I Grew Out of That!

1

It was the beginning of a new day. Ike Broflovski was planning on going to the library. He looked at his clock and saw that it was seven forty-two in the morning. He had gotten a very good night's sleep, and felt wonderful. His cell phone started ringing in his hand as he started sitting up. He slid his feet off the bed and onto the ground, and answered the call.

"Hello?" He put the phone to his ear lazily.

"Hello, is this Mr. Isaac Broflovski?" asked a male voice.

"Yes." Ike answered.

"Do you know a Kyle Broflovski?" he asked.

"He's my brother. May I ask who this is?" Ike asked as he stood up and started pacing the room. Should he start his final essay for his history class? Or should he start his Science report?

"This is John Casterline with the South Park Police Department." Said the man bringing Ike out of his thoughts.

"Aw shit. What did my brother do?" he asked bitterly. "I told him not to go with Stanley! I don't have any money for bail, and my parents are on their anniversary vacation." Ike explained. "I'm also a minor." He added bitterly.

"Son, please calm down, and let me speak. I have some bad news." The man said softly as Ike stopped pacing.

"Sup?" Ike asked.

"Your brother was found outside your home three hours ago, with his throat cut." The man explained.

"You're just kidding, right?" Ike asked sadly. "This is an April Fools joke?" he asked as his mouth went dry.

"No, son." The man answered. "I'm afraid it's all too real. Your brother is at Hell's pass right now."

"Why the hell did it take you three fucking hours to notify me?!" Ike shouted bitterly.

"The crime scene is right outside your house, and we didn't know if you or anyone else was inside. We would like you to use the gate at your backyard to get out of your house and come to hell's Pass. We don't want to disturb any of the evidence until we've been given an all-clear." The man instructed sadly.

"Thanks." Ike said numbly as he clicked the phone off.

In a state of total shock, he got dressed, and got ready to go. It would take him twenty minutes to get to the hospital from here. He would be there in no time.

Stan, Kenny, and Cartman were just waking up as well. All three youths were just opening their eyes to the day. Unaware of the accident that had occurred. They soon found out, however. All three of them received a text message at exactly the same time.

Ike had texted Kenny and Stan explaining what he knew. He was also instructing them all to head to Hell's Pass.

"Holy fuck." Kenny gasped. "Where the fuck was I?" he wondered out loud. Mysterion usually was at the scene of the crime when it was happening. He was usually able to save the victims, and apprehend the killer. What had gone wrong? He remembered. He had gotten too stoned yesterday, and had a bad experience. He swore the weed was laced with something unknown to him. He didn't remember getting home, but somehow, he had.

"Holy shit, dude!" Stan shouted as he read the message. "Cartman finally got him!" In a daze, he started getting dressed and prepared himself to head to Hell's Pass.

Eric Cartman opened his phone, and read the most recent text message. It was from Ike Broflovski.

'Cartman u fucking shit head. I no it was u. I'm going 2 get u & put u in jail if it kills me.' Ike had written.

'What the hell are you talking about, you stupid Jew?' Cartman wrote back.

'I'll get u 4 what u did 2 my brother.' Ike wrote back.

'I've been at my house the whole time, you rat!' Cartman wrote back bitterly. 'I didn't do shit!'

Ike replied within seconds. 'If my brother dies, u die 2. I will make sure of it. Mark my words, u bastard.'

Cartman stared. His phone rang in his hands, and he saw Kenny's name on the caller ID.

"Kenny?" he asked as he answered.

At twenty-four years old, the fat boy had become a giant compared to the others. Kenny stood at five ten, and Cartman was an even six feet tall. Kyle was the smallest standing at about five six, and Stan stood at five feet and nine inches. Cartman had lost all his weight and grown into a more average build. He was walking into the kitchen when Kenny called him.

"What do you want?" he asked. "I'm kind of busy here."

"Cartman, I need to talk to you. I need to talk to you right now, and it can't wait." Kenny said bitterly. "I'm going to your house."

"What?" Cartman moaned. "Dude, I don't have any weed! I told you yesterday, I don't smoke!" Cartman shouted.

"Open the door, fat ass. I'm outside." Kenny said as the line went dead in Cartman's ear.

"God dammit! I want cereal!" Cartman shouted as he walked over to the door, and opened it.

Kenny came walking in. Cartman saw that he hadn't driven. There was no car in the drive way. He looked at Kenny as the youth came in, and gasped.

Kenny was white faced, and still in the clothing he had been in last night when Eric had seen him. He stared.

"You look like shit." Cartman commented sadly. "Did your date say no to sex?" he asked.

"Cut the bullshit, Cartman." Kenny said as Cartman closed the door.

"You normally call me by my first name." Cartman observed bitterly. "What's up?" he asked.

"Kyle."

"Yeah. I don't know what's going on with him. Ike texted me with a death threat." Cartman said bitterly. "I can't wait to tell Kyle his little brother—"

"—Kyle is in critical condition at Hell's Pass." Kenny explained. "He was found outside his house today a couple hours ago, with a slit throat."

"Oh man." Cartman gasped. "I don't wanna go to his funeral, death scares me." He said as his hands sweated at his sides.

"Cartman!" Kenny shouted trying to get his attention. "Everyone I've talked to is saying you did it." he explained.

"I would never hurt Kyle!" shouted Cartman bitterly.

As the years went on, the boy was able to lose his whiny voice and grow up a lot. The use of Cal for Kyle's first name disappeared altogether during the eighth grade.

