Prompt based on the gif set of Emily not telling Ali she joined the army. Slight twist to it but hopefully you enjoy. Angst upon angst, Emison eat your heart out.

Emison Fanfiction 1-Not goodbye-

"Hello?"
"Hello Emily." A familiar voice rang through the phone. Emily's breath caught in her throat as she registered the voice of the unknown number.
"Alison?" She questioned knowing full well who had said her name so delicately. "Yeah, I…" The voice on the other end trailed off. An awkward silence fell between the phone line momentarily. "Sorry, I got your number from Spencer…"she trailed off again. It was very odd for Alison to be calling Emily. They hadn't spoken in a couple of years and had only emailed a few times each year since Emily left Rosewood. Although she had left it on good terms with The blonde, the pain and trauma of thier past quickly drove them apart. They had communicated quite frequently the first few months but as Emily threw herself into college and Alison was everything that reminded Emily of her awful past, it was surprisingly easy to talk less frequently. Emily harbored such guilt, pain, betrayal that she wished for nothing more than to not be reminded of her home.
"I hope that's okay." She heard the voice in the other end say with such uncertainty and vulnerability that Emily questioned the reason of this call. Thier lack of communication was not simply one sided, Alison's emails themselves had become less and less informative to the point of one lined responses. The physical distance had not been the cause of the breakdown of thier friendship but it certainly hadn't helped. Emily knew almost nothing about Alison's life now, only that she was at Holis, Emily only knew that from a passing conversation with Aria.
"It's fine Ali, I only recently changed my number." Emily responded, cursing herself at how easily her nickname for Alison slid off her tongue.
"How have you been?" Alison asked barely registering Emily's response. Her voice was far softer than Emily remembered. She sounded sad, almost like she had been crying. "I'm fine Ali, are you okay?" Emily asked curious to Alison's sudden behavior.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Alison asked ignoring Emily's question. Emily could hear the exhaustion in Ali's voice. She didn't need to ask her what she was talking about, Emily knew Spencer must have informed Alison that she had joined the army. More accurately dropped out of college after her first year and joined up. She had been training for the first year, travelled the world and now she was stationed in Texas near her parents home awaiting to be deployed to Afghanistan for the first time. Emily had thought of telling the blonde but she didn't know how, was afraid of what the blonde would say. Their relationship was complex even after all these years still not knowing where either one stood with the other. She knew she was wrong for not telling Ali about her decision, she knew she was wrong for pushing the blonde out of her life; but at times she still felt like that 15 year old girl so desperately in love with her bestfriend yet so afraid of showing it. She had pushed Alison away in the hope that she would somehow rid herself of the deep feelings she held for her because loving Alison had been the hardest and most painful things she had ever been through. Emily thought that not being reminded of rosewood and Alison would allow her freedom to move on but no matter who she dated or what she did Alison was still in her mind. With everyday that went by without speaking to the blonde Emily convinced herself she was getting over her, yet she found herself not very different than the first day. She recalls her decision to join the army as the quiet rang over the phone. She had pushed herself into the army because she thought by protecting her country she would distract herself and free herself of the hold that not only Rosewood held but also Alison.
"Emily say something." Alison pressed annoyance seeping into her voice. "I'm sorry." Emily responded quite pathetically. Emily cursed herself for her poor apology. She heard Alison take a shaky breath. "You're sorry? How could-" Alison began before stopping again. "Say it." Emily pleaded. Even after all these years, after all her growth as a person she found herself in the exact same situation with Alison. Still pushing for her to say what she means, still pushing for her to admit that Emily means something to her. Emily shook her head at herself. Wondered how she had got here, how she had fooled herself into thinking she could move on from this girl who she feared may have her heart forever. "Why didn't you tell me?" Alison tried again. "Say it Alison don't let it be another thing thats left unsaid." Emily dared. " How could you do this, make this decision without telling me. I deserve to know." Alison said with that familiar dilaurentis fire. "You deserve to know?" Emily questioned her own stubbornness evident. "Why? Because you're my old friend from home?" Emily pushed further. "We were never just friends Emily." She nodded in agreement but sighed from pure exhaustion. "I didn't tell you because I thought you wouldn't care." The blonde laughed incredulously. "What's funny?" Emily asked annoyed. "You're lying. You didn't tell me because you didn't care." Alison responded with much more conviction than anything else she had said. "If you just rang to insult me I have better things to be doing." The blonde stayed quiet for a moment before she too sighed again. "Isn't it time we gave up this old game between us. We're far too old and tired to keep it up." Alison asked tiredness evident in her voice. "You want me to say what I'm feeling? Fine then, I will…I'm hurt that you pushed me away and left me behind like we never had anything. I'm hurt that you joined the army and didn't tell me. I'm hurt because you're going to Afganistan and I'm afraid I'll never get to see you again. I'll never get to show you that even after all this time you're still under my skin, you're still what I dream of at night…" She choked up towards the end. Her voice wavering from tears that Emily could imagine running down her face. "Im afraid to lose you even though I never really had you." To say Emily was shocked was an understatement. She had never truly understood what she meant to the blonde, and now to have this huge admission left Emily even more confused than before. Emily didn't know what to say as she listened to Ali's unsteady breathing over the line. "I should have said something but I was selfish and I was- am hurting too Ali. I've wanted nothing more than for you to tell me you