Remus Lupin sat in front of the crackling fire, bent over his Potions homework. He was sitting so close to the flame the heat was starting to get to him, and he took a moment to pause and push up the sleeves of his thick maroon jumper. Frowning down at his paper, he tapped his quill against his thigh, thinking of what he needed to write next.

The portrait hole swung open, and a mud-spattered teen stumbled in, followed by a shorter boy scrambling in after him. James Potter paused for a moment, swept his gaze over the nearly empty common room, and caught sight of his friend hunched alone next to the fire. A small frown crossed his face, but he plastered a broad grin on before heading over, Peter close behind him.

"Moony!" he exclaimed, falling into the armchair across from him. "Still studying?"

Remus didn't even look up as his friends settled in next to him. "Getting a head start on tomorrow's Potions assignment," he said, scrawling out another sentence. "How was practice?"

"Wet," James said, flicking some mud off of his wrist.

"It was brilliant," Peter piped up. "Gryffindor has the cup in the bag this year."

"As Quidditch captain, I'm inclined to agree," James said, grinning.

"Hmm." Remus frowned and bent further over his homework, his hair falling into his shadowed face.

James and Peter exchanged glances. Peter's euphoria from watching the Quidditch practice was slowly wearing off, as it always did in the presence of his friend nowadays.

"It's late," James said. "Ready to head up to bed?"

"I really need to finish this assignment," Remus said without looking at him.

"It's not due for another week, Remus," Peter said, looking at his friend with poorly concealed concern.

Remus dipped his quill in the ink well balanced on the arm of his chair. "Yes, but tomorrow I've got to work on my Arithmancy, and I have that Ancient Runes project going, not to mention the Transfiguration test on Tuesday-" He shook his head. "No, I have far too much to do. Go on up without me."

James scooted forward in his seat, frowning at Remus. "Remus, it's nearly eleven, and you only got three hours' sleep last night. Your homework can wait. Come and get some rest."

"I need to finish this, James," Remus snapped, finally looking up at his friend. His eyes flashed in the reflected light from the fire. "Leave me alone and I'll be able to go to bed earlier."

He turned back to his work, leaving James sitting there, staring at him in disbelief.

"Come on, James," Peter muttered, getting to his feet. James followed him wordlessly up the stairs.

"He's getting worse," James said as they mounted the staircase.

"I know," Peter said, tugging on the sleeve of his robes. "How long do you think-?"

"I don't know," James said in the tone of someone who's already discussed this topic countless times before. "I don't know, Pete."

They stopped at the door to their dorm room, the plaque reading 'Sixth Year Boys' glinting in the little bit of moonlight streaming in from the window in the hall. Peter and James hovered there, neither of them willing to go first.

"Maybe we should go sit with Remus," Peter mumbled.

James scoffed. "Don't be silly, Wormtail," he said, taking a hold of the doorknob. He hesitated for a moment longer before turning it and pushing it open.

They trooped into the dormitory silently. It was empty except for a lone figure sitting on the bed in the corner of the room. Neither of them looked at him, but he glanced up from the book he was trying to read, frowned deeply, then turned his gaze back to the pages.

Sirius Black was not doing so well. In the past month he had gotten only a handful of hours of sleep, and the dark bags under his eyes deeply contrasted his pale skin. His mouth was set in a permanent frown, and his hair, previously so well cared for, hadn't been trimmed or even properly brushed in a month.

He was a wreck, and they all knew why.

James tried to ignore the presence of his best friend, but his heart was itching in his chest to reach out to him. Not yet, he told himself. I promised that I'd stand by Remus. It's up to Remus to decide when to forgive him.

If he ever chose to forgive him, a tiny voice whispered in James's head.

James shook that thought away as he grabbed his nightclothes. Remus had to forgive Sirius. Yes, Sirius had been an idiot. Yes, his lapse in all judgment could have gotten a student killed. Yes, it could have made Remus a murderer.

…Okay, thinking about it really didn't make Sirius's case any stronger.

James wiggled out of his mud-stained uniform and pulled on his nightshirt. He knew he should probably take a shower to get all the dirt out of his hair, but he was too exhausted to even contemplate going through the efforts of actually cleaning himself. Promising to do it in the morning, James ran both hands through his hair and fell back onto his bed, sighing in relief.

The door flew open. Remus marched in and walked over to his bed, grabbing his bag and rifling through it. Out of the corner of his eye James saw Sirius physically shrink in his bed, pressing himself further against his pillows and bringing the book closer to his face as though to hide himself from view.

Remus flipped through his piles of parchment before glancing at James. "Have you seen my Defense notes?"

James rolled onto his side and reached down for his bag. "I borrowed them at lunch," he said, fishing them out of the bottom. He held the crumpled parchment out to Remus, who took it and carefully started smoothing it back out. "I thought you were doing Potions?"