"So where were you?" Kenny asked bitterly.

"I've been here the whole time!" shouted Cartman as he looked around at his house.

There was a knock at the door. Kenny turned around and walked to a window. He pulled open the curtain, and saw through a tiny crack who it was.

"Cartman, you better tell the truth. That's Officer Stephens at the door." He said bitterly. "He's the one you have to tell the truth to."

Cartman gasped as the door shook with the second knock.

"Open up! This is the South Park Police!" shouted the man. "You've got 'til the count of three!" he shouted.

Kenny watched as Cartman opened the door. Three armed men burst into the house nearly knocking Cartman over as they came barging in.

"Put your hands behind your back!" one of the men shouted pointing at Cartman. "You're under arrest!"

"Whoa!" Kenny shouted as he got in front of Cartman. "You boys don't even have a warrant!" he shouted.

The place was silent. Five seconds later, they were trying again to make Kenny move to get to Cartman.

"You guys are doing it all wrong!" Shouted Officer Stephens as he came walking into the house.

"Where were you?" Kenny asked bitterly. "I saw it was your patrol car, but you weren't in sight." He observed.

"I was answering a phone call." The officer explained. "Put those weapons away, you guys." Stephens said as the men all put away the weapons.

"Kenny, step aside." Stephens said as Kenny moved out of the way. "Eric, I need to have a word with you." He said bitterly as he took out a note pad and started writing.

"What's going on?" Cartman asked.

"We found Kyle Broflovski at his home today at around four thirty seven in the morning. Someone slit his throat, and attempted to kill him." Stephens explained. "Kyle is in critical condition right now, and it doesn't look good."

"I don't know why you guys think I did it, I was at home the whole time sleeping." Cartman recounted bitterly.

"Eric, your name was written on the sidewalk in Kyle's blood." The officer said as Kenny and Cartman gasped.

"That doesn't mean anything!" shouted Cartman defensively.

"Eric, Kyle had some of your hair in his hands. There was a glove found at the scene, and when we examined it carefully, we saw your initials on the tag." Stephens explained. "There's even more evidence, and it all points to you." He added as he looked into Eric's eyes.

"I didn't do it! My gloves were left in my car in the glove compartment, and my car was stolen yesterday!" Cartman shouted. "I have been at home this whole time!" he claimed as his face lost all color. "I wouldn't have a motive to kill Kyle!"

"Cartman," Kenny said bitterly. "Everyone knows about your relationship with Kyle. It's…, weird."

Cartman had the strongest hatred for Jews and anyone that wasn't white, Christian, or Catholic. As a boy, he had done a host of things to his classmates, Kyle, many of the grown folks of South Park, Kyle, his mother, Kyle, Kenny, and Kyle. So it was no wonder everyone thought that Cartman had gotten Kyle. When they were teens in high school, Kyle would often wake up to find Cartman sitting on a tree branch near his bedroom window. Once, Kyle even saw Cartman attempt to break in. When questioned about it, he claimed he was trying to make sure Kyle knew what to do during a break in, and declared that Kyle had passed his test. No one believed him, though. So now it was up to fate.

"You can search my house!" Cartman shouted as he trembled. "I didn't do it, and there's no ties to me! I was framed!" he accused.

"Was anyone here with you all night?" officer Stephens asked bitterly. "IS there anyone who can corroborate your alibi?"

Cartman stared dumb founded. "I've been alone all night." He whispered as his face fell. "My mom doesn't live here anymore. She went to live with the rest of my family in Nebraska." He muttered. "I haven't talked to her in a week." He said softly.

"So there is no one who can tell us with certainty, that you were here the whole night?" asked Kenny making sure.

"No." Cartman said softly. "There isn't."

Kenny and Cartman were told to wait outside as the police squad searched every inch of Cartman's house. Cartman was actually in tears.

"You believe me, Ken?" he asked.

"This isn't up to me, Cartman." Kenny said, still using the appellation that meant Cartman was in serious trouble.

"I know it isn't up to you! I just want to know if you believe me!" Cartman shouted through the tears.

"I don't know." Kenny confessed bitterly.

Cartman felt his throat grow too clogged by a giant lump. He felt tears slowly running down his cheeks, and didn't trust himself to speak. Kenny didn't believe him. And if Kyle died, he was doomed.

"I'm going to the hospital to see if Kyle's all right." Said Kenny bitterly.

Cartman nodded. He stood leaning against the garden wall as Kenny started to walk away. Suddenly, the cops were all swooping down on Cartman.

"Mr. Cartman," Officer Stephens looked white as he spoke. "I would like to ask you to please give yourself up for arrest."

"Why!?" Cartman shouted as he started trembling again.

"We need to hold you until we get this mess straightened out. We don't want to risk you skipping town." explained the officer bitterly.

"Can I post bail?" Cartman asked calming down.

"Yes. It'll be expensive, though. Half a million." Officer Stephens explained.

"I'll put my apartment up for collateral." Kenny suggested.

"Why?" Cartman and Stephens asked.

"Because I have known Eric Cartman all my life. And I have never seen any reaction like this when the guy denies something. If he denies it and he did it, I would know. I know all his tells." Kenny explained. "I am inclined to believe him when he says he didn't do it."

"Go to the station with him, and sign the paperwork, and we'll call it good then. Get yourself an attorney, boy." Said Stephens as they all got into the cop car.