I have another new story. The summary was most likely, rubbish and didn't really tell you anything. Sadly I am bad at the summary thing. Anyway this is a little series of one shots that all revolve around finding something. They are all connected and are in time order. I'm not sure how many there will be, but we will see.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Crimson Field or any of the characters.

Finding The Courage

June 1915

Roland sighed.

He looked down at the papers on his desk. He is not sure why he bothered to try, and fill these papers. He glanced quickly at the clock. 10.34 am. Only 26 minutes until 11 o' clock. Only 26 minutes until the ward round. Only 26 minutes until he could see Grace again. He sighed again. He knew that he was in love with her. He also knew that his love was doomed. He could never tell her, that he loved her. If he did, then it would most likely ruin their friendship. She would, likely never want to speak to her again. She would transfer to another hospital, and then he would lose her forever. No, he could never tell her. He would just have to settle for being her friend. Nothing more.

There was a knock on the door, which startled him. He shouted for the person to enter. Grace opened the door and walked in.

"I thought we could do the ward round now." She started "It will keep the nurses on their toes."

He smiled at her initiative.

"Why not? It will help us to see, if the ward looks the way it does during the ward round, all the time."

He got up from the desk and they started to walk towards the main ward.

"I doubt it does. When I started nursing, we always started to clean the ward up, half an hour before the Matron and CO, were due to do the ward round." She confided

"Is that what truly happens on a ward?" he asked her sceptically, with a hint of amusement

"Oh yes. Trust me. I have seen it done many times."

"Your stories really are amusing." He laughed

"They're true!" she insisted "How much do you want to bet, that the ward will be ready?"

"I'm not saying I don't believe you." he stopped to talk to her just outside the ward

"What do you bet?" she asked

"A brandy." She looked disappointed "If it's in a really big mess you can have the bottle."

She smiled in triumph.

"Shall we find out?" she motioned him towards the ward

They walked in and were met with a flustered Marshall, rushing around the ward. When she spotted the pair, she gasped.

"Matron, Colonel, we weren't expecting you until 11 o' clock." She looked horrified

Grace sent Roland, a look, which said, I told you so.

"That is evident Marshall, but it is good to keep you on your toes." Roland smiled

"Of course, Colonel." Marshall smiled faintly.

She then rushed off to continue with her duties. Grace gave Roland a faint smile and started the ward round. They interviewed every few patients, asking them about their welfare, general health and how they were being treated. Many of the men said that a lot of tea and smiles, from the young nurses did the world of good. When they had finished the ward round, Grace checked with Sister Jackson, if there had been any problems, since yesterday. There were no incidents and all seemed well, so the pair finished the ward round.

As they walked back to their respected offices, Grace started to talk to him about how the ward was in a complete mess.

"I told you that there would be chaos." She said simply "Nobody is ever prepared for a surprise ward round."

"Poor Marshall. I think we scared her half to death." Roland told her

"I'll admit it was a little cruel, that she was the person who met us first."

"Poor girl." He repeated "She is tough, but I don't think it does her any good to be caught on the hop like that."

"We probably should leave surprise ward rounds until she has recovered." Grace suggested

"Probably." He agreed

"I believe you owe me a bottle of brandy." She looked at him expectantly

"The ward wasn't that bad." He exclaimed

"Half the bottle then. You can drink the other half." She argued

"Is tonight agreeable, Matron Carter?" he asked him, teasing

"It is Colonel Brett." She teased with him

"I will see you later then, Grace." He smiled

She returned his smile and went to her office. He watched her go. He would be able to speak with her freely this evening. Talk to her about everything and anything. Well almost everything. It was a shame, and it hurt like a knife through his heart but he knew that he couldn't tell her how much he loved her. The only thing that he could imagine happening, was that she would hate him and would see him as a man who would want her to play mistress to him. He wouldn't want her to be that. Technically, she wouldn't be that. He had divorced his wife and she would be his love, not a mistress. She would probably see it that way though. See it as betrayal to his wife.

Still he would wait until tonight with anticipation. He would wait until he could spend time with his beloved Grace, just being her friend. If that was all he ever was, then he would have to settle for it. If he couldn't love her the way he wanted to, then he would have to love her as a friend only. He went around his duties for the rest of the day, fulfilling them with a heavy heart but looking forward to what was to come. The day went quickly, as far as he was concerned. Most of the time all he did was sit at his desk and daydream. Daydream about anything. Her mainly. Sometimes, a life that he could never have with her. A married life, a happy home, a child perhaps.

