Dean wasn't waking up. The doctors had stabilized him, and technically he was alive, but he wasn't waking up. Sam paced the hospital room, not willing to give up on his big brother. He knows Dean will pull through this. He just knows it.

Some part of Dean knows it's not real. Some part must know. But really, it feels like there's two Deans. The one that believes he's in his Baby with Sam right now, driving to a hunt. And the one that knows he's in a coma.

The two Deans have some kind of agreement going on: Coma Dean hears everything that's going on in the hospital room and tells Hunter Dean about it. There must be some missing translation though, because what Coma Dean says and what Hunter Dean hears are two completely different things.

Coma Dean will hear the conversation turned argument turned shouting match between Sam and their Dad.

"You can't just leave him here like this!"

"Well I can't take him on a hunt, now, can I?"

Hunter Dean hears that his dad is gone. Never coming back. To soften the pain a bit, he tells himself, it was to save his son. It was worth something. Dean can get up now, leave the hospital with his brother and continue on the family business: saving people and hunting things.

Coma Dean never hears from their dad again. Hunter Dean grieves his loss for the next few weeks. But with the loss of a father, new voices; people come and go.

There were many voices that told him he wouldn't make it; he'd never wake up, Sam would have to pull the plug, he wasn't strong enough to survive this coma. Of course, the Dean that heard all this was pissed; but the Dean that was just getting the Sparks Notes version believed these opinions as gospel. Literally. With angels and everything.

Hunter Dean heard that he wasn't strong enough. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried to save people; they would die. No matter how well he took care of Sam; he would leave Dean. No matter how much he fought it; he would break. He would agree to do Alastair's dirty work. But that wasn't good enough for Dean's psyche. When Sam leaves the hospital every day and Dean is left alone to hear negative comments from anyone who wants to be heard, just torturing a few hundred souls isn't enough. No, he'd do Alastair's dirty work and like it.

Of course, Hunter Dean no longer trusted these doctors that not-so-subtly told Dean that he'd die. Doctors are supposed to be healers, helpers, angels – if you will. So when Hunter Dean heard all these people that had the power to kill or save him talk about how he was a dead man walking, well, can you blame him for not trusting the so-called angels anymore?

But there was one voice that spoke out above the others.

A knock on the door.

Sam stops talking. A pause. "Hello?"

"I'm Doctor Novak. I'll be Dean's new doctor." This. Voice. Coma Dean loved the sound of this voice. It was rough and deep; emotional but professional. Hunter Dean saw sparks fly at the sound of this voice.

"Why does Dean need a new doctor?" Sam asked slowly.

"…Doctor Tessa gave up on Dean's case. She asked to be reassigned." Cas replied.

Tessa gave up on him. Well. That's just another voice that's dead and gone in Dean's book.

"Oh. Um. I was just talking to him… Doctor Tessa said that might help him come back?" Sam's voice said.

"Generally." Cas replied. "That's the hope."

They spoke some more. Their words fuzzed into each other, days and nights blurr into one big, endless, episode of voices and sounds. Conversations that he hears but doesn't register. It's maddening.

Sometimes Dean could hear the voices from across the hall. He gathered that there was a girl in the room across from his named Joanna. She and her mother were loud and opinionated. Jo was always asking about her dog, and complaining that it was too hot. Dean kinda liked listening to them. Jo was snarky and Ellen reminded him of Bobby.

Jo's room was silent one day. He never heard from her again.
Ash was a janitor that played his music too loud and cleaned too slow. But he made time in his schedule to stop by and talk to Dean. He spoke Spanish; which was pretty cool. He was really smart (everyone in hospitals were smart, apparently). Dean didn't know why he was a janitor when he could be a teacher or something. When he wakes up, he'll ask him.

Ash was interesting to Dean; until Dean wasn't interesting to Ash anymore. And he was left once again in the silence.

A nurse named Lisa sometimes brought her son in when she couldn't find a babysitter. Usually he sat under her desk and played a videogame. But sometimes she'd bring him into Dean's room and hand him a book to read to Dean.

Ben usually read Dean the Goosebumps novels. Dean loved when Ben and Lisa came into his room. They were so caring; so gentle with Dean. It felt personal, some how. Like they really cared if he pulled through or not. He'd have to thank them when he wakes up. Maybe give them a hug.

But Ben grew up. Or Lisa got busy. Or Dean got boring. Something happened. Because suddenly, Ben and Lisa never came by, not even just to say hi to Sam. It was like they completely forgot about Dean. It was painful; but kinda expected. After a while; if all felt like a pattern to Dean.

Appear, leave.

Appear, leave.

Appear, leave.

Never stay.

Well, he thought Bobby would stay. Once he heard what had happened, he drove all night from Sioux Falls just to see Dean. Dean, disappointedly, couldn't see him back. He didn't even know who entered the room until Sam said in a stunned quiet, "Bobby?"

