*knock, knock, knock*

"Come in," came a groan.

Velvet opened the door slowly, before peeking her head through and asked "Professor? I- oh my goodness, are you all right?"

While she wasn't fond of the youngest member of Beacon's staff, particularly his attempts to try to get her to see him for counseling, even she had to feel a pang of sympathy for how Professor Jaune Arc looked.

His eyes were bloodshot and had more bags than were considered strictly healthy. His normally carefully combed hair was matted and streaked with fluids, and his professional-looking jacket was torn in several places. Rather more concerningly to her, though, was the shield blocking his body from her in one arm, and the battered-looking blade still carrying splotches of fluid in the other.

"Sir…?" she tried again. His glazed eyes twitched. "Should I get Professor Goodwitch or Ms. Kits-"

"Let me guess," he growled, causing her to start. "Your grades have been slipping lately and you'd like some 'help.'"

She nodded very slowly, terrified that motion might set him off.

"Well" he gestured grandly, "Let me guess how this is going to go."

He pointed at her vest. "You start off all nice and reasonable, asking me about extra credit, and then as 'incentive,' you take off your clothes, with some lacey thing underneath to try to entice me." He spun on one foot, throwing his hands in the air. "It won't work! I've resisted far hotter than you! I won't go to jail for hitting on jailbait! Do you know what they do to guys like me who do that stuff in prison?" He spun in place again, glaring at Velvet with eyes practically glowing with fear. "Do you? Because I don't. All I know is you're not supposed to drop the soap! Mom wouldn't let me watch any more of those movies!"

He then began to pace. "And no one ever takes no for an answer! Apparently to hunters 'no thanks, I have to do my freaking job so that I don't get fired' means 'sure, let me slip into something more comfortable!' and if you wait too long they try to take it themselves! Here's a thought, 'No means No' works for men, too!"

He ran his hands through his hair more and more aggressively as he continued to pace. "Oh, but the students, they're not the worst, the adults are! This crazy woman in a red dress keeps giving me these looks every time I'm in town like I'm some sort of five course meal, Kitsune goes on and on about how she'd like to 'find out how large my aura is'- and I can't figure out if that's innuendo or if she's planning to dissect me, with her, it could be both- and then there's Raven." By this point he was back behind his desk and slumped into his seat, head in his hands.

"My gods, Raven. You know, you think that the students are bad? Raven can create wormholes with her mind. She makes the fabric of the fourth dimension her bitch, but oh, how does she use this power? Sneaking into my private quarters to attempt to get a booty call."

Jaune Arc, professor of Beacon, looked up over his fingers to glare at the petrified Velvet. "So, tell me now, how are you going to chase me? Claim that rabbits do it better? Simply pin me to the blackboard and have your way with me there? What excuse are you going to use this time, Hm? HM?"

By the end of his speech, he was panting heavily. Velvet very carefully opened the door and lowered her book bag to the ground.

"Professor," she began slowly, "I have something that I need you to answer: How much sleep have you gotten all week?"

"I haven't slept for three nights! They haven't gotten me yet!"

"Okay, then. Because you aren't thinking clearly, I won't hold the 'Bunny' slur against you… but I came in here to ask you something because I honestly do need help in my class." She took a deep breath before continuing slowly. "Last week, I was down with the flu, and I missed Professor Oobleck's assignment from Thursday. This week he's taking some of the third years on a camping trip in Forever Fall, so I was wondering if you had his lesson plans for that day." She began to slowly approach the desk, wincing at how her professor cringed at the sound of every footfall she made. "If you have those plans, I just need what the homework assignment for that day was. I'll do the homework, and you can go to sleep," a sniff, "And perhaps take a shower. I guarantee that I'm not here to try to sleep with you. All right?"

Jaune stared at her for a moment, before he slowly nodded and began to dig through his desk for his archived lesson plans. After a few minutes, he pulled out a sheet covered in cramped, yet neat, handwriting. "Ah, let's see… last week's would be… chapters thirty-six and thirty-seven, and a three-page paper on how the Color Revolution affected nomenclature in Vacuo." A moment of hesitation, "Is… is there anything else, Ms. Scarletina?"

"No, professor, that's all," she replied, tapping a note into her scroll.

"For what it's worth… I'm sorry about the whole…" he waved a hand over his shoulder, "Thing."

She gave a wry grin. "Last year, before I got hurt, my team challenged ourselves to see who could go the longest without sleep. We didn't have the best judgements about things either."

"Oh yeah, wasn't that the thing where-"

"Yes, and to this day Mistrallian Shampoo is still not allowed on Campus. Darn shame."

"Heh, yeah. If you don't mind, I think I need to take a nap…"

"Got it, professor. Sorry to… yeah."

"No, I'm the one who should be saying sorry… I'll see you in class, Ms. Scarletina."

She nodded in response, before turning to leave. As she opened the door further, she saw Lie Ren raise his hand, about to knock, but stopped before he did so. Velvet leaned in close.

"If you have to speak, do it quickly. He's feeling very, very under the weather, if you catch my drift," she whispered.

Ren gave a confident smirk. "Don't worry, I won't make him feel any worse."

Velvet nodded, slightly confused by his words, but continued on her way. Ren, on the other hand, walked right up to his professor's desk.

"Mister… Lie Ren? How can I help you?"

"Well," Ren stated in a voice oozing with charm, "I'm having some trouble with my grades, Professor…" as he said this, he shucked off his coat and shirt, revealing the silk negligee he wore underneath it and making all the hairs on the back of Jaune's neck stand on end. "And I was wondering if I could do… something to convince you to help me."

It was at this moment that Jaune Arc snapped.

"See Glynda? Being outside for once is much better than being cooped up in that office of yours."

Glyda sighed. "I assure you, I would spend much less time 'Cooped Up' there if you did more of the paperwork."

"Details," Ozpin waved off. "Besides, even you have to admit that a little fresh air can't hurt."

"I suppose not. And it's nice to see that things are fairly normal around here for once."

"Indeed. No terrorist organizations, no monsters, no dances to prepare for, no robot attacks, no criminals…"

A loud shriek pierced the air, and the two most powerful hunters at Beacon Academy witnessed Lie Ren, wearing only a see-through negligee and a royal blue speedo, running as fast as he could from their newest teacher, who looked like at least three miles of bad road, chasing him with both arms holding Crocea Mors over his head, screaming incoherently.

"BLOOD! DEATH! YOU WON'T TAKE ME! YOU WON'T TAKE ME YOU BASTARDS! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIIIIIIIIVE! AHHH HA HA HA HA HA!"

The two rounded a corner and disappeared from sight, but the sounds of chase continued.

"Glynda?"

"Yes, Ozpin?"

"Schedule a meeting with a psychiatrist for Mr. Arc. I think he might need it soon."

"Yes Headmaster."

"Oh, and grant him some time off. He looked like he needs some sleep…"

Sithking Zero: … Welp, that happened.