had to be really quiet.

"Remove your clothing and lay down, please."

I took my shirt off while he stood and watched. His eyes went right to my breasts. He watched as I took my training pants off, his eyes roaming up and down my body. No one else had ever seen me naked before. I desperately wanted to cover myself up with a blanket, but I wasn't done yet.

I laid down on the mat, my heart beating rapidly in my throat. Captain Li's clothes came off and after staring at my nakedness for a moment longer, he climbed on top of me. I was too nervous to admire the hard musculature of his body. What I was about to do would change my life forever.

I hoped this wouldn't hurt too badly as he rubbed my breasts. Then he pushed my legs apart and I felt him thrust himself into me. It wasn't as painful as I'd heard, but it did hurt. I stared up at the ceiling as he started moving in me.

I tried unsuccessfully to ignore my conscience. I could hear my mother's voice in my head telling me this was only for a married couple. I remembered my grandma talking about what a prostitute was, because it felt like I was doing the same thing.

I tried not to imagine my father's disappointed expression if he found out. I remembered the last thing he said to me. "I know my place, and it's time you learned yours." Was this what my place was, being a sex toy for my captain so he wouldn't draft my father? Would I spend the rest of my life being some man's sex toy? Would I ever know real love?

I imagined my parents getting the news that I was dead and my father having to go to war anyway. I imagined my mother and grandmother surviving without us. No, this is what I had to do, giving up the most personal part of me. It's up to me to keep the family together now. That's why I spread my legs for my captain. I am such a whore.

A tear rolled down my cheek, and then another as I realized what I was giving up. Honor, purity, virginity. The chance to one day be married. Self respect. All of it, gone with this one disgusting act.

No man would want me now. Maybe I should have chosen death. But then I would also be choosing my father's death, and there was no way I was going to do that.

After he was done, he stood up and got dressed again. Before leaving, he turned around and told me he'd be back that night.

I cleaned myself up since I was bloody and had his fluids on me. Tonight, after he leaves again, I'll clean up at the pond. It's daylight now. After getting dressed, I sat on my mat to think since I had a few minutes until training started.

I had just given up my virginity to stay alive. Otherwise, I would have been killed as the law states. Was I no better now than the ladies working in brothels? I'm a whore, no two ways about it. I buried my face in my hands and cried.

There was a hollow ache in my chest. I had hoped that when I gave myself to a man for the first time, that it would be for love even in a time when marriage for love was nearly unheard of.

I never thought I would do anything like this. What would my parents say? I was positive they'd disown me on the spot.

It was hard to look at Captain Li during training, so I did my best to avoid eye contact and put my heart into the exercises. I tried to pretend this wasn't all happening.

I managed to run ahead of everyone for the long trek with bags of rice on our shoulders. I even landed a kick to Captain Li's jaw during mixed martial arts sparring. Laying on the ground, he flashed me a proud smile for a second, then went back to his usual scowl.

When the day was finally over, I drug myself to my tent, exhausted. Within a few minutes, he came in through the entryway and shut it tight. He watched me get undressed again, much to my dismay.

This time, thankfully, it didn't hurt at all when he went inside me. Just like this morning, I laid there and waited for him to be done. I feel so dirty. This was my life now, training and being my captain's sex toy.

He finished and got dressed. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I had to go along with it or die. How did I get myself into this? Suddenly, my life depended on my performance for my captain, and not just on the field. I had to keep him satisfied sexually or be killed.

I was starting to wish I had just opted to die, except I didn't want my father being forced to take my place.

I did my best to hold up my end. I avoided eye contact with Captain Li during the day as much as possible. Every night, he came to my tent after training was done so he could have sex with me. I'd undress, lay down and just wait for it to be over. Then I'd remind myself why I was doing this, go bathe in the pond and go to sleep.

Bathing in the pond cleaned my body, but never washed away the filth I felt inside. The shame of what I was doing never went away. It became hard to drag myself out of bed in the morning, knowing what the end of each day held in store. How could I ever go back home to my family after behaving this way? Maybe I could find work at a brothel after the war.

Weeks went by, and every night I gave myself to my captain. I found myself slowly starting to look forward to him coming, little by little. I was beginning to enjoy his kisses that he was starting to give me while he was over me, and the attention he gave my breasts. I liked the way he looked at me while we had sex, this dark and hungry look he would wear.

Slowly, the pleasant feelings started to happen more often than the negative ones. I hated to admit it to myself, but I was starting to enjoy it. Other than when I'd kicked him in the jaw, it was the only time I saw Captain Li smile. Usually he wore the fierce scowl of a drill instructor.

Eventually, I started to very much enjoy having sex with my captain. I reached that overwhelming peak every time, now. Sometimes just the way he looked at me got me excited. Instead of his visit being the part of the day I dreaded, it was the part I looked forward to the most, other than meals. His touch burned on my skin and I couldn't get enough of it.

I still felt like a dirty whore, because that's exactly what I was. A dirty whore. The pond never washed that away. I wondered what would happen after I left the army, when the war was over. I couldn't get married, unless it was to Captain Li. No man would want a woman who had done what I did.