Bobby would come in every day; sometimes with Sam, sometimes on his own. He would tell Dean anything and everything.

"Wendigos hate the smell of pineapples, boy. Garth found that out last week. It's a wonder he didn't get himself killed."

"My knees been acting up again. Might be gettin' too old for this huntin' stuff."

"I miss Karen terribly."

"When I was hunting before I started hunting, I would always be afraid to shoot Bambi's mom, you know?"

Sometimes he would cuss John Winchester's name for leaving his sons here like this.

Sometimes he would complain about his growing headaches.

Sometimes he would just sit in silence.

It's a good thing he was in a hospital when it happened. Or maybe not. Maybe he would've preferred to be in his house when it happened. Dean doesn't know the specifics. There was a lot of screaming; then silence. Sam was with him and Bobby; they were having a normal conversation. Then something happened. Sam was screaming for a doctor, any doctor.

Dean thinks he heard the word 'stroke', but of course, all Hunter Dean heard was it was something with his head. He blamed this one dick of a lawyer named Roman that always came in when Sam and Bobby were together to tell them that they needed to pay for Dean's hospital bill. He was a greedy, horrible son of a bitch in Dean's mind.

He wasn't that far off from the truth.

After the head problem, Bobby didn't come by anymore. Hunter Dean was devastated; he'd give anything to have his dad back. But Bobby was gone forever to Hunter Dean.

Medical students roam the halls in small groups; reenacting rounds and imagining their future in hospitals like these.

"We shouldn't be in here, Kevin. The group will leave without us." A female voice said.

"I just want to look." The male voice answered.

"He's dead. Haven't you ever seen a dead person before?"

"He's not dead. He's just… in a coma. It says here."

"Wow. I never would've seen that. Even if I did; there's no way I'd be able to read his chart. You really are a genius; some kind of magical medical prophet. Can we go now?"

"Shut up."

Hunter Dean, apparently, doesn't know sarcasm when he hears it. The voice of Kevin came back a few times; he bothered Doctor Novak about the psychological effects of waking up from a coma, and what are the chances of waking up, how long does it take?

He was back again when one of his questions must've been the last straw for Sam.

"How long will you wait for him?" Kevin asked.

"As long as it takes." Doctor Castiel replied without hesitation.

"But what if he never wakes up?"

That was it for Sam. He jumped up from his chair – Dean heard it scraping across the floor – and shouted until his voice was hoarse.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP AND GO AWAY! YOU'RE NOT HELPING ANYONE! YOU'RE NOT A DOCTOR – YOU DON'T BELONG HERE! LEAVE US ALONE!" Sam shouted and shouted long after Dean was sure Kevin left. Doctor Novak didn't comment. Or maybe he did. Dean doesn't know. Because, not for the first time, Dean desperately wanted to speak.

He wanted to tell Sam to shut up. Because when Sam couldn't make it to the hospital because he had to work a double shift, Kevin sat next to him and told him stories about his mother. The kid was helpful. He kept Dean from being bored. He kept Dean sane.

Hunter Dean, of course, interpreted all of this in the worst of ways. He tried to tell himself it wasn't Sam's fault. And it wasn't. If Dean never let Gadreel in (if Dean never got in a coma) Sam wouldn't have killed Kevin (or, just yelled at him a lot). It didn't matter what the situation was. It always ended up being Dean's fault.

Sam was asked not to come back to the hospital for the weekend.

Doctor Castiel was reassigned to a new patient.

Dean was left in silence again.

His new doctor was some kind of British douche bag. Dean didn't like him. He called Dean stupid names like "Sleeping Beauty" and "Squirrel". His hands were always uncomfortably hot. But mostly, Dean didn't like him because he took away Castiel from him.

Dean had grown more than attached to the doctor; he wasn't willing to cooperate with this new Doctor Crowley. Not like he had much of a choice. But if he did, he'd be the patient from hell.

It's a month before Doctor Novak comes back. There was an argument between him and Crowley; something about who gets to be Dean's doctor.

Coma Dean had no idea why they would argue about that kind of thing. But whatever. Hunter Dean was just glad Castiel was back.

Novak was back but Crowley stuck around. He stopped by whenever Sam was sitting there; to tease him and give him an update on Dean's vitals.

"Same as always, Moose."

"Thanks. Cas said he'd be back in a moment."

"We don't need that self-righteous daddy's boy."

"Um-"

"Relax, Moose. I know what I'm doing. I'm practically the bloody king of medicine."

Sam asked Doctor Crowley why he stuck around one time; the response he got was a very passionate, "I'm invested!"

At least someone stayed, Coma Dean thought. One by one, every voice that came left. No one ever stayed. They all showed up, had their fun, and left Dean in silence.

In a hell so quiet, he would beg for any kind of attention, even bad ones. That's why he created the Apocalypse That Wasn't and then again with the Leviathans. Anything was better than nothing. And really; those things weren't that bad. Dean would save the day; he'd be the world's hero, and his faithful sidekick would be his smart little brother: Sammy!