"Finished," said Remus briskly. "But I think we might have a Defense pop quiz tomorrow and I want to brush up on my offensive spells."

James resisted the urge to sigh in exasperation. "Moony," he said, forcing himself to remain calm, "you're top in Defense class. You already know all about offensive spells. And besides, I'm almost positive we won't have a quiz tomorrow."

"Better safe than sorry," Remus said, not sparing a glance for Sirius, who was curled up on his bed shooting cautious looks at his friend. "Some of us need to put effort into our schoolwork to succeed. Goodnight, James, Peter." He turned and swept out of the dormitory, slamming the door behind him.

James wanted to be indignant about the slight at his work habits, but he felt on edge about Remus's last, precisely worded sentiment- worded to hurt. And with one surreptitious look at Sirius's bed, James knew it had worked.

The ostracized teen was staring down at his book without really seeing it. His knuckles clenched around the edges were white and shaking.

Something cracked inside of James. He had his best friend's name half formed on his lips, ready to finally breach the silence for the first time in weeks, but before he could speak Sirius dropped the book and drew the curtains sharply around his bed without a word.

The name died on James's lips. He sat back in his bed, feeling uneasy, and looked across the room at Peter. The smaller boy was huddled against his headboard, knees drawn to his chest, frowning at Sirius's closed curtains. He looked over and met James eyes. He shrugged, helplessness plain in his eyes.

James sighed and crawled under his covers. It seemed that this monotonous stand-off was never going to end.

It had been over a month since Remus had last directly addressed Sirius. Over a month since what Remus had promised would be their final conversation. James still got chills whenever he thought back on the scene, the fight between Sirius and Remus- something that had been foreign in their dormitory for six long years. Sure, there had been the occasional argument, but they had always been petty and ended with Sirius mussing Remus's hair up and Remus batting him away, halfheartedly scolding him but grinning all the same.

This fight had been different.

"I trusted you," Remus spat at Sirius, who flinched like each word was a dagger in his chest. "There are three people in this castle that I fully trusted with my secret, and you took advantage of that trust for what- a petty schoolboy grudge?"

"Remus, I didn't mean to-"

"I don't give a damn what you meant to do!" Remus shouted. Across the room, Peter squeaked and dove under his covers. James stood where he was, behind Remus, petrified by the argument.

"I don't give a damn!" Remus said again. His nostrils flared as he glared at his previous friend. "You exploited me. You would have made me a murderer. You know how afraid I am of hurting someone, but you still handed a death note signed by me to an unsuspecting student!"

"Snape was-"

"Don't you dare try and defend your actions!" Remus hollered. His face was bright red, the bandages on his cheek standing out against his skin, stark white. He had only been out of the hospital wing for thirty minutes, and the first thing he had done was hunt Sirius down and confront him about what had happened.

Sirius dropped his gaze to the ground, his jaw tightly clenched to hold in the tears building up in his eyes.

Remus kept staring at his friend, his fists tightly clenched. He wanted to hit him. He wanted to punch him right in the face. But the memory of how close he had come to harming another student stilled his hand, kept it swinging heavily at his sides.

Instead, he hit with his words.

"I never want to speak to you again."

Sirius blanched. He looked up and quailed under Remus's hard gaze. He had never seen so much anger in his friend's normally calm face.

"You've lost all of my trust," Remus said. "If you know what's good for you, you'll never share my secret with anyone ever again. And you won't try and talk to me. I don't want to hear your half-baked excuses, I don't want you begging for my forgiveness. I want you to leave me alone and never speak to me again."

Sirius's mouth opened and closed like a fish gulping in air. Remus stared him down a moment longer before rounding on James, who took an unconscious step backwards. He didn't say anything, but his expression changed when he turned his back on Sirius, some of the anger dripping out of it, being replaced by fear. He didn't say anything, but James got the message loud and clear. He thought James was going to side with Sirius, and he was afraid that he would be alone because of Sirius's mistake.

Without having to think James took two steps forward and rested his hand on Remus's shoulder. He squeezed once, meeting his gaze grimly, and nodded.

Sirius made a strangled sort of noise. He made a move as though to turn to Peter, but that was stupid to even consider. They all knew that Peter would side with James and Remus.

Sirius had been banished, metaphorically speaking.

Remus broke free of James's grip and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him as hard as he could. Sirius made a move as if to follow him, but James stepped in his path and stared him down, arms crossed over his chest. He and Sirius locked eyes, and for a long time neither of them moved.

Then Sirius turned and walked back to his bed. He drew the curtains shut and they didn't hear anything else from him for a long time.

When three in the morning rolled around and Remus finally returned, slamming everything he possibly could, they all pretended not to hear Sirius's sobs.