Our regiment was in the middle of a long mountain run when I suddenly realized my monthly bleeding hadn't started in a while. I knew this could happen.

Having a child out of wedlock would mean being a permanent outcast for the rest of my life. It seemed every move I made lately would make me more of a pariah after the war. I was a woman pretending to be a man in the army, and now I was pregnant by my captain. An abortion herb was my only option.

I ran over by where Captain Li was running, slightly ahead of everybody, and whispered to him.

"We have a problem."

"You're pregnant?"

"Yes, I am."

"I'll stop by the medic's tent later. It'll be alright."

Sure enough, he had something in his hand when he came to my tent that night. Dong Quai, an herb frequently used for inducing miscarriage. He had told the medic that one of the soldiers was a pregnant female, but didn't want to say who. Because of the potential for heavy bleeding, the medic insisted on knowing who would be using the potent herb before he would dispense it. He would need to check on me frequently to make sure my bleeding didn't get too heavy.

So now the medic knew who I was. I had never wanted anyone else to know what I was doing to stay alive. But he promised not to tell Chi Fu. Shang told me to expect the medic to check on me a couple times a day for the next several days.

"He also told me not to touch you for about a week after this kicks in. That definitely didn't make my night."

"But tonight's ok? " Much to my own shame, I was hoping it was.

In answer, he yanked my training shirt off, picked me up and put me on the mat. Guess so.

"Yup, it is. And I intend to make it last me for a week."

He pulled off my training pants and I laid there naked while he looked me over. Than he leaned forward and started sucking on my breasts. I was beginning to love it when he did that, and he knew it. I ran my fingers through his hair as I bit my lips together to keep quiet. I felt him insert his fingers into me, and his mouth left my breasts and drifted downward. His tongue began moving over the most sensitive part of me, and I shut my eyes and covered my own mouth and enjoyed the sheer pleasure of what he was doing. His warm tongue moved up one side of my wet heat and down the other several times, right by that little nub but not touching it. The teasing was making me crazy. "Shang, please…"

"Please what?"

"You know what…"

"Oh, you mean this?" He flicked his tongue wildly over the nub for a second, then stopped.

"Yes" I whimpered. "Please?"

His lips locked over it and he licked and sucked on it fiercely while he furiously jammed his fingers into me. It didn't take long until my body jerked and arched from the climaxing intensity. Just in time, he clapped his free hand over my mouth as an intense orgasm nearly made me scream. Then he climbed over me and pushed himself inside of me with more force and power than he ever had before. His thrusts rocked my body so hard I couldn't focus my eyes. Moments later, we both reached a peak and laid there catching our breath.

Instead of getting up and leaving, he stayed over me. I must have looked confused.

"I want you more than once tonight, since it's going to be several days before we can do this again."

We stayed on the mat that way for a little while until he was ready again. This time, he had me flip over to my stomach before he went back in. That was something new, and it was fun. He began kissing the back of my shoulders and neck, and I loved that. When he planted kisses down my spine, I nearly went wild. Suddenly, he stuck a finger right into my back passage, and I nearly lost control. I shoved a corner of the blanket into my mouth and bit down on it. The amazing sensation of that combined with him shoving himself into me with so much force was making me crazy with desire. Once again, when we both hit a peak, it was hard to stay quiet. I turned over onto my back again.

The third time, he laid on his back and pulled me over him. While I moved on top of him, his hands caressed my breasts. Then he lifted his head up and chased my bouncing nipples with his mouth and tongue while his hands massaged my bottom cheeks. Then he shoved a finger up into my passage again. When I was just about there, I locked my mouth on his to avoid making any noise. I rolled off of him and he stood up.

"You wore me out. I think I'm going to go to my tent and go to sleep. One of these days, I'll stick more than just my finger up there."

"Hmmm… I might like that." Of course I would. I'm a whore now. He grinned at me.

Before Captain Li left, he gave me the medic's instructions and told me to get started as soon as possible. "I won't expect you to report for training tomorrow. The medic wants you to take it easy while you're miscarrying." Then he pulled me close to him and kissed me, and headed back to his tent. I watched him go and wondered what it would be like to be able to hold him for an entire night. I hoped someday I would get to find out.

After he left, I snuck out to the pond and bathed, as I had started doing every night. After 3 times, I definitely needed it, since I was a sticky mess.

How had I gone from being willing but not really liking it to sort of enjoying it to wanting and needing sex so badly? I was still his sex toy.

Some day I hoped I would be able to be with him in a different setting where we didn't need to be so quiet and constantly concerned about being discovered.

I took the herbal powder as instructed and went to sleep. In the morning, nothing was happening at all, so I took more and dressed for training. Captain Li saw me running out to the training field and raised his eyebrows, looking a little concerned. I just shrugged and shook my head. He was probably worried that it wouldn't work. So was I.

I made it through training until about noon. After the long mountain run with the other soldiers, my lower gut felt like it was being squeezed in two. It was like my monthly cramping only ten times worse.

