I felt so dizzy, so sick, like a failure.
I was lying on the floor of the bedroom of the apartment that Ryuji and I had shared since we had gotten married, with our wedding gift from my mother being the payment of the rent until we found a means to stand on our own feet, as soon as we were out of college. It was the same one that was across from Ryuuji's old house, he had even crowned it as 'The Tiger Cage', even though a dragon had lived there for more than two years, us getting married nearly a year ago. It was so bizarre to think that we were both only 20 and we had already started our lives together.
The lights were out, the door locked, the drapes drawn completely so that only the tiniest amount of light filtered into the apartment. This wasn't so that anyone could get in; this was so my tears would never leak out. My face was flushed, snot plugged my nose in the most unattractive of manners, and torrents of water were attempting to fill the room, hopefully to drown me out of existence. I was hiccupping from the way my throat had constricted, and I sobbed from the back of my throat, only being muffled by the knees I had pulled up to my face while my cheek was in contact with the cold floor. I still wore the white jacket with black stockings and red dress I had worn to the doctor's office. My pearly white boots were still wet from a puddle I had splashed in as I ran home, Ryuuji following behind me and calling my name, asking me to slow down.
"Infertile," I whispered into the dark room, hoping that somehow saying it would make it easier to bear. It didn't, it only made it more of a reality, chased away all hopes of this being just a nightmare.
I had failed Ryuuji, I was his Tiger and I couldn't get him what he needed, despite the fact that he had filled all of my needs, and then even all of my wants. I was the worst, so far below the status of 'dirt' that I could only be shit.
Why did that idiot choose me, why did he choose me? That stupid mongrel kissed me. He had decided to give his all to me. He had got down on one knee for me. And he has done everything in his power to make me happy. And the worst part was that he has.
Ryuuji's gentle hands, soft lips, and those eyes that radiated only love and warmth, despite the fact that he somehow thought they were his worst feature. His cascading blue hair that was gruff on my fingers, that smile he flashed that let me know he cared, and that he understood. His housewife side that I had subjected to so much teasing only because I had always appreciated it, and wished that I could do the same for him without burning the house down or ruining his clothes in the wash.
Why was I such a jerk to him? I always tried to make it up to him in some way; I always tried so hard to let him know how much I cared. But it ALWAYS came out wrong, so goddamn wrong.
He was perfect, in every conceivable way. So strong of character, so willing to be patient, and to get the full story. To always work around issues with a level head. I hated his level head sometimes, though. He still sighed my name when he was frustrated at me for something I had done, but he had never once raised his voice at me or even appeared to be truly angry at me. Ryuuji was always so understanding, and let things go as soon as they happened.
Why couldn't he scream at me, make me realize the truth in that moment so I wouldn't have to realize my own error later on?
He couldn't hurt a fly without feeling guilty, and I loved him so much because of it.
Ever since we had gotten married, and even before, it was always so casual, so easygoing. I could talk with him about anything, and he'd talk right back. We'd bicker, usually about the stupidest things, and then subtly make it up to each other later not through words, but actions. Him giving me extra meat in my lunch, getting me a new magazine and leaving it on the counter in the kitchen for me to notice, or getting an extra pack of ice cream and the newest action movie for us to watch before bed.
I wish I knew how to do little things like that, because it was always him making up, even though it was always me who started the problem in the first place. But it was ok, I could tell, because he always smiled at me in a way that made my heart unwind and my muscles relax. He understood I was sorry without any words leaving my mouth.
My hands went up to my eyes, scratching at them as if maybe losing my eyes would help me with forgetting today.
Ryuuji had wanted a child so badly.
"A boy or girl, doesn't matter as long as you're the mother!" He had exclaimed with that small smile of his before kissing me on the head and tightening his embrace around me.
That idiot. That stupid, idiot, mongrel, dog… trash!
If he had picked Minirin… Would he be happier? Ryuuji deserved the perfect wife, because he was the perfect husband.
I had always known why he had loved Minirin; it was because of her joy. Ryuuji had never had any real solid happiness in his life, period. His father had died, his mother was a mess for him, and he had to grow up before he should've had to. Ryuuji had missed the bliss of your younger years, and Minirin was an example of all the happiness that he wanted from himself.
Even the dumb Chihuahua would've been a better wife than me.