James pressed his hands to his eyes. In just one night, the Marauders had been destroyed. The friendship that had been so strong for six years had crumbled because Sirius had made a string of extremely stupid decisions.

James was angry with him, of course, but he was ready to put it behind them. He figured that Sirius had suffered enough, and was afraid that his friends couldn't take much more of this- either of them. Sirius had never done well with being alone, and a month of isolation- for everyone else at the school seemed to have realized that he was the one being ostracized and were all afraid to talk to him as well- was taking a toll on him. And Remus… James was, if possible, even more worried about him. Remus had spoken to James nearly as much as Sirius had in the past month- that is to say, not at all. He wandered back into the dormitory at three or four in the morning every night, spending every moment waist-deep in schoolwork. Even Lily Evans had approached Remus with her concern, but he had brushed her off, snapping that it was none of her business and she should focus on her own problems. That had only worried her more, and she had even come to James- her absolute last resort- to ask what had happened. James hadn't told her, of course. He had a code that didn't involve blabbing his friends' gossip all over the school, even if it was Lily Evans.

James drew the blankets up to his ears. Things needed to get fixed soon, or something bad was going to happen- he could sense it.

"Goodnight, Wormy," he called into the silence.

"Goodnight, Prongs."

James opened his mouth again, hesitated, then shut it. He curled deeper into his blankets.

This needs to be fixed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The frigid silence between Sirius and the rest of his dorm-mates persisted for another week. And then another. By this point, James had tried to broach the subject with Remus several times, out of concern for his friend's health.

"Don't you think he's had enough, Moony?" James said delicately over their dinner one night.

Remus, who had a book lying open next to his empty dinner plate, glanced up at James. "Who?"

James pushed down the flash of irritation. Talking to Remus nowadays was like walking on broken glass; one wrong word and he would storm out of the Great Hall and hide in the library for the rest of the night.

"Sirius," James said quietly.

Peter, sitting next to Remus, tensed and looked at his friend out of the corner of his eye.

Remus turned back to his book. "I don't care if you talk to him, James, but I want nothing to do with him."

James couldn't hold back an exasperated sigh. "Remus, it's been over a month- don't you see what this is doing to him?"

"He should have thought about that before-" Remus bit his tongue when he realized he was in a public setting and settled for glaring at James, who narrowed his eyes in return.

"If you're so worried, go eat dinner with him," Remus snapped.

"If you would stop studying for one second you might realize he stopped coming to dinner three weeks ago," James hissed at him.

Remus's expression softened slightly. He frowned. "He's still not-?"

"No, he's not."

The small group was quiet for a moment. All around them the other Gryffindors continued on with their meals, chatting and laughing while they finished eating.

Finally James said, his voice sapped of anger, "Look, Remus, I completely understand why you're still angry. I really do. And you have every right to never talk to him again. But I'm afraid that it's doing more harm than good for both of you."

"I'm perfectly fine," Remus said, his voice mechanical.

"Remus," Peter said quietly, "you haven't been eating recently."

"You've been spending all your time studying," James added.

"I have a lot to study for."

"It's getting unhealthy!"

Remus slammed his book shut. His two friends jumped and stared as he got to his feet.

"I'm not going to sit here and have you two critique everything I do," he snarled. "I don't care what Sirius does, I don't care what you do about him- just leave me out of it."

He turned and stormed out of the Great Hall.

"Well," James said in the silence that followed. "That went well."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Remus marched out of the hall and down the corridor. His mind was a haze of anger, his feet moving without his brain giving them clear directions. He clutched his book in his fist so tightly he was half afraid he would damage it.

The corridors were completely empty. Everyone else was still finishing up dinner in the Great Hall. Halfway to Gryffindor tower- for that's where his feet had automatically directed him- Remus started slowing down, a bit of the anger dripping off of him.

As the haze dissipated he felt a bit of shame starting to crawl up his throat. It was hardly James and Peter's fault this whole situation had come around. They had been far more supportive of him than Remus ever could have dreamed was possible. He had assumed that James would immediately side with Sirius, but remembering his face that night- his glasses two dark rings in his pale face, eyes flashing with anger- Remus knew that he wasn't the only person Sirius had hurt. James had very nearly lost his life as well.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Remus ran his free hand through his hair, not even caring that it was probably a mess. He already felt guilty about yelling at his friends. Normally he was such a level-headed person, and if it had been around the full moon Remus would have chalked it up to the hormones that sometimes got the better of him around that time. The full moon had been two weeks ago, however- and a terrible moon it had been. Remus had been more distressed than he had been in years, more so even than the first transformation after his friends had learned his secret. He had been so terrified of hurting anyone he had refused to let James or Peter accompany him, and had spent the entire night pacing around the tiny shack, unaccustomed to being alone after so long, and ripping himself to shreds.

Remus brushed his fingers along the long scar on his arm, still raw-looking and red- a memento from that night.

