絶望

...

Despair

The feeling of complete loss of absence of hope

He had felt despair many times in his long life -short, compared to many of the other yokai who surrounded him, but 343 years was still a long time, especially for one who used to be human. Watching his comrades be tormented to death by yokai before it happened to himself as well, feeling so much hatred as that sword swung downwards towards his neck that after his head had been separated from his young body that he returned as a yokai himself, being so overcome by his dark feelings that the newly named Kubinashi began his second life covered in the blood of any yokai he encountered, finding out that sweet little Kino, who was no longer so little but had grown into a beautiful young woman, had followed him to the grave and had become a yokai herself; these were only some of the many times that Kubinashi had felt despair.

Rihan-sama had changed him.

Rihan-sama had extended his hand and offered Kubinashi a home, he offered the lost yokai a place in his Parade. Kubinashi no longer lived only to kill, he no longer lived to drown in his own misery and hatred, instead he lived for Rihan-sama and the Nura Clan.

But Rihan-sama was dead, and Kubinashi was once again lost.

Without Rihan-sama, he no longer knew what to do.

Rihan-sama had been the one to show him that his life didn't have to be about blood and misery, that revenge was meaningless. He had been the one to show Kubinashi that comrades weren't pointless, that you could surround yourself with others and still be strong. Rihan-sama had taught him that he was stronger when he had something to protect.

Rihan-sama...

Kubinashi tightened his grip on the knife in his hand, staring at his own reflection in the mirror before him, his other hand traveled upwards until it reached his hair, tangling itself in the long blonde strands to tug harshly.

Rihan-sama...

Kubinashi ignored the stinging pain that accompanied his actions, it was nothing compared to the pain Rihan-sama must have felt in his final moments, to the pain Wakana-sama must have felt when she saw her husband's cooling body laying in a pool of his own blood.

Nothing compared to the pain innocent Rikuo-sama must have felt as he watched his father bleed out on the ground.

Rikuo-sama who didn't understand what was going on, only that his father was never going to wake up, never going to play with him, never going to kiss him goodnight or tell him a bedtime story again.

Rikuo-sama who was Rihan-sama's most important treasure.

Eyes hardening with determination, Kubinashi lifted the kitchen knife, took a deep breath, and-

Rihan-sama...

Rikuo-sama...

Rihan-sama had lived for his comrades, for the Nura Clan, for his wife, and most importantly, for Rikuo-sama.

And, like always, Kubinashi would follow him.

Kubinashi would not continue wallowing in despair, he would not return to the lost being he once was.

He would protect the things that Rihan-sama held dear. He would protect and guide Rikuo-sama, he would help the young master become something his father would be proud of. Because Rikuo-sama was Rihan-sama's most important treasure. Rikuo-sama was their hope.

Golden-blonde hair fluttered almost lazily to the ground.

Cutting off hair in ancient Asia (Japan, China, Korea & possibly some other Asian cultures) symbolizes being banished or rejected from their home. In the more modern age that is now, cutting long hair into a short cut means to forget the past, leaving the old and starting anew.

*crawls out from under rock*Tah-dah, I'm still alive... kinda, and (once again) addicted to Nurarihyon no Mago. You should check it out if you haven't already.

This short one-shot/character study is based on my headcannon that Kubinashi cut his hair after Rihan's death so that he would no longer focus on the past, but look forward to the future.

As for my other fics, I apologize now for not updating in some time. I feel terrible about it, but the truth is, I just haven't had the time. You see, between working, volunteering, babysitting, helping my elderly neighbour get ready to move, and my (rather pathetic) social life, I have recently been diagnosed with both depression and anxiety, so I'm being bumped around support groups and counselors/therapists when I'm not seeing my doctor, and to top it all off, my grandfather is dying.

So to summarize, I've just been having a crappy summer all together.

Don't worry, I'm still writing, but it's taking a lot longer than I had originally hoped.

~Uzu

(絶望 should translate to Despair)