First off, I'm sorry about the confusion but I tried to post chapter 30 earlier but Google docs decided to delete half of it so I had to pull it and try again.

Also I have been getting a lot of mixed feedback about where you all want the story to go both in the reviews and in private messages. I have decided that I can't make everyone happy as far as that goes so I am just going to let the story take charge of itself so please don't think that I am purposely ignoring your requests or feedback! I just am getting equal amounts of opposite feedback and have to do my own thing.

I am sorry that I do not update as often anymore. If I could I would, but my life has become both more busy and more difficult and it is extremely hard for me to find creative energy when I am going through so many other things. If you stick with me though I assure you I will continue to update.

"Good morning, Em." I feel the whisper against my collarbone more than I hear it.

"Good morning, Ali." I smile, holding her tighter and still not opening my eyes.

"Are you ready for presents?" She asks expectantly. I can feel the tension in her body already and have to laugh to myself. I take a glance with one eye at the clock.

"It is 7:45 and we both have the day off and you want to get out if bed now?" I ask in jest.

"We don't even have to get out of bed for presents." She grins and I sit up a little.

"I like the sound of that kind of present." I say arching a brow in her direction. She hits my arm.

"You bad girl, I will punish you for that later." She says leaning over the edge of the bed to dig a couple of beautifully wrapped gifts from under the bed.

"As you wish dear." I say walking to my armoire and pulling out the gifts I had prepared for her.

"Okay, who gets to go first." She is beaming and it's adorable.

"Well, since you look like you could jog to the moon and back right now I suppose you should go first." I laugh at her.

She eagerly hands me two gifts, both wrapped in rustic tan paper and tied with twine. They are both numbered so I know which to open first. I open what is a very thin box rounghly the size of an envelope. Inside there is a gift card for a spa in Washington DC. Under that is a plane ticket. I look to her.

"You have been so amazing to me and taken such incredible care of me when you didn't have to. I wanted to treat you to something so that you can relax and take a break. So I talked to Spencer and she and I planned a weekend trip for you. You can stay with her and Toby and you two will have a spa day and then whatever else you want to do out there." She says holding my hands.

"I don't know what to say! You are so amazing and thoughtful baby! And just for the record I don't view taking care of you as something that I need a break from." I say kissing her.

"I know, that's the problem, you would never take a break on your own so I am forcing you." She laughs.

I turn my attention to the next box. I open it and immediately am teary eyed. It is a large scrapbook that looks older and worn in. "My Mermaid" it says across the cover in beautiful calligraphy. I open it up and see pictures of us when we first became friends. There were little notes and song lyrics scribbled through out the pictures. Funny things I said or that we did together, quotes, almost journal like entries. These were clearly written when we were young. Things like "Emily Fields acts like she is blessed by my presence, like I am so far above her. She has no idea that with her beauty, she could rule the school" and "I watched Emily swim for the first time today. She is my mermaid, and I will never view her the same way."

I continue to flip through the pages as we laugh and cry reading over things. It progresses through high school. There are even a few entries from when she was away. I freeze and cry a lot harder when I see a picture of Maya and me.

"My mermaid is happy with someone else. She is learning to be brave for her. All I have ever wanted is for her to be happy, so I will be happy for her. I have to be."

"Even then?" I ask weakly through my tears.

"Always Emily. I have always loved you. And so did Maya. Trust me I kept my eye on her." We chuckle slightly and I nod. The fact that she can be so understanding and loving about that time in my life means the world to me.

I continue through the book and see that it continues even while she and him were together. During that time it's mostly just pictures, very few words. There is one of just me that she took. I remember that moment, we were out for coffee and I knew she was going through something with him, but she wouldn't reveal what. She said my name softly and I looked up at her with such adoration and she snuck a picture. She put it here and under it it just says, "I miss us." I wipe a tear from her eye.

"I wanted to show you this, because I needed you to know that it's always been you. When I was with him, when I was away, when I was mean to you... I've always loved you, and I always will." She's crying even more now and so am I.

"Come here." I whisper and pull her perfect lips onto mine. I kiss her long and hard, her mouth soothing every ache that I have ever felt.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to top that." I whisper as we pull away for a moment.

I place the long velvet box in her hand. It has a red ribbon tied around if which she slides off. She looks at me with a giddy grin before opening the box. Her face lights up but her brow furrows slightly in confusion. She lifts the pendant slightly to inspect it.

"I called Kendra and got a recording of Shae's heartbeat. I found a company that takes those recordings and makes necklaces out of them." I explain nervous, hoping that she will like it.