Ami was gorgeous, beautiful, and cunning. I also knew she was secretly in love with Ryuuji since that day where I found her leaning towards him after we got done picking up trash. Even back then, I had felt a twinge of jealousy, although I didn't know why at the time.
Both of them were prettier than me, and both of them had bigger… Chests than me… Better grades than me…
I was so small, such a tiny person inside and out.
But Ryuuji chose me! WHY DID HE CHOOSE ME?!
He kissed me, took care of me, cleaned and cooked for me, held my hand even when I kept pretending his hand was contaminated, and most of all, he loved me as if I was the only girl in the world.
I remember the first time we made love, as I turned my head to look at the red blanketed bed where we had engaged in the throes of physical passion for the first time.
We were lying in bed like we had been for the last week of our newly wedded life, just feeling the warmth of each other's bodies, when I had decided I wanted more. I don't know what it was for sure, but as I lay on his chest feeling his warm breath on my ear, I found myself thinking about that… Thing married couples did.
"Hey, doggie, wake up and look at me." I had demanded of him, my face rising off of his chest so I could inspect him closer.
My blue haired companion had grunted and opened just one of his eyes before yawning. "Jeez Taiga, what do you want now?"
It was his sleepy drawl that got to me, that made the hair on the back of my neck to stick up in anticipation as I felt something warm spread through my chest.
Raising my fist and bringing it down onto his stomach, he gasped for air as I got that annoyingly sexy drawl out of his voice. "Taiga! What the hell! It's time to go to bed you psycho!"
"Shut up, dog! You're not going to bed until I tell you to, got it?" I growled at him, making sure he heard the authority in my voice.
His mouth drooped into a crooked frown as he sighed in annoyance, probably wanting to tell me what he thought of my bossiness. But it was Ryuuji, so he just sat up straighter and glowered at me with those sulky eyes of his. "Fine Taiga, you win. What do you want?"
My heart was pounding. "First, I want you to kiss me like you did on our wedding day." I tried to growl again, but my voice cracked a little bit, probably spilling a little bit of what I hope didn't sound too much like excitement.
He had blushed a little bit, before finally smiling a tiny bit as he shook his head. I knew he was as addicted to my lips as I was to his, and that meant everything to me. It made me feel beautiful.
My hands clenched onto my night gown so tightly that I could feel the blood draining from them as he cupped my face in his soft, delicate hands and leaned forward slowly. I didn't want any of that cutesy slow crap though.
Punching forward, I felt a softly thrown punch connect with his cheek, causing him to recoil back.
"Taiga! God dammit what is wrong with you?! What is it thi-"
I interrupted the stupid dog by leaping forward and blocking his words with my lips, smothering him as he fell onto his back, with me dominant over him. His lips were so soft, and once his tense body relaxed, I felt my lips sink deeper still into our intimate moment.
Finally breaking for air, I whispered through my panting, "You were taking too long, just kiss me you stupid mongrel, just kiss me!"
Not allowing him to respond, I rushed forward again and kissed him again, deeper than before and much rougher. My hands traced his stern chest before moving up and clutching at his hair, and as one of his hands cupped my cheek, his other wandered down my back, rubbing back and forth as I pushed myself into him, back and forth. He was always too innocent to go lower, even though we were married.
I loved him for always respecting what I wanted above his, although we both knew he had a million times the common sense I ever did.
'Not tonight Ryuuji, not tonight. 'I had thought in irritation as he had continued stroking my back.
Breaking the kiss for what felt like the millionth time I looked down into his eyes and him into mine. We didn't have to say we loved each other out loud, our beating hearts were screaming it loud enough for it to be obvious.
"Ryuuji," I whispered in a voice that surprised even me with its delicate tone, "would you do anything I ask?"
He looked confused, but slowly nodded, a bead of sweat rolling down the side of his head, sparkling in the light of the dimly lit room.
Leaning forward millimeters away from his face, I could feel my throat clench further as so much blood rushed to my face I felt like I was going to pass out. "Do the things married men do to their married wives… Now."
Ryuuji had been so gentle, so delicate with me our first time. I had always thought my husband to be would take his frustrations out on me the first time, be rough and make me remember it. But not Ryuuji, he had gone slowly, knowing I was in tremendous pain as he took away my womanhood innocence, and I his manhood innocence.
I had never felt so alive and happy in my entire life.
Even though my breasts were tiny, and my figure small, Ryuuji had still treated me like an angel.
