Ambiguous Cake, prepare for MORE cheesiness! It's possible and it's here. insaneschitsoid, I'm glad you're enjoying! Carottal, you always leave such long reviews! Sorry it's taken me a while to respond to any of them, I've been very busy! But rest assured I've read them all and am very pleased you deem my stories worthy enough to stalk. :D Guest, this story loves you too. Truly. Alright y'all, finally time for an update!

Rubatosis: The unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat.

The Holidays and the Awakening

December passes fast, Jake thinks. It always seems to because there's always something to do, some gift to buy or some dessert to bake. He and his grandmother don't have a big family since it's only the two of them, but since they basically adopted the Striders into their family years ago, they spend every major holiday together. Jake's always thought it was because Dave can't cook, and his suspicions were confirmed when he stayed at Dirk's house a few years ago, only to be served burned lasagna in a charred pan. Dave had somehow set it on fire and still dubbed it edible.

Christmas rolls around and Jake knows it's going to be very eventful this year. Even with the four of them, it's always pretty lively, but this year might just require a trophy of some sort. There's a full moon on Christmas, and Jake's dreading it.

"Dude, would you chill?" Dirk asks on Christmas Eve as they slide together in Jake's bed. "Dave will probably just drink eggnog and pass the fuck out. He does it every year. The guy's nothing if not predictable."

"Dirk, you don't understand! It's forbidden for humans to know about Derse or its creatures! You're one thing, but if Dave sees you, Gramma and I will be in serious trouble!" Jake squeaks, covering his face.

Dirk is still technically human, but from the moment he was bitten, he became a creature of Derse, and so it isn't forbidden for him to know these things anymore. Dirk seems to be considering this as he studies Jake's face in the darkness.

"I'm not gonna let him find out, okay? Calm down. I've been seeing you freak out about too much lately."

Jake can't recall the last thing he's "freaked out" about in the last few days, but as observant as Dirk is, he's sure Dirk's compiled a mental list of some sort.

"I don't try to worry, Dirk," Jake huffs. "It happens without my consent!"

"Yeah but it's stupid," Dirk shrugs and Jake bristles. "I'm always around to protect you."

Jake's witty retort dies in his throat, and he finds himself curling into Dirk, resting his head on Dirk's chest, falling asleep to Dirk petting his hair.

Dirk's been especially touchy lately, and it resumes throughout Christmas day, his hands brushing against Jake as they flit around the kitchen, helping Jade bake, his warmth always at Jake's back. Jade's been giving them little knowing glances, smiling to herself, and Dirk is either oblivious to the implications or uncaring.

Of course, that all changes when Dave comes over.

"Jesus, bro, let the guy breathe," Dave says, shrugging off his coat and making his way into the kitchen to hover around Jade, watching her cook with a ravenous expression. Dirk glares at him before Jake ushers him out of the kitchen.

"We've helped enough, don't you reckon?" Jake asks while he marches Dirk upstairs. "Gramma can use Dave if he's just going stand there."

They go to Jake's room and play video games for a while, Dirk dominating, as always, though he lets Jake win sometimes. It's nice and comfortable between them, as it always is when they're alone.

"I was thinking the two of us could go work more on your car tomorrow," Jake says after a while, just to break the silence. Dirk hums.

"Sounds good. Dress warm though. I'd hate for you to have to do your dorky warmth dance again."

Jake huffs and button-mashes his controller until Dirk's character dies.

"Why're we eating so early?" Dave asks when dinner is ready. "I mean, I'm not complaining or anything, but I'm used to you making me wait until I think I'm gonna die."

"I just thought it would be nice not to make my boys suffer this year," Jade says while handing Dave plates and instructing him to set the table. Jake smirks when Dave does it without complaint. The four of them have really become a family over the years, Dave clinging to Jade to show him the ropes of parenting. Jake's always been very glad the two Striders had Jade around. Dave was just a scared kid when he became Dirk's guardian, and in spite of all their combined losses, they've all merged into this little makeshift family.

It isn't perfect, but it's enough. It's theirs.

