Jonathan Crane was reading in his cell, enjoying a good book and a cup of tea, two of his favorite pleasures in a life that had contained few pleasures. It made him appreciate these moments of tranquility all the more, however, he thought with a relaxing sigh as he took a sip of tea and flipped the page.

"Oh, professor!" moaned a familiar voice from inside his cell. Crane started up suddenly, shocked and enraged.

"Joker!" he roared. "Joker, turn that off right now! Where is it?" he demanded, tearing up his cell and ripping off the mattress on his bed, hunting frantically for the source of the noise.

The moaning kept coming, and Crane stormed from his cell in a fury, determined to find the Joker and make him stop. "Joker!" he roared, but his cell was empty.

And then another noise joined the moans – the sound of pained cries from another familiar voice. "Jervis!" gasped Crane, racing over to his cell. "Joker, let him go!" he shouted, seeing the situation in Tetch's cell.

Joker had trapped Tetch's arms behind his back, holding him by the neck and slamming his face repeatedly against the button that activated the recording in Crane's cell, laughing hysterically.

"Joker, let him go!" repeated Crane, trying to shove him away.

"You want another swirly, freak?" demanded Joker. "I'm dispensing justice here! Just giving Hatty what he deserves for giving Pengers a mind control device that he used on me!"

"I didn't know…he intended to use it on you!" cried Tetch. "He told me it was for his penguins! Some kind of scheme to mind control them into taking bombs into Gotham Square at Christmas and blowing it up!"

"He already tried that one in the nineties!" snapped Joker. "How dumb do you think he is to try the same scheme twice?"

"But…you always try the same schemes," replied Tetch.

Joker sighed, tightening his grip around Tetch's neck. "You just don't get it, do you, Tetchy?" he demanded, slamming him into the button again. "Anyway, ignorance of the law is no excuse, that's what they tell me. You still gotta be punished for it, even if you know nothing about it. That's certainly Batsy's philosophy anyway…"

"He's just in here, Dr. Leland," said the guards, appearing suddenly on the scene with a furious-looking Dr. Leland in tow.

"You have ruined another of my diets, Joker, congratulations!" she snapped as the guards pulled Tetch away from Joker. "Take Mr. Tetch to the infirmary, and find that recording in Crane's cell. The real recording this time!" she called after the guards.

"You know you don't need to be on a diet, Doc – you're a foxy lady," said Joker, shrugging. "I'm just saving you from depriving yourself of tasty treats for a pointless exercise. You should be thanking me."

Dr. Leland forced a smile. "Y'know, you're right, Joker. I should," she agreed. "Let me thank you properly. Come with me."

Joker followed her out of the cell block and into the elevator that led to the asylum's lower floors. "You know, that whole community service project gave me an idea of my own," said Dr. Leland as they walked down the hall. "Seems to me that while some of you are rehabilitating yourselves here in Arkham, you could also be helpful in fixing the staff shortages that you create by your constant, violent escape attempts."

"Fixing how?" asked Joker, confused. "Guarding ourselves would be pretty crazy…"

"Oh, not guards," interrupted Dr. Leland. "At the moment we're short some janitorial staff."

She swiped a keycard that opened the iron door to a huge, cavernous room, and Joker was immediately assaulted by a strong, unpleasant stench. "Killer Croc's cell needs a good clean out," said Dr. Leland, gesturing inside. "Get to it."

Joker opened his mouth to protest, but found he couldn't. "Oh, and I asked Tetch for another of his mind control devices before you got to him, so you can't refuse," said Dr. Leland, smiling. "You just have to do what I say, for once."

"Uh…sorry in advance, J," muttered Killer Croc. "It's…uh…quite a mess in here."

Dr. Leland smiled at the horrified expression on Joker's face. "Have fun, Joker," she said, clapping him on the back and shoving him into the cell.

She slammed the door and headed back up in the elevator, whistling. She returned to her office and then buzzed her intercom. "Ann? Please get me a Philly cheesesteak for lunch."

The End