But he was the true angel, I was just a little girl if not Satan incarnate. Minirin could've done so much more for him…
I was broken out of my sobbing trance as I heard a strong knock on the door. "Taiga, dinner is ready, and it's been sitting out for a while. It's getting cold. I'm sorry about the appointment today at the Doctor's office today, but I swear it will be ok. Come out and eat, you'll feel better, I promise." I heard him gently whisper through the door, concern laced in every crook of every word, before I heard his footsteps fade as he walked back to the kitchen.
What the hell was wrong with that idiot? I should be the one comforting him with how much he had wanted a child. I did too of course, more than anything I wanted to start a family with the man of my newly formed dreams.
This was my one chance though. My one chance to thank him for all the good he'd ever done for me, all the good he was as a person. Bearing a child for him would be my biggest 'Thank You' I could ever give him. And I… And I…
"Infertile." I whispered again, this time I had to bite down bile in my throat as I felt the need to throw up.
My once chance to show him how much I loved him, how much I needed him, and how much I simply wanted him above everything else.
My life wasn't even worth his happiness; I would give my life in an instant for him to feel euphoric happiness for just a second. He had been through much, and so he deserved much.
Not… Not me…
A short tempered and just plain short girl who had family issues as well as social issues, a girl who couldn't say what she was feeling without having a meltdown, a girl who was doll like, but not beautiful, who seemed to just use him for his food and company, who abused her lover just because she couldn't bear to allow him to see her soul, even though he already did, and would forever and ever. And what's more, love her spirit, cherish it…
God I loved him, and he loved me. But… But…
We tried to have a child so many times; it got to the point where we had sex every night for weeks despite exhaustion from the wild night before. We had to support each other walking to the kitchen with how hard it was to walk, with me usually screaming at him for causing this embarrassing moment, and I continued to scream at him until he had finished breakfast and shoved a spoon into my mouth.
Finally going to the Doctor, we had had our blood taken; with Ryuuji having his semen tested with me going through a PAP test just to make certain nothing was wrong.
That was the worst part though; they didn't know what was wrong!
They knew it was something in the cells they had tested off of me, but they had just apologized and gave them the spiel: "9% of couples have infertility on the end of at least one partner, and out of that 10% about 80% can be explained to about why they are infertile, but 20% simply cannot be told. Our current technology and research methods just can't find any problems, despite there being one obviously."
He finally told us it was possible that I was infertile, and that statistics suggested in the high 90th percentile that I was, but he also said in finally what felt like a non-robotic voice that there was a slight chance that since they hadn't confirmed completely diagnosed any issues with my reproductive tract.
The Doctor was an ass. He had said it so nonchalantly, as if this was just a statistic, Ryuuji and I.
But this? This… was my WORLD. And it had just shattered into a million pieces as I felt a shard of my soul float up into space as I felt a boulder weigh me down into the seat, with Ryuuji finally having to pick me up out of the seat due to my incapability to move.
He was crying. I was crying harder.
But he kept on comforting me, kept on whispering sweet nothings to me about love and moving on…
Fuck moving on! I wanted to have a child, I wanted him to have a child!
Failure… I was… I was such a…
I was interrupted out of my stupor by an even louder this sound this time, Ryuuji had just swung a hammer through the wooden door, with the head of the hammer barely poking out of the opposite side of the door. Sitting up, my eyes widened.
W-What a weakling.
"R-R-RYUUJI!" I screamed out of a mix of terror and surprise as he continued hammering at the door like a madman.
Woodchips were flying everywhere, and the door was creaking and making an ugly sound, but I heard his grunts above it all. I watched him as he finally busted fully through the door, panting and bending over as he finally squeezed through the crack he had created in the door.
I should've been mad at him for the door, or mad at him for being so damn stupid. But all I could think about was how hideous I probably was right now with a flushed and hollow face with eyes that were puffy from crying. And this was what I decided was the most insulting of all his current offenses.
"R-RYUUJI! WHAT DO YOU THI-I-NK YOU'RE DOING! I DON'T WA-A-NT YOU IN HERE, GET THE HELL OUT Y-Y-YOU DUMBASS M-M… MONGREL!" I was so happy to see him, I just didn't want him to see me like this.
Regaining his breath, he threw the hammer across the room and slowly brought his head up. My heart froze.