Jake watches in awe as Dirk tears into the dinner, rivaled only by Dave, who seems to think the oldest brother has to eat more. Eventually they all have their fill, though Dirk can be seen swiping more bread between conversation, and Dave can be seen overdoing it on the eggnog, as he does every year.

Jake's eyes are on the window and on his watch. He knows the sun is about to go down, and his nervousness only mounts, his leg bouncing under the table as everyone else eats a slice of pie and partakes in small talk.

"Yo, Jake, you expecting someone else?" Dave asks, his voice slurring. "You keep looking around. Suspiciously."

"I'm doing no such thing," Jake says, not looking at Dave. "You're drunk."

"I'm not drunk."

"You are drunk," Dirk supplies helpfully. "It's Christmas. You're always drunk on Christmas."

"Jade," Dave says, looking at her, "tell them I'm not drunk and I should be respected as an adult."

"Boys, Dave is right. He's an adult, and if he wants to get drunk on Christmas, it's his right." Jade giggles at Dave's outraged look, and she merely looks at him as he lifts a turkey leg, waving it around as he talks.

"I'm sufferin' such sass this year," Dave says, gesturing around, turkey leg swinging wildly. "Holiday sass. I dunno where to even—begin with this injustice." Dave's eyes narrow and he points his turkey leg missile at Dirk, and then Jake. "Y'all are grounded."

"You can't ground me," Dirk says.

"I'm not even under your care!" Jake says.

"Am I grounded, too?" Jade asks, smiling into her hands.

"Yeah..." Dave nods sagely at his own words, and then hiccups. "Everyone's grounded."

"Well, boys, you heard him. You're grounded." Jade stands and her lips are in a thin line as she observes Dave. "If you'd be so kind as to help Dave to the couch, I'm sure he'll appreciate it in the morning. Otherwise he might fall asleep holding that drumstick."

"'M gonna eat it," Dave says. "Just waitin' for the right moment."

Dave ends up on the couch five minutes later with Dirk's help, still holding his turkey leg with a death grip despite being unconscious.

"Maybe if we're lucky he'll beat himself to death with the damn thing," Dirk huffs, ruffled from dragging his brother to the couch despite Dave's floppy resistance.

"You and I both know that's entirely unlikely," Jake says. "But it couldn't have happened at a better time. It's past time for sunset."

"Is it?" Dirk asks nonchalantly, looking at the window. "You're way more worried about it than me. Being a fox isn't so bad."

"It's Dave seeing you as a fox that's bad, you dolt!" Jake hisses, stomping his foot in irritation.

"You just tantrum stomped at me," Dirk says with raised eyebrows, a grin spreading across his face.

Jake makes a strangling gesture at him and stomps into the kitchen, well-aware Dirk is behind him, making a smug face Jake will undoubtedly want to kill him for.

"Don't you have anything better to do?!" Jake huffs as Dirk remains behind him, irritating him just by mere presence. There's a noise a bit like a pop and the sound of fabric shifting, and Jake turns to see the bright orange fox looking up at him, tongue exposed.

"Oh good," Jade's voice says from behind Jake. "I was hoping the transformation would be fast and painless. We both missed it last month."

"Did the potion do this?" Jake asks.

"Yes. Without it, Dirk's entire experience would be much more...graphic." Jade pets Dirk's fuzzy head before turning back to the dishes. "Jake, would you mind—"

"I'll help," Jake says without letting her finish. "I'm the only one able to help you right now, I think." As if on cue, the sound of a turkey leg hitting the floor comes from the living room, and then Dave's tragic drunken whine follows.

Dirk trots over to a chair and hops gracefully into it, his large tail curling over his feet as he watches Jake wash dishes, the smug look still on his face. Jake glares at him, party miffed from earlier still, and also ticked off that Dirk doesn't have to help clean up. How convenient that Dirk doesn't have thumbs right now.

"I suppose we'll exchange presents tomorrow morning," Jade muses, drying the dishes Jake hands to her. "They aren't anything fancy anyway."

They got Dave a very nice file cabinet for his various projects, which Jake knows for a fact are all over a spare bedroom in Dave's and Dirk's house. Jade got both the Striders some essential clothing, warm sweaters, socks, scarves, and Jake can only assume she got him the same things. Jake got Dirk some new handyman tool Dirk's been hinting about wanting. Jake doesn't know what it does, but it looks like a Swiss Army knife except with pliers instead of a blade. Dirk should be pleased, Jake thinks. The thing looks deadly if nothing else.

