Sorry about that cliff hanger...maybe ; ) Thank you for the incredible reviews!

XXXX

Tom shut the glass door behind Rachel, who turned to face him slowly. His expression was one mixed of hurt and anger, but something else lay under his blue eyes that she couldn't quite read.

"I can't believe you're here," he spoke softly, though the heat in his voice was evident. "After two years you just show up like nothing happened," he couldn't help it as the words fell from his lips. He needed answers.

"I didn't just 'show up like nothing happened', I came back here for work," Rachel replied, cocking her hip a little, her mouth in a tight line. She knew they were bound to discuss what happened, but she wasn't sure this was the way she wanted it to go down.

"For work," he mocked her, "Like you have an office job or something and you were traveling on business." Tom paced for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. He couldn't breathe out there, and in here it was worse. He didn't realize how much he had in fact missed her.

"So you and Kelly, huh?" Rachel couldn't help it, she had to comment. She couldn't believe that either of them would be interested in the other. She couldn't understand how Tom would be attracted to her.

"Rachel, don't. You don't get to talk about my relationship," he stopped, tuned away from her. She stared at his broad back, so many thoughts running through her head.

"There were so many times I wanted to pick up a phone or a radio, and tell you how sorry I was—am," she tried to get out, to explain. She saw his shoulders sag.

"Why didn't you?" his voice was quiet, and she was beginning to see how much she had in fact hurt him.

"I didn't know what to say," she replied honestly. There didn't seem to be words to explain how sorry she was for what she'd done, how to explain what had pushed her to leave the way she had.

"Anything would have been better than silence," Tom turned back toward her and drank her in. She looked beautiful, just as beautiful as he remembered her being the last time he'd seen her. He could remember the evening so vividly, had thought about it so many times. If he'd been able to find her he would have called himself, perhaps. It was hard to say; he had been so hurt.

Rachel took a tentative step forward, her eyes carrying the remorse she had felt for months—years. "How are you?" she asked, her tone quiet and heartfelt.

Tom's eyes flickered to hers before he looked away again. He couldn't afford to get lost in her darker ones. Not tonight. "Rachel," he started, the name coming out more as a sigh. "Tell me why you left—why you left the way you did," he demanded quietly, finally locking eyes with her, steeling himself. She looked taken aback, and he watched her recoil, just as he would have expected. He bit back an aggravated laugh and waited for her response.

Rachel took a breath, stepping away from him and for a moment he didn't think she was going to speak. Her delicate fingers danced over an old fashioned globe off to his left, and he had to fight moving forward toward her. She was evading, he knew it.

Rachel found the words while staring at the shape of Egypt on the map. "It seems silly now, in retrospect. That night, after you had fallen asleep, I watched you for a while, our conversations spinning around in my head. I'm embarrassed to say I don't think I thought it through. Which is unlike me—"

"Except when it comes to relationships," Tom interrupted, his heart clenching with every word she said. "If you are trying to make amends, you may want to work on your wording because you're not making any friends here," his voice was low, his arms folded across this broad chest, awaiting the punchline of her story, hoping he would get it.

"Tom, I've never been a relationship person, you knew that about me. The fact I ran shouldn't surprise you," Rachel lifted her eyes, her own shoulders dropping. "And I wish I hadn't done it, please know that. I regret every moment we were apart."

"Why didn't you come back then? Do you know what waking up without you, with nothing but a note, felt like? I sped to that airfield, praying I would catch you, that I wouldn't lose another woman I loved," the pain she had caused him was displayed across his face for her to see. He didn't hide it, didn't even attempt to.

His words struck a chord; she hadn't thought about the sense of loss he would experience. In her selfish moment of running away, she hadn't thought about the desperation, the devastation he might experience. Later on, months later, that had crossed her mind, and made her actions so much harder to bear. But in the moment, inconsiderately she had only thought about the potential for her own pain.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, fighting the tears that tried to fill her eyes. His jaw hardened, the motion sending chills down her spine.

"Your apology means nothing if you can't tell me why," he told her, his tone even despite the darkness in his eyes.

"You were going to have my orders changed, you wanted me to stay. We talked about me moving in with you and your family, I just couldn't—"her words drifted off as he paced for moment.

"If I recall, you were very much a part of that conversation. I can be bull-headed but you were right beside me, naked in my bed, sharing those thoughts with me. I am not to blame here," his words were spat with venom, from a man who had been deeply wounded.

"If you want me to talk, you need to stop interrupting me!" Hands on her hips, she stood up a little straighter. "This is not easy for me," she added angrily. Tom raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Oh, and this is easy for me? To see you after all this time, showing up with some SEAL you're clearly just using to keep you company at night?" The volume of his voice rose slightly and she was taken aback by his words.

"That is not fair, do not bring Brad into this!" she scolded, her own voice raising.

"We both know it's true," Tom replied matter of fact, his blue eyes locked on hers. "If I could have gone with you, would that have made things different?" he was desperate to make sense of all this, all the sleepless nights he'd endured wondering why.

"I don't know," she replied, desperately losing her ground in this confrontation.

"Did you mean anything you said that night? Because I'm beginning to think you didn't mean any of it," he replied, hurt and agitated. At the accusation, she stepped forward again, her expression one of remorse.

"I meant every word I said, Tom," she attempted to reassure him, her hand reaching out to touch his arm. His cold eyes and his crossed arms didn't thaw upon her touch.

"I am so confused, Rachel," he replied, tired of this—of loving her and missing her. He had the sudden need to embrace her, to kiss her, to make all of this go away with one swift motion. He wouldn't—he couldn't—but he wanted to.