The icy look he was giving me right now, I had never seen him this angry before, period. Never, not when we were friends or when we were dating or when we were engaged, never.
He strides forward towards me, and despite myself I scooted back until I hit the side of the bed. Closing the distance way too fast with those stilt legs of his, he crouched down and stuck his face right in front of mine. His eyes weren't sexy right now, they were actually terrifying me right now with how he was tilting forward, hiding the rest of his face and making them shine like dangerous lights in the dark.
"Taiga." He bellowed, not blinking and without breaking eye contact.
There was a second of silence before a smack resounded through the room. With a flash of pain, I realized Ryuuji had just slapped me across the face.
"Taiga, this isn't you, and you're stronger than this. Taiga, I fell in love with who you were, not with what you could give me. Don't blame yourself you freaking idiot, please…"
Recovering from my shock, I slowly looked back him as my hand rose to feel the red sensitive flesh he had just abused with enough force to wake up a corpse. Looking into his eyes, I saw them start to glitter with moisture as his stern side receded and was replaced with the look she loved, the look of caring that he had always shown.
"Please… Taiga… I love you, come back to me. Come be happy with me, and nothing else will matter, so stop crying… Please." Ryuuji's voice was violently cracking as she could see tears start to break away from his eyes and drip down his face. "I'll be here forever for you, please don't let this change us. We love each other, and no bump in the road will ever change that, we'll get past it, because we have to if it means staying together. And I'm not… I WON'T leave you, I will NEVER abandon the love we have, YOU LEFT ME ONCE AND I FELT LIKE MY LIFE HAD ENDED! DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT TO ME EVER AGAIN! So… SO GOD DAMMIT COME EAT SOME PORK CUTLETS AND KICK MY ASS AFTERWARDS FOR THE FOOD BEING TOO COLD!"
That's how we were for a few seconds that seemed like an eternity in my mind, my mind sputtering with the stinging of my cheek, and the stinging of my heart.
Ryuuji's hands were on my shoulders, and his head was bent over into my chest, wetting my white jacket with salty water spilling from his eyes.
You left me once and I felt like my life had ended! Never do that to me ever again! These words echoed the loudest in my head, as I looked around the room I had just spent the last… How much time had I spent in here? It didn't matter, what did matter was that Ryuuji was right… Like always. He loved ME, not Minirin, or Ami. He loved me no matter what I did, and he would ALWAYS love me, and stand by me, and watch over me.
And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I DID deserve him, because I loved him enough to do the exact same for him!
We love each other, and no bump in the road will ever change that, we'll get past it, because we have to if it means staying together. Dammit Ryuuji, don't make me cry even more than I already have.
Looking down as he continued to cry into my chest, I ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Why did this loser always have to say the right thing and make me realize how stupid a girl I am?
"Ryuuji…" I whispered into his ear as I put my hand under his chin and raised his head until it was level with me, eye to eye, my honey brown to his lovely little gray ones.
He leaned forward, with a bliss smile on his face as I realized that I too, was smiling. He was millimeters away from my face, and I started to close my eyes and lean forward until when I started to exercise my tongue for the fun it was about to have, I realized how grossly sticky and dry my mouth was…
Another loud slap resounded from the room, this time though it was made by the person who had contributed the most to that beautiful sound of pain and five fingers meeting the face.
"What are you doing, perverted hunk of dog crap! Dinner's ready, so why don't you make yourself useful and carry me out there, I feel pretty weak after you SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE YOU ASSHOLE!" I screamed at him, feeling warmth begin to return to my body and a strange happiness flood through my head, causing the room to sway as I felt an incredible euphoria wrap around me.
Damn right he picked me and not that stupid Chihuahua or even Minirin, he was mine dammit. And I was his, too.
Letting go of my shoulders as he fell back, Ryuuji looked back at me with the widest smile I had ever seen on his face, even wider than after our first time. I probably smiled wider than him that night, though.
He rubbed his red cheek with a distinct red handprint marking where he had faced his most recent offense as he looked at me, before letting out a loud laugh that sounded like it was coming straight from his gut with how deep it was.
Crawling towards him on my hands and knees, he finally stopped laughing as he wiped away his tears, propping himself up on one knee before reaching under me and lifting me like a tiny doll in his arms, positioning me so that my face was buried in his chest.
Good doggie, smart doggie, lovely smelling doggie.
Nuzzling into his chest, I knew everything would work out, because she loved him more than the sun, and he loved her more than the universe.