"Oh my god, babe! This is Shae's precious little heartbeat!?" She asks tearing up again.

"Yes, I thought it came out really beautifully, is it okay?" I ask for reassurance.

"It's better than okay! Put it on me!" she demands removing it from the box and lifting her hair for me.

I put it around her neck and she can't stop smiling or looking down at it. That is exactly what I was going for! She is so beautiful when she smiles. She has one hand on her stomach and one holding the necklace and she turns her attention to me. She gets this look that I can't quite place. She touches my face and pulls me in for a long lingering kiss.

"Merry Christmas, Emily." She smiles to me when we finally part.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Ali." I say before planting another kiss on her mouth.

She begins to clean up the wrapping paper so I walk back to my armoire to grab some clothes. I check over my shoulder to insure that she isn't looking. I pull out the smaller velvet box and sneak a glance at the beautiful diamond ring inside. I bury it back behind my clothes and head to take a shower giving her a knowing smile as I walk past her.

"Come join me when you're ready" I say loudly from the bathroom.

I had thought about proposing for Christmas, but I didn't want it to be cliche and I wanted her to be surprised. But, I couldn't wait on the ring. Now it's just a matter of when. I'd marry her tomorrow if I could. I'm terrified that she won't want to, but at this point I want her to be my wife so much that I can't imagine not asking her.

"You okay, Em? You're zoning out over those eggs." Ali says, hopping up to sit on the counter beside the stove.

"Hm? Oh, yeah I'm fine. Perfect actually." I smile as I slide her three Sunnyside up eggs onto her plate next to some potatoes and an avocado I diced up with some tomatoes.

"You're the best." She says kissing my cheek and taking her food to the breakfast bar.

We eat and talk for the next hour. She is surprisingly chatty today. Almost giddy. I love when she is like this. It reminds me of when we were kids and she would let her guard down when it was just the two of us. She always spent so much time protecting her image and pretending to be so mature and serious. But when we would have a sleep over she would finally loosen up and we would be so hyper and laugh so hard. We would stay up until dawn just talking and being silly. I'm so glad that time and all of her trauma haven't taken this from her.

She laughs turning her head to the side and suddenly I am struck with a flashback of how terrible her face looked when she first moved in and I feel sick to my stomach. I grab her hand and rub it gently, trying not to let on what I'm thinking about. She takes one look at my face and knows that something has changed though. She has always been good at that with me. I'm so transparent when it comes to her.

"What are you worrying about?" She asks turning in her chair to better face me.

"Nothing. I just... I'm just really glad that you're here now. Not just because I get to finally be with you. I'm glad that you aren't in another situation." I beat around the bush. I don't like bringing up her trauma, it isn't mine to bring up.

"So am I. You saved me." She smiles and kisses my hands.

I let the moment pass and just try to shake the sick feeling that thinking about her past gave me. She has come so far that it's easy to forget where we started. I guess that I've come pretty far too. On that note, I reach over and lay a palm flat on her belly. She stops mid sentence and smiles at me as I lean down and kiss her tummy.

"I love when you do that." She says running her fingertips through my hair.

"I can't wait to meet her." I smile, nuzzling her tummy one more time before leaning back to Alison's face and tapping her lips with my own.

"Me either." Ali says rubbing her tummy now.

"You know I was thinking that maybe we could do some parenting classes together." She says casually.

"Are you scared? Is it me?" I ask suddenly staring nervously at my hands. I don't mean to be so sensitive but what if she doesn't think I'm cut out for this?

"No, no, not that. I mean I am scared but not about your parenting skills or anything. It's just that neither of us know what we are doing here, not really. And we are still fairly new too. So I think it would be good for us to be prepared and to bond and become even more of a team for Shae." She says turning my face up so that I have to look her in the eyes.

"Team Shae. I can handle that." I smile.

We curl up together on the couch for a little while just to savor each others presence. Soon though she can't fight the urge to catch up on some work and I decide to research parenting classes. There are a lot in the area, more than I had expected for sure. Maybe it would help to go to a couple different types of them so that we could really feel more prepared. I know I would be most comfortable with that.

We put on Elf in the background and continue our work, seperate but together. It's so nice finding someone who I can be so comfortable with. I tend to like my alone time but it doesn't feel weird having Alison here. Like we can be alone together.

Alison pauses about an hour into her work. I pretend not to notice but keep an eye on her in my side vision. She goes to type a couple of times but then hesitates each time before closing her laptop and moving away from me a few inches to give her attention to her phone instead. Turn slightly to her with a worried look. When Alison is nervous it fills the room with tension. She may be a good list, but her energy certainly isn't.

