a/n: Guess who's back. Back again.
| Mount Justice
| December 17, 05: 47 EST
Diana ran faster and faster. Her legs were burning, but she didn't heed her body's warnings. Mind blank, she ran only to keep her thoughts at bay.
Mount Justice's beach was hazy in the early morning. The sun was obscured by the white-grey clouds, and the sky seemed watery through the beginnings of a drizzle. The ocean was calm, waves lapping gently on the shore. Diana felt suspended in time. Somehow, she didn't mind the feeling. It had been a long time since she had done something just for the sake of doing it without worrying about the outcome.
She kept running, feeling her lungs burn in the crisp breeze. Perhaps it wasn't her best idea to do exercise outside in the winter, but she couldn't help herself. Diana had felt too cooped up inside the Cave, and had wanted respite. Her friends had kept her in their line of sight at almost every waking moment. They didn't trust her being left to her own devices for too long.
Diana couldn't blame them for it, not really. She knew it was her own actions that had put them in this position, and the shame she felt when one of them offered to come with her to the kitchen, or the living room, or her own room, prodded at her heart and her mind. It was as close to torture as the Team could get to.
Torture, Diana breathed a non-comical laugh. As if the Team could ever torture someone.
She remembered all the times she had tortured, even killed. It was a weight that followed her to the last strands of wakefulness. Something that always plagued her sleep. The knowledge of having willingly murdered others was worse than anything Diana had ever endured, because that was what it was whether the people were good or bad. Plain and simple. Diana knew killing was still killing, even if it was in self-defence, or if the people would have murdered others in return and destroyed the world.
Killing could not be masked, or sugarcoated. It simply was.
Sighing, Diana halted her jog. She walked over to the shore, sitting down and wrapping her arms loosely around her knees. The reason she had gone running was to take her mind off things. In the end, it had the complete opposite effect on her. Figures.
"Diana?"
She turned her head, seeing Kaldur walking up to her. He stopped a few paces from her, sitting down on the sand.
"What are you doing up so early?" Diana asked.
"I always wake up at this hour," Kaldur said. "Usually it's just to swim in the ocean."
Diana hummed. "You can take a fish out of the water, but you can't take the water out of the fish."
Kaldur smiled, "It's a wonder how true that saying can be."
Diana nodded. A silence washed over them.
"And why are you here so early?"
"I needed to clear my mind," Diana shrugged. "I went for a run."
"Did it help?"
Diana's lips tugged up, bitterly. "Not really, but then again, it never does. I don't really know why I do it anymore."
"Why don't you try something different?" Kaldur suggested, "I swim for the same reason, and I know M'gann flies and Karen experiments in her laboratory."
Diana's eyebrows furrowed. She could try something else, she realised. The reason she had been running all these years as an escape was out of convenience. It would keep her in shape, and help her mental state while she was out. Now that she was back with the Team, she could train with the other members. And she had more time on her plate without the worry of potential hostiles finding her newest hiding spot.
Diana turned to Kaldur, placed a hand on his shoulder. "Thanks, Kal."
Kaldur nodded, smiling. "I'm glad I could be of service."
They both stood up at the same time, Kaldur walking toward the frothing ocean, and Diana to the looming mountain. Before Diana could get more than five steps out, Kaldur called out to her.
"You know, it's a bit odd to be giving you advice."
Diana looked at him over her shoulder, "It's not like you haven't done it before."
"Yes," Kaldur stared hard at her. "But I have not done it for three years."
Biting her lip, Diana lowered her gaze. What else could she do? She turned away, walking back to the Cave. The conversation plagued her all the way from the beach, to her bedroom, to her bathroom, and throughout the hot shower that should have helped her. Just like running, showering did nothing for her. These past three years were filled with so much torture that Diana was afraid of herself as much as she was afraid of what the Team would think of her if they ever found out.
As she towelled off, Diana rubbed a hand over her face. She knew she had done one of the worst things this world had to offer, that much was clear to her. It was plain to the people she had tortured, and it was even simpler for those who she had murdered.
The least she could do was be shameful about her murders, because that was what they were. No matter the fact that she had saved the seven billion people in the world and the Earth itself, Diana had dirtied her hands and she could never come back from that.