care, I waited a long time to hear you finally admit that there was something between us-" the blonde cut in to say," I did a long time ago…but I guess you didn't believe me." Accusation clear in her voice. "A lot went down back then. We both did things that hurt us both. We ruined any chance we had." Emily admitted sadly. "I wish we could go back to that night in my bedroom…we should have packed our bags right then and there and ran. Ran and never looked back." Emily smiled sadly as she remembered that night. "We could have finally got our forever in Paris," Emily responded quietly. Silence fell between them once again. "Maybe we still can?" Ali asked her voice laced with hope. Emily's frown returned once again as she thought. It was too late for Alison and Emily to find a future together. They were far too different and apart both in distance and in spirit for it to work. "Maybe in a different time or place we would have had a chance." Emily replied solemnly. "I'd leave it all behind for you." Alison pushed. " I'm going to Afganistan Ali. You're with Rollins. There's so much ruined between us and we haven't even been together. There's too much here." Emily heard a faint sob over the other end of the line. Her own tears raced down her cheeks as she spoke. "I'm sorry Alison." It was silent for so long after than Emily wasn't sure if Alison was still there or not. "I won't accept it. Sorry isn't good enough Em." The blonde finally said. "Things aren't the same as they were. Yeah there's a shit tonne of baggage and pain but things are different now. We don't have to be afraid anymore. Cece is better now, she can't hurt you or me, she changed. We could start again, if you just try… I could make you happy, if you let me." The blonde was pleading with Emily now and it surprised her. It pained her to hear it and was almost agonizing to imagine them together. "I know you could make me happy…. But, there's no hope for us or a happy ending. I think deep down you know it too." Emily could really not see a way forward for the two of them, the things they had done to eachother as teenagers could not be ignored. Emily especially felt disgustingly guilty at having believed Alison was 'A, ' the terrible person who had tortured them for years and caused multiple deaths. The terrible person who had nearly killed each of her best friends and cyberbullied, emotionally and psychologically toyed with them. Emily had allowed herself to believe it and had done everything possible to put Alison in jail for murder. These were things she could not ignore. That same person had turned out to be Alison's own sister who was not shunned out by Alison but loved and helped. Emily couldn't bare to even say Cece's name let alone allow her to be a part of her life. Yet it wasn't only Emily who had wronged Alison. Alison had been no angel to her either. Alison had been a nasty girl who played and manipulated Emily as a young girl to the point that pushed Emily into believing she could be 'A'. Alison had let Emily fall for her but in a way that kept her close enough to love but far enough away to never be anything. Alison had allowed so many terrible things happen. Emily had fallen in love with a girl who didn't exist, a sweet girl she only saw glimpses of. Emily had not allowed herself to see all of Alison; the good, the bad and the ugly therefore never being able to be truly be in love with her. Even if the past was the past, those very experiences had molded Emily and Alison into who they were now. Emily had no idea who Alison was now, only that she was in teacher training and dating a young psychologist named Rollins. Alison no longer knew Emily either, she had changed. Whether for them better was for others to judge, she only knew that she was different. Perhaps colder, tougher but ultimately different. Emily honestly believed that thier relationship was better off left alone. "So where are we supposed to go from here? Because I can't be just your 'old friend from home' anymore." Alison asked desperation clear in her voice. "And I wouldn't want you to be." Emily said immediately. "So not friends at all." Ali's voice faltered from the other end of the line. "Don't see it that way. I want you to move on Alison, I really do. You deserve to be completely and utterly happy and loved for everything you are. You deserve someone who can't judge you from your past and only someone who looks at you and sees thier future…so don't worry about me. Maybe I'll find a happy ending too. When you think of me I want you to see those two girls sitting in the library floor so madly in love and reading Charles Dickens to eachother. Two girls sharing thier first kiss. I want you to of me as the the girl who hoped on a plane to Paris, leaving everything behind, with a beautiful girl named Alison with the most spectacular eyes. To think of girl who loved you and will love you for the rest of her life…maybe we will meet again, maybe we won't but it's time to let go." The words flowed from the brunettes mouth like poetry, tears once again streaming down her cheeks. She wasn't sure if the words she spoke were true but she believed them nonetheless. The sniffles from the phone line indicated Alison was once again crying. Emily was interrupted from her phone call by a fellow female soldier named Leah. She was being called out for duty in two days. Alison was obviously listening as she heard a faint gasp over the phone. "I'll be out in a minute Leah." Emily said wiping away her tears. "Take as long as you need Fields, I'll cover for you." Emily smiled back at the sweet girl before returning back to her phone call. "Ali listen-" she began before being cut off. "Stay safe Em." The blonde said quietly. "I will, I can handle myself don't worry." Emily responded just as quietly. "Goodbye Ali." She waited for her own goodbye to come but it never came. Instead the blonde said, "you may believe it's easier to look at us as those girls who dreamed of running away to Paris but it's not. I refuse to let it go. So I'll be here waiting for you, for however long it takes for you to find your way back to me. I don't care if it takes 10 years I'll be waiting on you." She said voice filled with passion. "Look Alison I have to go-" she began. "I know but I had to say it." A few moments silence came before Alison finally said goodbye, "I love you Em." Emily smiled sadly before saying, "I love you too Ali." Emily hung up not being able to take it anymore. It worried her that Alison was right because just like that a 10 minute phone call can send her up in flames. Feeling everything for the girl she left behind so many years ago.