Once the dishes are done and the counters are clean, Jake lifts the garbage bag out of the can and starts to pull it outside. His feet crunch in the snow as he tries and fails to lift the overly full garbage bag, finally deciding just to let it drag on the ground behind him, leaving a trail. He huffs and pauses, trying to decide how he's going to get this bag in the dumpster when he can't lift it. Then he hears a strange noise that has him looking around.

Across the street, beside the streetlamp, there sits a large, black shadow with bright eyes Jake can't forget even if he wanted to. A wolf too big to be a normal animal. Jake's hands tremble with the memory of those sharp teeth digging into Dirk's shoulder like a knife through butter, but he doesn't run. He stands still and keeps his eyes trained on the wolf, wondering why these blasted creatures are staying so close to his house every full moon.

The wolf takes a step forward, and Jake unconsciously takes one backwards, his foot crunching in the snow. The wolf pauses, its head cocking to the side, and then it stays still once more, studying Jake. It must know it can't get too close to the house because Jade's little gizmos and gadgets are already spinning and whirring faintly, ready to react if the creature gets any closer.

Just the one step towards Jake has the wolf further into the light of the streetlamp, and Jake can see the frightening leer on the wolf's face. Something about it is so familiar it has Jake's blood running cold, a memory clawing its way to the surface of Jake's mind but quickly being silenced by fear. Not waiting any longer, Jake runs for the door, hearing his grandmother's gadgets chime behind him and the click of the wolf's massive claws on the street behind him as it lunges for him. Jade's protective charms hold, and the wolf can't get any closer than the sidewalk in front of the house. Jake hears it growling as he shuts and locks the door, chest heaving as he pants for the breath he didn't realize he was holding.

"Jakey? What is it?" Jade asks, hurrying to him, Dirk trotting along beside her with his tail arched up. Then the silence is shattered by howling outside, and Jade hurries to the window, her eyes narrowing at what she sees.

"Why are these things hovering around our house?" she says angrily.

"Things?" Jake asks weakly, focused on the plural. He moves to her side and sees three more wolves, all equally massive and terrifying, beside the original, all of them focused on the house.

Jade mutters something under her breath, and the barrier around the house must grow in size, because the wolves all run back across the street, and then into the woods. Jade huffs and turns to Jake.

"Are you alright?"

"I...I'm fine they just...they scared me, is all." Jake stammers, still shaking. A tiny yip at his side has him looking down at Dirk, who nudges into his side with his nose, wide eyes focused on Jake. "I'm really alright, Dirk," Jake assures him, petting his fuzzy head. "Thank goodness for the protective charms..." he adds.

Jade nods and closes the curtains. "They won't be back tonight. But..." she sighs, shaking her head. She turns back to Jake. "Cut me another piece of pie, won't you? I think I deserve to spoil myself tonight. It's Christmas, after all!"

Jake does as she asks, cutting another slice for him and Dirk as well. There isn't a sound around aside from Dirk's tiny happy noises as he eats the pie, his tail wagging. Jake ends up giving Dirk the rest of his as well, enjoying how much Dirk loves eating.

Jake is full and sleepy, ready for bed. Dirk hops upstairs first, and Jake makes to follow him when his grandmother grips his shoulder, pulling him back.

"I'm very grateful we've been keeping Dirk here every full moon," she says quietly, looking down into Jake's eyes. "I think a trip to speak to the queen of Derse will be necessary soon. Something must be done about those foul creatures before someone else is bitten."

Jake looks at her fearfully. "You...think they're after Dirk?"

"They know they bit him. They haven't seen him transform, but they can sense him inside this house. What they want, I don't know. But we mustn't let them get to Dirk."

Jake nods. "When can we speak to the queen?" he asks quietly.

"It's difficult to say," Jade replies. "When I was younger, I could go to Derse whenever I pleased. Now it's harder on me and my old body. I'm not as strong as I used to be."