I was interrupted too soon however, as he put her down in the kitchen chair with a very strained look on his face.
Examining his anxious face, I looked behind him and sighed with a smile as I realized why he was so anxious.
"Ok, you can go clean up the mess Ryuuji… THAT YOU MADE! So serve me my food first and THEN go to work, stupid slave!" I yelled at him as a clearly impatient popped up on his face in response to my words.
Giving out a heavy sigh, he seemed like he wanted to argue for a second, before finally giving up and dashing over to the oven and small kitchen area to prepare the already cooked and arranged food. Watching him around mechanically, I couldn't help but let out a small sad sigh.
'I'm sorry Ryuuji, for not giving you, and giving me, something beautiful.' I thought before I decided to banish these dark thoughts, at least for now while he was with me. He was here now, and I would make the most of it. NOT like he influenced me or anything, he was a stupid dog, and I the Master!
I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, looking down at a pregnancy test I had just urinated on, with it only being around 30 seconds since insertion. Looking back up at the mirror, I could make out a river of sweat on my forehead.
I was so terrified right now. I was so scared. My knees were knocking against each other. The results of this test meant everything to me. Starting to get nauseous, I went over to the toilet and sat down, putting my head in my hands to try to calm down the thoughts whizzing by in my head at speeds faster than light.
I had waited a week since I last had made love with Ryuuji, just like the instructions told me to. Nothing more to do than wait.
Smiling to myself and finally managing to slightly relax, I remembered how I had recently learned a cheat code to sex with him.
Step 1: Find a pair of socks
Step 2: Put one sock in your underwear, and one under your shirt in front of him
Step 3: When he comes to retrieve his prize, you go to retrieve yours before he gets the chance
Step 4: Have fun!
Laughing to myself, I looked over at the pregnancy test on the counter, from my angle I couldn't see the result I knew had popped up. Or has it? It's felt like an eternity to me of torture of the conscious, but it could've only been a second here in the real world.
Looking down, I realized my hands were shaking, shaking very violently. If I wasn't in this situation, I would've thought I was having an intense seizure.
Clenching them, I growled as I felt every fiber of my being get angry at how weak I was being. I wouldn't go back there; I wouldn't go back to how I was that day a couple weeks ago, when I was nothing more than a crying child that couldn't handle the reality of its pitiful circumstance.
"GRAHHHHH!" I screamed before I stood up off the toilet raised my fist and punched the mirror.
This was not wise.
Glass scattered in all directions as the reflective surface shattered into a million pieces at the blow of my rage filled punch that was fueled by the rage of my weaker self leaking through to the surface.
When I looked in the mirror that night after the cutlets and a heated argument with Ryuuji about how this was all his fault, when I had screamed at him and pretended to get mad and tromped away to the bathroom to take a shower and get rid of the salty stains I could still feel immobilizing my cheeks as I chewed, I looked ugly.
My face was a ghostly white, nearly to the point where I looked like a piece of paper, and my eyes… They looked so hollow and empty as I looked at myself, with my eyes puffy and hideously red, with puffy bags under my eyes. My lips were pale and chapped, my breath smelling old and gross as I raised up a hand and breathed into it. My hair was a train wreck, well, an even bigger train wreck than it normally was. My hair was sticking up in certain places, stiff from tears having soaked the fibers, most of my hair seeming to favor one direction as if the wind had blown it one way and it had decided to stay there, stiff and unmoving. And all the individual hairs were separated, wildly going off in every direction, imitating a big ball of fuzz that was blowing in the wind to the side of her head. Red streaks were apparent under her nose, raw to the touch from the snot that had formed rivers down her face. Some dried snot was even still there, on my cheek.
Blushing, she brought her sleeve up to wipe it away, her eyebrows furrowing in disgust as she thought of Ryuuji having to stare at that the entire time they had eaten supper.
I looked like absolute shit, I looked so frail… And broken…
And so freaking vulnerable. I looked my absolute worst, and yet… Ryuuji had still leaned forward, he would've still kissed me. A smile finally formed on my lips as I realized this. Flushing, I shook my head and muttered "Idiot, trying to kiss me when I don't look kissable! What a desperate dog! I have got to remember to discipline him later on!"
As I parted the shower curtains though, I just couldn't wipe a stupid grin off of my face.