Diana changed into jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, stepping into her shoes as she walked out to the kitchen. Gar was jumping around, grabbing pans and spatulas to give to M'gann. She watched them for a minute before knocking on the wooden frame of the kitchen's entrance. "Is there room for one more?"
M'gann beamed, "Diana, good morning! How did you sleep?"
"I got a few hours in. And you?"
"Like a baby. Last night's mission had me exhausted, and I almost fell asleep without showering."
Diana laughed, "That's the first time I hear that something like that happens."
"It's one of the few times," Gar said. "The last time she did that was after the Reach invasion. But, well, that was taking-over-the-world business. This was just a normal mission."
"Says you," M'gann furrowed her eyebrows. "You didn't come with us. How would you know if it was a normal mission?"
"It lasted five hours, M'gann," Diana smiled, shaking her head. "Let it go."
M'gann pointed her spatula at Diana, "Just for that, you get to help me with breakfast."
Gar whooped, running out of the kitchen to sit on the floor in front of the couch. He turned on his video game console and began playing just as Diana stuck her tongue out at the back of his head, a pan already being shoved in her hands. M'gann and Diana finished breakfast for the usual residents, with Kaldur trailing in with Conner.
"Kaldur, is that your own?" Diana grinned, gesturing to Kaldur's book with her pan, "If I didn't know better, I'd say you lived here. The ocean doesn't really allow for paper."
"I do live here."
Diana blinked. "Since when?"
"Since five months ago," Kaldur answered. "I decided it would be best to remain in the Cave for the time being to clear up any loose ends after working as a double agent."
Diana had spent the last few days in Dinah and Ollie's apartment after they insisted her sleeping under the same roof as them. It hadn't been the ideal option for her first night after arriving, and so she had remained in the Cave for that one night. After that, they had given her no choice on the matter, but living under the roof of two healthy and jubilant adults made for awkward morning conversations, and so Diana had left them in favour of the Cave's residents. They wouldn't keep her up into the early hours of the morning.
"All right, then," Diana nodded, understanding.
They ate in comfortable quiet, oftentimes breaking it in favour of small quips about the food or the day or the training that was ahead of them. When they were done, Kaldur and Gar took cleaning duty for the day, and the other three were left to their own devices for an hour before their training began.
Diana walked away from Conner and M'gann, who had opted to go outside and see the snow, "The Cave is different now. I want to see what changes you've made."
M'gann nodded, "Just call us if you need anything."
Diana gave them a little wave, and they left. She took one look at the living room and went through the hallway that led to the library and the private spaces. Walking down the dimly illuminated space, the walls became less smooth and the air grew damper. If she peeked her tongue out, Diana would be able to taste the moisture
She reached a set of wide stairs, and with one look at the deserted hallway behind her, she went down. When she reached the end of the staircase, she realised that she was right above the basement, but just below of the main floor. Diana had gone into what seemed a secret room of sorts, with the walls and floor made from the rock of the Cave itself. The Team hadn't touched this part of the Cave for remodelling; they had simply left it as it had always been.
Diana rounded a corner and came to a halt.
Right in front of her stood a hologram of Wally in his Kid Flash costume. The plaque on the hologram's base read his name and his alias, but it was information Diana had already memorised when she was younger. And if she reached far enough into her memory, she could still hear his laugh when he would sneak them out of their houses for a night of diners. It was engraved in her mind.
"He looks rather heroic, does he not?"
Diana inclined her head, peering at Kaldur. His eyes were tight around the corners.
"How did he die, Kaldur?"
"He, the Flash, and Bart were running against an MFD, a device the Reach had created. They knew their combined speeds would counter-act with its effects, but he was too slow. Slower than the Flash and Impulse. The chrysalis hit him until he disappeared."
"He just disappeared?"
Kaldur gave her a measured look, "Yes."
Diana lowered her head, closing her eyes as she crouched down and touched the plaque with Wally's name. It was too cold, and felt too sticky with the moisture in the room. She didn't want to keep her hand on it, but retracting it was worse. Leaving was like losing Wally all over again, this time as her choice.
Diana muttered a soft prayer under her breath, too soft for Kaldur to hear.
"Conner tells me that you became religious in your time away?"
"Yes," Diana breathed, "And how it has served me. One of my best friends is dead, and the rest distrust me at best and hate me at worst."
"We don't hate you," Kaldur put a hand on her shoulder. "But you had to have expected our anger."