"Gramma..." Jake says before he can stop himself. He wishes more than anything he could go for her. Could do the work he was meant to do.

Jade smiles at him and pinches his cheek. "Perhaps I'll just send her a message. She knows about my age and usually likes to remind me of it. I'll do my best to seek her council before the next full moon." She sighs and cups Jake's cheek, looking at him with bright eyes. "You're too young to have all these worries."

"I feel as though I'm not old enough to do anything right," Jake agrees softly. "I also feel like time is running out."

"It is. Every day for us all, in that sense. But only to humans." Jade winks at him. "Nothing else measures time but us. And we are very small."

"Right," Jake says, not at all comforted by the vastness of the universe and the smallness of himself when his own worries seem so big and significant.

"We fix what we can," Jade tells him, recognizing his expression. "And we don't concern ourselves with the rest. Dirk is going to be fine. You let me worry about those pesky wolves."

Jake trails up the stairs biting his bottom lip in worry, thinking of the reasons his stomach is churning with nerves. The most obvious is, of course, the wolves. But there are other things on his mind, seeming to take up more and more space, like his inability to do his duty as Jade's grandson, and the fact that soon it will be the start of his final semester of high school.

Jake hasn't discussed many plans with his friends for what comes next because they all have bright futures and Jake...he doesn't have anything in mind. Jade doesn't have much money for school, and Jake doesn't have the grades to help make up the difference. And Dirk...Dirk is a genius. Dirk is probably going to go out and do great things, regardless of being a fox every full moon. Dirk is...

Dirk is going to leave him...

Jake feels heavy and lost by the time he reaches his room, and Dirk is on the bed, biting at his fluffy tail. He stops when he notices Jake.

"Is it itching you?" Jake asks with a tiny laugh, liking the vexed expression on Dirk's face. Dirk merely yips at him and pulls his ears back.

"Don't be like that! You forget I have thumbs!" Jake says, wiggling his fingers around for show. He reaches into the thick fur of Dirk's tail and scratches thoroughly, enjoying the pleased squeaks Dirk is emitting. "Better?" Jake asks smugly.

Dirk yips again and flops down on the bed, his paws in the air. Somehow, Jake understands what Dirk is trying to convey just by Dirk's dramatic actions.

"It'll be daylight soon," Jake reminds him, getting up from the bed to brush his teeth in the bathroom. "You won't suffer from being adorable much longer. Soon you'll be back to your grumpy self."

Dirk growls at him and rolls over, hopping off the bed and following after him seemingly just to glare at him while he brushes his teeth. Jake laughs and spits out toothpaste.

"Do you take offense to not being adorable all the time?" he asks teasingly, quickly finishing with brushing his teeth. He leads Dirk back to bed and turns off the lights, though the room is still bright from the reflection of the full moon on the white snow. The room is quiet around them, and Jake is a little unnerved by the sound of his own heartbeat echoing in his ears.

Dirk burrows under the covers and scoots close to Jake, shoving his freezing nose into Jake's neck.

"Hey! Watch it!" Jake chastises, swatting at the huge fox in his bed. "Your nose is like an ice cube!"

Dirk merely moves closer and does it again anyway, ignoring Jake's squawks of disdain. Jake can feel Dirk inhaling and exhaling against his skin, the fox making a pleased noise. Jake looks over at Dirk, his miffed look disappearing as he sees how happy Dirk is. Slowly, he reaches over and pets Dirk, smiling at Dirk's tiny little squeak.

"I think I like you better this way," Jake murmurs. "You can't hide what you're feeling from me. I think animals have the right idea, in that sense. They're all very straightforward."

Dirk doesn't move or respond in any way, but Jake assumes he agrees.

The next morning, Dave wakes up with a hangover, Jade wakes up to Dave's griping, and Jake wakes up next to a naked Dirk Strider again, only this time, Dirk is awake and looking at him through sleepy eyes.

"You ever think Dave might be part pterodactyl?" Dirk asks in a raspy morning voice.

Jake snickers into his hand. "I doubt it. I think Dave is just a very whiny man."

"I dunno...he screeches a lot like one. I wonder if pterodactyls were the gangly divas of the dinosaur world."