He stopped in front of the Fat Lady, surprised at having reached it so quickly. He had been so lost in thought he hadn't realized he had been moving so fast. He stood there, staring at the canvas and trying to muster up the courage to go in. What if Sirius was sitting in the common room? Remus didn't think he would be able to handle seeing him right now.

"What? Have I got something on my nose?" the Fat Lady demanded, her hand flying up to her face self-consciously.

"No, no," Remus said quickly. "You look lovely, as always. Phoenix tears."

A painted flush spread across the Fat Lady's cheeks. "Why, thank you, dear," she said, swinging aside to let him through.

Remus stepped inside and quickly looked around the common room, breathing a sigh of relief when he found it deserted. Sirius must be hiding up in the dorm, like he did every night.

Remus sank into a chair in the corner, not bothering with the coveted position by the fire. He opened his book to the page he had last been reading and tried to read, but he knew it was a lost cause. His concentration was virtually nonexistent, and he found himself reading the same sentence over and over again without really comprehending it.

Ten minutes later students started trickling back in. None of them looked at Remus, still laughing and talking about homework they had to do. Remus kept his eyes fixed on his book and didn't look up when James and Peter came to sit beside him.

"We're sorry," Peter blurted immediately.

Remus looked up, frowning, but before he could say anything James plowed on.

"We're sorry we pushed you, but we're just worried," he said. His eyes shone with sincerity behind his glasses. "You know we'll stand by you in this. What Sirius did to you… what he almost did to you is unforgiveable, and we'll stand with you for as long as you need."

Remus blinked back the tears he felt spring into his eyes at his friends' loyalty. He held it back, knowing full well that not only was he in a public place, but James and Peter didn't handle emotions well. He would never dream of going to them with his problems- the only person he could do that with was no longer counted as one of his friends. But he was touched by their support all the same.

"Don't apologize," Remus said quietly. "I'm sorry. You two have been great. I'm just a little stressed out right now."

"We know," Peter said, looking sympathetic.

"Why don't you come up and we can play a game of Exploding Snap?" James asked, trying to grin.

Remus hesitated. "I was kind of looking forward to reading this book," he lied.

James looked at him, and Remus knew he saw right through him. Thankfully, he didn't push it. "Alright," he said, relaxing back into his seat. "Want to discuss Quidditch tactics, Wormy?"

For the next hour or so they sat in comfortable companionship, Peter chatting eagerly with James, Remus trying to focus on his book. They lingered longer than almost everyone in the house in unspoken agreement; none of them were eager to brave the awkward dormitory.

Finally, when Peter's admiration of the Gryffindor team's defensive maneuvers was punctuated by a yawn, Remus shut his nearly finished book and the three of them headed upstairs.

Remus didn't look at Sirius's bed as he walked in but it was unnecessary. Out of the corner of his eye he saw that the curtains were already drawn around his bed. Relieved, Remus walked over to his trunk, set his book down on his bed, and changed out of his robes and into his nightclothes.

James and Peter got dressed quickly and silently before sliding into their own beds. They called out goodnight to each other and then, with a final look at Sirius's closed curtains from each one of them, they turned out the lights and went to sleep.

Well, Remus tried to go to sleep. In actuality he lay awake for several hours, staring up at the canopy overhead, his thoughts whirling around at a million miles a minute. He kept his curtains open despite the fact that Sirius's closed ones were screaming at him from across the room, but he didn't want to be in total darkness at the moment. Even though moonlight was creeping into the room through the open window and Remus normally hated the moonlight, it was better than pitch darkness right now.

It must have been almost two in the morning when Remus pressed his hands against his eyes, groaning internally. He was absolutely exhausted, but his mind and body were humming with too much energy to sleep. Across the room he heard James's soft snores and Peter's low snuffling. Sirius's bed was dead silent.

Remus sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He had to move. He had to get out of the dorm room, where the air was thick and heavy despite the cool breeze floating in through the window. Not bothering to pull on his shoes, Remus stood and tiptoed across the room and out the door.

The common room was eerie in the middle of the night. The fire was almost out in the hearth, the last glowing embers flickering bravely amidst all the ash and soot. Remus crept towards the portrait hole and eased it open, stepping out into the frigid corridor. He shut it carefully and the Fat Lady snored but didn't wake.

The stones were ice underneath Remus's bare feet, but it felt nice after his hot room. He ghosted up the corridors in nothing but his nightclothes, the entire scene surreal, familiar but rendered not so in the eerie moonlight. He wrapped his arms around himself and tried to keep his footsteps as quiet as possible so as not to alert Peeves or Filch to his presence.

He wasn't sure where to go, but then he realized that he needed to get outside, get some fresh air. Since the idea of wading through the wet grass was very unappealing at two in the morning, Remus headed in the direction of the Astronomy Tower.