"I did. It doesn't make it easier."
"It rarely ever does."
Diana pulled away from Kaldur, moving away from the hologram to walk around the room. There were others here, she realised. The fallen heroes of the past years. There was Tula, with hands defiantly on her hips, and the original Blue Beetle. She pulled her gaze away from them to come face-to-face with the other hero in the room. A Robin.
"Kaldur?"
"His name was Jason Todd."
Diana whirled around, breath rattled, "How do you know?"
"Nightwing needed emotional support after losing him. He turned to us for it, and as we already knew of his secret identity, he felt safe in disclosing Jason's information with us."
There was an underlying current in Kaldur's words as he spoke, and Diana couldn't help but wonder if it meant what she had been thinking for the past three years. Dick had needed her and she hadn't been there for him. The whole team had needed her and she hadn't been there for them. She hadn't been there at all.
She hadn't been with them because she had been with someone else.
"How did he die?"
"An explosion," Kaldur sighed. "Batman was too late."
"Who set it?"
"The Joker."
A sudden prickling warmth spread through her heart, trickling down her back. Diana felt her fingertips tingling and, for a moment, swore they were shaking. She was no stranger to the Joker's manic killing sprees, but a child? A young boy with so much to live for, with a life that could have been as successful as Bruce's, or as filled to the brim with love as Dick's, or even as comforting and strengthening as Tim's. That boy had been killed and there was no going back from that.
"How are they now?"
Kaldur lowered his head, "You can often tell Dick is still mourning, but Robin did not know Jason well enough."
Diana nodded, leaving it at that. They walked back up to the mission room. Some things had changed so drastically since Diana was away that she found herself wondering what exactly had she lost when she decided to leave. It wasn't just the loss of her friends' trust, but also of parts of their lives that had shaped them to be what they were now. A long time had passed since Diana had been forced to discover a person anew, and she didn't know how to do it with people she was supposed to know like her own soul.
When Diana and Kaldur reached the mission room, they were met by Roy and something - someone - in his arms. Diana's brain short-circuited. It took her a moment to regain her breath, in which Kaldur was already grabbing the wriggling baby from Roy's arms and cooing at her. Roy looked at Diana with sympathy, a hand beckoning her to him.
Diana stumbled her way to them.
"Diana, I'd like you to meet Lian Harper," Roy smiled. "Lian, this is your aunt Diana."
Lian turned big brown eyes toward Diana, and she felt herself sliding down into complete affection for the child. Diana took Lian's hand with two fingers, eyes wide at how small the girl's hand was in her own. A million questions assaulted her.
"Roy Harper," Diana said, "When did you have this baby?"
"She's one year old now, her birthday was September twenty-three."
"And who's the mother?"
"Prepare yourself for a surprise, my friend," Kaldur grinned.
Diana blurted, "It will not be Artemis. Or Barbara. Oh god, it was probably Barbara, wasn't it? This baby is a redhead and you two are redheads…"
"It's not Barbara!" Roy cringed, "It's Jade Nguyen."
A beat of silence.
"Jade? As in Artemis' sister? As in Cheshire, Jade Nguyen?"
"Yes."
Diana looked at Lian for a moment, taking in her huge eyes and giggling mouth. She looked so utterly happy to be among them. For a second, Diana searched for traces of Jade in her, but she stopped herself. Did it really matter that Lian's mother was Jade?
So many things could have happened to Roy since she last saw him, lost and confused as he found out he was a clone. And how she wished she could have helped him, even when she knew only he could help himself. Now, here he was, with a lover and a daughter. A family. There was no reason for her to resent Jade for past crimes, not when she had done all of this for Roy. Jade had given him a home, a reason to live and not just exist.
"I guess Jade, Artemis and I are now sisters-in-law," Diana placed a hand on Roy's shoulder. "I can think of worse things to be."
Roy let go of the tension in his body, very nearly opening his lips to breathe out a sigh. Diana left him to compose himself, turning back to Kaldur, who held Lian with complete gentleness. "Can I hold her?"
Kaldur gave her Lian, who instantly began writhing in Diana's arms. Diana shushed her with soft little huffs of air, bouncing her in place. Lian quieted, looking up at Diana with those big eyes of her. They gave each other small smiles, and Diana felt a broken piece of her, shattered by her kills, partly mend itself. It was enough.