Being pulled back into the present, the sound of the glass clinking on the floor finally made me realize what I had done.
A sharp pain was shooting up my entire arm, centering on a massively painful spot on my hand. Pulling back my little hand from the mirror, it shook from how much pain there was.
Holding my hand, I choked back tears of pain as I stared down my heavily bleeding hand.
I continued staring at my hand for a few seconds, suffering in silence before I realized that there sure was a lot of blood.
"RYUUUUUUUUUJIIIII! GET IN HERE!" I turned around and screamed out as loud as I could, not even trying to hide the desperation in my voice as I sat down on the ground and nursed it as gently as I could, whimpering when I realized a shard of glass was still inside of a fairly deep cut in the middle of my hand. That was probably what was causing the immense amount of blood that was actually kind of scaring me, there was just so much of it!
I didn't have to wait very long. Ryuuji tore open the bathroom door and looked inside.
Even he stopped and tilted his head for a split second, and I couldn't help but feel my cheeks flush as I realized that this situation would be stupid embarrassing to explain to him. He knew I had rage flashes, but this was kind of extreme, even for me.
"Jeez Taiga! You're bleeding pretty bad, hold on for just a minute, you're just lucky we're in the bathroom where we store the medical supplies." I could tell from his tone that he was worried, but despite myself I couldn't hold back an eye roll at how sad it was that a guy was seriously this prepared for accidents.
Guys were supposed to be messy, disorganized, and then wear it as a badge of honor! Not organize the house, wear pink and green aprons, cook delicious meals, be the emotional one in the relationship, and do the laundry! Looking up at their bathroom was evident enough of that.
Ryuuji's side of the sink was neat, orderly, prepared for every teeth brushing and flossing he would ever do in his life! He had 15 years' worth of toothpaste in the cupboards, along with 25 years' worth of floss!
As Ryuuji walked forward and reached up to open a cabinet that was to the side of the mirror (Or used to be where the mirror had been), he froze as he looked down at the sink.
Growling, I screamed at him, "Ryuujiiiiii! Your wife Taiga freaking Takasu is bleeding out over here, or do you just want me to die so you can go hump another of your own kind, mongrel!" I had wanted to sound tough and authoritative, but I couldn't keep a slight whine in my voice as the pain and amount of blood was slowly starting to scare me more and more.
No response, ugh that BASTARD!
Standing up, careful to not step on any glass, I took a step forward, ready to slam a roundhouse kick into his face before I realized that he was crying.
Confused and worried, I took a step forward and flinched as I took my uninjured hand away from the bleeding and put it on his shoulder, gently trying to turn him towards me.
"Ryu-? MPPHH!" I tried to ask what was going on, but he turned around like lightning, picking me up with an enthusiasm that was rare when the task involved didn't involve mold scrubbing, forcing me forward, he used one of his hands to press my face into his.
Deeply kissing me, I could feel his teeth grind against my lip with how much pressure he put into it before pecking my neck with quick kisses. If you have ever been kissed on the neck while going through excruciating pain, you go through a very confusing moment where you can't tell if it's pain or pleasure that's greater.
My breath rattled and my face flushed, my attempts to swat him away weak as his kisses drained away my rebellion to escape his embrace failed.
Breaking away he smiled up at me and started whooping before putting me down and shaking his hands in the air. I had never been so confused in my life.
I was dying over here, and ok wow, that seriously was a ton of blood on the floor!
"RYUUJI! DAMMIT PLEASE JUST GET THE MEDICINE AND STOP YOUR STUPID ASS POW WOW RIGHT NOW!" I screeched at him weakly, still flushed and trying to recuperate from the tingling in my neck and throat.
The blue haired dumb ass finally slowed his dancing in circles, grinning at me toothily before he realized how unamused I was with what was going on.
"WHAT?! TAIGA HOW CAN YOU ASK ME TO NOT BE JUMPING FOR JOY RIGH T NOW?! WE'RE HAVING A BABY FOR GOD'S SAKES!" He screamed at me as if I wasn't a foot away from him.
My head got super dizzy, and the room spun, but I knew that it wasn't from the blood.
"… R-R-R…" I was so confused beyond all belief, my heart clutching in my chest from how he could say something like that with such excitement when they didn't know if they would ever have a child, how could he say something so cruel when he knew how sensitive I was about all this?