"Hurting you was never my intention," Rachel squeezed his arm, searching for some break in his frosty exterior. "I made a terrible mess, I'm so sorry," she whispered, her brown eyes searching his face.

"Sorry doesn't fix it," his tone was equally as soft for a moment, closing his eyes to her touch. God, he had missed her. It was becoming harder to remember how much she'd hurt him and to forget how much he wanted to embrace her. That was all shattered however, with his next sentence, "I just can't believe you left without goodbye. Without even talking to me about it. I thought we'd decided we were a team. After you were shot, after everything we'd been through…"

Rachel hated that he used the past tense, as though it was all over, with no chance of recovery. "I left you a note," she defended. He laughed incredulously, shaking his head, stepping back.

"A note? Rachel, don't kid yourself. That was not a goodbye," Tom told her, saddened that she couldn't even see it.

"If I had woken you, we would have argued and I just—"

"Argued? You wanted to avoid an argument?" Tom's eyes widened with annoyance, "I think you wanted to avoid the possibility I would try to convince you to stay because you didn't want to," his tone was ice as the door opened and Kara stuck her head through the small opening.

"Admiral," Kara could feel the tension, regretted having been the one chosen to break up the confrontation everyone knew was going on in that room, "The President is asking for you," she informed Tom.

"Thank you, Lt. Commander," Tom replied without turning around. He heard the door shut and his eyes landed back on Rachel.

"That's not true," Rachel picked up seamlessly where he left off, his words stinging her.

"Well, I guess we'll never know, will we?" He didn't wait for her reply before turning sharply, not paying her another look before heading back into the crowded room. Rachel stood, watching him go, feeling helpless.

A defeated breath escaped her before she sucked it back in, stepping back into the crowd herself. Thankfully it appeared that no one had missed her, except for Brad, who stood expectantly off to the side of the group, alone, watching her. She made her way through the crowd to him, trying to ignore the sudden bout of guilt plaguing her.

"I suppose the real reason you didn't want to come back here has something to do with the Admiral and what just happened?" Brad asked, his tone steady.

"It's nothing," Rachel blatantly lied, looking everywhere but Brad's eyes. She couldn't find Tom amongst the guests, and wondered if she did if she would be able to finally right all of this.

"Now, I find that very hard to believe," Brad watched her watch the room, and felt for the first time that he was seeing the real Rachel. "I suspect there's a larger story there," he added, watching her reaction.

"I need some air," was all she told him before stepping past him, taking a glass of wine from a passing waiter and heading out onto the empty veranda. She sucked in a ragged breath as she leaned against the pillar outside the large residence, closing her eyes as she tried to slow her heart. This was a disaster—she had created this disaster. If only she had been less of a coward, had woken him and told him of her fears, of her passions, of what she wanted out of life, asked him if he had meant everything he had said. She swallowed the tears that threatened, staring off into the darkness as the memories flooded back through her mind, and for once she didn't stop them.

Flashback-two years earlier

The house was quiet as Rachel stared at his peaceful face from where she lay beside him. So much had happened, so many things had evolved between them, finally. A smile flickered across her features as she thought about what they'd shared, how it had felt to be in his arms. Sure, they had kissed a few times since she'd been shot, a few stolen moments they had always avoided talking about, but tonight…tonight was different.

What had started as an innocent evening between friends had evolved effortlessly into a night between lovers, both of them having held their emotions back for too long. She'd honestly been surprised it hadn't happened sooner; it had been a couple months since the gunshot wound, and he'd taken predominant care of her after the fact, always there to help her with anything she needed. The feelings had been there for months, probably before he'd lost his wife, though neither of them admitted it went back that far. But since then, their feelings had grown. And now as she lay beside him, naked under his covers, watching his bare chest rise and fall with each breath he took, she tried to process everything.

And she felt a great deal of unease.

There was this bizarre sense of impossible reality to their conversation. He wanted her to stay, was planning to talk to the President in the morning. They would send some of the doctors she had trained in her stead. The children would arrive in a few short days and they'd slowly introduce her into their lives further. She'd move in with them. They'd have a family. The thoughts were thrilling…and terrifying.

She'd never had a family, not since the one she'd lost. And she had never planned on having one of her own. And now, here it was, all laid out for her with the first man she could easily love—a man she did love. She had loved him for a long time, she couldn't really differentiate when it had started.

Could she be with him forever? Could she slip into his family, be a maternal figure to his children? Have children of her own? She'd been on the move since she'd been at school. She didn't know how to stand still.

What if she failed? What if she let love blind her ability to help the cause? She needed to go on and help the people west as she was assigned to do. But she wanted to stay here, right here in this moment.

The divide was tearing her heart out.

She'd never been good at relationships- wasn't sure she'd ever had a real one. She was sure she'd hurt him. Or what if he was simply grieving, trying to replace Darien? She couldn't fall for him if he was only going to realize the mistake he'd made in the morning. The mistakes they had made.

The insecurities ravaged her. And in the darkness, they all felt so real, so true.

Panic coursed through her. She couldn't allow them to make these mistakes, to make something out of nothing. Because that's what this was right? Wishful thinking? Could he really love her the way he said he did? Did she really love him the way she said she did? The way she thought she did?

She slipped from the sheets suddenly, quietly, barely making a noise as she dressed. She didn't take the time to pull her hair back, to tie her boots. She stared at him, memorizing his features in this moment, the peace with which he slept. She saw his work notepad off to the side of the bed, grabbed it along with a pen. She couldn't bear to wake him. He'd convince her to stay and she wasn't sure that was what either of them needed. She couldn't hurt him, and she couldn't allow him to hurt her. Neither of them deserved that. She wasn't any good for him.

"Tom-

I'm sorry. We both know
this is for the best.

I'll be seeing you.

Always, Rachel"