When it finally came, the evening was highly anticipated. He waited for Grace, bottle of brandy and glasses ready. When she finally knocked, he jumped at the sound.

"Come in."

She smiled at him as she entered.

"I see you're prepared." She joked, keeping the mood light

He poured her a glass, and offered it to her. She took it and was about to sit down at the desk, when he redirected her to the armchairs near the stove.

"Brandy is a rare treat, we can at least enjoy it in comfort." He gave her in way of explanation

"Yes Sir." She gave a mock salute, as she fell into the chair

He looked at her cheekily.

"You shouldn't be cheeky Matron Carter."

"Teasing you is the only fun I can have." She said simply

"You need a hobby Grace." He sat down opposite her

"Unfortunately my hobby is my job." She stated

"When did you last have leave?" he asked the question casually without realising the consequences.

"Not in a long time." She sighed "I went to the town recently to check on a family that sought help from us, but it wasn't really leave."

"Oh yes. I remember signing the pass. How was the baby?"

"She was getting on much better, when I saw her." Her face lightened "It was nice to have a change."

"A change?" he asked confused

"A change from treating soldiers." She explained "Treating someone who isn't dying or near death."

"You want to be a nurse of all work." He summed up

She nodded in agreement, taking a sip of her brandy.

"I miss the days I spent at the cottage hospital. Have you ever been to Chichester, Grace?"

"No, I've not." She looked interested "Is it nice?"

"It's lovely. It's near the sea. Lovely scenery. I'll take you one day. You'll love it." he sounded excited, yet serious

"I look forward to it." She smiled, his mood seemed to be infectious

There was silence after this.

"I wish I could take you now." He had a half, sad smile

"When its dark?" she sniggered

"No, I mean in the summer. The beach is normally crowded but it's the best time of year to live by the sea."

"I've never been to the beach really." She admitted "Only once when I was really young, and I went to stay with my aunt on the Isle of Wight."

"You've only been to the beach once?" he looked at her in astonishment

She nodded, slightly embarrassed about the question now he had asked.

"I have to take you now Grace. I promise you. After the war is over, I am taking you to the beach, Grace Carter."

"I think you've drunk a bit too much Roland." She nodded towards his glass.

Roland looked down at his brandy glass, and saw that it was empty.

"How did that happen?" he asked in confusion

She sighed "I'll make you a cup of tea, to sober you up."

Roland leaned back in his chair, and looked at her, with adoration.

"You're too good to me, Grace." He sighed

"Hmm, do you not have this kind of pampering at home?" she asked innocently

Her comment sobered him up, more than a hundred of cups of tea could. He sat up straight and looked at his hands.

"I don't have someone to pamper me at home." He said quietly

She looked round in confusion.

"I thought you were married Roland?"

"I was." He confirmed for her "I divorced her before the war started."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not. My wife and I lived in an unhappy marriage for many years."

"What about your sons?"

"I did, what I had to do." He said bitterly "I still love them though. Freddie was her favourite but I still loved him…" his voice trailed off

"I'm sorry, Roland."

"There's nothing worse than losing a child."

"No, there isn't." she responded

He looked up curiously. She didn't meet his eye.

"It was a long time ago." She said quietly

"Can you tell me?" he asked

She was silent for a moment, the ease from their earlier conversation seemed to have vanished.

"I had a lover in India. I was going to have a child, but I miscarried." She stated simply

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine. As I said it was a long time ago." She brushed it off

"It still hurts though?" He voiced what she was feeling

"Yes. It does" her voice barely above a whisper

He pulled her close to his chest as she began to sob.

"Shh, it's alright." He comforted her

She pulled away when she heard him speak. Then wiped at her eyes.

"I'm sorry Colonel. That won't happen again." she walked away and towards the door "Goodnight Sir."

"Grace, wait." He stopped her, he ran up behind her, stopping her hand on the doorknob.

He pulled her back against him.

"Stay." He whispered into her ear.

"Roland-"

"Please, stay." He repeated

She turned to face him.

"Stay forever?" he asked

She nodded.

"Promise?"

"Promise." She told him

She cupped his cheek in her palm and pressed a chaste kiss there.

"Love you." she whispered into his cheek

"Love you too." He whispered to her

She closed the gap between their lips. It started off chaste but the passion quickly grew. They kissed each other, quickly and his hands roamed her back. He pulled her closer into his chest, and she wound her arms around his neck.

"Grace-" his breathing was heavy "Oh darling."

"Love you." she whispered

The End (of part 1)

Thanks for reading and please review.