Hey, you guys! I know it's been a while. I've had several errands to run off to but for now I'm back. I'm a bit disappointed too. -_-

Somewhere I saw a link to a video displaying mentions of Inside Out's deleted scenes and all Disear fans can squeal their lungs out when I say this:

It was going to be canon.

So yes, I'm a bit heartbroken to hear that. I mean, I've always been a Starnerve shipper right to the end, but hearing that was upsetting. You guys win this round! I don't mind Disear… I just don't find it possible. It could happen and if it does then I respect that. :)

So here's a little one-sided Starnerve for everyone. Angst is one of the genres I'm good at, and I'm going to portray it for Joy.

I watched Disgust and Fear sitting on the couch together. They seemed to be having a good time. The two started dating ever since Disgust pressed that Puberty Button. If Riley changes, so do we. Everyone was happy for them, even Anger! Sadness wasn't too happy because she knew I liked Fear as well. I'll admit… I do like him. A lot. But Disgust and Fear were happy together – as in really happy. Fear loved her and not me. I somewhat pretended I was happy, maybe even being the happiest to hear about it, but I guess that wasn't entirely true. After they started doing showing their affection, with all the hugging, kissing, and flirting, I tried my best to ignore them. And if I stared at them, I would tell them how happy I was for them.

But am I happy?

I am because those two are happy. But something inside me made me believe that I wasn't. Whenever I saw them hug, I would sigh – wondering what it would be like if Fear hugged me. When he confessed to her, right in front of everyone, I wondered how he would react if I confessed my feelings for him. And when I saw them kiss… okay let's not go there.

Okay I cry a little in private.

Is that so wrong?

Why am I making such a big deal about this anyway? Is this what puberty is like? Is this how puberty affects the us– Riley's emotions? If I had a heart, it would be tearing apart piece by piece by now. And the thing is, they kiss at least once everyday, which made me want to run away and cry in peace. I got to stop acting like this! This isn't me. That's Sadness. I'm Joy for Riley's sake!

Taking a glance at them, I saw the two kissing yet again. They even giggled to each other. And I know I said Anger was happy for them before, but now he's just plainly grossed out. Sadness chose not to comment on their relationship. And as for me, well, I snapped.

"Look I'm sorry, but can you guys stop?" I snapped all of a sudden. I froze and turned pale. I think I just spoke my mind. Disgust simply rolled her eyes and took Fear's hand.

"Sorry. If you don't like the affection, we'll go elsewhere. Come on, Fear," she said, pulling Fear with her.

"Uh, okay sure!" He paused and turned to me. My eyes widened at his purple orbs and I looked away, trying to hold back tears.

"Joy, are you okay?" he asked and tried to reach his hand out to touch my shoulder. It's as if he was talking to me for the first time since their relationship started. I felt my chest tighten and backed away.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" I lied. "If you'll excuse me, I need to be… anywhere but here. I just need to think about something." And with that, I ran.

"Joy!" I heard Fear shout. I didn't bother to turn back. It hurts too much to do so. I went straight to my room and shut the door. Then I sank down and finally broke down sobbing. If I wanted to, I could scream my non-existent heart out. But I can't unless if I want everyone else to hear me. Everything I felt for Fear, everything I've done for him, it all went to waste. And even if I do confess one day, it'll only tear us apart even more. Disgust might hate me for falling for him too. When all hope was lost, I heard a knock on the door.

I wiped my tears and tried to sound like myself. "Come in."

The door opened and I saw a small figure come in. "Sadness?"

"Joy… don't cry," she said as she closed the door and sat down next to me. Between Sadness and I, she's the only one who knows how often I cry. Whenever I cry, she senses it and comforts me by being herself. I took Sadness into my arms and hugged her like a teddy bear.

"That's okay… let it out," Sadness whispered.

"I know I cried knowing I couldn't make Riley happy…" I whispered back shakily. "But to see Fear with someone else… has never made me cry this hard in my life."

"I know… you wanted them both to be happy… especially Fear."

"Yes but… I wish he knew how I felt. And it hurts too much to say it," I sniffed and hugged Sadness tighter. Sadness hugged back. I felt like Bing Bong when Sadness tried to cheer him up. And now the thought of Bing Bong just made me cry even more.

"I bet he would accept your feelings if you confessed," Sadness said.

"Why? He loves Disgust now. And he's obviously not into me so why would he accept my feelings?"

"But you two are close, probably the closest pair in HQ! Surely he will accept your feelings."

"And even if he did, then what difference does it make – besides the possible fact that we won't be as close anymore?" I argued hopelessly.

"You just need to try I guess. Come with me." Sadness pulled me up and led me out of my room.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"You're going to confess."

"What? Are you insane?"