"Hmmm," Jake hums. "We should get up and help Gramma with him. A hungover Dave is a serious job."

"Yeah but not yet," Dirk says, hugging Jake closer. "I'm comfy and you smell good."

Jake's heart pounds and his face burns, but he doesn't move. He stays where he is until he's rescued by Dave bursting into his room, shades already over Dave's eyes, his yellow hair a mess as it sticks up everywhere. He takes one look at Dirk and Jake and yelps.

"Jade! I fuckin' told you we needed to give them a sex talk! My brother's naked in Jake's bed!" Dave stomps back downstairs, and Jake can hear Jade groaning even from where he is.

"I think you're right...he must be a pterodactyl," Jake grumbles, and Dirk smiles.

They endure a sex talk from a ruffled Dave Strider, who can't seem to figure out what to tell them, and simply settles on horror stories of people "getting their dicks stuck in things" and Jade keeps squawking and hitting him, telling him to shut up. They exchange presents in a terse silence, Jake's face feeling like it's going to stay red for the rest of his life. Jake brightens at Dirk's gift, which is an action figure of Indiana Jones on a stand signed by Harrison Ford.

"How did you even get this?!" Jake breathes, handling it and looking at it like it's a talisman of some sort.

"I know the guy," Dave says. "Dirk said you liked him, so I called and asked for it. Ford's an asshole, but he likes signing anything as long as it's not Star Wars related."

Dirk hides his little smile as Jake hollers and dances around with his figure, running to his room to find a place to keep it safe.

The next week is slow, mostly spent working on Dirk's car and in front of the T.V. binge watching Netflix. It's so cold outside neither Jake nor Dirk seem to have the desire for human interaction. It isn't until New Year's Eve they're coaxed out into public, but even then it's just to go to Roxy's house. Jake is already dreading the large gathering of people he knows he'll find at Roxy's. She likes any reason to party but actual holidays seem to make her go above and beyond.

He's proven right when he sees the massive crowd pouring outside of her house even from the street. Jake doesn't think it was even quite this crowded at her Halloween party, and he's already fidgeting in his shoes. Dirk's hand easily wraps around his, warmth spreading across Jake's palm, and he looks up at Dirk in surprise.

"I got you," is all Dirk says, softly, barely audible over the music, and Jake laughs in disbelief because Dirk has him in more ways than Dirk will ever know.

Jake is led around the house in search of Jane and Roxy, who are playing some dance game on Roxy's Wii, a small crowd of drunken people surrounding them. Jake smiles at how into the dance Roxy is getting, and the way Roxy keeps "accidentally" bumping into Jane, not wanting Jane to beat her.

"It's gravity, Janey, I swear!" Roxy says after the fifth time of flopping against Jane, finally landing face-first in Jane's chest, giggling when the crowd cheers. "I say we call it a draw!"

"No! You cheated!" Jane huffs, but she hugs Roxy to her. "You're impossible!"

Jake unconsciously squeezes Dirk's hand, pulling Dirk closer to him and standing on his toes to speak into his ear.

"I think we should say our hellos later," he says, tugging Dirk along in search of a quieter setting. Of course they're intercepted by a group of Dirk's friends from the AP classes, all of them wanting to talk to Dirk about things Jake can't follow. At some point, Jake lets go of Dirk's hand, letting Dirk have more freedom to speak to his friends, but not having the tether to ground him from his anxiety gets the better of Jake, and his flight instinct kicks in, sending him upstairs in search of solitude.

He ends up pushing into Roxy's room, knowing he'll find it empty after Roxy's threats to kill anyone who defiled her bed after the last party she threw. Jake's always loved Roxy's bedroom, the glow stars on the ceiling and walls, the posters of cats, and most of all, the little balcony she has attached to her room. Jake easily pushes the glass doors open and settles on the cold ground, shivering as he takes deep breaths and calms his pounding heart, slowly easing down from the looming anxiety attack that was about to overtake him. He knows Roxy means well with these little parties, and Roxy really does try her best to understand, but she's such a social butterfly that it's hard for her to understand Jake's woes about crowds, and Jake doesn't want to bring her down when she's having such a good time. In all honesty, she probably wouldn't notice if Jake deemed not to show up, but it would hurt her feelings later when she found out, and Jake would rather risk being overwhelmed than ever hurting one of his dearest friends.