He mounted the stairs and took them two at a time, relishing the burn in his legs which took the edge off his mind just a little bit. When he reached the top he paused, listening to make sure he hadn't been followed by any trouble-making poltergeists, then silently eased the door open.

Brisk night air hit him immediately. As quietly as he could, Remus stepped out onto the top of the tower- and that's when he realized he wasn't alone.

Another figure was standing there, his back to Remus, hunched at the parapet. He was silhouetted against the silver moonlight, nothing but a faceless shadow. Both hands clutched the stone wall, everything about him tensed. His head was bowed- the perfect picture of defeat.

Feeling like an intruder, Remus took a step backward. His foot hit the door and it swung open slightly, creaking loudly.

The figure jumped and whirled around, and Remus's heart leapt into his throat when he realized who it was. Of course it was him- how could he have been so stupid?

Bright tear tracks glistened on Sirius's cheeks. His eyes widened when he realized who was standing there. His mouth fell open like he was trying to come up with some sort of excuse, but nothing came out. He stood there, staring at Remus like a deer caught in headlights.

Remus took a moment to evaluate the irony of that statement, and that was when Sirius started stammering.

"I- I'm sorry." His voice was hoarse from crying. "I didn't- I thought I was- I'll go." He ducked his head and started for the door, giving Remus a wide berth, but Remus's feet moved automatically. He stepped in Sirius's path.

"Sirius."

It was the first time he had addressed him directly in almost six weeks. Sirius froze a few feet from him, still staring at the ground, wringing his hands uncomfortably.

Remus didn't know why he had stopped him. He had nothing to say to him. There was nothing to say. So he stood there, staring at Sirius, the tension so thick it was suffocating.

"I thought you were sleeping," he said finally. "Your curtains were closed."

Sirius turned away, scrubbing at his eyes with the sleeve of his robe like he hoped Remus wouldn't see.

"Have you been up here the whole time?" he asked.

"Yes," Sirius muttered.

He didn't know what else to say. Sirius, obviously not eager to try and push past Remus, walked back over to the wall and stood there, his back to him.

"Was the full moon… I mean, I know you were… are you…?" Remus heard the struggle in his voice, the effort he was putting into his words.

"It was hard."

A pause. "You didn't let James and Peter come with you."

"I was scared of hurting them."

Sirius's shoulders drew together in a wince. He crossed his arms tightly over his chest.

Remus took a few steps forward so he wasn't standing in the doorway, coming to an awkward halt in the center of the space.

Sirius's gaze had shifted downward, to the ground far below. He tipped forward slightly so he was leaning over the parapet, his head hanging above the abyss. The wind blew softly, brushing his long hair back from his face. When he spoke, his voice was detached, not as tight as it had been.

"Would a fall from here kill a person?"

He didn't seem to be addressing anyone in particular, but Remus's breath caught in his chest at the words, which sounded so vague and foreign in Sirius's voice. He felt a chill seep through him.

Remus licked his lips, which felt dry all of a sudden. "Probably."

Sirius didn't move. Another gust of wind blew past them and Remus suddenly regretted not putting on his shoes or grabbing a jacket. He took another few steps forward until he was standing next to Sirius at the parapet.

Sirius was staring at the ground below, his face blank but intent. He didn't acknowledge Remus's presence; indeed, he seemed to have forgotten that he was even there. His hands were clenched tightly around the stone wall. They were shaking.

Fear seized Remus. "Sirius," he said.

Sirius didn't acknowledge him but leaned further out over the wall, still staring at the ground.

Remus reached out and grabbed Sirius's arm. He was still wearing his school robes, and Remus dug his fingers into the loose fabric as though trying to anchor Sirius to the ground. "Sirius."

Still no response. Remus reached over, grabbed Sirius's other shoulder, and forcibly pulled him away from the wall, forcing him to face him. Sirius's eyes ripped off of the ground and met Remus's, wide and panicked, the bright moonlight turning them silver.

Remus searched Sirius's face, his eyebrows drawn together. "Sirius…"

Finally something clicked inside Sirius. He gasped slightly and stumbled back a step. Remus let go of him, his arms falling to hang uselessly at his sides as he watched Sirius turn away again and cover his face with his hands, his shoulders visibly shaking.

"I'm sorry." His voice was trembling, nearly lost in the wind.

Remus hesitated, his eyes darting over to the parapet where Sirius had been standing. "What… what was that?"

"Nothing."

Remus took a step forward, teetering slightly where he stood. "Were you… were you thinking about…"

Sirius's shoulders tensed. He whirled around and glared at Remus, but there was no force behind it. "Of course not."

"Sirius…"

"I wasn't." The glare dropped off his face, his voice taking on a pleading note, like he was trying to convince not only Remus, but himself as well. "I wasn't."

