For BillDip Week, Parental AU! I'm a little late to the party, but fashionably late. *slides on shades*

Tiny footsteps came pitter-pattering down the stairs, almost completely hidden by the rain pouring onto the roof. Dipper sighed, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. "Nathan, why aren't you asleep?" he asked tiredly, glancing back at his son.

"The monsters are back," he whimpered, holding his blanket close to his chest. "They're under the bed this time." He sighed, shutting his computer down before walking over to his son and kneeling in front of him.

"Are they making noise or just being creepy?"

"Just being creepy this time. But, Dad, they're like, really scary." Nathan shivered. Dipper nodded, face serious.

"I'll grab the candles, you grab your cup of milk," he directed, giving him a quick kiss on his forehead. Nate saluted grimly, scurrying off to the kitchen to grab his special cup. Dipper smiled, then headed into the closet to grab the candles.

They had made a special type of candle, specific to monster-banishing, not long after the 'monsters' had started to come visit Nathan. Having a mystery hunter and demon for parents made for some interesting monster-banishing methods, but at least they were believable.

After retrieving the candles, he headed into his bedroom, tackling the sleeping mass huddled within the covers. "Get up, lazy bones, the monsters are back." Bill groaned, trying to buck Dipper off. He gave his husband a quick kiss on the cheek, who tried to swat him in turn.

"It's your turn to get rid of them," Bill groaned, pulling the covers over his head. Dipper sighed, letting his fingers tangle into Bill's bedhead.

"Yeah, but he needs both of us tonight, it's a creepy night. Plus, when we do it together it's far more impressive." Bill crawled out of bed, falling to the floor. He quickly jumped up, and pulled on boxers and a t-shirt. He promptly yawned, running his fingers through his hair.

"Let's kill some monsters." Dipper rolled his eyes, hurrying up the stairs.

"Would you stop saying kill, it's freaking everyone out," he complained. Bill shrugged, smirking.

"Come on, Pine Tree, kid's half demon, it can't freak him out that bad."

"Okay, it freaks me out."

"Scared, kid?"

"Shut up. You're a terrible influence on Nate."

"Eh, I personally think it's your humanity that really is making the terrible influence, but whatever."

Nathan was sitting with his knees to his chest on his bed, glass of milk on the nightstand. He instantly jumped up and hugged his parents around the middle. "They're under the bed, Papa," he whispered, fear clear in his eyes.

Dipper started placing the five candles in their specific places as Bill went around with his lighter behind him. The scent of pine and lemon started flooding the room as the soft yellow of the flames created high shadows on the walls. Bill cracked his knuckles, picking Nate up and putting him under the door frame.

"Stay there, kiddo. Daddy and Papa got this." Bill curled his fingers into a fist, blue flames forming. His eyes glowed bright yellow as the room grew cold.

"Exodus demonus, spookus scarus, aintafraidus noghostus, nohauntus leaveus," Dipper chanted as Bill dropped to his belly, crawling under the bed. He started hissing in Demonic, the flames growing bigger and bigger as they chanted together. The candles' flames started to turn blue to match Bill's, growing three feet in the air as they grew louder.

A cold wind blew through the room as they ended, neatly blowing out all the candles in the room. Bill crawled out from under the bed, hair even more messed than before. "The monsters are gone!" he announced with a flourish. Nate squealed, running to hug his dads.

"Are you sure?" he asked, eyes wide. Dipper nodded solemnly, and Nate broke into a toothy grin. "I have the best daddys in the world!" He snuggled in between his dads, squeezing tight. Dipper ruffled his hair, smiling.

"Yeah, you do," Bill agreed.

"Now, get to bed. The monsters won't visit you for a while now," Dipper said, lifting his son up. "You sippy cup filled up?" Nate nodded. "Good. We're heading into the woods tomorrow, remember? You need your sleep." Bill lifted him up, tucking him into bed.

"Yeah, and didn't Papa say that I could start learning magic tomorrow?" Nate asked, eyes wide. Dipper glared at his husband, who simply shrugged.

"If Daddy agrees, then, yes, you can start tomorrow," Bill replied with a wink. Dipper groaned, cheeks flushing red.

"We'll see," he grumbled, ruffling his son's hair. "Now, good night, kiddo. Sleep tight." They left the door partially open on the way out. Bill's hand found Dipper's on the way back down the stairs, silently swinging between the two of them.

"Nice job, your exorcisms are truly something to behold," Bill complimented cheekily, closing the door behind them as Dipper got into his pajamas.

"I'd be concerned if they weren't. We do this like twice a month now." Dipper shook his head, shimmying out of his shirt. "What did you say this time, anyways?" Bill flushed, looking at his feet. Dipper put his hands on his hips. "What did you say?"

"Well, I might've recited a minor charm for creativity and, ahem, power, but honestly, it's not that big of a deal! He might accidentally set his bed on fire again, but I thought it was worth the risk!" Dipper shook his head, trying to hide his smile.

"You're crazy."

"Yeah, and you love my crazy." Dipper kissed his husband's cheek.

"That, I do. I really do."

I just got the idea of Bill and Dipper doing crazy magic stuff to soothe their kids because of monsters being in their room and ugh feels. Please review!