I signaled to the captain and walked to my tent doubled over, stopping to vomit on the way. Collapsing on my mat in the fetal position, I noticed blood staining my training pants. Hopefully, no one else had seen it. The medic had said once I started bleeding, not to take any more Dong Quai. I'd keep it for later, although the thought of having to go through this again was daunting.

I wasn't sure how to feel about this baby. I was mostly relieved at no longer being pregnant, but also a little sad that I would never get a chance to know my child.

Having my belly become swollen with pregnancy would give my gender away. I really didn't want to be a mother now, anyway.

The medic stopped in to check on me and told me it was working, that my pregnancy had ended. He always kept Dong Quai for situations such as mine. Seems I wasn't the first woman to sneak into the army and end up pregnant trying to keep herself alive. He could give me a supply of herbs to take each month to keep my bleeding coming regularly.

I felt embarrassed speaking with the medic about my arrangement with the captain exchanging sex for clemency and protection. He swore he wouldn't tell anyone else at the camp, so I opened up to him a little. I told him about my father, Fa Zhou, and how I took his place. Then I told him about Captain Li seeing me at the pond, and what he said I had to do with him to stay alive.

Thankfully, he didn't act like he judged me at all as I told him what a whore I was. He'd probably heard it all before and then some, having been an army medic for over thirty years. He gave me more instructions on caring for myself during the induced miscarriage and how to keep from getting pregnant again.

"I'll be back tomorrow to check on you."

Luckily, I had an extra uniform, since this one was bloody. Although I wasn't sure how to get it clean without being seen. If I was feeling better, I'd go to the pond to wash it in the early morning.

Captain Li came in with some food for me after I'd woken from a nap. It was hard to eat with my stomach cramping so badly, but I made myself anyway and kept it down so he wouldn't worry about me.

The next morning, with my gut feeling less like it was stuck in a vice, I snuck out of the tent before dawn to bathe and wash my clothes. It felt good to get the blood all washed off. To my relief, the stains came out of my uniform. The sound of footsteps alerted me that I had company, but thankfully it was just the captain. After inquiring how I was doing, he jumped into the pond to take his own bath.

That day I felt a little better, but the bleeding continued. For 4 more days, I had lots of bleeding, with a little cramping. The medic said I was doing alright, though. I stayed in my tent all the time, unless I was bathing and washing my clothes and mat in the pond under the cover of darkness.

The other soldiers knew I was sick. Captain Li said I was contagious when Yao, Ling and Chien Po asked if they could visit me.

He brought my meals in and gave me an extra training uniform and mat since I was getting everything blood soaked. He wanted to keep this as secret as I did, probably more. I'm sure if he was found out by Chi Fu, he'd be in very hot water for what he was doing. It wouldn't matter to the Emperor's counsel that his father did the same exact thing.

The medic left for a day about a week after my induced miscarriage, but then came back. He said it was because of family business or something similar. He had mentioned that he had been in the army with my father, and it briefly crossed my mind that maybe he went and told my parents about my pregnancy. I dismissed that thought, though. Why would he do that?

I found myself wondering if the baby had been a boy or a girl. He or she had never even been given a chance to be born. But with both of us being in the army, at war, it didn't bode well for the child to have a very good life. Supposed we had both died? Then what would have become of our child?

Even though I knew we did the right thing, I felt so much guilt. I started having nightmares about a tiny Chinese baby left alone on a mountain battlefield, surrounded by dead soldiers, including both of the parents. Or another was about a running, laughing toddler, putting his arms out to me and calling for mama, only to be struck down by Hun warriors.

No, someday I would bring a child into the world, but not now.

When the seven days was over, I went and bathed in the pond in the dark hour before dawn. My bleeding had slowed enough that I was pretty sure I would be ok during training.

Captain Li came to the pond shortly after I did, and the first thing he did was wrap his arms around me and kiss me like he hadn't touched me in a year.

Remembering a ledge on the rock in the pond, I pulled away and pointed at it. He picked me up and carried me over and set me on it. Then he pushed my back against the rock and I felt the wonderful sensation of him going inside me and let out a loud moan.

Oops, good thing the rest of the camp was still asleep, and no one heard that.

He slammed into me hard as he pressed me into the rock, and I wrapped my legs around him. It didn't take long, and we were both moaning into each other's hair to cover the sounds we made as we both climaxed.

Then I jumped down into the water, got cleaned up and we got started with training. I found I got worn out much quicker, and Captain Li excused me from the mountain runs for the next several days. The medic said my fatigue was from blood loss, and it would get better with time.

Before Captain Li left my tent that night, he told me he wanted to marry me. He knew I couldn't marry anyone else, and he liked the way I satisfied him.

I told him the story of failing the Matchmaker's test and how no one in my village wanted to marry me.

He laughed at the story of me setting the Matchmaker's dress on fire and dumping a pot of tea on her to put it out. Then he kissed me and told me he already knew I had what it took to be a great wife. I hope he's right. I only felt like I had what it took to be a great whore.