Emotions were welling up inside of Remus- worry, yes, but underlying that was pure exhaustion. He was tired of being angry. He was tired of pretending that he was completely okay with cutting Sirius out of his life.

"We need to talk," he said.

Sirius wrapped his arms around himself like he was cold and stared at his feet. "You don't have to," he said.

"Yes, I do," Remus said. "Listen… I'm not sure if I'm ready to forgive you yet."

"I don't expect you to," Sirius said quietly.

"What you did…" Remus winced just thinking about it. "I don't think you understand how much that could have changed everyone's lives."

"I do," Sirius said. A gust of wind blew by and he teetered where he stood, like his legs were only just holding him up. "I do, Remus. I really, really do. And I'm so, so sorry-" His voice broke and he dropped his face into his hands. Remus stood there quietly, watching as he kept going.

"I know nothing I can say will make any difference, but I just want you to know that I'm sorry. You need to know that I one hundred percent regret what I did and if I had the chance I would go back and punch myself in the face before I could do it. I wasn't thinking, I was stupid-"

"You were thinking," Remus said quietly. "You let your hate of Snape run away with you."

Sirius pressed his face deeper into his hands. "I know," he whispered.

"You nearly cost Snape his life," Remus said. "You almost made me a murderer. You could have killed James, too, if he hadn't gotten out in time."

"I know!" Sirius lifted his head and glared, but Remus knew none of the anger was directed at him. "I know, I know, I know! I've always gone around saying and thinking that I'm the most trustworthy person out there, but I was lying! I was lying to myself and everyone around me! I'm a Black, and Blacks can't be trusted- just like my family always said."

He was digging his fingers into his arms, the nails turning white with the pressure. There was so much anguish on his face Remus wanted to throw his arms around him and tell him that everything was going to be okay.

"Don't say that," Remus said quietly.

"Why not? It's the truth!"

"No, it's not."

"Yes it is! I gave up your secret, Remus, I nearly made your worst fear a reality. I'm a liar and a snitch and a terrible friend and human being and I don't deserve to-"

"Sirius Black, don't you dare finish that sentence," Remus growled.

Sirius stopped and stared at him. His face was white and he was shaking like a leaf, swaying slightly where he stood. He was still digging his fingers into his arms, and Remus was afraid he was going to cut through his sleeve and hurt himself. He looked so frail Remus felt a surge of guilt for drawing this out for so long. He knew he had had every right to, but he wouldn't have done it if he knew how much it was costing his friend- because as much as he hated to admit it, he couldn't think of Sirius as anything but that.

"You made a mistake." Remus took a few steps forward so he was standing closer to Sirius. Now that he was close he could see the tears brimming in his eyes, the way his lower lip was trembling with repressed sobs. "You made a terrible, horrible mistake. It can't be changed, and we won't be able to forget it. But nothing happened. No one got hurt. And you're never going to do it again."

"I won't." Sirius shook his head frantically, the movement shaking a few tears free and sending them rolling down his cheeks. "Oh, god, Remus, I won't."

"Then I suppose you've learned your lesson," Remus said. He took a deep breath. "I forgive you."

He didn't get the reaction he expected. Sirius stopped shaking his head and stared at him, his mouth hanging open, tears still trickling down his cheeks.

"What?"

"I-"

"No, don't say it!" Sirius squeezed his eyes shut, looking pained. "You're not supposed to forgive me!"

Remus frowned and took a step closer. "Sirius-"

"I don't deserve to be forgiven! What I did- what almost happened-"

Sirius's breath hitched. Then it started coming faster and faster until it was near hyperventilation. He turned away from Remus, trying to walk towards the parapet again, but Remus reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him back.

"Sirius, I forgive you. James and Peter have already forgiven you, I was just being stubborn. Please, calm down-"

Sirius was back to shaking his head. Tears were now rolling freely down his face, and when he spoke he had to choke it out between sobs.

"You- can't- forgive- me-"

Remus brought his other hand up to grip Sirius's other shoulder and that was when his friend's knees buckled. He fell heavily against Remus and Remus caught him, wrapping his arms around him and carefully lowering him until they were both kneeling on the cold stones. Sirius threw his arms around him and sobbed into his shoulder, going almost completely limp.

"I'm so sorry, Remus, I'm so, so, sorry, I wasn't trying to hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you, I'm so sorry-"

"Sirius, it's okay, I'm right here, I'm not mad anymore…"

Sirius gripped the back of Remus's nightshirt as if that was the only thing holding him together. Remus's shoulder already felt damp from Sirius's tears. As he squeezed his wailing friend tighter, he realized how much baggier his robes had gotten. He remembered what James had said: If you would stop studying for one second you might realize he stopped coming to dinner three weeks ago.

Merlin, why hadn't he just spoken to Sirius earlier?