"Is something wrong, babe?" I ask cautiously, not wanting to pry.

"Nope. You?" She asks with a dreamy smile staring right into my face.

"No, I'm fine." I smile back and then return my attention to my computer.

I know that she's lying to me. But if I learned anything from the Rebecca fiasco it's that I shouldn't assume things. I'll give her time to feel comfortable enough to share it with me and if she doesn't I will try to confront her like an adult, just like she asked. I give her foot a squeeze, I think it was more to reassure me than her.

"I'm going to go get dressed in real clothes, do you want anything while I'm up?" She asks sitting up.

"I'm good, thank you though." I smile and watch her walk to the bedroom.

I don't think much of it when I hear quite a bit of noise coming from the room. Alison certainly never lost her flair for drama and need for perfect presentation. But, soon, fifteen minutes have passed and the noises are getting more frustrated and louder. I finally let concern and curiosity getting the better of me and go to investigate. I push the door open slightly and see her slamming her clothes around in her closet, a pair of jeans on just barely to her hips and unbuttoned. I had noticed her shirts struggling to stay in place lately and put two and two together.

"Ali, baby." I start making my way towards her.

"What!? You come to enjoy the show!?" She demands throwing another top onto the bed after reading the size.

"Has Shae caused you to out grow another round of clothes?" I ask softly. She gives me a look that alerts me to a need to calm the beast immediately.

"Put on some yoga pants and get in the car. We are going shopping." I say grabbing her arms and wrapping them around my waist. I pull her close and she tries to turn away from me.

"I just want to wear what I want. I hate shopping for clothes." She mumbles. That seems unusual to me. But looking back, last time that we went shopping she was thankful but less than enthusiastic about it and she hasn't gone since.

"Why? You used to love shopping." I say. She doesn't answer, just turns and kisses my cheek before sadly getting dressed and following me to the car.

I'm not sure what's come over her. She used to live for shopping. I guess I thought she had just grown out of the obsession a bit. Now I feel like it's something more. Either way I grab her hand lovingly as we near the mall and she surprises me with the way that she grips it in return.

"I don't know." She says quietly as I hold up another top. I don't know why but the fire that she had reclaimed seems to have gone out. She seems so small, and scared. Distant even.

"I mean I'll wear it if you want me to. Do you like it?" She asks with this strange desperate undertone.

"I just thought of you when I saw it. I want you to wear what you want." I say plopping beside her in exasperation. I've tried everything that I can think of to get her into this shopping thing. She turns away from me.

"What aren't you telling me, Al?" I'm getting desperate here too. When she turns back my heart stops.

"He used to take me shopping." She starts, her eyes wet, tears clinging to her lashes.

"He would make me buy whatever he wanted. He would yell at me for making suggestions saying I just wanted flashy and revealing clothes so I could show off for other people. He'd call me names. Sometimes he'd even demand to choose my outfits. Especially if I was going out. He was so cruel and condescending, Em." She cries to the floor.

"Honey, i'm so sorry. That never should have happened, I had no idea. It's never going to be like that again." I try to assure her holding her shoulders and trying to catch her face.

"God, I'm sorry I thought I was better, I should be over this. You shouldn't have to deal with my crazy meltdowns." She cries wiping at her eyes and trying to pull herself together.

"Trauma doesn't work like that. Healing is never linear. You will have good days where it will be like he never existed. And then you will have days where you can't even get out of bed. You'll goo through whole good months and whole bad months. And that's all okay!" I pause lifting her face lovingly to meet mine.

"And I am going to be here for every bit of it." I assure her and she pulls me in for an intense kiss.

So we take it slow. I hold her hand and walk around with her working hard to give her lots of reassurance and support and no guidance or suggestions. I want her to remember what it was like to express herself this way again. How much she loved it. I want her to be liberated.

After a couple of hours we leave the mall with a pair of jeans, a skirt and dress pants for work, a few nice tops, and a dress that she really seemed to love. I carry the bags on one arm and hold her hand with the other. She feels a lot more at ease now. Less tension in her body.

"You did really well, I'm proud of you." I say quietly for only her to here, though we are alone.

"I just bought some clothes. It should be easy." She scoffs.

"Moving on from trauma is not easy Ali. Don't be so hard on the love of my life." I say. Something about it strikes a chord and she is crying again. She kisses me hard when we get to the car. We head home feeling relieved.