Sammy.

There's a voice that never left. He was there from the beginning and he would come in every day, if he could.

He worked two jobs now; since he couldn't go to college and he couldn't continue hunting. Since John didn't seem like he was going to bother sending a check in the mail; it was put on Sam's shoulders to try to carry the weight of Dean's debt.

There's a voice that stayed. Every. Single. Day. It would come back and tell Dean more stories. Even on holidays.

He didn't sleep much. The doctors – Doctor Novak specifically – were concerned for Sam. Dean lost count of how many times he heard them say, "You need to sleep, Sam."

But he never did. He always chose Dean over sleep. Sometimes Sam was alone, sometimes random people around the hospital would be with him. But he was always there; telling Dean about "Work is hell." and "I lost my shoe yesterday." And "I met a guy named Gabriel. He's a real trickster."

He'd tell Dean about Ruby, who Dean didn't like, because whenever she was around, Sam didn't stay as long or talk as much. She was stealing Sam away from Dean. If she could please go die, that'd be nice. When she wasn't there one day, Coma Dean heard Sam say, "I'll break up with her if you tell me to. Just, if you wake up. I'll do it. No questions asked."

Sam would tell dean about this big dog he got – "He's always messing up Baby. Dog hair everywhere. Smells like wet dog. Aren't you pissed? Don't you wanna wake up and throttle me? … Dean?"

And how his hair keeps growing – "You said you would cut it if it got any longer. It's almost at my shoulders now. Here's some scissors. I'll let you if you just… please…"

He'd tell dean about his new friend; Charlie.

"She's in the hospital with her mom."

"Yesterday she let me borrow The Hobbit. I can read it to you? She said it might help. Um… In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort."

"You know that movie adaptation that you love? Charlie hates it. Doesn't that just make you want to start a fight with her? I'll show you where her room is."

Dean loved when Sam talked about Charlie the most because she reminded him of himself. She was smart, geeky, funny, and loyal. And probably attractive. Dean desperately wanted to learn more about Charlie; where she was and what she does with her life.

He bets she's a secrete agent.

She's probably a secret agent.

Dean always gets a little excited when Sam starts a conversation about Charlie.

But when Sam mentions Charlie one day, Dean's heart drops to his stomach, because his little brother's voice gets choked up.

"Charlie was, um, checked- checked out of the hospital today. She's… she's not gonna be… with us… for a while…"

It took Dean a while to realize. Oh. Oh! No, this entire time, Dean thought it was Charlie's mom that was the patient! Charlie was this strong, healthy young adult. Not… not a teenage girl dying of cancer…

"You better not try to see her, Dean. She said wait. Always keep fighting, Dean."

Dean couldn't help but feel furious. Every single one of the voices leaves him. Every one. Even a voice he never got to hear. How was that fair?

And the only voice that seems to stay only gets his hopes up and disappoints him. He knew his brother was trying his best; but he just couldn't seem to see past his anger enough to care. Why even bother giving Dean this bad news? It wasn't like he would be able to do anything about it. Or do anything in general, for that matter.

The anger is the only thing he can focus on for a long time. It consumes him; burns inside his soul and destroys his thoughts. He can't stand the loneliness; even with Sam there (and sometimes Doctor Novak and Doctor Crowley), it's not enough! He needs faces, he needs to know instead of hear, he needs… something!

He needs to make a choice.

He could continue being this way, angry and alone.

Or.

He could choose to let it go. He could choose freedom; free will, opening his eyes, standing up and living!

He could to walk out of this hospital, or he could stay in this bed and be pitied and ignored.

It was basically a no brainer. A part of Dean wondered why he hadn't made this choice earlier.

He'd wake up. Because he was sick and tired of being alone and angry.

Around Dean he could hear panicked shouting. He didn't really care though; it was a hospital, there was always panicked shouting. Besides, the things that happen out there don't matter right now. He's about to join them anyway. He'll find out what's up in a second or two.

Dean lets go of his anger.

There's a beeping noise.

He lets go of his loneliness.

Footsteps.

He took a deep breath, held onto Sam's voice, which was yelling reassuring things in a not-so-reassuring way, and felt all the built up pain disappear.

He's met with the one thing he feared all along.

See, he was fine with a hell existing, as long as there was a heaven to go with it. He'd be fine in that hell, if others got to rest in peace. He was even fine with purgatory; it would probably be… eventful, to say the least.

But there was one thing he feared more than anything.

It was the reason why Hunter Dean started praying to his angel.

The reason he no longer teased Sam bout his faith.

The reason why he took the random preachers he meets in his line of work a little more seriously.

Because he realized, the only thing worse than waking up and seeing hell; is waking up and seeing exactly what was before him.

Darkness.

Tell me what you think!