After a while Sirius's sobs grew smaller. Remus had long since shifted so he was sitting flat with his legs crossed, and Sirius sagged limply against him, his head still buried in his shoulder. His chest was heaving with uneven breaths. Remus held Sirius tight to him, trying to keep his breathing as even as possible to set an example.

Sirius's voice was still tight. "You shouldn't forgive me."

"I guess you and James are rubbing off on me. I think I'm going to have to break the rules and forgive you anyways."

Sirius's shoulders shook again, this time from a weak laugh. "I always knew we were terrible influences."

He pulled away and sat up, rubbing at his bloodshot eyes. His face was red and blotchy, his hair messier than he had ever allowed it to be.

"Sirius?" Remus asked. "When's the last time you ate?"

Sirius sniffed and looked down at the stones. "I don't know," he mumbled.

Remus sighed. "My goodness, what would you do without me? You can't even keep up a healthy diet without me harping on you."

The ghost of a smile drifted onto Sirius's face, the first Remus had seen in six weeks. "I've missed your harping."

Remus grinned back, but it disappeared quickly. "Sirius…" He hesitated. "About earlier. How long have you been thinking about…?"

Sirius's shoulders tensed again, and for a moment Remus thought he was going to burst into tears once more. "I wasn't," he murmured. "Not really. I wasn't serious." For one of the first times ever he didn't try and monopolize on the pun potential.

"It looked pretty serious to me." The memory of Sirius's blank expression came back to him and Remus shivered, but that may have been from the chill. His thin nightclothes were doing little to block the brisk wind.

"I was just… wondering."

"How long have you been wondering?"

Sirius lifted one shoulder in a half shrug. "I don't know."

Remus reached out and gripped Sirius's forearm. Sirius stared down at it, his face impassive, and Remus felt a flicker of fear.

"Promise me," he said. "Promise me that if you ever start wondering again you come straight to me. You made a mistake, Sirius. That doesn't make you a bad person. You're a very good person, and you're not your family. I've forgiven you, Sirius. You have to forgive yourself."

Sirius brought his gaze up to meet Remus's. "I promise," he said.

Remus squeezed Sirius's arm and smiled slightly.

"How did you know? You know… what I was wondering."

Remus released his arm. "I've wondered too," he said quietly, putting his hands in his lap and staring at them. The scars coating the back of them shone bright white in the moonlight from overhead, and another shiver wracked through Remus.

Then a warm hand covered his own, blocking the scars from view. He looked up to see Sirius staring at him with a mixture of concern and determination.

"Promise me you'll tell me if you start wondering."

"I promise."

They shared the first true grins either of them had had in six weeks.

"So," Sirius said, trying to keep his voice light. "What did I miss?"

"Absolutely nothing," Remus said truthfully. "Really, I've been so focused on schoolwork-"

Sirius snorted. "Focused? You've been obsessed. I've heard you coming in at three in the morning every night."

Remus shrugged slightly. "It was really hard fighting with you."

"It didn't seem like it." Sirius dropped his gaze to the ground again. "You seemed…. I don't want to say better, because I can't approve of anyone putting that much effort into school, but… okay. You seemed okay without me."

"I wasn't," Remus said. "Really, Sirius, it was extremely difficult."

"It was hard for me too." Sirius grinned ruefully, his hair falling into his eyes. "You're way too good at the whole silent treatment thing."

"And don't you forget it," Remus said. He got to his feet and held out his hand to help Sirius up. "Come on, I'm freezing out here."

Sirius let Remus hoist him to his feet. He looked absolutely exhausted. "Back to bed?" he asked as they made their way out of the cold night air.

"Oh, no," Remus said. "We're going to the kitchens. I haven't forgotten about you skipping meals."

Sirius looked ready to protest, before saying grudgingly, "I could do with a few cookies."

Remus knocked elbows with him, grinning. "That's the spirit."

Remus led the way down the staircase, Sirius following after him. Halfway down, the footsteps behind Remus stopped, and he turned to see Sirius standing there, staring at him with a frown.

"What?" he asked.

"Are we… are we… good?" Sirius asked hesitantly. "I mean…"

"Yeah," Remus said. "We're good, Padfoot."

All it took was the use of Sirius's nickname to bridge the final gap. He grinned widely and the two of them set off again to the kitchens, where they spent another hour cleaning out all the desserts and making up for six weeks of silence between them. When they stumbled back into the dorm at five in the morning they were exhausted but both grinning broadly.

"Night," Sirius whispered as he fell into his bed.

"I think you mean 'morning'," Remus said ruefully, drawing his curtains just enough to shield him from the sun rising at the window.

"It's alright, we can sleep in," Sirius said, stretching out and sighing.

Remus frowned at him. "It's Thursday."

"No it's not, it's Saturday."