"I just wish you'd told me sooner," Diana sighed. "I've been back for a week, Roy. This is my niece."
"We didn't know how you'd react. Jade and I wanted to wait," Roy said.
"What did you think I'd say?"
"To be honest with you, I don't know. You were a little unstable when you came back."
Diana took that in silence, keeping up Lian's bouncing. If she seemed unstable then it was because she was. She had exhausted all her options for the mission, had found out Wally was dead, and was as emotionally drained as she was physically when she was done with greeting everyone. Had Diana been taking care of a child herself, she would have wanted them to be far away from her.
Bile rising up her throat, Diana handed Lian to Roy, "She's beautiful. I love her already."
Roy gave her a look, but took Lian in silence. "That's what they all say. She's a charmer."
"Must have gotten that from Jade because she certainly didn't get it from you, old man."
"I have a daughter, Diana. It didn't automatically make me forty."
"No, you're right," She waited a beat. "It made you fifty."
Lian, Kaldur, and Diana snickered while Roy glared at them all.
It was already close to midnight when Diana stepped on the porch of the house in Palo Alto. She knocked on the door, wrapping her loose sweater around herself. Artemis opened the door, not a trace of sleep on her face, and when Diana looked down, she noticed the highlighter clutched in Artemis' hand.
"Diana, hi," Artemis stepped away, and Diana came into the house.
Textbooks were scattered around the dining table, highlighters and pens as well. The whole house felt warm and comfortable, but too big for a single person. Before she could continue surveying the home, a white bulldog came barreling down the hallway to receive the newcomer. Diana bent down to rub the dog's head as he sniffed her shoes, her calfs, her hands, her wrists. It was ceaseless in its movements.
"Sorry about him," Artemis shrugged. "He gets excited with guests."
"I don't mind. What's his name?" Diana smiled. She kept rubbing his ears, now with more gusto.
"Brucely," Artemis sighed, as if this was a huge burden. "Wally wanted to name him Bruce after, well, Bruce. But I knew it'd only get our asses kicked. In the end, we found middle ground."
Diana's expression fell, but she immediately replaced it with something more neutral. She didn't need to bring any sadness into Artemis' home after all the grief she went through. Artemis seemed to be healing from Wally's loss so well, and Diana didn't have any right to dump her still-healing heart onto her doorstep.
"So, what brings you here?"
Diana inhaled deeply, standing up. "Well, Roy dropped quite the bomb on me today."
"A literal or metaphorical bomb?"
"A metaphorical bomb. Though I wouldn't put it past him to throw me a literal one just out of spite for the last few years," Diana quieted. "Roy introduced me to Lian."
"Oh?" Artemis sank on the couch, Diana following her lead. Her tone seemed much more cautious as she asked, "How did you take it?"
Diana felt a prickle of hurt, "I took it well, I think. Lian's very sweet."
"And what do you think of the mother?"
"Artemis, please," Diana took one of her hands in her own. "I don't care that he and Jade are together. Who am I to judge who he loves? The fact that he found something to live for other than finding Speedy is so relieving in itself. I'm always going to be grateful to Jade for it."
Artemis took a deep breath, "Okay, okay."
"Besides, I think I might even be looking forward to lunches with my niece and sisters-in-law."
"They're not married."
"No?" Diana shrugged, "Well, doesn't mean you're both any less of a family to me now."
Artemis cracked a smile. Diana smiled back, "Well, seeing as that's cleared, we've still got a lot of things to catch up on. Like what are you studying and why you live here among other things."
"Well, Wally picked out the place, actually…"
a/n: So, we meet Lian! And we also get to see some of Diana's inner demons taking shape. Also, yes, she killed people. There won't be any graphic description of said kills or said tortures seeing as this is rated T, so there's no need to worry.
Guest: I saw the review, and I honestly just...I laughed. I'm sorry I messed with your emotions (no, I'm not). And I'm sorry if you're feeling like Diana's family! They felt so awful, and I really wouldn't wish that on anybody. Apart from that, thank you so much!
Guest 2: I fixed it! Thank you for bringing that up. I had been looking for their dogs' name but after I didn't find it I just settled for something else. I remember now! Thank you!
Again, thank you so much for reading. Please review, favourite, and follow! A comment only takes a moment, and they really make my day! xx