I was about to kick his ass, when he reached his hand towards something on the sink counter, brushing glass off of it before shoving it in my face.
It was the pregnancy test! And… And…
Two lines. It was positive.
My eyes bore holes in the tiny little home pregnancy test. I could feel fireworks inside of my head, and that wasn't even really an analogy, because my entire body was vibrating from the colorful lights that were exploding in every direction, lighting up my insides.
I looked down at the ground, and couldn't suppress the tears that streamed down my face as relief flooded me.
I had needed this to be positive, I had been worrying about it for so long, and I had needed the test to be positive so badly… For SO LONG!
"TAIGA!" She heard Ryuuji nearly sing as he cupped her face in his hands, bringing her face up to look into his marvelous eyes, and toned handsome face.
Finally with his excitement fading a little bit, he brought his head forward and brought our foreheads together. He whispered to me in what sounded more like a whimper, "We did it Taiga, we did it we did itwediditwediditwediditweDID IT!"
I only now realized that my smile was just as toothy as his, if not wider as my eyes were the size of saucers, tears rolling down my face in waves as my mind couldn't think.
My heart was in control, my brain had no place in this bathroom, no place in this pile of glass that had given her the world back, that had given her life back.
"You… Y-Y-ou are… You a-a-are go-gogo… DAMMIT RYUUJI!" I screamed as my mouth couldn't help but rush through every syllable as he smiled wider and scrunched his eyes together in happiness, squeezing more tears to drip down his marvelous face. Looking at him, I felt my mouth finally clear, finally felt a little valve in my heart release that had been holding back so many things I felt, but never actually said.
"Ryuuji, you are everything I need, and everything I want. I wanted plain love, but I didn't get it. I got the highest level of ecstasy with the man who makes me feel as if I have no flaws, as if I am beautiful, and as if I am perfect when I know I'm not. And I… I finally get to tell you how much I love you Ryuuji, how desperately in love with you I am, and how t-thankful I am that you love me back, and that you care about me to the point where you p-p-put me above you…" I had to finish but my hiccups were catching in my throat and Ryuuji was making a surprised face that made me realize just how overdo this moment was since we had gotten married. "Thank you for loving Taiga, not the Tiger, Ryuuji, for seeing past all my flaws and shells to find me inside, to find me. And to love me e-e… even more for it. This baby is my thank you Ryuuji, this baby was my thank you for all the kindness you've showed me when I have ne-never outwardly returned it and I-I-I..! DAMMIT PLEASE GOD JUST KISS ME RIGHT NOW YOU HANDSOME PIECE OF PERFECTION!" I screamed louder than I had ever before as I felt the stream of tears turn into an ocean as I had finally done it.
I had finally told Ryuuji what was locked inside my heart every time I looked at him, every time I thought of him, and even when neither of these were present in reality, it was still there. A burning brand of fire that had appeared long before their wedding day.
Kissing him much harder than I meant to, I felt his tears fall on my face and join the ocean rising and falling on my cheeks as I sobbed joyfully.
The best part? Ryuuji didn't even seem fazed by my confession, he just smiled in that way he did, eyes closed with a small adorable smile that barely spread across his lips, but showed his amusement or approval.
I had not said anything he didn't already know, and that made me cry even harder.
Breaking from our embrace, he looked deep into my eyes and whispered so quietly that if I didn't know him so well, I wouldn't know what he had just said.
"You are going to be the most amazing Mother, Taiga Takasu."
"And you are going to be the most loving Father, Ryuuji Takasu."
We gazed deeply into each other's eyes, feeling a heat and pressure like never before.
Then I remembered I had a piece of glass lodged into my hand.
Swinging my leg back, Ryuuji had no time to react as I swung my foot back, gaining momentum as I swung it back up and knocked him in the chin with a bony sound that I had only heard since the first day we met, where I had knocked him clean out with a fist.
Falling back and leaning against the sink as he held his chin, his eyes widened in anger as he yelled, "Taiga! What the hell!"
"Get my hand bandaged YOU STUPID MONGREL!" I screamed at him in fury as the pain had suddenly decided to return now that the moment was over . "THEN WE'RE GOING TO GET SOME BABY FORMULA! SO HURRY UP, STUPID MUTT!"
'God I love you Ryuuji,' I thought to him.
And I could tell by way of his eyes as he closed them and that small smile appeared on his face as he rubbed his chin, 'I love you too, Taiga.'