"Sirius, yesterday was Wednesday."

"No, yesterday was Friday."

Remus sighed and shut his eyes, lacking the strength to argue. "You're an idiot, Sirius," he muttered.

"And you're a know-it-all. Good morning, Remus."

"Good morning."

And then they were both asleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As it turned out, it really was Thursday. James was the first out of bed, followed by Peter, who both frowned at each other when they realized Remus, whose internal clock was never off, had overslept on a school day. Sirius was also passed out, but neither James nor Peter wanted to deal with waking him up.

Finally, when they only had ten minutes to get down to breakfast and Remus still hadn't stirred, James shook him awake.

"Remus, wake up."

Remus woke up with a jolt. He blinked blearily at James. Dark bags were already forming under his eyes, and James raised his eyebrows.

"Did you stay up late partying or something, Moony?"

Remus yawned and stretched. "What?"

"We've got ten minutes to get downstairs."

Remus sat up so quickly he nearly knocked heads with James. "What?"

"Relax," James laughed as Remus practically fell out of bed. "You've still got time."

"Why didn't you wake me earlier?" Remus asked, scrambling to his feet. He threw open his trunk and started rifling through it for his robes. Then he did something that made both James and Peter stop and stare; he picked up one of his shoes and tossed it across the room at Sirius's bed.

It met its target and Sirius snorted loudly, opening his eyes.

"Remus," James hissed, appalled. Sure, Remus was mad at Sirius, but James wasn't about to tolerate physical violence. Across the room, Peter looked just as stunned.

Sirius rolled over onto his side and blinked at Remus, looking just as exhausted as the latter. "What the hell, Remus?"

"Get up," Remus said tersely, pulling off his nightclothes and unfolding his robes. "We've got ten minutes to get to breakfast."

Sirius sighed loudly and rolled back over. "Then I've got nine more minutes of rest."

"I don't think so, Black," Remus said, tugging his robes on. "I'm not about to miss breakfast so you can get your beauty sleep. Up, Sirius."

Sirius groaned and pushed himself into a sitting position, glaring blearily at nothing in particular. "I almost forgot how bossy you are," he muttered.

"And you're eating everything on your plate," Remus ordered, throwing the textbooks he needed for the day into his bag.

"Alright, mother."

"Don't you-"

"Okay, what?"

Remus and Sirius both looked at James, who was staring at them like they had just grown extra heads.

"Last night, you-" he pointed at Remus, "-weren't talking to him." He pointed at Sirius. "What the hell is going on?"

Sirius looked awkward, but Remus just sat down and started pulling his socks on. "We worked it out," he said.

James blinked. "Everything?"

"Pretty much."

"Just like that?"

"Yeah."

"Last night?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

Sirius was looking cautiously at James, who still looked bewildered. Across the room Peter was looking back and forth between Remus and Sirius, a frown on his face.

Remus pulled one shoe on. "Do you want to be late, Pads?"

"Alright, alright," Sirius muttered, getting out of bed and grabbing his robes. He started changing. James was still standing there, confused.

"So, wait," he said, shaking his head. "You two aren't fighting?"

"No, James, catch up." Remus stood and shouldered his bag. He grinned at his shocked friend. "Let's just put this all past us, okay?"

Finally, Peter spoke. "Excellent!" he said, beaming around at his friends.

Remus smiled, but he still looked exhausted. "Come on," he said, nodding at Peter. "We'll meet you guys down in the common room. Don't take long."

Peter followed Remus out of the dorm, leaving James wondering how Remus had known he wanted to speak to Sirius.

Once the two were alone, extreme awkwardness settled over the room. Sirius was still getting dressed as quickly as possible, throwing his tie around his neck and leaving his robes hanging open, easily pulling off the 'I honestly don't care' look that makes most girls at the school swoon.

James rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, Sirius-"

"Thanks for sticking with Remus," Sirius said. He slung his bag over his shoulders and turned to grin at his friend, the gesture genuine but a little sad. "He deserved your loyalty."

"He did," James said. "But I still feel bad."

The smile dropped off Sirius's face. "You shouldn't." He hesitated. "James, I never got the chance to say sorry to you. About…."

"Say no more." James strode forward and clapped his friend on the shoulder, beaming. "It's good to have you back, Padfoot."

Sirius returned the grin, and the two of them headed down to the common room. When they joined Remus and Peter, Sirius and Remus exchanged small smiles, not the goofy grins Sirius and James shot at each other, but a more subtle, conspiratorial gesture. And as the four of them walked out the portrait together, talking and laughing like nothing had ever happened, an unspoken promise settled on the group: nothing would ever break them apart again.

A/N: I'm thinking of doing a few more shots of Remus and Sirius post-Azkaban. This story is turning into just a bunch of connected one-shots but I really enjoy writing them. What do you think? Please leave a review!