"If you don't let it out now, then you'll never be able to get over it. You might be as sad as I am and Riley might not be happy if you're not happy. This has to stop," she said encouragingly.

I flinched. I've been so focused on moping over rejection I forgot about my purpose for Riley. I almost forgot anyway. Sadness is right. I need to move on. I don't even know if I'll move on whether I confess or not. But here goes nothing.

The two of us met with the remaining three worried emotions. I saw Fear and Disgust hugging each other worriedly because of me. And Anger was just pacing around the room. My face fell when I saw them hug.

"Joy, there you are! Are you okay?" Fear asked again.

"You don't need to ask her twice, honey," said Disgust. She looked at me with concern. "If there's anything wrong, Joy, please let us know."

I smiled sadly. "Thanks Disgust."

"No, seriously, is there a problem?" Anger asked.

"No, no, it's fine," I chuckled, trying to put a grin on my face.

"Fear," Sadness interjected.

"Yes?"

"Joy wants to talk to you… alone," she stated. I looked at her, stunned. "Sadness! What are you doing?"

"Uh, sure."

Sadness turned to me. "You can do it. He needs to know," she whispered. I took a deep breath and turned around. "Follow me." Fear nodded and obliged.

As we re-entered my room, Fear came in and we were alone together. I sat on my bed and looked down. He sat next to me.

"Hey, what's wrong? You seem different today," he murmured softly. I just sighed. "It's… not important."

"If it's not important then why did Sadness want you to talk to me alone?" he asked.

"Well, you know her… plus I kinda wanted to be alone until she came in. I mean, I guess it's best to be alone sometimes," I confessed. It was so unlike me to say something like that. I blame puberty for that. That stupid button ruined everything.

"What are you saying? Being alone is NOT the best thing ever! It's like you have no one to talk to and you're afraid that someone might be there even though there isn't anyone there! Why do you like being alone anyway? I thought only Sadness believed that," he said, slowly starting to panic.

"That way no one can hurt you," I whispered.

"What?"

"I wanted to be alone so that no one can hurt me. Now I know how Sadness feels…" I covered my eyes with my hands, trying to hold back more tears that were threatened to fall

Fear glared. "Hurt you? Who hurt you? If anyone tried to hurt you, I swear I'm gonna-"

"You hurt me." I saw Fear freeze for a moment after I said that. Then he looked at me with surprise and concern.

"Me? Hurting you?" he stammered. I hesitated but nodded.

"W-why would I—Now Joy," he said sternly. "Joy, you know I would never hurt you."

"Yes you have I mean-" I groaned and stood from my bed, pacing around the room. "Ugh! J- just forget it. You wouldn't understand."

"What do you mean I wouldn't understand? I want to know why you've been acting this way. I mean ever since Disgust and I-" Fear paused and from what I noticed, he figured everything out. I immediately looked away and stopped struggling for tears to fall. I tried not to huff or show any proof that I was crying. He knew… He knew how I felt.

"Joy…" he started. "Are you-"

"Get out!" I shouted all of a sudden, scaring Fear. I was soon filled with guilt. How could I have said that to him? I turned around, head down, and pushed Fear outside my room. "I'm sorry, Fear, I just can't handle myself right now."

"Wait, answer my question fir-"

"Yes, Fear, I was jealous! And yes, I do like you – scratch that, I love you! I know you never loved me back and I know you'll probably never be my friend again so just leave me alone please! You love Disgust, and I get that, but I just can't bear to see you two together anymore. Good night!" I cried and slammed the door, not caring if my voice went echoing throughout HQ. I ignored him calling out my name. I didn't want to hear his words. Whether he said that he accepts my feelings or not, nothing will change. Instantly I threw myself on my bed and sobbed myself to sleep.

It was finished.

I confessed.

And I don't know what he thinks of me anymore. He probably hates me for certain reasons, the first and foremost one being my confession. But he loves Disgust and I don't want my feelings to change that. I need to accept it and move on. I must stay happy at all costs.

But now, I can't bring myself to do any of that.

I'm going to leave it at that. If you guys want another chapter, feel free to scream it out in the review section. I hope I didn't make you cry too hard. If I did, here have some tissues. I nearly cried while writing this. I've been through situations like that before.

So yea, here's a little angst fic for you all to enjoy and maybe cry your hearts out or something like that. I'm working on the second chapter, if anyone wants a second chapter. As for the ToD, I still haven't started due to writer's block. I feel sorry for Joy in this though.

As I said, I'm not against Fear/Disgust. They may not feel compatible to me, but they can be a cute pairing. So it's true they wanted to make the pairing canon, but I will always be a Starnerve shipper.

I do not own Inside Out nor its characters. Feel free to read and review! And maybe blow on a few tissues while you're at it.