Jake uses the quiet to think about how he can possibly help his grandmother with her task of talking to the queen of Derse, and he decides the best he can probably do is go along with her when she seeks the queen's counsel. He's only ever seen the queen of Derse once when he was small, but he remembers she wasn't as scary as she wanted to be. Even if he can't do all the things he wants to, he can still ease Jade's burdens as best as he can. After all, he thinks Dirk is more his responsibility than hers. Dirk is, and has always been, Jake's.

He jumps when the door behind him opens, and he turns to tell whoever it is that Roxy would rather not have anyone in her room and to leave if they know what's best for them, but his words die in his throat when he sees it's Dirk, looking rather ruffled and relieved all at once.

"I didn't know where you went," Dirk says, easily flopping beside Jake, immediately scooting closer.

"You act as though I'd ever leave without you," Jake laughs, shaking his head. "I just...I needed a moment."

"I'm sorry," Dirk says hurriedly, "those guys were asking about finals and somehow I got roped into a debate about bullshit. Next thing I knew, you weren't beside me anymore."

"It's alright."

"You're okay though?"

"I'm...admittedly better now that you're here," Jake says quietly, looking anywhere but at Dirk. He sighs happily when Dirk's strong arm wraps around him, nestling him against Dirk's side.

"It's fucking freezing out here," Dirk mutters after a long pause.

"I'm sure I can find a blanket in Roxy's room? She has dozens of them laying around." Jake stands without waiting for an answer, and he hurries back with the fluffiest one he can find, draping it around Dirk's shoulders and then returning to Dirk's side, happy when Dirk's arm returns around him, Dirk's fingers tracking little patterns on Jake's shoulder.

"I can't believe it's almost the beginning of our final semester of school," Jake finds himself saying out of the blue, just to break the silence.

"Mmm," Dirk hums. "Till college, at least."

Jake's heart falls in his chest. "Have you decided where you want to go?"

"Got a stack of letters at home, haven't given them much thought. I'm waiting."

"On what?" Jake asks, confused. "It seems like we've already run out of time to wait on anything at all. I—"

He's interrupted by a loud boom that sends him seeking refuge under the blanket, clinging to Dirk, who is laughing at him.

"Goddamn, Jake, you're like a spooked horse," Dirk says, coaxing Jake back out of his blanket safe house. "They're just fireworks, look."

Jake does, tipping his head back to watch the sky illuminated with beautiful, fiery colors, the darkness lighting up around them.

"I...thought we were in the city limits?" Jake asks weakly, in awe of the lights in the sky.

"We are. But Kurloz and Cronus are down there blowing shit up anyway, so it doesn't really matter if it's legal or not." Dirk shrugs. "People are gonna be shooting fireworks all night anyway, city limits or no."

Jake listens to the drunken laughter below before more fireworks blast towards the stars and then outshine them, a loud bang echoing in their wake. Jake laughs in delight and turns to Dirk, faltering when he sees Dirk is looking at him with a strange expression that has Jake's insides knotting up.

"Dirk...?" Jake asks softly, his eyes trailing to Dirk's lips and then back to his eyes. Time seems to slow down as the echoing fireworks sound further and further away until all Jake can hear is his heart pounding in his ears and then Dirk's quiet breathing. Dirk's hand lifts and trails across Jake's cheek, his thumb slowly tracing Jake's lips, that curious expression still on his face.

"Jake...can I kiss you?" Dirk asks so gently that Jake's heart breaks to pieces and then rebuilds itself, stronger somehow, made whole by these words Dirk is speaking to him.

"You damn well better," Jake breathes, and then it's happening, Dirk's lips gliding against his, Dirk's hand still impossibly warm against Jake's cheek, both their mouths trembling both with how long they've been waiting and how good it feels to have this.

It's simple, sweet, a mere brush of lips and some pressure, but it's the best thing Jake's ever felt in his life, and when Dirk pulls away just enough to tilt their foreheads together and give him a little satisfied smile, Jake pulls him back in to kiss the laughter from his lips.